Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

[stimutant]

Great!

 

[Jabberwocky]

^thank ya

I'm such a dumbarse, I broke my heart.

Had a big couple of weeks and in the last few days got some weird symptoms - bad heart pain, bad headache/jaw pain, temperature, and very out of it mentally... I was about a second away from taking myself to the hospital then but I decided not to.

Anyway I went to the doc a couple of days later and got some tests including an ecg, anyway apparently I have got heart damage from the shit.

I felt fear when she told me but nothing since then, honestly I'm surprised by how little I care, it doesn't really mean anything to me, I don't know why.

i was apathetic toward most things, especially my health, when i was injecting meth on a regular basis so i feel where you're coming from.

just give yourself some much more needed R&R, eat healthy and do some light exercise whenever you get the chance. it's amazing how a few changes like this turned me from a drone to having the will to do things and make changes for the better. and i know you want to change

i hope you're feeling better today

 

[footscrazy]

^^^ Details, pls . . . how long/often were U using, how much, were U smoking/shooting?

Like I said about my Coke/meth problems . . . same thing, heart problems made me quit . . . I had a warning (heart flutter) and quit. I'm >40-years old too and not in very good shape.

Hey it's been bout 5.5 years now, smoking... It's not regular, I'll have 2-3 weeks off then get on for a few months...just recently I had a month off then a month on where I was using about 5 days a week.

How is your heart going now...?

So anyway it turns out I had serotonin syndrome. Still don't know what's going on with the heart.

Thanks for the advice Lefty, I'm trying to do good things, went for a walk/run yesterday, eat vegies etc. I don't know, I'm pretty sad and shit. I'm not sure I can get off it staying here, I think I might move away somewhere, but I don't know. Oh well, I suppose just try again. My drug doc was pretty insistent today that I have to get off it now or things will really start turning to shit. I feel like I've never learnt to be a grown up without the shit, since this is all I've done since I was 16, and I latched onto it too hard and made it my identity.

 

[drug_wench]

im pretty much back to regular meth use.....well on-and-off regular
sometimes its monthly, sometimes weekly, sometimes twice weekly

i no longer IV it tho

footscrazy i identify with wat u say wen u talk about 'not learning to grow up without the shit cos its all uve done since 16'

as many of u know i started using meth at 15 - im now 25
i still feel 15
my emotions r literally that of a teens - i hurt easily, feel anger intensely, etc
yea it was, for a long time, my identity - Lydia the P-head, Lydia the junkie, Lydia the party girl who stays up for nights on end
and its getting like that again
why? cos bad shits been happening and all i know how to deal with it using as a coping mechanism is methamphetamine

my fiance and i broke up and i found out some bad shit about him, my foal died, i started to withdraw physically from valium and actually notice the symptoms (never get hooked on benzos....), my dad disowned me, i had a nervous breakdown and tried to commit suicide.......so i invested in another P pipe (im sick of slamming drugs, my veins r shit)

yet i went over a year without the stuff so it can b done

i dont look at it as a relapse - i look at it as a single slip evry time it happens
and i know its got to stop - i ODd the other night and ended up in hospital
my ECG didnt look too gd so i was in until halfway thru today - thank god my HR returned to normal

yea meth will fuck with ur heart - wen i was banging 4g a day, my drug counsellor told me 'detox or die' and wen i was weighed at detox i turned out to b 36kg
my muscles around my heart in particular were fucked
and id bn wondering why i was fainting a lot, finding it hard to get up the hills at the farm my horse grazed at, etc

moving away cud b the answer.....but often its not either cos if ur moving elsewhere in australasia chances r ull just find another dealer
we have an epidemic here - NZ has bn rated the highest rate of meth use per person living here, followed by australia, then the US....pretty scary huh?

there r other options, but its way after midnight and i hav to get up early tomorrow to take my methadone (other problem i ended up with thru P abuse - opioid addiction ) so footscrazy, if u want to know wat those options r (from someone who may currently use - tho not exactly heavily - but stayed off meth for over a yr) u know im always happy for u to PM me

 

[zephyr]

Dear meth...

Dear methamphetamine,

Our relationship was pretty consistent and you were always both my rock to cling to in times of great need, as well as times of fun and fiendery.

Then you became too much for me, caused shit in my relationship with myself and we broke up for six months solid. I can't say I missed you until you were instantly there when I could not handle my horrible self destructive thoughts and actions.

Deep down inside, I know I am better off without you, especially since you were full of cutter, overpriced and generally shitty.

I am again in severe grief, depression and my living situation has been turned upside down. I dont want you to see me though it.

I am done with you, please remove your hurtful presence from my life, dont bother filling my pipe.

Other drugs are around to healthily see me through this.

Your old friend,

liz.

 

[Jabberwocky]

lydia i'm so sorry to hear that i've been thinking about you on and off lately and wondering how you had been going with everything . sending my love and best wishes to you as you said you've gotten clean for an extended period of time so you can do it again! it's great to hear you're not IVing it at the least though i've been missing the needle a little bit lately...

footscrazy - at least you can stop worrying a little bit with the one diagnosis so far. like i've told you before, getting away from the crowd is going to be a good start no matter how hard it is in the beginning. good to hear you've been doing some exercise and eating well too.

i've been doing a fair bit of walking lately and it's been helping out a bit though i need to get back into my weights more seriously, im starting to wither away again.

 

[btrswiet7u4ia]

Even when you clean up, you never really stop thinking about getting amped. It never leaves you. Ever.

I wish that weren't true. I quit (well, became a recreational user of) stims. for a year or so and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm basically at the point of "Fuck it. I submit"

 

[btrswiet7u4ia]

Do people on meth/amphetamine experience some form of arthritis after a few years of usage? Or joint problems?

you may be onto something with the whole stimulant family. (including ephedrine etc.)
I have joint problems and headaches that I didn't have before I started using.

 

[3dmusic]

I'll chime in on amphetamine addiction. It's great stuff, really. Maybe from there other people can go in and put in their two cents, but here goes...

It's sinister shit, to be perfectly honest. It's not like heroin, benzos, or alcohol. See, you can catch those a lot easier, you can even be a normal human being an function on them a lot easier due to the adverse affects being kept easily in check. After all, most people know they can't go jammed out on dope to see their family. Most people know they can't go into work shit faced on booze. Does it happen? Sure, but most know it'll lead to decreased work performance or their family will see something is up.

Amphetamines, though, are a complete different game. See, you're never really "fucked up" in the traditional sense. Sure, you get a feeling of extreme well being, but you aren't inhibited. I consider it being "more sober than sober". Not only that, but you're smarter, stronger, and more clever than you ever could be. You're you, except better. The sun shines, but a little more brightly. Breeze against your face feels a bit better. Everything has that little extra sparkle. Best of all? Besides people that know what to look for; nobody will really notice that you're amped up. It's the perfect do anywhere type of drug.

The long durations make it something you can be high on all the time. It's easy too. You administer the drug you're easily set for hours. You aren't running into the bathroom every 20 minutes for a line or any silly shit like that. You begin to justify to yourself that this "wonder drug" should be taken whenever possible. Why go to baseline? I mean, you're an inferior person then. You have to eat, sleep, and you're not nearly as capable.

Now, all this time you think you're doing great, but all the while things are slowly starting to crumble. You divert just a bit more money, because you notice you need a bit more too get that same "zing", you figure, the quality just isn't as good. No, that isn't the case, unfortunately. That's just tolerance. You get caught up in things, so you blow people off or just flake out on events. People start to wonder what is wrong, because you're so fucking scatter brained most of the time. That weight you lost? You think you've got a great skinny going, but you actually look like the living dead. Skin turns really pale and sunken in. You're so wrapped up in your amphetamine induced perceptions that you don't notice any of this.

It gets worse by this point. You're used to living like this. In fact, you're body has taken such a beating that you no longer can function without this drug. Getting out of bed becomes impossible, because opening your eyes hurts. You're so fatigued, due to sleep deprivation, that doing anything becomes a dull chore. Hell, you can't even experience fun or pleasure without it. So you take more just to get back to where you were.

It continues like this until you burn out or fix yourself. I'm sure I glossed over a lot of the parts, and honestly, it's impossible to describe unless you've been there. Those that went through this nightmare know exactly what I'm talking about and maybe can add their two cents. Just remember, you never get sick. No, it's all mental. It becomes a crutch that you rely on and next thing you know, you can't even do anything without it. Even when you clean up, you never really stop thinking about getting amped. It never leaves you. Ever.

The same can be said for base.
I've had a few goes at stopping.
This is my longest time without it. I am lucky I dont come into contact with it. The worst thing about taking base again for me, is that I don't know if I could stop it again, like I have.
I got used to that fake based-up confidence and spring in my step.
I am still waiting for my life enthusiasm to come to me, and my confidence.
It's been three months now.

 

[Jabberwocky]

just chiming in to say another 2 weeks have passed without using. i've been thinking about using a lot lately and probably will within the next 2 weeks

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

God my usage is through the roof.

I always told myself I would stop using when I didn't have an eating disorder. I don't think I'm cured by any means but I really don't think about good lately, unless I'm trying to figure out what the cheapest possible thing to eat will be.

My tolerance has gone up a LOT. I have no one to monitor my usage anymore, even if they don't realize they're doing it (aka my old roommate). None of the girls at my club really do stims, but they're either stoned or drunk, most of the DJs are coked up, and the managers/bouncers could really give a fuck, and usually like me more when I'm super twacked out. So I'm pretty much high all the time and way "more" high than I used to be.

I also am leaning so heavily on this drug to make my $. It gives me energy to keep going for my 10/8 hour shifts and not get lazy and tired. I'm talkative and confident and more fun to be around, and it makes me way more sexual. I also have no problem flying around the room hustling guys because I just want to be DOING something. And if I'm getting discouraged or sad I just go do some and my mood lifts right up.

I don't really know how to deal with this.

 

[footscrazy]

^^ It was working at the strip club that really started me on this run I've been on for the last year and a half. I never went to work straight, I got a million more connections working there, and it was just a really negative envionment. In the end I had to quit to get away from it, I know that might be harder for you with the $$ situation...

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I haven't had a huge problem with drugs being at the work place. I work at three different clubs right now and the one where I know girls are coked/twacked out I don't like most of the dancers because they're clicky bitches, so I go there, work, and come home. The second is kind of ghetto and the girls just get wasted. The third is the one I know and get along with everyone I work with and see outside of the club, but those girls just pop benzos and smoke weed and drink, none of which I can do. I got stoned off my ass a week ago and everytime I went on stage I was so fascinated by the lights I couldn't stop staring at them. 8)

I know that club does some drug trafficing and other illegal shit that a lot of the girls are involved in, but the manager and the owner (who owns like six other clubs) don't really seem to view me the way they view the other girls and I've never gotten pulled into it. They're always very respectful and appreciative, which is 50% of the reason I work there even though I know I could make more $ at the other two. The owner told me last Friday he didn't understand why I was working there because I seemed too intelligent... but when I come to work super high they're always happier because I make so much more $. I always get high by myself, but one of the bouncers saw shit in my car when he was opening my door for me so I have to guess they have some idea.

But I used to get super high when I taught gymnastics so I would be more fun for the kids I taught. I just have a better personality when I am twacked out.

 

[wingnutlives]

I hear you, Mia... I also feel that I'm more fun to be around when I'm high (well I don't really get high anymore, but I get more talkative and hardworking and less lazy and apathetic - maybe I'm still high, I don't know).

Fuck... I am so ready to quit in four days. I'm out of control with the amount I'm doing, wasting away to skin and bones, sick to my stomach all the time, coming close to financial disaster, and I don't even enjoy being "high" anymore. But I am fucking scared of withdrawal, it always seems to be worse for me even though I do lower doses (comparatively) than most addicts. Especially the feeling of "bugs crawling under the skin" (I know that bugs aren't crawling, I'm not hallucinating... it's just the feeling that makes me want to stab myself multiple times - or take more adderall). Bleh. If I was on meth I would be dead by now.

 

[zephyr]

I dont feel like I am more fun when fucked up. I cant recall the last time I had fun on it. I have not had any in a long time though. I feel the need to have it when I cant deal with a horrible situation. Instead of collapsing and crying, it gives me the ability to function regardless of mood.

The crash when already miserable is horrible though. Last time I used I did so as I was facing something I knew would send me suicidal. There has to be a way I can stop this behaviour.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I actually have a lot of fun on it when I'm stripping, more than I have in a long time.

It'd been 12 hours since I;ve last used which is the longest IU've gone in two and a half weeks so I've been drinking all night which is actually helping the crash... I think part of it is I just don't give fuck anymore. I've failed at two careers now and I'm not even in school, no one in my family is speaking to me.. I'm a full time stripper that's all I do, it doesn't really matter to me anymore if I just let go and give up..

 

[the_ketaman]

While I havent been using heaps lately, when I do use im using more quantity and much purer stuff than ive ever had before and its almost always IV'ing. Usually out of each gram I buy I might have a smoke or 2 but the rest goes in my arm. Its definitely a lot different to the days when id buy .3g of glug and shoot that, or even fuuurther back when id buy .3g of shit glug and eat it point by point, often having stuff leftover the next day lol now I get grams of dry stuff that is WAY stronger for only a fraction more than I was paying for the shitty .3g of glug(base) and I could shoot the whole hing in 6 hours.

Last time I shot a fair amount of this stuff that looked like crushed up shards(though its sold as speed not ice) and I sat on my computer for close to 10 hours, anyway I got up to have a shower and my circulation had been severely constricted to the point that my hands and feet were BLACK, not blue, completely black. Has anyone ever experienced this before?

I absolutely shit myself and now that I look back I should have definitely gone to hospital but I just warmed myself up and moved around heaps and within half an hour the color was back to normal, I was too scared to go to hospital. Im going to do some meth this weekend but im only going to do one shot(therefore im only going to bring one fit coz it wont be anywhere near my house or where I know where to get fits) and smoke the rest.
Has anyone got experience shooting stuff that has been colored with food dye and is it particularly dangerous to do so?

Anyway even when I was in rehab I brought a gram inside and sat in my room with a piece of foil chasing that shit until it was all gone, I dont often do meth for the sake of doing meth, usually it is when im going out or im having a night of sex or something along those lines but I just wanted drugs. I feel pretty bad that I was doing drugs in rehab. Another time I bought fits in there and was shooting oxy. And while after I felt so guilty I didnt use drugs in there anymore at the time I felt like I was wasting space in there when someone who was going to be responsible and not use drugs could have taken my space. Im glad I did stop though but ill tell you a short story of when an angel kissed me from above...

this was when I had the oxy and people were getting suspicious of my use, one of the boys in my house even shouted out "hey everyone, this cunt is on the nod!" Needless to say I was the only one there for opiate use so I was the junky until people started to like me and treat me the same as anyone else...well anyway to the point, I was doing my shot in the shower and I came out and walked past a room where 2 staff members were sitting, they called me in there and shut the door, by now I knew something was up and I was in trouble, I had needles in my pocket and a spoon and all my injecting equipment. They told me they had just done a search of my room and hadnt found anything(because it was all in my pocket) and told me that they knew I was using something and to tell them now if I wanted any chance of being allowed to stay there if they did find something(which was bullshit, they would have kicked me out straight off the bat) anyway while I was sitting there trying my hardest not to nod off I said that I didnt have anything and I didnt know what they were on about. They let me leave the room and I nearly fucking died. If I had have left anything in my room that would indicate that I was using on the premises, especially shooting up I would have been out. That definitely taught me not to use there and I felt like something up there was looking out for me. If they had have searched my room 10 minutes earlier before I had my shower they would have found everything.

I just thought id tell you guys that story because I just couldnt believe how close I came to getting caught and even though its oxy not meth I was using, I just thought id share my little piece.

I honestly still to this day cant believe how close I came to getting caught, that was my 3rd time in rehab and I did finish that time, the first time I ever finished a rehab and I dont plan to ever go back to another rehab.

Fucking insane hey, and stupid too, rehab isnt somewhere to do drugs, its a place for people who really do want to make a change and I did make a change there, while im not completely abstinent from all drugs I have cut waaaay down. But the meth is coming back to me though I cant afford a meth habit whereas I can afford an oxy/xanax habit so im not too worried. I just gotta control my opiate use.

Sorry if that bored you, I just thought it was an insane situation that I had to tell.

 

[zephyr]

I reckon alone to hands and feet does pool and go almost black if you have poor circulation. Its not good to have that happen. Maybe the vein damage causes it as well as your heart pumping faster, but I dont know.

Keep well ketaman.

 

[Crankinit]

Yeah man that's pretty crazy, glad to hear you're ok after something like that, I'd have been serious concerned about losing some fingers or something...

 

[the_ketaman]

Yeah, im even a bit scared now bout what would happen if I used meth now, im going to use some meth this weekend and im just going to take it easy, but im going to be very physically active throughout the whole high if ya know what I mean wink wink. I dont know if this could have had anything to do with it and I doubt it but that night I used some GBL and I had a 1/4g shot of heroin(though no together, im not dumb enough to use heroin and GBL in anywhere near the same timeframe)

I get really, really bad meth dick as well. Like I can get it up when im tweaking but when its not up it is absolutely tiny(sorry if thats too much info for some) and I dont have a tiny dick normally... I have a feeling all this bad circulation has to do with all the crap ive injected like pills and badly cut speed. Maybe I should stop IV'ing hey, I was dumb enough to shoot oxy a few times today. You know what, im just going to smoke this meth on the weekend, I dont want to risk anything like this happening again. After re-thinking how badly I freaked out Im glad this came up in my mind again, im going to start doing weights to get my vascular sytem back in shape and not fuck it up again.

Do you guys agree that my circulation is probably bad due to shooting oxy and meth?(not together) I mean I can stil get all my veins up and theres only 1 vein that I cant use anymore. but it just doesnt seem worth it, my vasculsr system has gone to shit and I guess tht increases my risk of blod clots and similar things. I mean my mu doesnt know roo much about my I use and sh often says that shes worries about me coz my hands are always so blue. I mean its gotten to the point when she bought me a $200 full length wetsuit(or a steamer for those in the know) the other day purely coz my hands go so blue.

What can I do to improve my circulation apart from drinking lots of water and doing excercise. are there an vitmins or meds I can take to improve bloodflow