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My girlfriend doesn't want to do anal..HELP!!!

toa$t said:
from wikipedia:
The reasonable person standard is often used legal term that originated in the development of the common law. The "reasonable person" is a legal fiction which represents a reasoned outlook on a legal question. The perspective of the reasonable man is intentionally distinct from that of an "average" person; contrary to popular misconception, the reasonable man is not necessarily average. The question of how a reasonable person might act, or what judgments they might make under the circumstances performs a critical role in legal reasoning in areas such as negligence, contract law, and criminal law. For example, the crime of sexual harassment is deemed to have occurred in some legal jurisdictions when the conduct is unwelcome and when a reasonable person would have considered such conduct sexual.

actually, reasonability is best defined according to an objective standard which ties in closely with rationality, also an objective concept. I would be happy to provide more reputable sources if necessary but I don't have access to them right now. reasonability actually has nothing to do with the majority opinion, and that is certainly not the way it has been defined for "thousands of years." I've read your posts (GenericMind), and you seem pretty smart. I think you should be able to see a difference between reasonability and the opinion of the majority



this is really a different way of making the same point. what makes it taboo is that the majority haven't come to accept it. but the majority doesn't really have anything to do with what is reasonable.
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The majority : Me

I don't need Wikipedia to tell me that.
 
I care! Please report back and give us an update! :)

Pillthrill said:
Ok...normally I'm very negative just due to personal experience but I'll tell you what my bf is attempting to do to make me more comfortable with the issue.

1. He has promised to be very gentle.
(If he isn't, its not gonna happen)
2. He would be wise and I believe plans to arouse me and warm me up in other ways as well
3. The above feeds into a comfortable initmate setting that is needed
4. Lubrication...you must.
5. We have opted for a small toy just to try to get me used to it a bit before jumping into it.

Now, thats what you can TRY...I guess I could let you know how things go, but I'm sure no one really cares that much lol
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AfterGlow said:
I care! Please report back and give us an update! :)
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Yeah but if I say I hated it and won't do it anymore, then 1. I crush everyone's lil dreams what not and 2. I become demonized as the chick that is being a bitchy and won't take it up the ass.


This is a part of the male mind and behavior I certainly don't understand. If I was able to I would study it, but I wonder what the college would say if I start giving psych surveys on anal sex....
 
Pillthrill said:
Yeah but if I say I hated it and won't do it anymore, then 1. I crush everyone's lil dreams what not and 2. I become demonized as the chick that is being a bitchy and won't take it up the ass.
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I doubt it. It will just prove that you're open to try new things even if there is a good possibility that you might not like it.
 
I have slept with a large number of women in my 29 years. I have found that most of them really don't want anal. Maybe 1 out of 5 or 6 will let it happen, but I have only found maybe 4 girls who actually seem to enjoy it. I derive pleasure out of giving women pleasure, so it isn't a problem for me to not have anal. I would much rather go down on them for 45 minutes and blow their mind and then have terrific sex for another 45 minutes or whatever...

really, who would want this thing crammed in their ass anyway? That would hurt... a lot.
 
Speaking as someone who is very very very much into anal (as anyone who knows me reasonably well will know), I just want to say that: If you're not really into it mentally, it will HURT like a fucking BITCH. It's not unreasonable to not want to try it.Sure, try to convince her (I reccomend the Vice Guide to Anal Sex ), but if she doesn't want to, leave it at that.
 
Originally Posted by Two_in_the_pink
My girlfriend of almost 2 years is a little gun shy when it comes to the bunghole. Any suggestions?
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I think you'd be pretty shy about having a dick up ur ass too!!

Originally Posted by randycaver
i don't see how your relationship is going to survive. there has to be a little give and take. in her case, she needs to take it up the ass, and you need to give it to her.

if she refuses, what else is she going to refuse to do down the line? there should never be any outright refusal with regards to sex. leave her.
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that's just sick. if u really want it up the ass, go fuck a guy - they'd be more likely to acquiesce their ass for you. i had one bf who really had a fetish for it - turns out he's bi, prob gay.
 
Have you reassured her that you're happy to test how painful it is first, if she would prefer. Allow her to stick some fingers and/or objects up your arse, and I'm sure if she were to witness you in sheer pleasure, she'd become more open to trying it herself.

Let us know how you go. As RC said, there's got to be some give and take, and I see no good reason why you shouldn't take it up the arse yourself to get the ball rolling.
 
We tried it. Anal ease and lube and a small plug. That went off without a hitch, even had sex with it in, but when it came for him, hes a lot bigger and it was painful. So we stopped. I guess maybe we can give it a try at another time.
 
He did ask me what I thought of it...I told him although it wasn't painful, it was uncomfortable. Not really enjoyable, but in the end, I'm about making my man happy.
 
you could be too tense for it pill and if you didnt really enjoy it the first time you will probably be to tense for that now scense its in your head now
 
A man couldn't ask for any more! :)

And don't pay any attention to pullstring. You were open minded enough to give it a try, so there's no reason to believe something in your head will forever prevent you from enjoying it. Even if you don't enjoy it physically, you can still enjoy that you are pleasing your partner.

Pillthrill said:
He did ask me what I thought of it...I told him although it wasn't painful, it was uncomfortable. Not really enjoyable, but in the end, I'm about making my man happy.
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I dunno, I'm slightly uncomfortable about the idea of someone enduring pain just to make their partner happy... Or rather, about someone who would let their partner endure pain for selfish reasons.

Unless of course, the recipient is into pain :)
 
i tried it first to see how it was before my wife did. the first time was ok at first. she was wearing a strap on, i was a little tense. then she got so into it, it got me into it, and was a great experience. it was very empowering for her i guess and caused her to have an orgasm. her seeing me got her so into it that she insisted " fuck me in the ass now." that was my experience with getting my so to try anal. i guess it worked out ok. i found out in the process i liked it and so did the wife. i just have the attitude towards sex that if it feels good, go with it. everyone has to put labels on everything. as the hustler ads say"relax, it's just sex"
 
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