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My Boyfriend hates my body

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obviously, the man must be wrong because, er, he's a man.

but why exactly did he say this? the fact that he began by saying "to be brutally honest with you..." implies that you'd asked him a question related to it and, not to put too fine a point on it, was being brutally honest.

if it bothers you, maybe you shouldnt ask these questions?

but if he said it just in passing, give him a one way ticket to dumpsville
 
RiseGurl-
i'm not saying that attraction is the main part of my relationship, i'm only saying that its an important part....
i'm not worried about my being old...yet
i choose to focus on the now and tomorrow.. and i dont think that its all that bad to want to wake up next to someone i'm attracted to, mind AND body, and she feels the same.
then again, we have been told many times that our realtionship is way abnormal... but it works for us
 
I'm curious about the context of that statement to. That doesn't strike me as something someone would just say out of the blue. Were you fighting about something? How did this topic come up? I don't think your giving us all the details here.
 
to be brutally honest, dump the ass hole. How dare he even make a comment like that?? Guys piss me off sometimes
 
Ya man, what an ass. I mean why couldnt he just lie about everything and make you feel good. Guys are dicks when it comes to honesty :\
 
I really only read the original post and skimmed through the rest really fast so I'm sure this has already been said. It's my oppinion that once you've been with someone for awhile (so there was obviously physical attraction in the beginning or at some point during the relationship) that regardless of how one has physicaly changed or however many pounds someone has gained that the feelings of love should NOT fall away as it is my expierence that those feelings of love are for the person that you are inside. You're boyfriend may be a really nice guy, (I have no way of knowing, don't know him) but what he said to you is one of the most dispicable things that could have came from his mouth, shame on him.

I love the way I am
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That is the single most important thing here RiseGurl. I know he is your boyfriend and that you probably have strong feelings for him, but PLEASE, do not let him bring your self confidence down. Beautiful women with high self esteem and confidence are a rare breed it seems. Your man must have horrid vision or hallucinate a lot, I checked out your gallery pics and I think your gorgeous, I'd even be afraid to approach you as I think your out of my league.

and I love the way my boyfriend is even if he did put on 5-10kgs I would still love him cause of who he is.
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You are beautiful person on the inside. :) Your boyfriend needs to realize this and see you for the great person that you are.

arrrggghhh this makes me so angry, how can some guys luck out and find someone so wonderful, and still not be satisfied? No wonder you girls hate us guys, I don't blame you anymore!

On a last note, someone needs to tell this guys mother what he said to you. My mother would beat me bloody if I said anything like that to a girl.
 
OK one thing is to be unhealthy, another is to be veluptious(SP!!)


If some man told me this whiel i was in arelationship, id loose it on that bastard. Why is he not replying to this thread. And why the fuck are you so passive to him about defending yourself, i dont think you love yourself th eway ou want to if you cant even speak up and tell him how it goes as far as crossing the line.

See, in a real relationship, you encourage healthiness, he is doing the oppisite by making you feel bad about yourself. And if he is looking at you and saying,I am not happy with it, well than he doesnt have to look at it, tell him to bang a better chic.
 
Anyway my conclusion is.. Fuck it, I know in my own heart and mind that I am always bettering myself. Coming from the girl who never exercised until 3-4 years ago, The girl who used to smoke 2 packs of ciggys a week, The girl who was size 16 very overweight and unhappy.... I know ive done well, and if he wants to complain about my body... he can fuck off and find some dumb hoe with a perfect body and no brains, hes never gonna find another girl like me.


Well, said....and he isn't worth it if he will say something that hurtful to you (IMO).
 
RiseGurl said:
Im a little confused, I think if you love someone you accept the way they are, sure, if he thinks I need work, well hey! Im all for a little encouragement " Wow you have done great babe and I love the way you are but i support u keeping fit and continuing it, I think its good for u and ur health ".
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You're not confused you're absolutely right.

I just went through this fairly recently. You aren't big at all by the measurements you gave. And you sound like you are on the right track staying fit and working out doing things YOU enjoy and want to do.

Everyone saying leave him, is right. As hard as it may be and as much as you wish you could change it without having to change who you are (because you seem to be very happy with yourself and that's most important here!), he will most likely not change. He can't have a great girl and his model image of what a girl should look like. He should love your personality and the body you already have. If he wants change.. then he doesnt want you. He wants a doll... someone he can mold into what he wants.

I'm sure you can get a guy who likes you.. now.. will like you -20lbs and +20lbs... just as you will love him.

Good luck! :)

(ps.. yes i got rid of mine.. and it was the best (and hardest) decision i made)
 
I'm not going to call this guy names till we get all the details. Not that this statement is acceptable at any time, but I know how circumstances can get left out.

One of my favorite stories is about a fight my parnets had one afternoon that ended in my father making a statement like this. It started when my step mom wanted to move an exercise bike out of thier room and into garage. My dad didn't want it taking up space in his garage, and a 4 hour fight insued. It was really pretty comical until about the fourth hour when my dad said, "Look your fat ass hasn't been on that fucking bike in 2 years, and it's not going to get on that bike anymore if you move it to my garage. It's going to the shed at the farm, and your going to give up the delusion that you're going to use it."

Dad came downstairs a minute later, and left the house we me and my brothers. We went grocery shopping for a couple of hours, and dad told us the house to "to hot" to be in right now. We ALL brought home flowers that night.

Now what dad said wasn't right, but it makes more sense when you hear it in context, and not just, "he called his wife a fat ass."
 
^^ yeah but he still shouldn't have called her a fat ass...

i mean.. there are enough low self estemes and eating disorders already... the last thing you want to hear is someone you love degrading you too. :\

edit:
being a fat ass myself.. ;) i have to say.. no matter how much i know someone loves me regardless of how i look.. it still hurts to hear.. even when it's something meant to be flattering as in "but i like girls that are a lil chubby."

It's mostly what's already burned into our heads... You do learn to grow a tougher skin tho.
 
Oh, We ALL knew he shouldn't have said that. I'm pretty sure he started leaving as soon as the words left his mouth because he knew he fucked up, but the piont was I want to hear what was going on around this comment. That doesn't mean the comment will be justified it just might make a little more sense.
 
I use to have a boyfriend that liked his women with a little meat on her bones. That’s great but he would put me down by saying I was too thin. It use to upset me that I wasn’t his ideal. Well in the end I realized he wasn’t my ideal and dropped him.
 
I am a big girl and my bf has a perfect cut body, so it always made me insecure as to why he liked me so much. I once asked if he liked the clothes i wore, and he responded by saying he didnt like my one green tank top because it was short, and my love handles hung out, and it didnt do anything for me. He was honest, yes, but it still hurt my feelings and made me wonder if he thought i was fat all the time, not to mention be self-conscience about everything i wore. I was all ex-ed up, so i didnt care at the time, but it hurt afterwards when i thought about it.
I am the same size when i met him, but i always feel fat around him and it makes me close my heart from him bc i dont want to be hurt.
He also always pinches my fat when he touches me, and it bothers me bc i think its a hint he wants me to lose weight. It really pisses me off, but when i ask him about it, he says hes really attracted to me and loves my body. I dont know what to think. Hes lost a lot of muscle since we started going out, but i love him just the same. I dont get it!!!!
 
Why does everyone on here constantly preach about communication and being honest in a relationship, and now when someone actually uses that advice, everyone on here says they are a piece of shit? Some of you guys on here are really hypocritical sometimes.

Obviously, her boyfriend has been thinking about this for awhile, this isn't exactly something that just comes to him. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to say this, and I congratulate him for telling his true feelings. Sure, it might not be what you want to hear, but everyone needs to hear the good and the bad every now and then. Truthfully, you sound like you may be slightly overweight and he is probably starting to lose attraction for you.....that doesn't mean he wasn't attracted initially to you. I think you should listen to what he says and take it to heart, because if you really want this relationship to continue you will probably have to trim down some. However, this is also your opportunity to tell him anything that is bothering you about him. Is he too fat, too skinny, a bad dresser.....if there is anything that is bothering you, now is when you should tell him. If he agrees to fix the things bothering you, then why not work on the issues together?
 
^^ because he should not have gone out with her in the first place if he wasn't attracted to her. She has already stated she is smaller now than when they first met.

By health/medical standards she isn't overweight either. She's perfectly healthy from that standpoint. We're talking about comparing normal, healthy young women to porn or super models - an unrealistic expectation that, no matter how often you go to the gym, most of us won't live up to.

Also, people who talk about being "honest" are just being mean. IMO. You don't make statements like that about someone's appearance. If she starts doing it back to him, they'll end up fighting and he'll most likely think she's doing it to get back at him anyway. Not too beneficial.

Context or not, it was a mean thing to say. Would you boys be congratulating his 'honesty' if she said something similar to him? I think not.

Bottom line is - she's healthy, not overweight, and this boy started going out with her in the first place. How unreasonable is it to expect someone to change just because you want them to?
 
I am pretty insecure about my body... and i wouldnt really like it if someone said anything to me about it.

I would never said anything like that to my girlfriend! Thats just wrong!
 
Once again, people do lose attraction for another person......believe it or not, it does happen.

And yes, I would be congratulating her honesty if she said something to him instead....actually, I encouraged her to tell him about something she would like him to change.

Also, if the stats she stated are correct (5'4" 147 lbs, after metric conversion), she is indeed overweight according to the Body Mass Index calculator (http://www.healthcastle.com/bmi-calculator.shtml). Now of course she is not obese, but it's not like she has no room to improve.

I will admit that he probably should not have started dating her, but I would guess that he saw the potential in her and was hoping she would hit the gym and shed off the extra pounds. I understand this guy because I am going through something similar in my relationship where I started dating a girl when I wasn't completely satisfied with her. I hoped that as we dated, she would start going to the gym with me and lose some of her pudge, but it rarely happens.

Look at it this way: at least the guy had enough decency to tell her what was bothering him, instead of just flat out dumping her for no reason. This way, if she wants this relationship to last, she has the opportunity to make it happen.
 
I agree with you ever so slightly Beatsteady. while it was probably hard to bring up and it definitely took some nads to say, it's probably best that he expressed his true feelings, however, I don't think he could have bombed the delivery any worse than he did. How it was said was COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE.
Truthfully, you sound like you may be slightly overweight
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I'll give you the benifit of the doubt that you haven't seen a pic of her. http://members.iinet.net.au/~mooshie/Pictures.htm You're insane if you still think she's overweight after seeing her picture.
I think you should listen to what he says and take it to heart, because if you really want this relationship to continue you will probably have to trim down some.
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You've got to be kidding me. 8o 8( If she wants to change her body and/or appearance, she should do it for herself and only herself. If he leaves her because she won't "trim down some", then personally I think he's extremely shallow.
 
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