How do you suppose you're going to be able to support an oxy or smack habit?
I have money, n I would only use enough Oxy to relieve the back n knee pain.
The dr has stated he is unwilling to change my dose so I gotta use my own means
How do you suppose you're going to be able to support an oxy or smack habit?
I was on bupe for 7months before the Methadone, 2+ months at 32mg and before that 5months or so at 16mg (but double dosing every 2nd day), how much do you think i should be on?That's pretty awful man, but it sounds like you've just been unlucky with one hardass doctor. As you said and as the nurses seemed to realize, it should be obvious that 30mg of methadone is nowhere near enough for someone who was previously on 32mg of bupe for an extended period of time. Keep pushing to get your dose increased and it'll happen.
I was on bupe for 7months before the Methadone, 2+ months at 32mg and before that 5months or so at 16mg (but double dosing every 2nd day), how much do you think i should be on?
His whole plan is to make me sick long enough for my tolerence to go down to a point where 30mg of meth would work, problem is this isnt why i moved up to methadone, i changed to methadone because it doesnt have a ceiling effect, so id be able to udjust my dose until i DID work correctly! Them outright forcing me to stay forever on 30mg is the complete opposite to what i was hoping for! Hell even the Bupe worked better then this dose!
I feel better on the Methadone then on nothing, but worse then i did when on Bupe. Got cramps and stuff right now, had to wake up early coz my son is over and he gets up in the morning -_-...wanted to just sleep in so the cramps go but nooooand the 30mg of methadone in the morning isn't even making you feel slightly better?
Stiffeno said:I have money, n I would only use enough Oxy to relieve the back n knee pain.
Stiffeno said:i know for a fact that if it isnt adjusted ill 100% as soon as these Oxy's arrive ill be popping em like skittles, i know i shouldnt but when you have no choice you have no choice!
I am not trying to "get high", if that was the case i would never have taken the bupe in the first place, ida just used codeine till i couldnt get any more effect from it, then move to harder shit...thats not the case! I have also been seeing a Psychologist AND have been put onto anti-depressant/anti-anxiety pill! So far the Psych hasnt helped that much, but the Avanza i was put on helps me sleep much better, and i can actually leave the house now and go places...hell i even went out yesterday and bought some shorts to wear outside, after being so worried about how i "look" in terms of being skinny for 15 years!^ Absolutely.
Stiffeno, from your posts it seems to me your pain issues or withdrawal symptoms aren't the only reasons you started on maintenance opiates. I get the feeling that what you want, is the relief opiates can give you in multiple ways - in other words, you still want to get high. What you've been told throughout this thread, and have now experienced, is that maintenance opiates aren't going to help with the psychological addiction. Just a few posts back you were complaining about still having cravings on methadone - despite being told that maintenance opiates don't deal with cravings. I think you're expecting way too much from maintenance opies - it seems to me you wanted a legal, acceptable way to way to substitute your codeine addiction. I'm not surprised that now you've found out what the real deal with maintenance opiates is, you are thinking of moving on to smack or oxy.
I sympathise with your position because addiction, both physical and mental, sucks, but you seem to be unwilling to help yourself. You've used flawed reasoning to make one bad decision after another, while pretending you have 'no choice'. I don't believe you will be able to move past your addiction if you're not willing to approach it from every angle - the maintenance opies being only one part of it. Hopefully you can prove me wrong.
What kind of addictive behaviors? i use to go around to multiple chemists buying packs of pills, getting home and taking heaps of them...i dont do any of that anymore =/. Im sure you probably mean other things, but i cant really tell which you might be meaning right now.I didn't say you were trying to get high. I said I think you still want to get high. I could have worded that better, because I guess more specifically I think you still struggle with wanting to get high and cravings. What I'm trying to say is, I think you're trying to deal with this aspect of addiction the wrong way. You've said a couple of times you've been frustrated with your maintenance because you're still cravey and this is what makes me say you're expecting too much of bupe or methadone. These are only a crutch to keep you well while you do the most important work in dealing with an addiction, the psychological and behavioural aspect. To me, (and I'm only going by what you've said, so I apologise if I'm wrong) it seems you've got them the wrong way round, and think that getting on maintenance will basically solve the problem, with just a few loose ends to tie up here and there. If you're going to have to be on opiates long term for pain, it is so important that you work on your addictive behaviours or you really have a recipe for disaster.
I actually remember my psych mentioning that "thoughts <---> feelings <---> behaviors" thing to me . Thanks for your input, ill try and think about what triggers my cravings and things like that...i think one of them will be pain for sure, since in the past when i felt pain id pop pills (which is an addictive behavior) and i guess my body "wants" to get drugs to stop that pain! Another is probably stress, as of late i have been arguing a lot with my mother (though tbh its nearly always her that starts the fight! and ends up picking on me)...this clearly stresses me out, stress being another situation in the past where i would take pills to calm myself!I mean specifically that's something you have to work out, but thoughts <---> feelings <---> behaviours; they're all interconnected. So when I talk about addictive behaviours I don't just mean things like the actual action of using a drug or going to score, but rather the whole interconnected situation that contributes to an addiction. I think it's important for anyone with an addiction to really investigate it and get to know it consciously. So for example, you've spoken about cravings. In investigating that you'd think of a list of all the things that make you crave that you know of, what situation you were in when it happened, what you were thinking, what you were doing, and what you were feeling. Each of those then needs to be looked at separately, but you might be able to identify a counterproductive behaviour if (just as an example) you identify that you crave around certain people, but still see them, or that when you're anxious and cravey, you start thinking about how much you feel you've fucked up in the past and stress yourself out further with guilt.
Like I said, I'm only going on what you've written, but it just appears that you avoid thinking about your addiction because it makes it more 'real', but I really think that understanding all these things about yourself is essential in beating it. Otherwise you are really putting your life in the hands of external factors, and have to react to situations after they've happened, rather than creating the best possibilities for yourself...