Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

[Sweet P]

But a few of us, that a newer to it have decided we don't want to end up where the others are and want to get out now. Isn't the easiest thing in the world.

It's your decision, but I think getting out early is the wise thing to do. A meth addiction can be very sneaky. I was addicted before I even realised. I started doing it very occasionally... maybe once every few weeks. But gradually it became more and more frequent until I was smoking meth every single day, alone instead of in the company of friends. I kept telling myself that I was still in control and could stop using whenever I wanted to, but I soon found out that I couldn't. The irony is that I was fully informed about the drug when I started using it. It had already been an epidemic in my country for years, and I knew it was highly addictive and damaging. I remember promising myself that I'd only do it occasionally, but I've definitely broken that promise now.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Mrs. Mia Wallace, you need to lay off the meth because you are out of control. Leave pillthrill alone. She was just contributing to the post.

Post in TDS for another month and you'll see where I'm coming from.

 

[wingnutlives]

Adderall people - question. I quit adderall in about eight hours. I'm taking about 60-70mg every few hours... how bad do you expect the withdrawal to be? Could I function after a week?
SO not looking forward to this...

 

[drug_wench]

lets forget about who is and isnt out-of-line here

we mods will moderate as we see fit
if anyone has a problem with the way someone is posting just use the report button by said post - dragonslayer, that is the '!' button
again, us mods prefer u use this before bickering with that person who u dont agree with
it also makes our jobs easier

dragonslayer, telling a meth addict to 'lay off the meth' is not a particularly 'well thought out' comment
if mia is anything like me - and i definitely identify with her many much-valued contributions to this thread - then she is doing all she can to 'lay off the meth'
the point is that she wudnt b posting here if she found it that easy
hav u ever bn addicted to meth/speed? or did u pop ur nose in here just to tell mia off? cos no offense but thats not ur job.....if u read my post then ud see id already put in some words of mediation - it was all sorted until u posted!
words that look plain ignorant will only serve to keep the bickering going
wait till uve either bn in mia's shoes (ie. addicted to meth, which yes, does cause irritability/aggression at times - hence why its a frequently moderated thread) or ur a TDS mod urself (then ull know how to go about handling conflict between two BLers) before 'telling ppl off'

that goes for anyone else who isnt a TDS mod - we kind of prefer u let us do our jobs as we tend to do it with more tact (again, refer to my post)

PT, im 100% with sweet P (and i always hav to smile at that name cos im pretty sure which rabbit hole ur located in hun ) - get out while u can, eh
(btw im not condoning anyone being nasty to u - i was just perplexed as there had bn nothing in the past to suggest ud gotten into meth so i wondered if u had just got the wrong thread but if not my apologies....sometimes rather than posting a blog-like entry like that, wen uve never bn in one of these threads before its best to tell us straight out that...oh fuck....uve got into meth)
because u do suffer mental illness - esp BPD/(bipolar...sorry cant remember if u hav bn diagnosed this or not?) - methamphetamine is extra dangerous for u
as ive said before i was diagnosed with both BPD and bipolar in the past due to my P use - the symptoms brought out in me (attention-seeking, aggressiveness, mood swings, crying spells, suicidal ideations, hallucinations, obsessive behaviour, paranoia, psychosis, etc) just obviously pointed at various mental illnesses i guess
this was before P was rampant in NZ so the sores/picking at my skin, weight loss/thinning hair and bad teeth meant nothing
as this is one drug that can make the sanest of ppl turn into an axe murderer or become suicidal
it affects ppl in diffrent ways but i dont know ONE person who has bn affected positively - and im talking about ppl who dont suffer from mental illness/personality disorders
ppl with BPD often r prone to addiction so its a vicious cycle but id get ur butt to a drug counsellor now if u want any fighting chance
also, im curious, why did u try meth?

 

[Pillthrill]

I found the come down to hit me like a ton of bricks. God just suicidal ideation come out of no where. I wasn't aware it was the come down on that stuff until another BLer suggested it.
Why I did it? Jeez, why does anyone try meth? Because its there, because you wanna know what the big deal is about. Yes, stupid but the truth.There is a blog entry on how it kinda came about...
Like I said, I'm not really that fond of it. You would think it would make a person more productive. When I just end up awake and talking a whole hell of a lot about nothing important with the other people that are doing it. Apparently this is somewhat common. Like I said, I don't really LIKE it. Not the way I do opiates. But still, I guess I have the thought that some drugs are better than no drugs.
However hiding my use of the drug just gets to me. There isn't anything that I hide from the boyfriend until now. I can't really even speak of the people cause I know it will come up at some point how I know them, or I'll slip up somewhere. I'm just hoping the guilt motivates me to stop more than the drug itself does...because that would mean that something negative would have to happen. So far I've done well avoiding it but its only been 2 days since my last hit. I guess I keep telling myself that I'm broke and don't have the money for it. However it still doesn't mean it won't be offered, thank god I'm not standing alone in not wanting part of it.

 

[Crankinit]

I wasn't aware it was the come down on that stuff until another BLer suggested it.

That was a common occurance for me, I'd come down and feel shit and have these horrible thoughts, but not blame them on the comedown and just think I was in a bad mood but 'not coming down that hard really.' it's only when I'd had some sleep and some food and looked back on it a day or two later that I realised how out of sorts I was at the time. It's very subtle.

 

[Sweet P]

By the way, Pillthrill... meth and BPD can be an especially nasty mix. Trust me, I know. The emotions and insecurities become much worse. Because of my using, I have even more reasons to hate what I see when I look in the mirror.

 

[footscrazy]

I have 24 days off :D

I honestly feel like a change has finally come over me. This is the longest I have been off for years, I'm so happy. But instead of white knuckling it I'm really really happy with myself. I'm really comfortable where I am now. I know something in me has changed, I'm hesitant to even say that, but finally, my hate for this fucking drug has overcome my love for it.

When I spoke to a good friend, about her banging meth, instead of being insanely jealous, I was just so fucking happy I had three weeks clean behind me. I was so thankful to be in my shoes rather than hers, and that's never happened before. Close to that, a silly 17yo girl I know was raving on about drugs, doing the whole 'I'm so cool because I do lots of drugs' (exactly how I used to be). Instead of reminiscing and craving like fucking crazy, I looked at her and my thoughts were 'you're pathetic'. They were my first thoughts - I felt shame that I was ever like her - for the first time in my life I saw myself from an outsiders perspective. For the first time, I'm embarrassed for the past 6 years of my life, instead of being proud of it.

It's been over 3 weeks and I'm still recovering, but I feel like that's good for me. This time, there was no 'moment' where I swore never to do meth again, where being clean for the rest of my life seemed fantastic, it's been a fucking struggle. Those moments where it all seems clear, where my problems are all solved, last a day or two. This time it's been a fucking struggle but I think that's better, it's real this time, I'm not denying that I want the fucking drug, I've spent hours with my face in my fucking pillow because I'm craving so bad.

But finally, after 6 years, I think I've had enough, really.

I'm scared, I never want to do meth ever again. Something has come over me, I feel like I'd rather kill myself than do this drug ever again (dw I'm not suicidal). I'm not naive enough to say this feeling will never change, fuck, it may change tomorrow, but for now, I'm loving this feeling.

I told my best friend I had 3 weeks off tonight, she said, I know, I can tell, I feel like I have my best friend back from when we first met.

 

[Jabberwocky]

:D you go girl!

thats awesome to hear dude, you're doing all of us and yourself proud! keep on keepin off

 

[gorgoroth]

Great respect to all my friends on this page, I share your struggle of Amphetamine addiction.
For the last 5 months or so, with two exceptions where I injected methamphetamine as relapses, I have been clean from chronic abuse of amphetamines. I take 60 milligrams of D-amphetamine a day now, for Stimulant maintainance, ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety (yupp, it helps with my anxiety, despite having the opposite effect in many).'
I feel so much healthier now, the first two months were AGONY. Don't ever listen to people who tell you amphetamine withdrawal is easy, all in your head, or doesn't cause physical symptoms.
I had
- Irritability
- Nausea
- Severe depression and anxiety
- Muscle pain and aches
- Nasal and throat congestion
- Total inability to feel pleasure
- Severe exhaustion, was physically impossible to get out of bed at times.
And alot of other terrible pains of withdrawal.
The amphetamines are an addicting, dangerous, and harmful drug.
In my 5 years of (meth)amphetamine addiction countless psychotic spells happened, all sorts of horrible effects, and that's all I can say, I don't remember them now, my mind feels clean.
Being homeless did not help, but I do not complain of such things I instead wished and acted towards a better tommorow, and now I have it . I cannot muster the strength at the moment to write a very long post.
But this is the meth/amphetamine thread I have posted in for a year at least now, and i'm making fantastic progress thusfar. I always run out of dexedrine about a week early, but, I'm getting closer, and I'm excited for it .

~ Al

 

[lasthurrah19]

Congrats to both of you! Great job getting your life back

 

[Selfmeditaker]

Hey everyone, a little background info on myself. Ive been an amphetamines( mainly adderal,dexidrine,and as of late, meth.) Going on about 8 years of abuse(use) I have mild ADD which is how I got into stim use in the first place. I cant function without stims, an I have come to grips with that, its just now with meth its a whole different ball game. Half the time I cant function on meth. I mean I get so twacked out im afraid to go out anywhere because im afraid everyone will know im tweaked just by looking at me. I went so so very long without trying meth and finally gave in about 4 or 5 months ago. Started out just snorting, but quickly moved to smoking it 3-4 times a day. I dont want this to take over my life but sometimes i feel like it already has. By doing it the 1st time it feels as though its taken my life over. Reading through this thread makes my meth use looks microscopic but everybody's story is really inspiring and I hope I can further benefit from DS.

 

[wingnutlives]

About 36 hours clean of adderall, after almost ODing on one last binge....
I can actually get out of bed! Even though I'm shaking and going through dizzy spells. I went to an NA meeting today because a friend dragged me into it - it's not for me. But I did get out of the house, got something to eat, walked around in the sun for a bit.... Now I'm going to sleep, I'm fucking exhausted and I hope I can function better soon.

Good luck to everyone else trying to get clean, or just trying not to let amphs take over your life... You can do it!

 

[paranoid android]

Thank christ you didnt OD on that stuff. Uhh i couldnt imagine how painful that must be. I hope you stay clean off the stuff if you can. I really hope the best for you.

Had my first adventure into the land of dexedrine last night and i like it. Not something id do everyday (im a downer freak) but it's nice for a change. It also doesent make me horribly fucking depressed like coke does. But i could see someone who likes stimulants running into real problems with this stuff. Hell i kept popping them until about 5 hours ago just so i could stay awake until tonight.

Eating yes i must get around to that tonight. Ugh another reason why i could never stay on em longer then a day or 2. The last time i lost loads of weight was a sorta major depression induced anorexia and i don't need any reminders of that.

 

[Process]

Hey all. Man i feel like hell. I changed my phone number so I would not call my friend for sum good good. I woke up at 2 am and found a old num, callin it trying to get some. I can stay clean for 2 weeks then just fiend, i kno its all mental but I cant be screwin up like that.

Any tips? Would drinking alot of coffe help take the edge off since it is a stim.

 

[BeckyLee]

I had stopped taking amps for several weeks, but I started again and I feel so lame b/c... I really just want to fucking be more productive and get skinnier again! arjeortjehigtwhriu

Process: caffeine definitely helps, but it depends how often you drink caffeine. I never do, so I am WIRED with a couple cups of green tea; my bf drinks red bulls all the time, but can just fall asleep right after. Lucky bastard...

 

[Process]

About 36 hours clean of adderall, after almost ODing on one last binge....
I can actually get out of bed! Even though I'm shaking and going through dizzy spells. I went to an NA meeting today because a friend dragged me into it - it's not for me. But I did get out of the house, got something to eat, walked around in the sun for a bit.... Now I'm going to sleep, I'm fucking exhausted and I hope I can function better soon.

Good luck to everyone else trying to get clean, or just trying not to let amphs take over your life... You can do it!

Like looking into a mirror. Na is not for me as well, just hearing all those stories makes me want to do some. To triggering. Hopefully we can all find something that will work. Gl to ya man.

 

[footscrazy]

About 36 hours clean of adderall, after almost ODing on one last binge....
I can actually get out of bed! Even though I'm shaking and going through dizzy spells. I went to an NA meeting today because a friend dragged me into it - it's not for me. But I did get out of the house, got something to eat, walked around in the sun for a bit.... Now I'm going to sleep, I'm fucking exhausted and I hope I can function better soon.

It took OD'ing for me to finally say goodbye to this shit, even then it wouldn't have stopped me if it hadn't been the very last straw on the camels back. I remember telling leftwing 'I don't even give a fuck, it means nothing to me' after the doc told me I had heart damage from my abuse of this drug, it took 2 weeks of white knuckling it after that before that even started to sink in. It really takes awhile before you can feel anything. I advise forcing yourself to take some time off and telling yourself you'll evaluate it later - I know how hard that it though. What I had to tell myself was - not to enter into any discussion with myself because I can always convince myself to take it - I just have to tell myself 'no' then that's it.

Hey all. Man i feel like hell. I changed my phone number so I would not call my friend for sum good good. I woke up at 2 am and found a old num, callin it trying to get some. I can stay clean for 2 weeks then just fiend, i kno its all mental but I cant be screwin up like that.

Any tips? Would drinking alot of coffe help take the edge off since it is a stim.

Ha, I know how that is. Believe it or not I have actually called random numbers out of the phone book asking them if they have meth I was that desperate!! Deleting all my numbers has really helped me. And I mean, really deleted all my numbers, so they are not recorded anywhere. It really does make a difference just having to spend a day finding someone to buy off rather than making one phone call.

I find coffee completely unhelpful, while I've always loved meth, caffeine has been one of my all time most hated drugs, I find it completely unlike meth and more likely to make you agitated/anxious (which to me is similar to a meth craving) rather than taking the edge of the craving. I think most drug addicts are used to not putting up with negative feelings - you feel one and the first thing you think of is getting rid of it with some drug. I suppose what I've been learning lately is that it's ok to feel like shit, sometimes you just have to work through it. Something someone told me helped me, when I told him I was craving like fucking crazy a week ago, he said 'do you think you'll always feel like this?' And I realised I wouldn't, and that made it more managable.

And after saying all that, I am starting to crave like fucking crazy again, I have nearly a month off, I don't want it to get more out of hand than this but the thought of it is feeling exciting to me again and that's not a good sign. I suppose I get bored and I don't know what to do about that.

 

[Sweet P]

The thing that frustrates me the most about my meth addiction is my total lack of self-control. I don't want to quit completely - I just want to moderate my usage. I would love to be able to smoke a few shards and then put the bag away for another day. But I just can't seem to do it. It's like I'm obsessed with it. Has anybody actually managed to get an out-of-control meth habit back under control, and kick the cravings? Or is quitting the only realistic option?

 

[MrNoTh1ng]

Without methamphetamine, I would be dead. It has helped make me who I am and been the physiological equivalent of receiving implants of eyes in perfect working order for someone who was born without any eyes. I feel grateful that I was not born before Ogata, for I would have had no life at all.

However, in theory, maybe I was also born too late, as it was after Nixon had come and basically defecated on and poisoned American society, having implementing such pure evil on this country that it continues to wreak havoc long after he has not only left office (in shame) but also after he has died. He said he wasn't a crook, but he has stolen the freedom and hope from every person in the USA, who- in one way or another- have been affected by his taking tax dollars from those working hard to survive and using them to plant seeds that would grow into huge prison systems as far as the eye could see, and more than anywhere else in the world, then playing "God" by giving guns, badges, and the license to not only kill, but to act out in any way desired without any recourse or consequence to any acts committed to any evil individual who lacks a conscience or is mentally ill enough to wish for such an opportunity to prey upon anyone who crosses their path and to expand their path so it encompasses the entire world. This is just part of the "big picture", relative to the existence of methamphetamine in general (though one should easily see how disgustingly insignificant and petty the aforementioned situation really is. The world is a small place, yet a few of the people here seem to think they are entitled to the entire universe).

How does this directly affect me? Meth is too expensive and too risky for the average person to use it for whatever their purposes are, and this is deliberate.
I should not have to suffer because the government feels they are entitled to extort money and my freedom from me and can live with themselves and have no remorse about running a fiefdom. I don't steal from anyone but I should not have to deal with people who are desperate, destitute, and sometimes feel they are left with little other option but to rip me off, since the only recourse I would have would be violence, which I believe SHOULD be illegal, and it would just play right into the hands of the system's trap.

But I try to just be as good to people as I can. I hope things will miraculously turn around and life would be simpler, but due to our world's entropic path, this would be illogical. The world is devouring itself and then disappearing, and nothing anyone can do will stop it.

I will be optomistic and hope that if North Korea sends over some missiles that actually reach us, that their payloads contain large amounts of the very pure meth that is commonly found in Asian countries since Mexico hasn't been delivering anything of impressive quality to us lately. And if they do cut it, I would hope they would use something tastier like MSG as opposed to MSM...