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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

schizopath said:
Fuck yes, gonna see the possible new apartment yesterday. From the best part of town and just for 400/month
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Super cheap (here flats are ridiculously expensive).


After a curiously semi-calm stretch of a few weeks it feels like I'm going down a bit again. Slight heaviness of dysthymia, anxiety was alright so far but I just hit my head slightly on the sink while bending down to turn the heater up and got the smallest bump from it - cue health anxiety and worryjng about a brain hemorrhage.
I also got into training a bit and might have become a bit obsessed about calory counting (ridiculously, because I'd need to bulk, I'm skinny as it is). 8 pack in sight, though ;)
Not good.
 
Between probation piss tests, being physically sick, work, out patient rehab, quiting drugs and smoking, and major financial issues. I usually have it together but I've been experiencing slight mood swings. Sick of being in a rut
 
I have a problem with eating food semi-conscious at night, been doing it for a couple of years.

Sometimes I wake up remembering nothing and then see a big pile of sweet wrappers or whatever on the floor next to my bed and then remember.
 
schizopath said:
I fucking hate sleepwalking. Last night I had taken out bacon from the fridge and casually opened it. I cant continue like this.
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Haha! Back when I was addicted to Etizolam, I blacked out and woke up with spaghetti sauce all over me so I must’ve cooked it.

I’m feeling good lately and focused on working out. Sometimes it’s scary as a bipolar person when we feel good because it can turn into a nightmare just as fast. It’s almost like you’re afraid to be happy because you don’t know when the sky will fall.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Haha! Back when I was addicted to Etizolam, I blacked out and woke up with spaghetti sauce all over me so I must’ve cooked it.
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Train your mind in a way that every time you black out, youll cook yourself some meat for the next day... or dont actually.

About a year I was doing benzos and lyrica with a friend. We went to smoke a cig and I had forgotten my keys inside cause I was basically blacked out. Well luckily my row houses back door was open so we crawled through the snow and got in. Then when I stood up I fell down on my drum set and broke them. Ive been basically playing my electric drums without the proper sounds after that..
 
schizopath said:
Train your mind in a way that every time you black out, youll cook yourself some meat for the next day... or dont actually.

About a year I was doing benzos and lyrica with a friend. We went to smoke a cig and I had forgotten my keys inside cause I was basically blacked out. Well luckily my row houses back door was open so we crawled through the snow and got in. Then when I stood up I fell down on my drum set and broke them. Ive been basically playing my electric drums without the proper sounds after that..
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You have to be so careful with benzos! Etizolam is calling me big time. There’s a time release version now and I keep getting emails for it. I’m soooo tempted because it makes me feel alive, but it obliterates my inhibitions. That shit made me go on Craigslist years ago to put out an ad to find the biggest cock. Hahaha I certainly found them. Mmmmm...
 
Wow. Emails from drug companies? Thats new. I didnt know they were allowed to do that even in America.

I was taking 4mg legit xanax a day and had little strokes and stuff while weening it off. Dont recommend benzos to anyone really. Shit fucked my memory.

Just better to stick to the current meds/drugs your using unless the call for big cocks gets too wild. :p
 
schizopath said:
Wow. Emails from drug companies? Thats new. I didnt know they were allowed to do that even in America.

I was taking 4mg legit xanax a day and had little strokes and stuff while weening it off. Dont recommend benzos to anyone really. Shit fucked my memory.

Just better to stick to the current meds/drugs your using unless the call for big cocks gets too wild. :p
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Yeah, I don’t even know why I’m getting those emails! I also get random texts from a weed store around here telling me what’s on sale. I’m like wtf.
Recreational marijuana is legal in my state so I plan on trying some edibles for my anxiety.

Benzos...never ever go cold turkey if you take it every day. You could have seizures and/or die. Always keep phenibut as a back up if you ever run out. It works on GABA. Just don’t get hooked on phenibut because those withdrawals are a nightmare.
 
Maybe you have read about etizolam online or said etizolam on the phone. I guess they are using some kind of tracking data.

Be careful with marijuana. Last time I only did an 25mg edible but got semi-psychotic.
 
schizopath said:
Maybe you have read about etizolam online or said etizolam on the phone. I guess they are using some kind of tracking data.

Be careful with marijuana. Last time I only did an 25mg edible but got semi-psychotic.
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Uh oh...That’s why I don’t smoke weed. It made me psychotic one night. I was super paranoid all night until the next morning. When I take a trip to the weed store, I’ll make sure I ask for something relaxing. It’s ridiculous how much there is to choose from! It’s so confusing.

I wish Snoop Dogg and Seth Rogen could accompany me. They know what’s up.
 
Yeah, definitely get cbd heavy strain if possible. They should be easier on the mind and better for the body. About the strains... theres like 25 different strains on sale in the darknet markets over here. If I could still smoke Id have so much fun finding a best strain but sadly cant.
 
SAT4N_420 said:
I'm high as hell right now so I'm feeling great! But in reality, the last few days have been pretty rough. My aunt and grandma have absolutely no understanding of mental illnesses and think that all I need is to take a walk and think positive to cure myself but that's not how this works at all. Hell, the other day my aunt even told me that I don't have any mental illnesses and that what I really need to do is learn to grow up and act like a responsible adult and honestly, I brushed it off like it was nothing but inside it was actually pretty soul crushing. Ever since then I've been distant and avoidant of her. Honestly I just feel lost and lonely right now because my future looks really damn bleak and I have no one to turn to...except for drugs. They're basically the closest thing I have right now to a friend I can count on but in the back of my mind I know I can't keep this up forever...anyway, I don't really know why I'm saying any of this...I guess the clonazepam really lowered my inhibitions quite a bit? But I'm really damn high and I'm in a great mood. I should be enjoying myself instead of dwelling on all of this bullshit...
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*HUGS*
 
Hello. I'm no stranger to bluelight and have been reading this thread. Read 17 pages and decided to say hello. I'm a poly subs. Abuser. My first choice is opioids and have been mostly physically dependent for 12 years. Been doin a little better. I'll use micro amounts of sub get in the clear and relapse...about every 2 weeks i get squirrelly.

I'm in a new relationship and living together, which i normally dont do this soon but due to losing my job and totalling my car and getting messed up pretty bad i didn't have a choice. My lease was up so we got a new place together. I'm struggling though. Im trying to not take past bad relationship experiences out on him but it's so difficult not to. Plus some other bad experiences that aren't exactly relationship exp but crazy stuff i got pass from.

I'm substituting not doin opioids everyday for alcohol. I've been drinking almost every day for a year. He doesnt like it cuz when i get to a certain level he says i get to rough lol.

I'm dealing with paws in a new job. It sucks being a server with paws lol forgetfulness is not a good server trait but aside from that when im on my game in still not makin any money so I'm about to start at a diff place hopefully.
 
I'm prescribed vyvanse and xanax. I've been using xanax almost every day for 3 months. Was getting worried about dependency. Wasn't using much. Usually just .25 for sleep or at new job. If i take vyvanse to late in day and take .5 of xanax im still kinda high and heavy head dog in morning.

Been using gabapentin a few times to get off sub til i relapse and have to start over but on days in not on xanax or either of them im not exactly withdrawaling but can def tell I'm high strung and stressed out.

I want to get back into workin out and really want jiu jiysu back but physical therapist said not good idea. I hate myself for not doing the exercises she have me. I'm supposed to do it every 2 hours and it only takes a couple few mins but between my add and ahedonia, next thing i know its bedtime or the next day 😑
 
Funny thing happened to me

1- Tried to quit weed 16 years smoking daily (giving a lot of anxiety), two days without it, sleep seems impossible, surviving on benzos
2- on day 3, a wave of depression hit me so strongly that I was on the verge of killing myself
3- Bought cocaine to a get a drop of dopamine
4- that's it, still on cocaine
5-Need to see a doctor, I am out of control again
6- No benzos, no SSRI or SNRI
7- Thinking about quetiapine
8- Fucked
 
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