rant starts now.
I dont see the point in being alive. Not me personally, but just in general. Before I go on I am NOT suicidal, nor am I depressed at all.
Waiting. All I do is wait. wait for work to start, wait for work to finish, wait to see dylan, wait to go to sleep, wait to get out of bed, wait to go to the toilet, wait to finish my book, wait to go to the gym, wait for the class to finish. There is no present, only the future. Im waiting to finish my degree so I can begin living I foolishly told myself. But what then ? Wait to get married, wait to have the babies I so desparately want. Wait to die ?
This has all made me question about what life is really about. Arent i meant to be enjoying life, right now ? I cant wait till I finish my degree before I start living my life ! I am alive (barely) but I am not living. Because im waiting. I feel like Im dead. I do not even have anything wrong in my life. Great job, great home, great boyfriend, doing the degree that I use to think was only a dream. I should be happy, and I am not unhappy. I just dont see the point in living, I dont see why I the continuation of humanity is so important to the universe, when all we do is fuck up and fuck it up.
This then leads to the bigger question that no one can answer. why live ? whats the point in being alive. I need to know. I need to find a purpose in being alive.
Maybe without really trying I have uncovered the only use for religion, and that is (falsly) give people a reason to live. Its a fucking stupid way to keep humanity going, we dont deserve to continue and evolve, all we do destruct the earth and universe.
I want a new Job, a new house, a new outlook.
/ rant