• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

My Boyfriend hates my body

Status
Not open for further replies.
beatsteady

No-one should ever go into a relationship thinking they can change a person. That was the point of my post. Why should a person change because YOU want them to? It sounds like you make a habit of going out with girls who are less than your physical ideal and expect them to change into your physical ideal - yes, this rarely happens and because of that, it breeds resentment. Learned anything yet?

If you are not totally into the person - DONT GO OUT WITH THEM. Not too difficult.

Sheesh.

Note: According to my calculations - 165cm = 5 foot 5 and at 65kg her BMI is 24. Upper end of normal but normal nonetheless.
 
aallii420 said:
.
He also always pinches my fat when he touches me, and it bothers me bc i think its a hint he wants me to lose weight.
Click to expand...

Grrrrr!!! :X

I once had a boyfriend who did that, and girl, let me be brutally honest with you , I think it does mean he's trying to make you notice your fat. And it's about the most horrible thing I can think of to do to a girl. Here's a couple of things *my* ex used to do.

* Leave catalogues with lingere models lying around the house
* Tell me he was attracted to his brothers' girlfriend's figure (she was built like a boy) - but oh, not to worry, because he "loved" me
* Express surprise when I wanted something like a biscuit "Oh, you're hungry already?" or I ate fast "You eat twice as fast as me"
* Once, thinking I would be sexy I bought my first g-string and wore it for him. I got no reaction, and on prodding a little, he said "Well, I think only certain people should wear g-strings"
* Pinch my waist and say "I remember when you used to have a little waist"

At the time I was about a size 14. I'd put on a little weight since we'd met, but I was NEVER a skinny girl to begin with. All this did was make me feel awful about myself and more depressed.

When we'd talk about it he would admit that he had a "phobia" about fat people... he thought they were disgusting, and he couldn't stand the thought of me ever turning out like that.... so his little jibes were his way of "motivating" me not to go down that path
8(

He (and obviously some of the guys in this thread are the same) was simply a fat-phobic, and that's all there is to it. He couldn't see how his logic was flawed.... he was "helping" me, in his mind.

Eventually we split up, and I lost 17 kilos and went down to a size 8 . =D I think I did it just to spite him ;) The thing is, I would *never* have let myself get the way he feared. But I was not going to lose weight for him; it had to be for me. What he did had the exact opposite of the affect he intended.

Now, I've settled at a nice weight (which by the way is still a few kilos higher than you, Risegirl, and I'm your height), and I will never EVER again let a man treat me like that. My current boyfriend doesn't notice my weight whatsoever, either way - all he wants is for me to be sexy and confident. As long as I'm still getting looks on the street, he's happy ;).

FUCK that. You should keep a very close eye on this guy RiseGirl. He may say he "loves you" and he probably does; but if he can't keep his fat phobia under control it will ruin your relationship, and your self-esteem with it.
 
Last edited:
What the hell is this "fat-phobia"? So this guy is some sort of freak because he doesn't want an overweight girlfriend? I doubt there are many guys out there who pay no attention at all to their girlfriend's weight. The fact of the matter is when he started dating her, he probably thought he could deal with her being a little chunky, or hoped she would work it off. Now his attitude has changed, and he doesn't feel as attracted to her as he once did......OMG, the horror!

Simply put, people in this thread are upset that he put his feelings out there so bluntly. Maybe he could have said it in a different way, but either way he meant what he said. Obviously he cares about you if you are in a relationship together, and I'm sure it was not easy for him to express his feelings to you. But since this is the Bluelight Feminist board, I am not surprised to see everyone in complete agreement that her boyfriend is the next Ike Turner......jeezus!
 
No, I think you're missing the point. No-one's saying that it's wrong to have a preference for a certain body type. But you can't mold someone like playdough into something they're not.

If you want a skinny girlfriend, go for someone naturally skinny in the first place. If you fall in love with your girl as a voluptuous woman, it's not acceptable to then turn around and say "Hmmm, you could change a little here or there."

It would be like me knowingly going out with a someone who takes drugs and then saying "I love you, but, give up the drugs." If that person WANTS to change, that's a different thing. But manipulating someone to suit your "vision" is selfish and, furthermore - as I stated above - usually counterproductive.
 
someone mentioned TACT....

what i would do: tell him his dick is too small. then ask him how it feels to hear something like that. once he can put his self in your shoes, he might think twice about saying stupid shit like that.

i can honestly see his side of things. being honest is important. but even though i can understand where he may be coming from, if it were me, his shit would be out on the street so fucking fast it would make his head spin. you just dont say things like that...and well...your boyfriend should know that. :\
 
/\/\/\/\/\/\
The major difference here is that he cannot change this size of his dick, but she can lose some weight. He is not telling her to change something she has no control over, like the stupid small dick comment.


He's not trying to "mold her like playdough", he simply told her something he thought she could work on......if she can't take some constructive criticism that's her fault. Personally, I don't think he did anything wrong and I think she is being way too sensitive about this. If he is overweight himself, then he probably should have not told her she needs to lose weight. However, is he is in good shape, then of course he will want his partner to be in good shape as well. The bottom line is that interest levels change, and his interest in her is lowering because of her weight. If she wants to keep this relationship going, then she will probably have to lose some weight. It's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth.
 
YEUX said:
someone mentioned TACT....

what i would do: tell him his dick is too small. then ask him how it feels to hear something like that. once he can put his self in your shoes, he might think twice about saying stupid shit like that.

i can honestly see his side of things. being honest is important. but even though i can understand where he may be coming from, if it were me, his shit would be out on the street so fucking fast it would make his head spin. you just dont say things like that...and well...your boyfriend should know that. :\
Click to expand...

Sorry, I believe in fair play in that situation. If someone opened the area of discusion on physical preferences, I'd open it all the way. I'll never be the first to do it though.;)
 
Some of the guys in here i dont think have ever been with a REAL woman...

I am 137 lbs, 5'3", size 9-12 pants(thats a 34-38 in eurosizes), flat stomach, curves to die for, boobs and an ass.... AND I can rock it like a godess.

Now, if i would tell people just my weight and pant size theyd think i was a little chubby, I do have fat, but from countless sports I have done, and just my natural body type, i have ALWAYS not been a rail.

NOW the social "ideal" of bodies.. is a super model, the average female's size is a 12.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average weight for an adult female in the United States is: 152 lbs
Click to expand...
http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/growthcharts2/f/avg_wt_female.htm



I say fuck the males who think I AM FAT, or another woman that is around my weight... Sorry to be crude, but from countless baggage, inadequacies, eating disorders, image problems, and depression over how i look IS ridiculous.

I was ludicrous for making myself throw up, starving myself. Becuase even thuogh im not a rail im hot and i get hit on all the time..
 
Last edited:
64tf said:
I'm curious about the context of that statement to. That doesn't strike me as something someone would just say out of the blue. Were you fighting about something? How did this topic come up? I don't think your giving us all the details here.
Click to expand...

The reason this came up was because I was asking why he never gave me reassurance in our r/ship. He never tells me I look beautiful and he doesnt make me feel good inside about myself and I need reassurance, NOT all the time but hey its nice, I tell him hes my hotty all the time and he never comments on my body and i was like.. What do u think of my body does it bother you? He just smiled, so i said, well if u had something nice to say u would say it, so he asked me what i thought he thought....
Which lead me to say, I think this, what do u think then? and he gave me that answer.

I just felt our r/ship was missing a huge part and thats reassurance, dont go off the handle everyone and get me wrong, its just nice to be told you look wonderful by someone who sees u nakkid all the time.

:(
 
^^ apologies RiseGurl - it was all getting a bit heated, probably because we're all thinking of our own experiences.

I agree by the way - it is nice to receive compliments, knowing that the person you're going out with likes how you look.

Just talk to him babe. Sometimes people come across more abruptly than they mean to.

Cheers.
 
Or maybe he's just a perfectionist who'll never be satisfied?

I hope not, for your sake. But for some people, once they get something, they start looking to improve it.... or get something better....

This is really sad. You do deserve compliments; everyone does. I guess it's good that he doesn't give fake ones, but honestly.... isn't there anything he can find to compliment you on? That's pretty poor in my opinion.
 
im sorry if you dont want to hear this...but what a fucking arsehol. grr.

as you said, if you love someone, that shouldnt matter.
he certainly should be supportive of you.
who is he to think thathe can pass such judgements and make such demands of you.
it shows, perhaps, a very superficial side to him....

i'd get rid of him for that.

p.s looks like you didnt, but please dont listen to exarkann's advice. from the sounds of things, he is interested in and entirely different style of relationship to you.

p.p.s you have nothing to worry about the stats you wrote up about yourself. but even if they were different, he had no right to say such a thing.
 
I don't mean to be rude, but your bf sounds like an insensitive jerk.

My advice (and this is coming from s/o who also read this thread) is to tell him what he said was insensitive and how hurt you are.

*edited after I read the background*

That's crap. It seems to me he has problems accepting you and he doesn't deserve you. I know that it isn't just girls who look beyond our s/o's little imperfections and still think they are hot, that's about being in love and accepting and loving the entire person, not just the parts they want.

Your stats are fine, you aren't fat and you should not be with someone who isn't going to look at you with the adoring eyes as someone who sees *you* would.

I'm sorry, :(
 
I will admit that he probably should not have started dating her, but I would guess that he saw the potential in her and was hoping she would hit the gym and shed off the extra pounds.
Click to expand...
What you see should be what you expect to get. You can't start seeing someone with the thought of changing them--not matter how malleable it seems like that would be. If we want to get technical about it, I weigh a good bit more than the poster, and am a size or so larger. I *know* I could lose weight, and I might do so, but if I did it because someone made a comment about my needing to drop a few pounds, I'm pretty sure I'd resent the hell out of them even after I did it. You want to think that whoever loves you loves you no matter how you might look at some given point in time. It is okay for them to be concerned at major weight gain, if your health is in danger, etc, but she doesn't seem to be at that point. Ideally, too, if he wanted to do something about it, giving her a membership to the gym, setting up dates to go walking, etc are much more useful than telling someone you don't like how they are looking.
 
aallii420 you don't look like a big girl at all...

winding vines has a great-looking body from what I can tell, but the US national average isn't exactly something to call "normal." i'd say if you're less than 15% overweight according to a doctor, you're probably ok.

it's so much more important that a girl knows how to use it...sheesh
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top