^ I feel for you man and understand where you are right now. I had to give up the pv or lose my family. No competition really but that doesn't mean I don't miss it or crave it on a daily basis. I wish you all the best for your recovery
Thanks Ben, yea it's no competition, but damn it's hard flush the pv while still on it, and yes I crave it, or just a fuckin beer lol, but have to do this, to get better.
Bad news, Nicklazz
That really did seem to spin outta control - that's some heavy-duty hallucinations you had going on there. I rarely get full-on "realistic" visual hallucinations like that (afaik anyway). Only ever really cartoonish kinda stuff (Space Invader Galaxian Invasions and the like) and know damn well they're not real no matter how far gone I am. Police lights are not what anybody needs to be hallucinating whilst in acute paranoid psychosis. That coulda gone
horribly wrong - picking up a knife?!? That's really not good. I can't possibly know exactly what your were thinking or believing at that moment so can't say for sure I'd never do anything like that but if I found out later that I did I think I would have to
seriously consider staying away from peev and anything like it. As Ben said a coupla pages back: It's all fun and games until somebody has an eye out. Thankfully it didn't go quite that far - but scaring the shit out your girlfriend and being taken into temporary psychiatric care is quite bad enough for all concerned I'm sure
On the bright side, it really could've been so much worse. At least nobody was actually hurt and you now know what happened (not a guarantee with severe psychotic breaks to see and accept what happened so soon so great news that you have and do) and you are making the wise choice of taking the psychiatric help provided. It sounds like you came back to Earth with one helluva bump but at least you landed in a place where you can pick up most - if maybe not all - of the pieces. I think you're definitely making the right choice in accepting the inpatient treatment at a time when you seem to know yourself it's for the best. Hopefully this should help ground you properly so you can get back on your feet
Trashing your place may seem bad now - and it's not great tbh - but they're only things and things can be replaced, fixed, changed. How about your girlfriend? How is she now you've come back to yourself? It sounds like she was well aware it was a drug situation that went too far and was as supportive as she could be til things got outta control. This sounds pretty positive to me. I'd suspect taking time to talk it all through with the doctors (for the mental health side - especially with having known underlying mental health issues (OCD, anxiety, etc)) and everything with your girlfriend. Sounds to me like a situation that went downhill steeply and rapidly - a horrible and terrifying experience for you both - but a situation that what's really important to you both is entirely salvagable. It may not necessarily feel that way in the immediate aftermath but Good Things can come from this.
Look after yourself, take it steady, take the help on offer and things will get better and brighter with time
It felt so real, couldn't see it that night with my gf, that it just was pure hallucinations, and have been an idiot the days before, not so much but a little on the phone, then I though ok this is her revenge, she gonna get me paranoid like hell, then send some over (police, big-muscle-guys, etc??) over and fuck me up.
So I picked up the knife as I remember, just sittin waiting, saying to her, when are they coming, im gonna kill does motherfuckers you bitch, and so on. She just kept laughin, screaming higher and higher about im gonna see them fuck her.
And I was shifting between beggin her to stop, and been hardcore like: "fuck this I do all the pv now I have left and kill all".
It was a fuckin nightmare, but luckily we manage to sit the night out and I got more "normal", so I could her the true story.
But it was just all my halucinations I got those days, was somekind of evil/deadish in them, monsters, a little kid gave me the finger, rotten crabs risen up from the ground, smelled so bad, people jumpin in my house, did not get any funny other than a fly doing breakdance.
Yea I stay here where I am for a while, im sleepin here and all that, getting help, started some medicin, they are nice here.
Oh I didn't trash my place Shambles, only trashed my last pv, sorry if my english is confusing sometimes hehe.
Well my gf is glad I am in this place, getting help, she did know it just was a drug thing, but that it could go so wild, and she didn't could get me to relax, she was scared as hell, but she could not call anybody, because what if I was going loco with the knife on them?
But ofc she is still chocked and hurt about that night, it has taken some powers from her, she is very sad these days, we have to talk it all trough yea, to figure out what to do next.
Thanks for your long post Shambles it really means a lot
take care nick you never did say how much you went through or how long for. i am probably going to be just taking 1 or 2 doses per day if/when i decide to resume my mind exploration. sorry to hear the bad times you had, just give it a break for a while.
shame on you for flushing though, you could have sent it it to me
favour still stands by the way mate
6 days I was on it, don't know how much I went trough, but im sure that some of the last lines I snorted was a lot over the 60-70mg each, I dropped the pipe/foil the 2 last days, just snorted bigger and bigger lines, or a lot of smalls constantly.
haha yea sorry, but have to trash it, my gf was watching and saying whats most important? So I did it.
Thanks mate I will take care, and thanks for favour still stands, even that I have said you don't need to do anything
Glad you made it back in one piece NickLazz. It's way too much to keep a handle on sometimes using pyrovalerones.
Thanks Quasi, I am pretty happy I made it, felt that insane night with my gf I was going to die, my heart was going faster than a fuckin airplane can fly.
Haha yea they can burn your ass, and MDPV did with me, a-pvp I could control a lot better, still it can get you in some crazy paranoia.
Thanks to you all guys for those post, it really makes me smile, that you gave you time to write something. Much love to you all
