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Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

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footscrazy said:
I'm not sure what you mean by this. Decisions have consequences, and maybe you can learn to live with them or they make you a stronger person in the end, but they could also have negative consequences. To a certain level I think it's important to predict the consequences of your actions, and make decisions that you think will be the best for you. As a recovering meth addict myself I couldn't conceptualise a choice to use a stimulant drug again to not really matter in the end. In fact, I think it would greatly alter the course of my life.

I do apologise if this isn't what you were getting at.
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Thanks for feedback. Footscrazy you are right on by catching onto my language of addiction. In fact I had to clean up my post after I first wrote it, trying to sound as inconspicuous as possible. Looking for permission, of course..

Incidentally I read this a few days ago and the only thing I listened to was Legerity saying that Dexedrine helped him. I selectively did NOT remember him saying that he also abused it!

Decisions have consequences. TBH if it doesn't happen I'll totally get over it- and probably be grateful. If I DO get it then I might have a problem on my hands! I need to play the tape through some more.

To be fair I'm pretty motivated right now. I'm still practicing meditation daily and one effect is creating an environment of subtlety in my body. This became very apparent today. I take Wellbutrin 200mg and as it "kicked in" I could actually feel it! Today I have been working on my objective non-stop! If it's not broke, don't fix it??

Even if I presented in court, prescribed psychoactive substances (taking properly or not) will lower the judge's opinion of me I would guess. In an ideal situation I prefer to have the CLEANEST presentation as possible.

So, more tape-playing ...
 
Mami.....

My opinion is that if you choose to ask for a medication, please go for a low to moderate dosage, not the highest one. Try to not leave much room for error, just in case you may begin to abuse the medication.

If you don't, and things go well, you can always ask for a reasonable increase. It's much better to err on the side of caution. :)
 
thatguy1243 said:
How long have you been taking wellbutrin? do you feel that its's effects act as a postivie anti-depressant or a sufficient subistitue to the "kick" crystal users tend to lean towards? Would you say that this is positive or negative for a former meth user such as myself? What have been some of the effects its had on your life? Has it made it better?
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I can respond to this because i've seen a few questions recently on BL about Wellbutrin. Plus i think there is some value for those with Amphetamine as DOC, so it's related.

In what way are you addicted to it? I.E. thoughts, cravings, overtaking it? I think as long as the same dose is taken every day, that is an awesome success story how well it is working for you.. very positive! Meth and other amps lend to abuse and extremely negative effects in our lives. I don't see that potential with Wellbutrin, am i right?

I only have my own experience. I've taken it consistently for 2 months. While I never noticed the effects directly, I sure never forgot to take it past 2pm- I'm not sure what this means exactly.. either it really IS noticeable OR because my DOCs are mostly prescription pills, I could be conditioned by the act of taking pills (any pill), which provides me some dopamine release. I think it has made my life better. I don't have a control model to compare myself to -- I have a lot of confounding factors (quitting Paxil, quitting Klonopin, quitting Adderall, quitting cannabis, beginning Meditation, beginning a daily routine/commitment IRL) but one thing I noticed that is brand new since Wellbutrin- sustained energy all.day. Nothing euphoric, simply the lack of need to "lie down and rest a bit". Previously to WB, this tendency of lethargy I have always found very stressful and contributed to my depression as well.
Best to you.

Also, TY C.H, Noted!
 
Post-appointment update

Yesterday was the appointment. I got prescribed the Vyvanse. Turns out my insurance needs a few days to process it... today I took advantage of that lapse and talked to my psychologist about how I'm afraid of making a Bad Choice in doing this. I'm completely honest with her so she is able to actually help.

Friday night I noticed that a single beer or 2 (I have a few times a week) didn't "work" for me anymore a.k.a. get me 'high'. Saturday night I went to the e.r. for vicodin and i overtook it. I thought that vicodin would get me high, it didn't. Monday I'm prescribed the stimulant, but I intervened with the help of my therapist and taking baby steps in following my conscience.

really all I had to do was visualize the following scenario and from there it seemed much, much easier to actualize:

I called the nurse today, told her that I didn't want to take a stimulant, that I had read up on Vyvanse.

Done and done. I'll get over it. No new problems needed.
 
Mami, it sounds like you made the right decision! That can't have been easy, good work :) <3

It is far better to be entirely honest with your psychologist or doctor, if at all possible, so they can really help you.. and it sounds like avoiding amphetamines altogether is definitely the best plan for you :)
 
Awesome work mami. I can imagine it'd be very difficult to go back at the point you did, so you should be congratulated on your strength and resolve.
 
I have no idea why but I received an sms from someone tonight telling me they have stuff after many months of not having it. Any how last year in December I had the dumb idea of getting some meth for my mate's b'day. He had never really used the drug and I hadn't really either besides 2 - 4 times. We were the best of drinking and mdma buddies. Although we stopped taking pills many years ago. So the night was festive and I managed to get an 8 ball thinking it would be enough to share around. Sure enough it was and it was also enough to hook us in.

Over the next few months our frequency ranged from 1 times a week to 2 times a week. My sleep patterns became ruined and I noticed myself getting more and more depressed and knew it was because of it yet I chose to ignore it as it made me happy when on it. Some how I justified the pay off as being worthwhile. Bad mistake from my behalf as since quitting it I haven't felt mentally as strong and needed to up my anti depressant medication. It's not to say I don't know how to perform well still at other things and for a fact I finished my Masters of Business whilst using this drug infrequently.

Any how now after not using it for months - roughly 5 - 6 the offer has come once again. I feel like saying no as it's the right thing to do and I have a bright future ahead and yet this other part of me, the part which is constantly not elevated, bored and depressed says go and do it once more. And this is the part which daunts me.

All I can say is this drug was one hell of a drug. More so because it boosted your daily life or your entertainment and thus it was hard to wean off. Lucky enough we were sticking to doing it once a week besides the few occasions where it was 2 times a week. They were as some people would suggest fun times but depressing as well, as we weren't getting the best out of ourselves but rather the worst :(
 
noonoo

Keep your mind focused on your long-term goals, your schooling/education/work, family life, etc.

Before you know it, I am sure the boredom and depression will subside. :)

If it doesn't, it's important to ask yourself - did I feel this way before using? If so, going to a doctor or therapist (or both) can help out a lot.

Finally, if you did not feel this way before, but it doesn't go away after months/years, then it is possible that you have become depressed now. I'm not sure if there would be any different approach you could take other than seeing the doctor and/or a therapist, however, all of these are great ideas for alleviating boredom and depression:

exercise, indoors or outdoors
spending time with family
volunteering for your community (it may sound cheesy but it's not)
read a book (particularly one that captures your interest)
finding time for yourself every day to sit back, and be able to praise yourself for your accomplishments. Finishing a masters in Business must have taken a lot of dedication. :)
 
im still clean from meth. its a miracle. 6 months, babyyy! i miss the high somedays...but i really dont wanna do it anymore. i fear that the next time i use, i will go crazy and end up in a psych ward [its happned before] or worse...jail/prison for a LONG time. its just not worth it anymore to me...

my doctor just prescribed me lamictal. im a little worried...because i was on it in the past and it made me feel up, wired, awake, almost tweaked out. when i was on it before, i didnt sleep at.all. it gave me alot of energy i never felt tired and thats why i got off it...but im pickin up my script tomorrow so i guess we'll see if it will effect me the same as it did in the past :/
 
godlovesugly said:
im still clean from meth. its a miracle. 6 months, babyyy! i miss the high somedays...but i really dont wanna do it anymore. i fear that the next time i use, i will go crazy and end up in a psych ward [its happned before] or worse...jail/prison for a LONG time. its just not worth it anymore to me...

my doctor just prescribed me lamictal. im a little worried...because i was on it in the past and it made me feel up, wired, awake, almost tweaked out. when i was on it before, i didnt sleep at.all. it gave me alot of energy i never felt tired and thats why i got off it...but im pickin up my script tomorrow so i guess we'll see if it will effect me the same as it did in the past :/
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Did you share this idea with your doctor? I'm sure he can find something else without these side effects.

It doesn't sound like you had an ideal reaction to the medication to me. It's up to you what to do though. :)

Congrats on being clean for 6 months! I know now that you've gotten to this point you must feel pretty accomplished. :D
 
Still haven't done it. 3.5 years now. I've had a couple offers but declined, as I am now on Ritalin (I actually do have ADD) and although it has its downsides, I feel better than I did when I used.

Got heavily triggered a handful of times, one of which was this past week. I'll spare the details but it was something I saw that created in me the brief desire to use. Yet I did not use. I wouldn't say I had a problem with it, more like a brief love affair that didn't trainwreck as badly as it could have. I consider myself lucky for at least that. It's in the past where it belongs.

Congrats to all who are abstaining. Keep up the good work.
 
Methamphetamine problem

I smoke lots of crystal. But the sad part is, I want more for my life. I want to get married, have kids, but I'm 22, and I've been dancing with the devils dust since I was 13. I don't even know how to get motivated? Any ideas? realistically
 
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Get a hobby. Seriously. My passionate hobbies have kept me going over the years. Going to club meetings, discussing online with fellow hobbyists, arranging get togethers of the locals. In my case it was trading one addiction for the other, but the hobby addiction at least surrounded me with wholesome friends and a safe topic for my passions. You're 22 so you've got shitloads of time. Don't feel rushed to "be" anything. Just putter along slowly going forwards. Two steps forward, one step back but KEEP WALKING.
 
I have abused benzos for 10 years, opiates for 5. During the worst years I included horrific self injury (cutting) to the point they wanted to do skin grafts on my legs. The depression I was self medicating with the benzos nearly killed me. A lot of police in my house, a dozens and dozens of ER visits fucking bonkers on benzos and bleeding like a stuck pig. Several psych wards stays, a lot of wrestling with hospital security....this went on for years, however the tiny part in side of me who wanted to keep fighting kept trying every goddamn psych drug out there. Eventually we started seeing progress after I fired the shittiest, most dangerous psychiatrist I've ever seen and got myself a new one with brains. I slogged forward for years. I still have bumps in the road, and I still drink poppyseed tea occasionally, but the scarring all over my body has faded and I am slowly planning potential careers. I'm 29, and completely lost my 20s to madness, with benzos playing a huge part in it.

After something major last year I was sectioned for 2.5 weeks in a psych ward. Late one night I tied a noose to my bed and dropped into it. Suddenly, I had this thought that if I died, I might miss something like an interesting documentary. A completely ludicrous thought, who fucking cares about missing a TV show? but it was suddenly extremely important to me. I sat back up, caught my breath, went to bed and handed the noose in in the morning. It killed something within myself I think that needed to die. A while later I was released from hospital, on even better meds, and I now continue to walk forwards.
 
I edited the thread title and the first post because it might possibly have been triggering for other users. I hope you understand. Good luck with your problem, there's plenty of people here with the experience to help you.
 
Since this is potentially triggering, and since we have a huge methamphetamine thread already going, I'm going to merge this into there. That should give it some good visibility to those who know meth best.

:)
 
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