me2point0
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2014
- Messages
- 216
Are the majority of you guys all trying out antidepressants? I feel left out ahhah.
Every weekend, I go out to a electronic music event and I just drink couple beers. And every fucking monday, I notice HUGE improvements. Today, I couldnt count my Bpm with just the feeling in my chest. Looks like my heartbeat awareness stopped? What? Is it even possible?
Coming back from the show they all went to sleep or tried to. I went in the bathroom looking for floaters in the bright light but couldnt. Tried to feel motion sickness but it was gone. Started having little watery eyes of joy once again. I actually felt connected to my girlfriend, I swear I have emotions now, or a little more than before.
Ill stop talking about how good it feels like to be back in the game. But please listten to me;
If you used for years and never felt anything close to this ltc, or used once and jammed like me. Or used moderately and ended up here, i know for some of you this is wrong and stupid and will hate me for saying that, but it's not brain damage. Please stop tormenting your mind that it is and stop telling yourself you fucked up that night or you shouldnt have used. PLEASE. Your mind will reroute and believe it is. I would put my life on the line that it's not.
YOU COULDNT KNOW, and u know what, that night if I knew that there was a chance of getting that ltc if I dropped that pill, I WOULD DO IT ANYWAY. Because were human.
Everyday i'm on stimulants rathan ssri right now. powerfull if you ask me, it makes me anxious but why do I do it, to challenge myself. I dont hide from the monster, I go looking for that sucker. I can feel my bpm now, writting this, because it's something that I vigorously believe in and it makes me anxious to know some of you think your powerhouse is partially dead.
Tell me i'm wrong and tell me to get off this thread with my over-joyful motivational BS theories I dont care, but consider the possibility that you may be holding yourself back a little too much. I was in my bed thinking I was having a heart attack before my gf wanted to attend the event. I wanted to take her lift to the ER. But shit I went to that event head on still on my stimulants and thook alcohol, the arythmia combo because i'm 18 and if my heart had something wrong with it I would have died and I wanted to take a chance. Because proving yourself wrong can be the most eye-oppening moment youll ever have.
Again, long post, useless, TLDR, whatever. I'm in class right now but I felt the need to screw 30 mins and maybe reach out to hopeless sufferers. Dont give up FFS. I wanted to give up. But giving up that 0.001% chance of getting back to normal was too hard. Maybe i'm hallucinating that im feeling better, but shit, who cares, let me hallucinate my own happiness.
One of the happiest moment of your life is the time you will be able to let go of something you have no control over.
I wont be posting as much as writing and readig this brings up adrenaline in my body, but feel free to pm ill check often and reply asap.
Ps: one thing that motivates me to stay on prescribbed daily ampthetamines is ,"[...] But, in humans with adhd, amphetamines appear to improve brain developpement and nerve growth.[...]"
Every weekend, I go out to a electronic music event and I just drink couple beers. And every fucking monday, I notice HUGE improvements. Today, I couldnt count my Bpm with just the feeling in my chest. Looks like my heartbeat awareness stopped? What? Is it even possible?
Coming back from the show they all went to sleep or tried to. I went in the bathroom looking for floaters in the bright light but couldnt. Tried to feel motion sickness but it was gone. Started having little watery eyes of joy once again. I actually felt connected to my girlfriend, I swear I have emotions now, or a little more than before.
Ill stop talking about how good it feels like to be back in the game. But please listten to me;
If you used for years and never felt anything close to this ltc, or used once and jammed like me. Or used moderately and ended up here, i know for some of you this is wrong and stupid and will hate me for saying that, but it's not brain damage. Please stop tormenting your mind that it is and stop telling yourself you fucked up that night or you shouldnt have used. PLEASE. Your mind will reroute and believe it is. I would put my life on the line that it's not.
YOU COULDNT KNOW, and u know what, that night if I knew that there was a chance of getting that ltc if I dropped that pill, I WOULD DO IT ANYWAY. Because were human.
Everyday i'm on stimulants rathan ssri right now. powerfull if you ask me, it makes me anxious but why do I do it, to challenge myself. I dont hide from the monster, I go looking for that sucker. I can feel my bpm now, writting this, because it's something that I vigorously believe in and it makes me anxious to know some of you think your powerhouse is partially dead.
Tell me i'm wrong and tell me to get off this thread with my over-joyful motivational BS theories I dont care, but consider the possibility that you may be holding yourself back a little too much. I was in my bed thinking I was having a heart attack before my gf wanted to attend the event. I wanted to take her lift to the ER. But shit I went to that event head on still on my stimulants and thook alcohol, the arythmia combo because i'm 18 and if my heart had something wrong with it I would have died and I wanted to take a chance. Because proving yourself wrong can be the most eye-oppening moment youll ever have.
Again, long post, useless, TLDR, whatever. I'm in class right now but I felt the need to screw 30 mins and maybe reach out to hopeless sufferers. Dont give up FFS. I wanted to give up. But giving up that 0.001% chance of getting back to normal was too hard. Maybe i'm hallucinating that im feeling better, but shit, who cares, let me hallucinate my own happiness.
One of the happiest moment of your life is the time you will be able to let go of something you have no control over.
I wont be posting as much as writing and readig this brings up adrenaline in my body, but feel free to pm ill check often and reply asap.
Ps: one thing that motivates me to stay on prescribbed daily ampthetamines is ,"[...] But, in humans with adhd, amphetamines appear to improve brain developpement and nerve growth.[...]"
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