Lifeandtimes
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2010
- Messages
- 280
for realz?
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread
- Thread starter panic in paradise
- Start date
- Status
for realz?
sheetmetaler
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2010
- Messages
- 4
new here but ive been reading for a few days and found here just how screwed up my addiction really is.
ive been using street crank/meth/shards/ daily for over a year now.... it started as a weekend thing here and there for partying but then found out really quickly that going to work while on it is almost undetectable to anyone and my work ethic quickly became an example to other employees. i was promoted. given 2 raises that were totally unobtainable before amphetamines. i tried adderall and i feel that same feeling on that as well it just isnt as easy to get as the other crap. i only snort and my nose is in horrible shape but i refuse to IV and smoking at work is not an option. im restricted to using while in the bathroom stall. I dont get any euphoric or any "on top of the world" feelings anymore after a year but just getting up and going to work and working 10-15 hours a day without any complaints and totally focussing on everything i do is what keeps me on it. i tried giving it up and its totally do-able because i dont really have any withdrawls other than what seems like extreme fatigue and lack of motivation to work at all! so i dont know what to do here. i know the thing to do is quit but everyone knows u cant quit unless u want to. so basically im in a neverending loop that is going to eventually ruin my life... if not end it! i dont know the reason for me adding this... but im the only person other than my dealer that knows about it. and i feel like getting it off my chest. ive lost 15 lbs also and have maintained my weight since like the 2nd month of daily use with no problems. i try and use it as healthily as possibly constantly maintaining my weight and caloric intake... and also my water intake. i also found that milk thistle really seemed to help with the liver pains (acute hepatitis) i was having from the low grade or possibly just the meth itself period. Anyway... im a prime example of a functioning addict and i agree wholeheartedly that i am.... but i hope anyone that reads this also knows that even functioning while on it i wish i never tried the stuff. i get depressed, i look at my wife and think to myself how lucky i am to have her and how stupid i am that im killing myself and how much im going to hurt my family and her when i die (because theres no ifs about it) our bodies (liver and heart especially) are not made to endure long term what these chemicals do to it. there are days where i have to close my eyes and breathe long and slow to myself to try and calm my heart rate down just enough so that the chest pains go away and i dont go into cardiac arrest!... its crazy. i regret everything.
ive been using street crank/meth/shards/ daily for over a year now.... it started as a weekend thing here and there for partying but then found out really quickly that going to work while on it is almost undetectable to anyone and my work ethic quickly became an example to other employees. i was promoted. given 2 raises that were totally unobtainable before amphetamines. i tried adderall and i feel that same feeling on that as well it just isnt as easy to get as the other crap. i only snort and my nose is in horrible shape but i refuse to IV and smoking at work is not an option. im restricted to using while in the bathroom stall. I dont get any euphoric or any "on top of the world" feelings anymore after a year but just getting up and going to work and working 10-15 hours a day without any complaints and totally focussing on everything i do is what keeps me on it. i tried giving it up and its totally do-able because i dont really have any withdrawls other than what seems like extreme fatigue and lack of motivation to work at all! so i dont know what to do here. i know the thing to do is quit but everyone knows u cant quit unless u want to. so basically im in a neverending loop that is going to eventually ruin my life... if not end it! i dont know the reason for me adding this... but im the only person other than my dealer that knows about it. and i feel like getting it off my chest. ive lost 15 lbs also and have maintained my weight since like the 2nd month of daily use with no problems. i try and use it as healthily as possibly constantly maintaining my weight and caloric intake... and also my water intake. i also found that milk thistle really seemed to help with the liver pains (acute hepatitis) i was having from the low grade or possibly just the meth itself period. Anyway... im a prime example of a functioning addict and i agree wholeheartedly that i am.... but i hope anyone that reads this also knows that even functioning while on it i wish i never tried the stuff. i get depressed, i look at my wife and think to myself how lucky i am to have her and how stupid i am that im killing myself and how much im going to hurt my family and her when i die (because theres no ifs about it) our bodies (liver and heart especially) are not made to endure long term what these chemicals do to it. there are days where i have to close my eyes and breathe long and slow to myself to try and calm my heart rate down just enough so that the chest pains go away and i dont go into cardiac arrest!... its crazy. i regret everything.
ahlongsan
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2009
- Messages
- 37
howdy mates,
i have not posted for a while now coz i've been spending all my free time either trying to score some shards or loading them into a pipe
i used to have a H habit but have been clean for years and then next thing i know( i moved to a new working location) the in thing here is crystals so anyway i tried it once and then once more and then it's like a daily thing now......or rather it's been daily till about 4 days ago...so yeah clean for 4 days now and the cravings if any is not really that bad all i feel is a bit tired, slack, lazy and no motivation.....but it's not as bad as my H w/d ten years before....no shaking or pain in the joints or running nose.
thing is this have been a fairly common for me to stop for a few days or weeks and then suddenly the craving surfaces..it's like it was never there till it sufaces and i NEED a big hit on the pipe there and then......this have been a never ending cycle which i'm trying to stop.
my question is does anyone here feels the same?? as in like no cravings at all and then suddenly the CRAVING just kicks in one day and u've got to have it???
at the moment my life is still intact but i fear that if i do not kick this meth monkey off my back it'll eventually ruin me for sure
Any advise??? please help
Cheers,
i have not posted for a while now coz i've been spending all my free time either trying to score some shards or loading them into a pipe
i used to have a H habit but have been clean for years and then next thing i know( i moved to a new working location) the in thing here is crystals so anyway i tried it once and then once more and then it's like a daily thing now......or rather it's been daily till about 4 days ago...so yeah clean for 4 days now and the cravings if any is not really that bad all i feel is a bit tired, slack, lazy and no motivation.....but it's not as bad as my H w/d ten years before....no shaking or pain in the joints or running nose.
thing is this have been a fairly common for me to stop for a few days or weeks and then suddenly the craving surfaces..it's like it was never there till it sufaces and i NEED a big hit on the pipe there and then......this have been a never ending cycle which i'm trying to stop.
my question is does anyone here feels the same?? as in like no cravings at all and then suddenly the CRAVING just kicks in one day and u've got to have it???
at the moment my life is still intact but i fear that if i do not kick this meth monkey off my back it'll eventually ruin me for sure
Any advise??? please help
Cheers,
crazyhairman
Bluelighter
it sucks but u relly just gotta tuff it out . it was sooo hard for me to say no and actully not do any for a long time, all my friends were into it. it was fun but it made me suffer twice as much as it did make me feel good . time helps , because now 3-4 years after i can barly remeber the rush , i just made myself associate it with bad times even though at the time i was having the time of my life. u just gotta stay clean man its powerful but we know u can do it - im telling u time helps, but also i know ppl that just got burned out on it . like they would try and quit time after time but only when there life changed and subconsously made that mental change they never touched it again. but it just gos to show u that u can quit all u want but untill u make that menal change and acctully 100% want it out of ur life u will have the best chance of never relapsing . u can do it time helps its going to be hard but its sooo worth it, just talking about this brings tiers to my eyes tiers that for me its over i dont ever have to feind again over that stuff but so many others that still stuggle with addiction, so many of my friends that will never be the same, so many broken dreams, but it dosent have to be that way . just dont give up stop wile u still can or have sumthing to stop for no one blames u - addiction can happen to anyone u can do it
speedy-jay
Greenlighter
i did cocaince for about 3 years befor i did speed
i never thought id do meth but i loved coke so much but i hated paying so much for it so i went to ice instead. cheaper and more bang for the buck
2 years after that i have no idea what the hell is going on in my life and feel like im living in a completely different reality then everyone else (most likely due to psychosis)
i wish i could get the willpower/motivation to quit
i never thought id do meth but i loved coke so much but i hated paying so much for it so i went to ice instead. cheaper and more bang for the buck
2 years after that i have no idea what the hell is going on in my life and feel like im living in a completely different reality then everyone else (most likely due to psychosis)
i wish i could get the willpower/motivation to quit
BIGsherm7272
Bluelighter
my question is does anyone here feels the same?? as in like no cravings at all and then suddenly the CRAVING just kicks in one day and u've got to have it???
at the moment my life is still intact but i fear that if i do not kick this meth monkey off my back it'll eventually ruin me for sure
Any advise??? please help
Cheers,
I felt the same way when I first went through opiate withdrawals.....It was such a horrible and depressing experience I had virtually no desire to ever use again.....and that went on for a couple weeks. But out of nowhere I found myself craving them so bad for some reason, and rationalized that one more time was ok, and.......well you know what happens.
dizzychainsaw
Bluelighter
I hope I don't relapse ever again. How do I stay clean? It's easy right now since I don't have any connections but what happens when I inevitably hear from one of my old drug buddies? How do I say no instead of the usual well one more time will be ok? Obviously my abuse of meth has gotten out of hand since I have ended up in the hospital the past two times I have gone on a run!
I have been sleeping 12 or more hours a day and have been doing absolutely nothing. I haven't been able to get up early enough to go to the mental health clinic. All I do is eat, sleep, and go to work. My depression and anxiety and paranoia are at all time highs. Not to mention I recently quit drinking after being an alcoholic for at least 7 years and I am still struggling with a painkiller addiction. I feel so frustrated with it all!!!!!
I have been sleeping 12 or more hours a day and have been doing absolutely nothing. I haven't been able to get up early enough to go to the mental health clinic. All I do is eat, sleep, and go to work. My depression and anxiety and paranoia are at all time highs. Not to mention I recently quit drinking after being an alcoholic for at least 7 years and I am still struggling with a painkiller addiction. I feel so frustrated with it all!!!!!
ahlongsan
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2009
- Messages
- 37
howdy again all,
it's been 1 more day without meth and it went fairly easily...hope tomorrow will bring me the same emotional strength.... i supposed we all have to take it one day at a time hey..... i'm just reallly worried about the cravings as and when it comes then it's gonna be like hell
one questions mates, i've heard that magnesium can help but i'm unable to get any for some silly reasons no pharmacy sells them here where i am so question is is there any substitue??? i know bananas have heaps of it but i'm feeling like Monkey man now just crunching on bananas all the time and i have no ideal how many mgs of magnesium there is in each one so i can't really calculate so if anyone out there can advise me on a alternative that's great and will surely be a great help.
Cheers all take care and be safe
it's been 1 more day without meth and it went fairly easily...hope tomorrow will bring me the same emotional strength.... i supposed we all have to take it one day at a time hey..... i'm just reallly worried about the cravings as and when it comes then it's gonna be like hell
one questions mates, i've heard that magnesium can help but i'm unable to get any for some silly reasons no pharmacy sells them here where i am so question is is there any substitue??? i know bananas have heaps of it but i'm feeling like Monkey man now just crunching on bananas all the time and i have no ideal how many mgs of magnesium there is in each one so i can't really calculate so if anyone out there can advise me on a alternative that's great and will surely be a great help.
Cheers all take care and be safe
ahlongsan
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2009
- Messages
- 37
Howdy Sweet P,
I know from my own experience that staying away from these ppls helps for sure.....when i was on H years ago and i decided to w/d my gf ditch my mobile and lock my doors and that's how i finally did it with the H but now i have a bigger problem with meth
When will i ever learn??anyway i've been reading on your progress and pray for you to have the will and strength to get thru it just like myself and so yeah it's 100% a good thing to stay away from these ppl. my prayers are with you tonight..may the lord Buddha bless us with peace and happiness forever and ofcoz the will to kick the fooking meth monkey off our back which brings me to a Queen tune..." I Want To Break Free"
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
"one questions mates, i've heard that magnesium can help but i'm unable to get any for some silly reasons no pharmacy sells them here where i am so question is is there any substitue???"
this was brought up recently...?!? but epson salt is full of Mg, use 2 cups of it in a hot bath, your body absorbs around 4 cups of the water that you bath in so you should get a good dose, enough of one that its dangerous for diabetics as it plays with your glucose levels.
put a few drops of essential oil in a large jar with the salts. i like and not by its self ever, but 5 drops patchouli, 3-5 drops rose otto(that combo is often refereed to as dragons blood) with a drop of vanilla or 2 of tonka bean. frankincense and myrrh is always good, nice, deep, and calming as well. "amber" oil is great, i have my own blend in a 3 oz dropper that has been setting, marinating for over a year.
oh ii could go on but, essential oil's and everything to do with them is a good hobby or medical practice, that takes a lot of patience and love for mundane detail precise attention, very diverting, and therapeutic.
but the epson salts, for magnesium that you should be able to find most any where in a milk carton looking box.
this was brought up recently...?!? but epson salt is full of Mg, use 2 cups of it in a hot bath, your body absorbs around 4 cups of the water that you bath in so you should get a good dose, enough of one that its dangerous for diabetics as it plays with your glucose levels.
put a few drops of essential oil in a large jar with the salts. i like and not by its self ever, but 5 drops patchouli, 3-5 drops rose otto(that combo is often refereed to as dragons blood) with a drop of vanilla or 2 of tonka bean. frankincense and myrrh is always good, nice, deep, and calming as well. "amber" oil is great, i have my own blend in a 3 oz dropper that has been setting, marinating for over a year.
oh ii could go on but, essential oil's and everything to do with them is a good hobby or medical practice, that takes a lot of patience and love for mundane detail precise attention, very diverting, and therapeutic.
but the epson salts, for magnesium that you should be able to find most any where in a milk carton looking box.
ahlongsan
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2009
- Messages
- 37
mates,
i feeling my will slipping right now?? the urge to score is overwhleming.....please lord let me be able to conquer my addictions please...........bad day today woke up with full on 140% cravings......need some now.....but trying hardest not too score......
i feeling my will slipping right now?? the urge to score is overwhleming.....please lord let me be able to conquer my addictions please...........bad day today woke up with full on 140% cravings......need some now.....but trying hardest not too score......
Sweet P
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2009
- Messages
- 5,243
Suffering at the moment... I'm in tears as I'm typing this. My cravings are so bad they're totally off the scale. I'd go score a bag, but I'm broke as fuck, which is leading me to think of all kinds of things I could do to get some fast cash. Fuck I hate this! I feel like I'm going insane.
serendipitous9257
Bluelighter
Sweet P .. Take your own advise - I know easier said than done. But you came to post on here for a reason, a distraction. Is their someone you can call and talk to, even if it's just to distract you long enough to ride it out? Hang in there, you can do it! 
velvetacidchrist
Bluelighter
howdy mates,
i have not posted for a while now coz i've been spending all my free time either trying to score some shards or loading them into a pipe
i used to have a H habit but have been clean for years and then next thing i know( i moved to a new working location) the in thing here is crystals so anyway i tried it once and then once more and then it's like a daily thing now......or rather it's been daily till about 4 days ago...so yeah clean for 4 days now and the cravings if any is not really that bad all i feel is a bit tired, slack, lazy and no motivation.....but it's not as bad as my H w/d ten years before....no shaking or pain in the joints or running nose.
thing is this have been a fairly common for me to stop for a few days or weeks and then suddenly the craving surfaces..it's like it was never there till it sufaces and i NEED a big hit on the pipe there and then......this have been a never ending cycle which i'm trying to stop.
my question is does anyone here feels the same?? as in like no cravings at all and then suddenly the CRAVING just kicks in one day and u've got to have it???
at the moment my life is still intact but i fear that if i do not kick this meth monkey off my back it'll eventually ruin me for sure
Any advise??? please help
Cheers,
I just got out of rehab for a 2 year IV heroin addiction, and on my 30 days of clean I "relapsed" on meth, I've been smoking it nearly every other day since New Year's Eve.
I know what signs of addictions are and they are coming QUICK, I had only ever dabbled in meth here and there before rehab. Now I'm back on using a subtance almost daily, but one I don't even like as much as heroin.
I know what I need to do to stop this, and that's change my # and delete all my dealers #'s, but I haven't found the willpower to do that just yet. I hope things don't get bad quickly...
PLUR2000
Bluelighter
I find this unfair to my experience. I quit a HEAVY speedball habit with a rehab clinic, a good MD... and 2 drugs (narcotic, but life affirming...). Dexedrine Tabs, and klonipan saved me from the hell of shooting oxy and uppers (ie; cocaine and meth)... Dexedrine is recommended on Pubmed as well. IF You can't self- regulate then maybe wellbutrine might help... everyone is different. Stay strong and don't be afraid 2 seek help.
Dopamine_Cowboy
Bluelighter
Dextroamphetamine (prescribed) keeps my cocaine cravings at bay and lets me concentrate on getting other areas of my life in order. And I don't need to dose daily...just knowing I have the d-amp when needed is a relief. Plus I'm not spending chunks of money on sub-par cocaine.
Dr. Funkenstien
Bluelighter
3 days today. why does it feel so much longer? i fucking hate meth
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