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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

It’s worth it to fight for your life because I know if I took myself out, it would only give the devil satisfaction since he’s been trying to kill me for as long as I can remember. Look at how the suicides skyrocketed. Fuck him! When you wake up another day, it pisses him off. I plan on doing that for a long time.
 
Fucked, in a word.

Crack abuse resulted in some pretty severe paranoid delusions and hallucinations over the weekend. This is something that has been going on for years and has got pretty bad over the last few months of relapsing. Have realised the problem needs reporting to the doctor and am in the process of doing this now so I'll just see what happens.
 
THECATINTHEHAT said:
Fucked, in a word.

Crack abuse resulted in some pretty severe paranoid delusions and hallucinations over the weekend. This is something that has been going on for years and has got pretty bad over the last few months of relapsing. Have realised the problem needs reporting to the doctor and am in the process of doing this now so I'll just see what happens.
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I’m sorry that’s happening. Vyvanse years ago had me all paranoid while going through amphetamine psychosis so I can relate in a way.

Yes, get to the doctor ASAP! You’ll be fine. Sending love. 💕 💕 💕

Keep us updated.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
It’s worth it to fight for your life because I know if I took myself out, it would only give the devil satisfaction since he’s been trying to kill me for as long as I can remember. Look at how the suicides skyrocketed. Fuck him! When you wake up another day, it pisses him off. I plan on doing that for a long time.
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You're doing all the right things. Therapy, belief in a high power, helping out people when you can - it all comes back.
 
madness00 said:
You're doing all the right things. Therapy, belief in a high power, helping out people when you can - it all comes back.
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Thank you! Much appreciated! 💓

You better make sure you keep fighting too!! :)
 
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CoastTwoCoast said:
I’m sorry that’s happening. Vyvanse years ago had me all paranoid while going through amphetamine psychosis so I can relate in a way.

Yes, get to the doctor ASAP! You’ll be fine. Sending love. 💕 💕 💕

Keep us updated.
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Feeling a bit better today, head seems slightly less fried than yesterday.

Have kept myself out of trouble for a few days, feels good to be making some progress.
 
Age old question am I depressed or does my life just suck right now??

Trying to be mindful and live in the moment but it’s hard when money is tight not to despair and have anxiety .
 
Larimar said:
Age old question am I depressed or does my life just suck right now??

Trying to be mindful and live in the moment but it’s hard when money is tight not to despair and have anxiety .
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Stress has been consistently linked to depression. Speaking form personal experience my depressive states almost always correlate with not having enough time for responsibilities and the subsequent stress as a result. It could be a chicken or the egg type scenario but know that you're not alone
 
As we know, depression doesn’t have to be caused by anything in particular, it can just hit you like a bus outta nowhere.

However, there can be an external circumstance that causes it. No one can determine the external circumstance that could be depressing you except for you!

I know sometimes I look around and realize I’m surrounded by cunts and that is why my depression/anger may be triggered for that day. It all depends...
 
I am still in what some might call a mixed episode. Very manic but self hating. Self destructive/risk taking on the high side.
 
schizopath said:
Starting medication was a good idea for me but even better was the idea to own up my shit and mistakes and never to feel shamed or stuff for my wants and desires.
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It is all a learning experience toward something greater. It is hard to feel shame because it doesnt let you feel good feelings so I leave that behind too.
 
Damn dude can you see a psychiatrist? I know what mixed states are like. In fact it cost me my job and ended me hospitalized. It could spiral out of control.
 
I had a close call with death. Like a dozen of them.

I don't want help at this point. I just want pills and doctors are a hell I cannot put up with.

I take medication so I can function very rarely now. I am going to run out. It is going to suck.

I don't necessarily want to die but do not care if I do. I know I am burning out and can't do much to stop it. I do not feel in control of it.
 
Yeah it goes without saying the "things can get better" thing. But, it's true. It's a lot of work, hard work, to recover from mental illness and to recover from drug abuse/addiction.

I'm learning about not just taking meds and not doing other drugs but making sure I don't take meds that make my other meds not work, or work a lot less.

The abyss is an abyss. There isn't really a safety net when it comes down to being able to do what you need to in order to create and maintain health. I mean there are hospitals, but people don't usually want to end up there.

There are lots of side things people can do which, in the long run, can matter on a very large scale. If I didn't do Yoga and lift, I'd be much less off. I'm also getting my diet under control, and I can already feel the mental stability as a result. I think that self-discovery and self-actualization are very important, too. Except in extreme and rare cases, people deserve to stand up for their person-hood as equal to all others, regardless of socioeconomic status. I think that there are too many things that pull us down in life for us to be our own enemy. I'm still working on this, a lot.

Yeah it's just pure willpower. Not much else to say on a general level.
 
I want to go to a doctor to get benzos but am having too many mental health issues to want to (vulnerability, doctors suck, etc). I don't think I should take medicine "For the sake of other people" but I like positive social interaction.

Even family is suggesting I go back on medicine. :(

I feel defeated, like my disorder/medicine defines me and it makes me very unhappy.
 
I also tend to know doctors think people asking for benzos = drug seeking. Whereas really benzos would eliminate drug seeking behavior for me and doctors are asses to me normally and I am afraid I will get frustrated and say something that will stick in their mind for the rest of their lives.

I get afraid thinking no doctor will believe/trust/care about me because they are vultures picking at our carcasses for money. Like a junkie with a dead junkie next to him, going through his pockets (wouldn't you? = no I wouldn't, but this is a scene from Naked Lunch, explores nature of determinism... etc)
 
Plenty of okay doctors out there. You're pretty expressive and if you showed your pain on your sleeve i think they'd really try to help you.

Medication, for me, is part of life. I absolutely can not go without it. Some people are like that. It takes a long time to figure it all out but don't think that the medication will define you. If it prevents you from feeling like you'd like to feel, that's another thing. But if it genuinely helps or COULD genuinely help, it's worth a shot.
 
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