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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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Imabycicle- nah I only had constipation the first month or so. I do have a lot of body temperature swings though. Especially now that we're approaching fall I have periods where not even the thickest sweater can make me feel warm. How is your fatigue? Seriously that's so intensely annoying right. Every time I take a trip to town I'm all dizzy, heavy breathing feeling like my entire body is clogged up, all my muscles tensed, unable to think.
 
does anyone know if seretonin and or dopamine can be damaged or miscommunicating forever? obviously people with no dopamine have parkinsons and no seretonin is Alzheimers, but i had some VERY nuerotoxic dirty amphetamine (idk what it was maybe some tweekers bathroom chemicals he made in his basement) to look like molly and im very worried. im not a depressive person by any means but im depressed because i literally have no sensation when i orgasm and its terrifying me, as well as cant feel pleasure from weed anymore or alcohol nothing. and im an avid weed enthusiast (5 times a week) and it literally doesnt cause a weed high anymore, feels like a nasty opiate like wired tingling feeling and my eyes dilate and i pass out. im talkin a couple hits and feel TERRIBLE so ive stopped cold turkey. even drinking i dont feel good anymore just sloshed and nasty not normal like ayy turn up feelin good and buzzed its insane.

ANYBODY know what this is, could be, or had this happen? my only guess is that i have little to none seretonin which is causing the non good feeling orgasm and all other symptoms of low seretonin ive looked up, so when i smoke drink cum or anything is releasing seretonin that isnt there? or is it a miscommunication error or burnt axon which sounds way worse cuz idk if im permanently damaged or like this forever. i know upregulation of seretonin and dopamine happens once you go sober, healthy etc but whats wront with me is it fixable?

My two biggest loves and passions have been stripped over night from me, sex and weed and its killing me. anyone help is appreciated ty.
 
Don't wanna kill any body vibe who is feeling better.. but having a bad shitty day. Main symptom is anxiety & Chest pain. I'm starting to believe it won't go away.. and I cant continue my life from this hell. Of course I read otherwise that it will go away but I see many sufferers here and I feel like damn someone give us all a break. I Completely Understand i Am Not As Bad As others on here. My anxiety is more controlled but I really want it to go away. Less than a week from hitting 3 months. I missed my best friends bday last night cause anxiety and maybe thats making my day worse.. blah..... Sorry for being a downer..
 
Both of you last posters need to give this time. mike55: I'm pretty sure you will be able to smoke again, but you need to give this at least 6 months. To be quite honest you might have to be abstinent from everything for over a year. That's the harsh truth man. One year of your life that you won't get back. I know how it feels. I'm approaching 10 months, and I've managed to fill my life with interesting things even though I've had to quit alcohol which was so important socially for me that you probably can't even imagine.

Jusjenn21: If there is one symptom that even the worst cases recover from it's the anxiety. Give it 3 more months and I bet you will be considerably better, if not rid of the anxiety all together.
 
Alcohol affects the same area of the brain that benzodiazepines do. They both modulate GABAA receptors.

So it's to be expected that your anxiety would drop while buzzing off of the beer.

I was really conflicted regarding whether I should even say anything, because I don't wanna ruin the moment, so to speak.

In the end however, I feel it's important (since this is a harm reduction forum) to suggest that you don't rely on alcohol for anxiety because it has a really short half-life, and it can do a ton of damage if consumed chronically/long term.

Hey ro, thanks for your answer.

It was just a try. I dont want to drink to reduce anxiety, other way round - I did it to show myself that i still can do things i want to do. Anxiety was a big point with drinking - Couldnt even drink a nonalcoholic beer without panicing. Wont drink again for some time(Had a pretty harsh comedown), but its good to know, that i still could. You know what i mean?:)

One big question here is: How much is just anxiety/panic dissorder as a result of the pill and what of the symptoms are really Pill induced and have to be self-repaired by the brain. Anxiety has pretty similiar symptoms as the whole "LTC". Thats a question Im dealing with the last couple of days. My therapist thinks it is the mix of both.

And last but not least:
Valdoxan Week 3: Feels liks my sleep got more restfull and calmer last few days. No more other effects. Hope it goes on like that. Also hoping there will be a mood lifting effect in some days/weeks.

After some very bad days (my girlfriend does not want to go further with me through this hell :'( ) today is the first day i really think i can make it out of this again! Thanks Scaredfirstimer ;)
 
Ye my muscles are always tense im with you on the fatigue. Nausea is killing me too and the anxiety is still do bad after seven months. Still im fighting really hard and will continue to do so. Ive seen ppl who got their anxiety fixed after longer periods than us I think here on bl. I hope we can start going upwards soon. Tbh i dont know why its taking so long. And cutting dairy might be a good idea thank you.
 
And cutting dairy might be a good idea thank you.

Be very rigorous in the beginning. Cut out anything made from milk. Cheese, yogurts, etc. If you feel better by doing that you can try to add some foods back again. I can't eat yogurts, but I can eat cheese. I mostly don't have any problems with pizzas for instance. I'm pretty sure MDMA made me lactose intolerant for life, but that's really not that big of a deal. I've even started buying lactose-free milk, and though I did have some weird digestion issues a few weeks while I tried it out, I don't think the lactose-free milk was the culprit.
 
Don't wanna kill any body vibe who is feeling better.. but having a bad shitty day. Main symptom is anxiety & Chest pain. I'm starting to believe it won't go away.. and I cant continue my life from this hell. Of course I read otherwise that it will go away but I see many sufferers here and I feel like damn someone give us all a break. I Completely Understand i Am Not As Bad As others on here. My anxiety is more controlled but I really want it to go away. Less than a week from hitting 3 months. I missed my best friends bday last night cause anxiety and maybe thats making my day worse.. blah..... Sorry for being a downer..

Please understand Jenn that you have setbacks. Setback doesn't mean it's all starting over again, you've just really stuck to good mindset for a long time and your brain needs to panic because it thinks it does. I had a slight panic attack two days ago, but it was like the first bit of panic i've had in about 2 weeks (and I'm 6 months in), after 20 minutes, I was optimal again. Really right now I feel amazing, I feel completely normal (seriously). My mind now knows that it's no longer under attack until I start overthinking my symptoms/regretting taking the MDMA, then I will probably worry/panic a little bit. It's finally going away haha.

It will go away, but you need to contribute. Time is on your side, but if you aren't thinking correctly about it, it will increase the amount of time to realise.
 
Thanks for the post jibberman :)
When did your depression left?Or got better?
I feel so down most of the time..

Another question to everyone how suffers/suffered:
Im still smoking. How hindering could it be? Its the only thing that helps me getting over the depression except from doing sports.
It also connects me somehow to things i liked to do before this whole shit started. I just cant imagine stopping it.
 
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Both of you last posters need to give this time. mike55: I'm pretty sure you will be able to smoke again, but you need to give this at least 6 months. To be quite honest you might have to be abstinent from everything for over a year. That's the harsh truth man. One year of your life that you won't get back. I know how it feels. I'm approaching 10 months, and I've managed to fill my life with interesting things even though I've had to quit alcohol which was so important socially for me that you probably can't even imagine.

Jusjenn21: If there is one symptom that even the worst cases recover from it's the anxiety. Give it 3 more months and I bet you will be considerably better, if not rid of the anxiety all together.


i honestly wouldnt even mind as long as there is hope that ill be cured! i will do ANYTHING it takes and by far not gonna do ANY drugs or alcohol till im cured cause i feel like its gonna be a setback. i know exactly how you feel man im only 19 but i partied all the time, im in college and go to USF so the temptation is always there as well and having to turn down parties and smoking with my friends which i did ALL the time is a complete 180 from now. but i want and need to get better. @scaredfirsttimer what do you think is wrong with me? is it fixable/ reversible?

the only thing that is helping me get through this is being optimistic that after so long being sober and healthy my brain will slowly heal itself and level out. i obviously did some serious damage but terrified that it could be permanent and ill never orgasm or smoke weed ever again bc who knows wht filthy nuerotoxic chemicals was in w/e i took. i cant live thinking this is permanent so im bein positive but just need an explanation of whats wrong with me. i wanted a pet scan done but my nuerologist wont give me one so im gettin an eeg and fmri done.
 
i honestly wouldnt even mind as long as there is hope that ill be cured! i will do ANYTHING it takes and by far not gonna do ANY drugs or alcohol till im cured cause i feel like its gonna be a setback. i know exactly how you feel man im only 19 but i partied all the time, im in college and go to USF so the temptation is always there as well and having to turn down parties and smoking with my friends which i did ALL the time is a complete 180 from now. but i want and need to get better. @scaredfirsttimer what do you think is wrong with me? is it fixable/ reversible?

the only thing that is helping me get through this is being optimistic that after so long being sober and healthy my brain will slowly heal itself and level out. i obviously did some serious damage but terrified that it could be permanent and ill never orgasm or smoke weed ever again bc who knows wht filthy nuerotoxic chemicals was in w/e i took. i cant live thinking this is permanent so im bein positive but just need an explanation of whats wrong with me. i wanted a pet scan done but my nuerologist wont give me one so im gettin an eeg and fmri done.

You're still over-thinking this whole problem. We've all been there. Really, just take things as they come and be as healthy as you can. Nobody here can definitively tell you what exactly happened to us. So, stop trying to figure it out. What we can tell you based on anecdotal evidence is that you WILL recover. It just takes a long time. You're 19 years old. The chances that your brain can do what it needs to do to fix things is extremely high. All this testing you're getting is not going to reveal anything as it relates to an LTC. Too many people have gone down that road and it's a waste.

My advice to you is be the mature person at college (no fun I know) and focus on your grades and your future. You still have a bright one even if it's not so much fun at the moment.

I'm approaching 8 months and my symptoms are virtually gone. And, even the occasional "flare ups" are less and less severe. Basically, I don't think about it anymore. I did start AD's and have been on them for a couple of months now. They helped me tremendously, but I probably needed them regardless.
 
Thanks for the post jibberman :)
When did your depression left?Or got better?
I feel so down most of the time..
Now question, why are you depressed? The only times I feel depressed is when I think that I messed myself up with a drug after only using it for the third time, in the tiniest dosage. With anxiety, you get a secondary depression. It's incredibly common, that's why ADs do wonders for both. Trust me Deltron, it only gets better until you realise and believe it by getting your mind off it. It's a slow process though I will admit.
 
I try to manage that. But when i realise Im just a burden for all my surroundings i just crash. Also that stuff with my girlfriend hit me very very hard and i just dont know what to do with my self.
I even dont know if i have improved yet. Maybe i have but its all like a dream.
Dont want to pull you down on this shit, but its hard for me to go on.
I want to sit back and laugh about this as a bad dream but i realize more and more that Im going to stuck here. Im just out of power fighting on. Maybe thats why Im depressed.
 
I try to manage that. But when i realise Im just a burden for all my surroundings i just crash. Also that stuff with my girlfriend hit me very very hard and i just dont know what to do with my self.
I even dont know if i have improved yet. Maybe i have but its all like a dream.
Dont want to pull you down on this shit, but its hard for me to go on.
I want to sit back and laugh about this as a bad dream but i realize more and more that Im going to stuck here. Im just out of power fighting on. Maybe thats why Im depressed.

Nah man you and your girlfriend breaking up is a big life thing. Everyone gets the breakup blues sooner or later, no matter how understanding or at peace you are with the decision. Give it a week or two.
 
i honestly wouldnt even mind as long as there is hope that ill be cured! i will do ANYTHING it takes and by far not gonna do ANY drugs or alcohol till im cured cause i feel like its gonna be a setback. i know exactly how you feel man im only 19 but i partied all the time, im in college and go to USF so the temptation is always there as well and having to turn down parties and smoking with my friends which i did ALL the time is a complete 180 from now. but i want and need to get better. @scaredfirsttimer what do you think is wrong with me? is it fixable/ reversible?

the only thing that is helping me get through this is being optimistic that after so long being sober and healthy my brain will slowly heal itself and level out. i obviously did some serious damage but terrified that it could be permanent and ill never orgasm or smoke weed ever again bc who knows wht filthy nuerotoxic chemicals was in w/e i took. i cant live thinking this is permanent so im bein positive but just need an explanation of whats wrong with me. i wanted a pet scan done but my nuerologist wont give me one so im gettin an eeg and fmri done.
If you go back to the first page in this thread and start reading up until the end, you'll see that a lot of people that are now saying "you will recover, just give it time" among other good advice, once found themselves in the exact same frame of mind you are in now. Ask yourself this: why would you be the exception? What makes you so different that you would have caused permanent damage? The answer is: nothing. You are like everyone else that has gone through this and like everyone else what you are experiencing is causing you to see things darker than they really are. Which is completely normal, do not get me wrong, I really understand as I've had my fair share of horrible comedowns as well, I'm just trying to put things into perspective a bit for you. You are not the exception, you are the majority, you too will recover, though it takes time :) take care of yourself man, you will one day be able to look back on this as a learning experience. I wish you all the best. Listen to your fellow posters in here, they really know what they are talking about and they understand it better than anyone
 
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Hey all. Just wanted some opinions and to see if anyone has had a similar experience.

Long story short, across an entire day I did around 300 mgs of heroin( insufflated) and around 300 mgs of sass. I stairsteped the whole process but it was the first time using this combo. Near the end of the night I experience what I though was a super intense buzz. Feelings of "electricity" numbness and pins and needles throughout my ENTIRE upper body and head. It eventually passed and I had some confusion and a hard time doing anything. I noticed my eyes were ( and still are) super dialated. I also have found at some point (no memory) I have bitten a large chunk out of the inside of my cheek. And a strange sensation of "being in another unfamiliar body", joint pains with stiffness and blurry vision at times.


I believe now I may have had a stroke but am unsure. Any advice, input, or anything will be greatly appreciated.
 
If you go back to the first page in this thread and start reading up until the end, you'll see that a lot of people that are now saying "you will recover, just give it time" among other good advice, once found themselves in the exact same frame of mind you are in now. Ask yourself this: why would you be the exception? What makes you so different that you would have caused permanent damage? The answer is: nothing. You are like everyone else that has gone through this and like everyone else what you are experiencing is causing you to see things darker than they really are. Which is completely normal, do not get me wrong, I really understand as I've had my fair share of horrible comedowns as well, I'm just trying to put things into perspective a bit for you. You are not the exception, you are the majority, you too will recover, though it takes time :) take care of yourself man, you will one day be able to look back on this as a learning experience. I wish you all the best. Listen to your fellow posters in here, they really know what they are talking about and they understand it better than anyone

thanks i appreciate it, what happened in your case? and i feel like i might be the acception cause everyones bodies and what they took r different. i took so much of something tht idek wht it was, some research filthy chemicals, like literally who knows wht kind of nuerotoxic waste could have been in there, stuff tht causes way worse damage than any normal drug tht could cause permanent immediate damage or worse than wht stuff is normally cut with. and lastly because my symptoms, did u read my original post or just my reply? i havent heard from or read anyones thread with my symptoms.
 
You're still over-thinking this whole problem. We've all been there. Really, just take things as they come and be as healthy as you can. Nobody here can definitively tell you what exactly happened to us. So, stop trying to figure it out. What we can tell you based on anecdotal evidence is that you WILL recover. It just takes a long time. You're 19 years old. The chances that your brain can do what it needs to do to fix things is extremely high. All this testing you're getting is not going to reveal anything as it relates to an LTC. Too many people have gone down that road and it's a waste.

My advice to you is be the mature person at college (no fun I know) and focus on your grades and your future. You still have a bright one even if it's not so much fun at the moment.

I'm approaching 8 months and my symptoms are virtually gone. And, even the occasional "flare ups" are less and less severe. Basically, I don't think about it anymore. I did start AD's and have been on them for a couple of months now. They helped me tremendously, but I probably needed them regardless.

thanks im bein optimistic. but u say "we've all been there" been where? have u had my exact symptoms or did u read my original entry or just my reply? what happened in your case?
 
Hi evolution, exactly the same bestival, exactly the same effects. Pretty worried about myself now as it's been a week. How you getting on?
 
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