MDPV Megathread 9: The thrill of the chase

[doorknob]

There used to be a site called 'joose* confessionals' which was just a huge collection of phenazepam related horror stories, mostly people crashing their cars, blowing all their money, losing the house/wife... Some of them were fucking hilarious though, like this one dude who spent all his savings on a grand piano when he was blacked out. Couldn't even play piano.

*internet nickname for phenazepam/propylene glycol solution.

 

[QuasiStoned]

Hahahaha I lol'd at the Grand Piano. Phenazepam is literally an accident waiting to happen. Once you black out you're inclined to keep doing more. Say goodbye to several days minimum.

 

[doorknob]

Hahahaha I lol'd at the Grand Piano. Phenazepam is literally an accident waiting to happen. Once you black out you're inclined to keep doing more. Say goodbye to several days minimum.

Accident at best usually!

An examination of pilot Pavel Gruzin's body revealed traces of the tranquilizer Phenazepam in his muscle tissue.[8] Examiners also found an open packet of the Russian-made drug in baggage belonging to Gruzin.[8]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crossair_Flight_498

 

[Nicklazz]

^ I feel for you man and understand where you are right now. I had to give up the pv or lose my family. No competition really but that doesn't mean I don't miss it or crave it on a daily basis. I wish you all the best for your recovery

Thanks Ben, yea it's no competition, but damn it's hard flush the pv while still on it, and yes I crave it, or just a fuckin beer lol, but have to do this, to get better.

Bad news, Nicklazz

That really did seem to spin outta control - that's some heavy-duty hallucinations you had going on there. I rarely get full-on "realistic" visual hallucinations like that (afaik anyway). Only ever really cartoonish kinda stuff (Space Invader Galaxian Invasions and the like) and know damn well they're not real no matter how far gone I am. Police lights are not what anybody needs to be hallucinating whilst in acute paranoid psychosis. That coulda gone horribly wrong - picking up a knife?!? That's really not good. I can't possibly know exactly what your were thinking or believing at that moment so can't say for sure I'd never do anything like that but if I found out later that I did I think I would have to seriously consider staying away from peev and anything like it. As Ben said a coupla pages back: It's all fun and games until somebody has an eye out. Thankfully it didn't go quite that far - but scaring the shit out your girlfriend and being taken into temporary psychiatric care is quite bad enough for all concerned I'm sure

On the bright side, it really could've been so much worse. At least nobody was actually hurt and you now know what happened (not a guarantee with severe psychotic breaks to see and accept what happened so soon so great news that you have and do) and you are making the wise choice of taking the psychiatric help provided. It sounds like you came back to Earth with one helluva bump but at least you landed in a place where you can pick up most - if maybe not all - of the pieces. I think you're definitely making the right choice in accepting the inpatient treatment at a time when you seem to know yourself it's for the best. Hopefully this should help ground you properly so you can get back on your feet

Trashing your place may seem bad now - and it's not great tbh - but they're only things and things can be replaced, fixed, changed. How about your girlfriend? How is she now you've come back to yourself? It sounds like she was well aware it was a drug situation that went too far and was as supportive as she could be til things got outta control. This sounds pretty positive to me. I'd suspect taking time to talk it all through with the doctors (for the mental health side - especially with having known underlying mental health issues (OCD, anxiety, etc)) and everything with your girlfriend. Sounds to me like a situation that went downhill steeply and rapidly - a horrible and terrifying experience for you both - but a situation that what's really important to you both is entirely salvagable. It may not necessarily feel that way in the immediate aftermath but Good Things can come from this.

Look after yourself, take it steady, take the help on offer and things will get better and brighter with time

It felt so real, couldn't see it that night with my gf, that it just was pure hallucinations, and have been an idiot the days before, not so much but a little on the phone, then I though ok this is her revenge, she gonna get me paranoid like hell, then send some over (police, big-muscle-guys, etc??) over and fuck me up.
So I picked up the knife as I remember, just sittin waiting, saying to her, when are they coming, im gonna kill does motherfuckers you bitch, and so on. She just kept laughin, screaming higher and higher about im gonna see them fuck her.

And I was shifting between beggin her to stop, and been hardcore like: "fuck this I do all the pv now I have left and kill all".

It was a fuckin nightmare, but luckily we manage to sit the night out and I got more "normal", so I could her the true story.

But it was just all my halucinations I got those days, was somekind of evil/deadish in them, monsters, a little kid gave me the finger, rotten crabs risen up from the ground, smelled so bad, people jumpin in my house, did not get any funny other than a fly doing breakdance.


Yea I stay here where I am for a while, im sleepin here and all that, getting help, started some medicin, they are nice here.

Oh I didn't trash my place Shambles, only trashed my last pv, sorry if my english is confusing sometimes hehe.

Well my gf is glad I am in this place, getting help, she did know it just was a drug thing, but that it could go so wild, and she didn't could get me to relax, she was scared as hell, but she could not call anybody, because what if I was going loco with the knife on them?
But ofc she is still chocked and hurt about that night, it has taken some powers from her, she is very sad these days, we have to talk it all trough yea, to figure out what to do next.

Thanks for your long post Shambles it really means a lot

take care nick you never did say how much you went through or how long for. i am probably going to be just taking 1 or 2 doses per day if/when i decide to resume my mind exploration. sorry to hear the bad times you had, just give it a break for a while.

shame on you for flushing though, you could have sent it it to me
favour still stands by the way mate

6 days I was on it, don't know how much I went trough, but im sure that some of the last lines I snorted was a lot over the 60-70mg each, I dropped the pipe/foil the 2 last days, just snorted bigger and bigger lines, or a lot of smalls constantly.

haha yea sorry, but have to trash it, my gf was watching and saying whats most important? So I did it.

Thanks mate I will take care, and thanks for favour still stands, even that I have said you don't need to do anything

Glad you made it back in one piece NickLazz. It's way too much to keep a handle on sometimes using pyrovalerones.

Thanks Quasi, I am pretty happy I made it, felt that insane night with my gf I was going to die, my heart was going faster than a fuckin airplane can fly.
Haha yea they can burn your ass, and MDPV did with me, a-pvp I could control a lot better, still it can get you in some crazy paranoia.


Thanks to you all guys for those post, it really makes me smile, that you gave you time to write something. Much love to you all

 

[Ben So Furry]

^ It will be difficult Nick, I know, I've been through it friend and it ain't pretty I'm sorry to report. What's really annoying is folk saying 'it will get better/ easier as time goes by', I hope this isn't the case for you Nick but for me immediately after the wreckage of a run is easy to stay off because of all the damage that has been done and is still very clear in the memory and visible. For me it got harder and harder as time moves on and the cravings got worse. Everyone was saying the exact opposite, how can this be? Not trying to be negative Nick, just sharing my personal experience, forewarned is forearmed as they say.

I really do wish you all the strength in the world and you'll always find support and opinions here. Drop me a PM if you want to chat anytime I'm online if you want to discuss things further, I'm sure I'm not the only one willing to offer support if you need it Nick

Just for the record I don't think pv is the devil incarnate, I used to love the stuff and miss being able to go on pv adventures but I'm not the type to be able to control it and sustain a safe family environment at the same time. Plus it was heading for some real trouble if I didn't quit when I did. So the pv had to go regrettably.

 

[---]

just wondering how much exactly is 800mg? i remember taking that over a span of one to two weeks. ended up calling 911 and not sure if it was because i took too much or im just a wuss

 

[Ben So Furry]

800mg isn't too much for a two week run, it was the paranoia and psychosis that made you call the emergency services not the amount of the drug. You are not a wuss, pv can get anyone to do that eventually. I've had a fair few run in's with the police/ hospitals in my time, not trying to say I'm hardened or anything just that pv can break even the toughest of minds given time/use.

 

[Nicklazz]

Thanks for you sharing that Ben, that's nice of you open up yourself and tell me that, really

It's just I know I have to try live without pv but also other drugs, or that's what I promised my family / gf, but damn I have had both fun and down times with different kind of drugs the past 7-8 years, so just to lay it complety down from my life? Just can't see it, really..

I will drop you a PM maybe, just glad you offering that I can do that, it really helps on the mood, that you guys are so supportive.

 

[adam west]

i hear you exactly. i enjoy stims too much to consider stopping yet. i mean if i manage to settle down and have a family, that kind of scenario then sure i wll have to make sacrifices, but as it is now i lost a lot of my youth so i sort of feel im entitled to be a high way man for a little bit longer.

 

[Shambles]

It's just I know I have to try live without pv but also other drugs, or that's what I promised my family / gf, but damn I have had both fun and down times with different kind of drugs the past 7-8 years, so just to lay it complety down from my life? Just can't see it, really..

I tend to agree. I actually think it's somewhat unreasonable and unrealistic for anybody to expect complete abstinence to just happen overnight. I'm not saying it's not possible - nor even that you shouldn't aim for that if you feel that's your best option - just that it's expecting more than most longterm and/or habitual drug users can realistically offer. I'm much more a fan of the "one day at a time" approach. Not in the AA/NA sense (cos I totally disagree with their approach) but is one of the few things I think they have got right. Making sweeping cast-iron promises for the longterm tends to lead to a cycle of relapse (and hiding it from friends/family, of course) accompianied by guilt, self-loathing and all that other AA/NA bullshit they're so fond of which all leads - almost inevitibly - to spiralling down and out of control cos "Fuck it - I broke my promise so might as well break it in a big way" thinking takes over. Imo, ime, etc,etc. Far better to promise to be open and honest with those that matter (most importantly) and to set realistic, achievable short-term goals that you actually want to succeed at and feel it's possible. Promising total change of lifestyle overnight and forever is often just setting yourself up to fail. Imo, ime, etc, etc.

Not saying any of that necessarily applies in your particular situation cos I'm not you and am not in your situation... but is how I've dealt most succesfully with making certain drug-related lifestyle changes over the years and seems to work pretty well for others I've known. I'm sure you'll find what works best for you too

 

[adam west]

what counts as addiction though? i mean if i like to spend the majority of weekends on some kind of stimulant but can give it a miss if i like, what does that make me? i enjoy the experience which is why i do it, i can certainly go without it, but why depreive myself of it if that makes sense.

 

[Ben So Furry]

I tend to agree. I actually think it's somewhat unreasonable and unrealistic for anybody to expect complete abstinence to just happen overnight. I'm not saying it's not possible - nor even that you shouldn't aim for that if you feel that's your best option - just that it's expecting more than most longterm and/or habitual drug users can realistically offer. I'm much more a fan of the "one day at a time" approach. Not in the AA/NA sense (cos I totally disagree with their approach) but is one of the few things I think they have got right. Making sweeping cast-iron promises for the longterm tends to lead to a cycle of relapse (and hiding it from friends/family, of course) accompianied by guilt, self-loathing and all that other AA/NA bullshit they're so fond of which all leads - almost inevitibly - to spiralling down and out of control cos "Fuck it - I broke my promise so might as well break it in a big way" thinking takes over. Imo, ime, etc,etc. Far better to promise to be open and honest with those that matter (most importantly) and to set realistic, achievable short-term goals that you actually want to succeed at and feel it's possible. Promising total change of lifestyle overnight and forever is often just setting yourself up to fail. Imo, ime, etc, etc.

Not saying any of that necessarily applies in your particular situation cos I'm not you and am not in your situation... but is how I've dealt most succesfully with making certain drug-related lifestyle changes over the years and seems to work pretty well for others I've known. I'm sure you'll find what works best for you too

^ Agreed Shambles, great post btw. Nick see what I mean about folk being supportive evidence right there ^^^^

I've been lucky as I still get to indulge every now and then with other drugs on occasion. As long as am a responsible and safe productive Father and Husband and I don't go back to the dark places pv would take me and I'm not on it 24/7 then I'm allowed my own 'downtime' or whatever you want to call it.

It is unreasonable (but not impossible) to expect total abstinence. What I have learnt about relationships and drug use (and echoing what Shambles has quite rightly already mentioned) is honesty and trust is everything. It may not get you everything you want where lying could allow you to get away with things but at least you have a clear conscience.

Adam you are lucky mate and have a stronger will and character than I, I couldn't stop no matter what and didn't want too even when my life was falling to pieces around me. I envy folk who have the ability to limit their use. Fair play mate

 

[Shambles]

^ What he said

what counts as addiction though? i mean if i like to spend the majority of weekends on some kind of stimulant but can give it a miss if i like, what does that make me? i enjoy the experience which is why i do it, i can certainly go without it, but why depreive myself of it if that makes sense.

Didn't say anything about addiction, Adam. There are various definitions. But all really come down to drug use being necessary rather than simply desirable. Plus, addiction isn't necessarily a huge problem in and of itself. Depends on the addiction, the person, the situation and so on. On the whole I wouldn't recommend it though.

 

[QuasiStoned]

what counts as addiction though? i mean if i like to spend the majority of weekends on some kind of stimulant but can give it a miss if i like, what does that make me? i enjoy the experience which is why i do it, i can certainly go without it, but why depreive myself of it if that makes sense.

I ask myself the same sort of question a lot. I spend periods of time sober but sober life becomes exceedingly boring for me over time. I crave some sort of release or lift. It's like I can deal humdrums of sober life but I prefer a "high" state of mind.

One thing seems to be very clear to me though - I have a tendency to binge any time I start using, whether it's beer, synth noids, or stims. Sometimes I wonder if all my crazy PV runs made me into the drug pig that I am today. I can't even come into a gram of synth noids without way overdoing it. It's not nearly so bad as a gram of pv goes but still.

 

[QuasiStoned]

^ It will be difficult Nick, I know, I've been through it friend and it ain't pretty I'm sorry to report. What's really annoying is folk saying 'it will get better/ easier as time goes by', I hope this isn't the case for you Nick but for me immediately after the wreckage of a run is easy to stay off because of all the damage that has been done and is still very clear in the memory and visible. For me it got harder and harder as time moves on and the cravings got worse. Everyone was saying the exact opposite, how can this be? Not trying to be negative Nick, just sharing my personal experience, forewarned is forearmed as they say.

I really do wish you all the strength in the world and you'll always find support and opinions here. Drop me a PM if you want to chat anytime I'm online if you want to discuss things further, I'm sure I'm not the only one willing to offer support if you need it Nick

Just for the record I don't think pv is the devil incarnate, I used to love the stuff and miss being able to go on pv adventures but I'm not the type to be able to control it and sustain a safe family environment at the same time. Plus it was heading for some real trouble if I didn't quit when I did. So the pv had to go regrettably.

It's been my unfortunate experience too that it only gets harder as all the horrors and negatives of abuse fade away in the distance.

Over time we develop a sort of euphoric recall - It's far too easy to remember the positives and somewhat ignore the negatives. Seems to be human nature to remember the good times over the bad.

 

[Nicklazz]

I tend to agree. I actually think it's somewhat unreasonable and unrealistic for anybody to expect complete abstinence to just happen overnight. I'm not saying it's not possible - nor even that you shouldn't aim for that if you feel that's your best option - just that it's expecting more than most longterm and/or habitual drug users can realistically offer. I'm much more a fan of the "one day at a time" approach. Not in the AA/NA sense (cos I totally disagree with their approach) but is one of the few things I think they have got right. Making sweeping cast-iron promises for the longterm tends to lead to a cycle of relapse (and hiding it from friends/family, of course) accompianied by guilt, self-loathing and all that other AA/NA bullshit they're so fond of which all leads - almost inevitibly - to spiralling down and out of control cos "Fuck it - I broke my promise so might as well break it in a big way" thinking takes over. Imo, ime, etc,etc. Far better to promise to be open and honest with those that matter (most importantly) and to set realistic, achievable short-term goals that you actually want to succeed at and feel it's possible. Promising total change of lifestyle overnight and forever is often just setting yourself up to fail. Imo, ime, etc, etc.

Not saying any of that necessarily applies in your particular situation cos I'm not you and am not in your situation... but is how I've dealt most succesfully with making certain drug-related lifestyle changes over the years and seems to work pretty well for others I've known. I'm sure you'll find what works best for you too

Thanks for this one Shambles, it gives me something to think about. It just to see in my familys eyes and gf and they ask me: "are you done with drugs now??"

Damn it's a tuff one

 

[Shambles]

Certainly is, Nick

Given that it seems to be MDPV that caused the problems here, perhaps you could start by tackling that first. I don't know what the situation you're in with any other drugs is but surely peev would be the big concern right now after what happened? Maybe if you can focus on avoiding that for now you can decide what you want to do about any other drugs you take further down the line. The people who care for you are probably worried for your safety after seeing how badly it span out of control and are maybe thinking that could happen with other drugs. Perhaps if you can show that's not the case (assuming it isn't the case) and just stay away from the loony-powder it will be an acceptable compromise for all? At least in the short-term.

 

[Acid4Blood]

I tend to agree. I actually think it's somewhat unreasonable and unrealistic for anybody to expect complete abstinence to just happen overnight. I'm not saying it's not possible - nor even that you shouldn't aim for that if you feel that's your best option - just that it's expecting more than most longterm and/or habitual drug users can realistically offer. I'm much more a fan of the "one day at a time" approach. Not in the AA/NA sense (cos I totally disagree with their approach) but is one of the few things I think they have got right. Making sweeping cast-iron promises for the longterm tends to lead to a cycle of relapse (and hiding it from friends/family, of course) accompianied by guilt, self-loathing and all that other AA/NA bullshit they're so fond of which all leads - almost inevitibly - to spiralling down and out of control cos "Fuck it - I broke my promise so might as well break it in a big way" thinking takes over. Imo, ime, etc,etc. Far better to promise to be open and honest with those that matter (most importantly) and to set realistic, achievable short-term goals that you actually want to succeed at and feel it's possible. Promising total change of lifestyle overnight and forever is often just setting yourself up to fail. Imo, ime, etc, etc.

QFT!
Excellent point, well made & my thoughts exactly (having gone down the rehab/NA route myself).

Perhaps if you can show that's not the case (assuming it isn't the case) and just stay away from the loony-powder it will be an acceptable compromise for all? At least in the short-term.

Thats exactly what I did. Cut out the MDPV & benzos, while continuing to use the more traditional drugs like cannabis, LSD & MDMA & everything improved.... my mental & physical health along with my relationship with my loved ones.
Honesty during times of relapse is vital tho. Your family will most likely know full well if you relapse on peevee (the change in personality is so blatantly obvious to loved ones) so the best thing you could do is not lie about it & explain that you've ended up back in a position you don't want to be in, then seek help if required.
Good luck Nicklazz!

 

[Nicklazz]

Certainly is, Nick

Given that it seems to be MDPV that caused the problems here, perhaps you could start by tackling that first. I don't know what the situation you're in with any other drugs is but surely peev would be the big concern right now after what happened? Maybe if you can focus on avoiding that for now you can decide what you want to do about any other drugs you take further down the line. The people who care for you are probably worried for your safety after seeing how badly it span out of control and are maybe thinking that could happen with other drugs. Perhaps if you can show that's not the case (assuming it isn't the case) and just stay away from the loony-powder it will be an acceptable compromise for all? At least in the short-term.

It all started to go downhill a little after my first a-pvp binge 3-4 month ago, so think I have to lay down the Pyrovalerone-family, even tho' that I somehow feels I fuckin finally found a drug (MDPV), that had what I was searching for. Have not been any kind of insane behavior with other drugs, like on these two, long binges on mephedrone or other stuff Have not give me this kind of trouble, at all. But still I much more want mdpv than meph, mdma and so on..
But guess it for the best to at least drop that, and if (more like when) Im gonna take drugs again, choose some more mild in the stim category.

Thats exactly what I did. Cut out the MDPV & benzos, while continuing to use the more traditional drugs like cannabis, LSD & MDMA & everything improved.... my mental & physical health along with my relationship with my loved ones.
Honesty during times of relapse is vital tho. Your family will most likely know full well if you relapse on peevee (the change in personality is so blatantly obvious to loved ones) so the best thing you could do is not lie about it & explain that you've ended up back in a position you don't want to be in, then seek help if required.
Good luck Nicklazz!

Thanks for your advice too, will try to be honest, even tho' it can hurt, but a lie they discover will hurt more.

 

[Ben So Furry]

Thanks for your advice too, will try to be honest, even tho' it can hurt, but a lie they discover will hurt more.

Absolutely correct sir, trust when broken is a very hard thing to rebuild, if it's even possible. I don't know, I burnt a few bridges I'm unlikely to be ever to be able to rebuild. Hang in there man