Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

[shith3ad]

amen brother

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Two of my regulars know I'm on drugs...

They came tonight and weren't buying dances, they usually buy a couple but they are stage tippers. I saw their wallets and they didn't have very much $. They also really one of my friends/fellow strippers and they told her that they didn't have a lot of $ but they came to tip "some girls" who they know have a drug problem and they're going through NA and want to help "some girls" out because they know how it feels and the viscious cycle and how disgusting some of the guys in the club are... well, they only tipped me and her on stage 8)

I guess some customers have figured it out, maybe, although honestly they're not really paying that much attention to how I act to really see but I don't know it was really weird to hear that from them... it kind of shook me for a moment I guess. And I also am developing a huge crush on one of them-- only customer I ever have...

 

[sublimegirl209]

I've been addicted to a lot of drugs including coke, meth, oxy, methadone, and vicodin. But for some reason, meth always comes back into my brain. It's the only one that I'll be driving somewhere not thinking about it and it will just hit me hard with a craving. When I was at a methdone clinic for oxycontin it aleviated it for awhile, but once I got off it hit me tenfold and I haden't touched it for like 9 months. Once I get a craving, it's extremely hard for me to make it stop. It will be in my dreams that night and the next day or until I get my fix. I always have horrible hangovers that last days. I used to throw up every time I used it, like my body rejected it. That's why I stopped, that and the fact that my fiance's stomach was getting royally f***ed up. To this day I still get cravings, like for instance, I can't watch shows like "The Cleaner" or "Intervention" without getting a huge craving. I've lost too many jobs to meth because of the hangovers and I distanced myself from friends and family. I just need a way to get over the cravings..

 

[Process]

I've been addicted to a lot of drugs including coke, meth, oxy, methadone, and vicodin. But for some reason, meth always comes back into my brain. It's the only one that I'll be driving somewhere not thinking about it and it will just hit me hard with a craving. When I was at a methdone clinic for oxycontin it aleviated it for awhile, but once I got off it hit me tenfold and I haden't touched it for like 9 months. Once I get a craving, it's extremely hard for me to make it stop. It will be in my dreams that night and the next day or until I get my fix. I always have horrible hangovers that last days. I used to throw up every time I used it, like my body rejected it. That's why I stopped, that and the fact that my fiance's stomach was getting royally f***ed up. To this day I still get cravings, like for instance, I can't watch shows like "The Cleaner" or "Intervention" without getting a huge craving. I've lost too many jobs to meth because of the hangovers and I distanced myself from friends and family. I just need a way to get over the cravings..

I feel you on this, the cravings is what kills me the most. Soon as they go away I can move on and function normal (for the most part lol). Its like a calm before the storm, I will be thinking of something non drug related or driving home from somewhere, then bam winds blow at me 100000 miles per hour until I ride it out. In the end if I dont cop anything I feel good about myself and move on.

For me what has helped is I started carrying a note pad and pen around so when ever i get bad cravings I will draw a chart and write down the pros and cons so I can see my addiction on paper and make a better choice.

I dunno if it will work for you, but helps me alot.

 

[wingnutlives]

Thank christ you didnt OD on that stuff. Uhh i couldnt imagine how painful that must be. I hope you stay clean off the stuff if you can. I really hope the best for you.

Had my first adventure into the land of dexedrine last night and i like it. Not something id do everyday (im a downer freak) but it's nice for a change. It also doesent make me horribly fucking depressed like coke does. But i could see someone who likes stimulants running into real problems with this stuff. Hell i kept popping them until about 5 hours ago just so i could stay awake until tonight.

Yes, that happens... I really loved dexedrine when I tried it, but couldn't get a regular supply so went back to adderall. Dexedrine feels cleaner. But I'm sure it's a little worse in the long run, since it's actually stronger. I notice with this stuff that once you're awake, you keep taking it because you feel like you NEED to stay awake at all costs, being awake just to stay awake.

I'm not sure if I really ODed, but I got beginning symptoms of heart problems/chest pain, clamminess and trouble breathing. I'm not sure how much was panic but I know some of it was actual heart tension.
Then I actually did OD again last night... this time off vicodin/percocet (pain meds for my wisdom teeth surgery) - that left me gasping for breath more times than I could count. Two ODs in a week? I quit JUST in time....

 

[wingnutlives]

Hey everyone, a little background info on myself. Ive been an amphetamines( mainly adderal,dexidrine,and as of late, meth.) Going on about 8 years of abuse(use) I have mild ADD which is how I got into stim use in the first place. I cant function without stims, an I have come to grips with that, its just now with meth its a whole different ball game. Half the time I cant function on meth. I mean I get so twacked out im afraid to go out anywhere because im afraid everyone will know im tweaked just by looking at me. I went so so very long without trying meth and finally gave in about 4 or 5 months ago. Started out just snorting, but quickly moved to smoking it 3-4 times a day. I dont want this to take over my life but sometimes i feel like it already has. By doing it the 1st time it feels as though its taken my life over. Reading through this thread makes my meth use looks microscopic but everybody's story is really inspiring and I hope I can further benefit from DS.

Your story sounds like mine - except I stopped before I tried meth. I hope you can find your way out, yourself... good luck : )

 

[wingnutlives]

The thing that frustrates me the most about my meth addiction is my total lack of self-control. I don't want to quit completely - I just want to moderate my usage. I would love to be able to smoke a few shards and then put the bag away for another day. But I just can't seem to do it. It's like I'm obsessed with it. Has anybody actually managed to get an out-of-control meth habit back under control, and kick the cravings? Or is quitting the only realistic option?

Unfortunately I think that quitting is the only realistic option. Theoretically one should be able to moderate usage to once every few days, or once a week, but it never happens that way. There's always some excuse to use more and more, even if it's just "i can't feel depressed/tired/anxious for even a minute".

 

[Pillthrill]

I had the worst fucking come down ever the other day. (I didn't last very long. There is ALWAYS an excuse huh?) Just unable to get out of bed once I laid down. My whole body ached. (I wasn't the only one to feel that way after smoking it either. The person I was with told me he felt like shit too after a few hours.) But perhaps that is what I really needed to turn me off enough. I don't need that crap. I currently don't wanna touch it with a 10 foot pole.

 

[shith3ad]

I had the worst fucking come down ever the other day. (I didn't last very long. There is ALWAYS an excuse huh?) Just unable to get out of bed once I laid down. My whole body ached. (I wasn't the only one to feel that way after smoking it either. The person I was with told me he felt like shit too after a few hours.) But perhaps that is what I really needed to turn me off enough. I don't need that crap. I currently don't wanna touch it with a 10 foot pole.

to each his own but sounds like you havent ever had good stuff.....

 

[gorgoroth]

stay strong comrades
I am at a good point with my methamphetamine/dexamphetamine addiction.
If yee needs someone to talk to, I'm no Einstein but I'm sure I could help somehow .

 

[Colmes]

Amphetamines and methylphenidate pretend to be your best friend. College work not only becomes interesting, you actually get it done. You think you have finally found that hiding pharmacutical that YOU needed to give you the energy you felt you should always have.

Your best friend ends up stabbing you in the back, each comedown is a reminder of the last 8 hours being nothing but fiction, and a chemically induced sense of well being.

I managed to quit, provigil helped when I couldnt get out of bed, when I was so fucking miserable about everything.

I lost a lot because of amphetamines, but ya know whats funny? I got into my college of choice - too bad I can't use anymore.

If there is a hell, it may as well just be the worst part of come-down for all eternity.

Any of you facing it, its SO hard, it seems impossible. And whenever you feel up to it, nothing is there to stop you, the implusions are too strong. You must remind yourself of all the horrible shit, only thing that got me off them.

I think I still have less energy than before my affair with uppers. It has been over 6 months since i've quit. But...at least I dont have to deal with that dreaded comedown.

 

[Process]

Well I been off speed for 1 month, not even going into rehab yet. I feel good about my looks again. But mental wise I'm scatter brained and energy is gone. I'm taking tons of vitamins i been going to bed at a better time and waking up at 6 am. Still during the afternoon I just want to sleep and forget all the pain.

Anyways hope everyone in this thread the best, off to long beach to skateboard for a bit get a tan.

 

[paranoid android]

Christ i had a horrible fucking night on the dex last night. It brough every problem and every fuckup in my life into cyrstal clear focus. And right now that's a fuckin lot. It turned depression into total despair.

I don't think i'll be touching that until i have something going for me here and im actually in a good mood. Granted the bad memories fade too fast while the very brief good memories stick around.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It took OD'ing for me to finally say goodbye to this shit, even then it wouldn't have stopped me if it hadn't been the very last straw on the camels back. I remember telling leftwing 'I don't even give a fuck, it means nothing to me' after the doc told me I had heart damage from my abuse of this drug, it took 2 weeks of white knuckling it after that before that even started to sink in. It really takes awhile before you can feel anything. I advise forcing yourself to take some time off and telling yourself you'll evaluate it later - I know how hard that it though. What I had to tell myself was - not to enter into any discussion with myself because I can always convince myself to take it - I just have to tell myself 'no' then that's it.

but you came to your senses after that little and realised you did give a shit awesome to know you're still going well footscazy!

the bold - too true. i can't even enter those "if i can justify it" conversations with myself because i know i will somehow find a bullshit excuse of why this one time wont be so bad. sure enough i'll allow myself to use that one time only to feel 1000 times shittier at myself and end up using regularly again.

i spent another weekend clean:D i didnt allow myself to relapse and i've stopped thinking about letting myself relapse for a long while at least. i figure while i'm trying to enter a maintenance program for opiates then why the fuck use meth and possibly end up on a path of destruction again with it while i'm trying to help myself out with another drug.

 

[Selfmeditaker]

Your story sounds like mine - except I stopped before I tried meth. I hope you can find your way out, yourself... good luck : )

Thank you for your encouargement! I wish I had stopped like you did but unfortunetly could not But there is still hope, there is always hope!

I hope everybody is hanging in there and good evening to all!

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I saw my guy today and he told me he did "not like" the way I look, too thin completely exhausted and worn out and made me promise him I would go to sleep as soon as I left. I really thought he wasn't going to give me the shit.

I've been smoking half an ounce for the past few weeks which is not a lot for most addicts I guess but unheard of for me... I've been trying to not use on my day off but I can't do it anymore, I don't function at all and will get nothing done, I can't fucking stay awake for more than few hours, the depression is so severe I almost don't feel safe, I get migraines and can't stop eating and the worst body aches I've ever had. I've gone through enough detoxes I know what to expect after 6 and 1/2 years of daily coke/meth abuse but the way it has been recently is worse than it has EVER been. And for some reason I am the least concerned about my use than ever... the moments of me freaking out about how I'm never going to be clean are completely gone, all I can see is me using this drug for the rest of my life, it's my life partner now more than it has ever been.

 

[shith3ad]

Well I been off speed for 1 month, not even going into rehab yet. I feel good about my looks again. But mental wise I'm scatter brained and energy is gone. I'm taking tons of vitamins i been going to bed at a better time and waking up at 6 am. Still during the afternoon I just want to sleep and forget all the pain.

Anyways hope everyone in this thread the best, off to long beach to skateboard for a bit get a tan.

where you skating at in long beach, it sucks here...lol

 

[footscrazy]

I've been smoking half an ounce for the past few weeks which is not a lot for most addicts I guess but unheard of for me... I've been trying to not use on my day off but I can't do it anymore, I don't function at all and will get nothing done, I can't fucking stay awake for more than few hours, the depression is so severe I almost don't feel safe, I get migraines and can't stop eating and the worst body aches I've ever had. I've gone through enough detoxes I know what to expect after 6 and 1/2 years of daily coke/meth abuse but the way it has been recently is worse than it has EVER been. And for some reason I am the least concerned about my use than ever... the moments of me freaking out about how I'm never going to be clean are completely gone, all I can see is me using this drug for the rest of my life, it's my life partner now more than it has ever been.

Not good You prob already know this but I think right now you need to focus on staying as healthy as you can while you're still using - are you taking lots of supplements/multivitamins? (I think I remember that magnesium and B vitamins are the best for meth users though I can't quite remember).

Don't lose hope. I don't think you've completely given up otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. Don't give yourself unrealistic goals, maybe quitting isn't feasible right now. But maybe you could set yourself a small goal that you can achieve, even if it is just sleeping every day, using no more than 1g a day, anything you think you can achieve. Or maybe worrying about quitting is just putting more stress on you than you need - I think you should always stay mindful of what you're doing, but maybe you give yourself a date, two weeks- one month away where you'll review your decision, and at least try not to increase your use til then.

i spent another weekend clean i didnt allow myself to relapse and i've stopped thinking about letting myself relapse for a long while at least. i figure while i'm trying to enter a maintenance program for opiates then why the fuck use meth and possibly end up on a path of destruction again with it while i'm trying to help myself out with another drug.

Yaaay I'm so happy you didn't get on again! I was sad to see you thought you'd use again soon, that's so good you were able to pull yourself out of the mindset. That wouldn't be easy for me, what I've been realising is that for me at least, relapsing starts a long time before I thought it did. I've been trying to catch those sort of thoughts in myself really early, because by the time it gets to 'I think I'm going to use again', I'm already 80% of the way there.

 

[DexysMidnightRuner]

hey, i'm kinda new i guess ha. ive been clean from amphetamines for 4 months and a day. and i HATE it. its the harderst thing ive had to do. i mean yeah you slowly get back your very low joy qualities back..but only to a degree. i still feel like this is all fake..that with certain people there is still that vail in front of my face but its not there now..just everything feels like it is. idk if that made any fucking sence ha. but as of right now, i;m seeing no gain from this quitting act. the friends i "lost" when i started using still dont wanna chill..so why, who fucking cares. i wiiiish i could just rail a 30 right now. IM SICK OF BEING FUCKING TIRED! i cant do anything. and it blows. and i dont know what to do. ive got it down to bud, ciggs(which i just started to help with the cravings) and an "occasional" drink here and there.


my main question is WILL I EVER BE NORMAL again? I'm isck of feelining like shit!

 

[Jabberwocky]

another week clean, booyeah. no cravings and no real thoughts through the week of wanting to do it