Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

[Outofclosetlurker]

^ That's great news hun. I'm so glad to hear it. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[Sweet P]

Thanks, I need all the positive thoughts I can get!

I'm craving sooo badly right now.

 

[Vladimir777]

I had a lot of problems going to sleep last night because I was just thinking about shooting up meth. Sometimes I think to myself oh you won't have to suffer from withdrawals, so if you end up using meth it will be better than heroin. But I realize I'd just inevitably stay up way too long and feel like complete crap, and undoubtedly want some opiates for that comedown. I always wanted to shoot up meth since I had done coke and heroin and needed to see what that meth rush was like, but I don't know if it was worth the cravings thinking about it....

 

[jspun]

I've been away from this forum for a while. I had a year clean on 9/3/09 and almost 7/24- if you look back you can see my struggles. Alot of people reached out including Alex (aka) Gorgothroth, Sweet P, the girl whose name I spaced but is in an auz jail right now, actually 2 oz girls bith from the melbourne area. point is that this is a supportive board. Anyway I moved 2 a new house and got a job, both hella big stresses. Didn't relapse. But I was so depressed in september that I got on suboxone (to be used as an antidepressant although the doc was Rx it for opiate maintenance), and xanax. The xanax helped with crippling panic attacks that came especially oct, nov, and dec. I have been trying to taper but the dose I use is perfect for me now ( 2 mg tid) sometimes 8 mg/ day depending how stressful, 30 mg temazepam to sleep (can't sleep without it), and my bupe dose went from 4 mg/ day to 24, back down to 8 mg for dec, january, back up to 32 mg lately. The bupe has helped tremendously for depression.

Found a psychiatrist back in nov because I was convinced i had ADHD. She wouldn't give adderal but gave bupropion and klonopin for sleep ( I mentioned panic attacks). On follow up she took my vitals ( I was moving that day and had my 2 year old daughter with me)- they were 168 sys. She asked what do they normally run- I said 120s. She said what might be causing this- I told her that I was in the process of miving (told her for the third time- that day) and had to take time off for this stupid appointement. Anyway she Rx zoloft which doesn't help me, I've tried SSRI for years, more wellnutrin which I stoped taking and that helped the anxiety- never helped me focus much, and found a doc that i had as a primary years ago and understands certain people need agressive treatment for panic disorder.

Still go to meetings, still consider myself clean, still no meth or any illegal drugs. I wonder if this guy will Rx dexies but getting depreession/panic disorder is my first concern. My cousins kids are on dexedrine extended release and i texted her because i needed energy yesterday but she wouldn'y kick down because there insurance is running out- cobra is $500.00/modecide if I do haventh but they can't afford (I offered to chip in with my wife 100 but she says that b/w her caregiver job and husbands disability they make more than we do.

I'm getting way off track- I'll see this psychiatrist, hopefully he can help with my panic disorder, give me something like halcion for my early morning awakenings, take the time to listen to me- maybe if I do have ADHD and give me adderal, dex , ritaLIN, STRATERA, WHATEVER works, i have trouble multitasking.

This is something for you guys to think about with all the hysteria about meths long term effects. I had a patient 2 weeks ago (Im an RN) who had been smoking meth or snorting it for 23 years. His brain was completely intact. He had some depression- he was homeless but none of the long term tweeker stuff I hear in the media. With a drug that effects your cognition memory and otherwise i know of 2 that I have seen clear anecdotal evidence of- PCP and alcohol. I've seen many alcoholics that show symptoms resembling early alzheimers- people in there 50s 10 years after they stoped 20- 30 year runs.
For this reason i think that dexedrine maintenance is a good thing, there is actual stuff in the literature that it works, and the swiss we have a heroin Rx scheme have been experimenting with cocaine Rx.

After taking 5 bars and 60 mg temazpam, waking up at 0300 and taking 3 mg more xanax, the dexies would have sure hit the spot- instead slept until 1430. Luckily my daughter was with relatives.

Sorry for the long rambling self serving post, its good to see you guys.

 

[Sweet P]

^ It's good to hear from you! And I'm glad you're keeping away from meth.

I had an appointment with my GP today, because I'm going through severe PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) after being clean off meth for over two weeks. I've been suffering from anhedonia, cravings, poor memory, bad concentration, social isolation, and all those nasties. He gave me a prescription for Zyban (Wellbutrin) as an experiment to see if it helps to ease my symptoms. Zyban's a norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibiter, and I'm hoping it will have some positive effects since those are the two main receptors which meth works on.

 

[Sweet P]

I feel a bit ashamed to admit this, but I've lapsed again this evening. Emptied out my bank account and bought a bag of meth. The PAWS were becoming too much for me to cope with. But I've decided that my slip-up will only be for tonight... if there's any drugs left in the bag tomorrow, I'll try to flush it or something. I'll be starting my first dose of Zyban/Wellbutrin in the morning anyway, and from what I've read, it's not wise to use amphetamines while taking that medication.

 

[Vladimir777]

I feel a bit ashamed to admit this, but I've lapsed again this evening. Emptied out my bank account and bought a bag of meth. The PAWS were becoming too much for me to cope with. But I've decided that my slip-up will only be for tonight... if there's any drugs left in the bag tomorrow, I'll try to flush it or something. I'll be starting my first dose of Zyban/Wellbutrin in the morning anyway, and from what I've read, it's not wise to use amphetamines while taking that medication.

Sorry to hear, Sweet P, but I've relapsed so many times on H I can't even count 'em. I feel like I beat myself up about it so much when I shouldn't. As long as your heart is in quitting, you will quit. I've got to not get myself down over every little slip-up (without using this excuse to justify future relapses). Hopefully the new medication you're starting can help some.

 

[Sweet P]

^ Well put. Yes, quitting meth is definitely in my heart. I've reached my expiry date with that drug, and I need to stop using it. It'll be interesting to see if the new medication helps... I imagine I may need to take it for a week or more before I actually notice the effects.

 

[dr_improper]

I think the word that best sums up tweak to me is..fraud. Everything about it is so superficial and fake. From the "deep" conversations you have under the influence, to your warped personality it creates/ that feeling you have of being a social butterfly..none of it has any substance, its so shallow. I really dislike it all..

 

[Sweet P]

I'm nearly a week clean after another small lapse. But since then my doc has prescribed me bupropion (Zyban/Wellbutrin), and I gotta say, it's helping a lot with the PAWS I've been struggling to deal with. I'm still feeling pretty anhedonic, tired and unmotivated, but my cravings have reduced significantly. I'd strongly recommend bupriopion to any meth addict going through the same shit. It's not a total solution, but it helps.

 

[footscrazy]

^ That's good to hear. I did suggest it to my doc but she was of the opinion that it was best to try and let my brain take a break off any chemicals, especially since I'm not even depressed. But the PAWS just kill me, even after quitting for 4 months (the longest I've gone) I didn't feel a significant improvement in them. Anhedonia, unmotivated, tired all the time. Maybe I could give wellbutrin a try, even though I do hate anti depressants.
Keep us updated Sweet P

 

[Sweet P]

^ I understand your doctor's opinion, but you could try explaining that the bupropion actually isn't introducing more chemicals into your brain... it's just inhibiting the reuptake of chemicals which your brain is probably seriously lacking, due to the meth abuse.

 

[vertigo8]

Originally Posted by ahlongsan
I'm planning on taking up a PADI diving lesson( something i always wanted to do but have never got around to it due to ....u know time spent chasing after some shitty monkey......and as for new friends i guess i still have all my old friends from work( not users and no ideal i use at all) and i'm surely gonna make new ones discovering the underwater world right??

Dude, once you are underwater a whole new world, dare i say, almost alienlike opens up to you. You will be fascinated by the many assorted types of marine life and corals and SCUBA is definitely the ultimate high in the world, better than any drug when you find yourself connecting with the underwater lifeforms. I hope you have a blast during your diving adventures. I know i did

 

[n3ophy7e]

footscrazy, from what I've read (and you've probably gathered the same thing), Wellbutrin is one of the least intrusive anti-depressants and can be of massive help with PAWS, as Sweet P is already finding, even after being on the wellbutrin for only a short period of time. Sounds like it is definitely worth discussing it with your doctor again

 

[dizzychainsaw]

Hi everyone-


I relapsed last night and have yet to go to sleep. All it took was a moment of weakness to put me right back at square one. I thought that I could just do a little and have everything be 'normal' but of course that's not the case.

I don't understand why I did the shit when I have been clean for a while now. Honestly, I was frustrated with other deals falling through so I said screw it I'll take whatever I can get.Definitely not the smartest idea.

I'm in the doghouse right now. I have to sleep on the couch. My boyfriend, who is totally against meth, confronted me about being fucked up when he got home. At first I tried to deny it but I ended up telling the truth because there's no way of hiding that I'm high

Honestly, I don't miss it.So why do I continue to do it????? That is the million dollar question. It makes my back hurt and I have a headache from being on the computer for literally a whole day. I missed work because I hate driving and going to work like this. I hate the paranoia and feeling aggravated and bored and wanting to go to sleep but not being able to.

I have worked fairly hard to get my life straight and be a good person but it seems like I am destined to be a screw up. I don't want to lose everything I've worked for over a drug. It's just not worth it. I need to retrain my brain because currently it will make any excuse it needs to to get fucked up.
Just when I thought I was done with it, here I am again guilty and lonely. I should be in bed with my man not on the couch alone all tweaked out.
Any advice? Comments? Suggestions?

 

[Sweet P]

^ Have you ever seen a drug counsellor? Mine has been really helpful. Without her help and support, I doubt I would have been able to quit my daily meth habit. It's very hard to do alone. Try finding some support if you can.

BTW, I'm totally with you on hating to drive while high. I keep thinking every car behind me is a cop.

 

[dizzychainsaw]

I started going to a substance abuse clinic but I didn't feel like it was necessary for me to do everything they wanted me to do. There was meetings three times a week and they last for two hours. On top of that you are supposed to attend NA several times a week and take random drug screens. I was worried about pissing dirty and it getting back to my probation officer. I don't feel like I can get real help without being able to be completely honest in the program. If my probation officer were monitoring me, I would be too paranoid to be honest in fear that if I screwed up my probation would be revoked and I would end up in jail.

 

[Sweet P]

I started going to a substance abuse clinic but I didn't feel like it was necessary for me to do everything they wanted me to do. There was meetings three times a week and they last for two hours. On top of that you are supposed to attend NA several times a week and take random drug screens. I was worried about pissing dirty and it getting back to my probation officer. I don't feel like I can get real help without being able to be completely honest in the program. If my probation officer were monitoring me, I would be too paranoid to be honest in fear that if I screwed up my probation would be revoked and I would end up in jail.

Whoa, that sounds harsh. I have two half-hour meetings with my counsellor each week, and being a public health service, there's no way they could force me to attend a religious/spiritual organisation (like NA). Unfortunately I'll probably have to start having regular drug screens as part of my court sentence... I'm feeling rather paranoid about that too.

 

[dizzychainsaw]

My knees look purple and bruised. I guess I have vasoconstriction. I still can't sleep. This sucks. I just want to go to sleep and wake up feeling normal. I should have never messed with the stuff!

 

[Jabberwocky]

thought i would check in.

just about (a few weeks off) 3 months clean from IV meth i've had the urge to do some mdma lately but given the circumstances on australian pills at the moment i've opted to buy a gram of mephedrone to feed my cactii

i haven't picked up a needle in just over 3 weeks now but i'll be IVing some of the meph to see how it compares to low dose IV mdma/mda and meth.

my birthday is the 31st of this month so i may choose to use some meth if i haven't any meph left over. i'll see how it goes and how my morphine stockpile is. no real desire to use meth but i like to keep my options open.