Hey Everyone!
Just discovered this community & this thread from some other reaches of the internet but wanted to post my experience.
Story
I've done MDMA a few times before over the years and my last roll was back in October (I hadn't rolled in over a year at this point). I was very stupid and just bought some off the spot from a mutual friend, didn't even ask the dose. For all I know it could've been laced. All I know is that it wasn't a pressed pill, and was a capsule.
I was also on Welbutrin at the time, which while isn't an SSRI, definitely had increased my anxiety a bit.
After I took it, everything seemed the same as previously. The come-up was fine. As I was peaking I started having a Panic attack. I've never had a Panic attack before so i wasn't sure how to respond. Had a friend drive me to the ER and luckily they didn't find anything abnormal, and said all my vitals were fine. We ended up sitting in his car talking for hours. I was definitely hallucinating and kept seeing people in random spots around us (like in the seats of the empty cars near us or walking towards us in the mirrors). At some point I calmed down and was able to go home and sleep.
The Result
Over the next two weeks I would experience what I could describe as Hell.
- My Anxiety was through the roof
- super depressed
- had crying spells
- short term memory
- restlessness
- Random pain and sensations all over my body
I don't believe I've gotten the "brain zaps" or DP/DR that others describe.
Right now my anxiety is manifesting in a form of health anxiety which sucks because anxiety itself produces some physical symptoms but since the New Year I've been trucking along better.
The first two months were awful. Eventually I stopped taking the Welbutrin after having another panic attack.
Stopped drinking coffee after I realized sipping on it sent my anxiety soaring.
Overall, I am very sensitive to any stimulus when it comes to anxiety. Hell the other day I drank about half a can of coke without thinking and suddenly my anxiety was coming back.
Honestly up until my Roll, i've never had any issues with anxiety (but I have with depression) until now.
Coping
I've been doing some pretty extensive research and talked to some friends who have either experienced or know someone that experienced similar.
I've gone to see my doc and got some bloodwork done, helps with my health anxiety. Only things out of wack were my mildly elevated liver enzymes & vitamin D deficiency. He also mentioned I have some very mild anemia but its most likely just a lab result variation.
So currently I'm:
- No Drugs, at all.
- No Alcohol
- Cut out Caffeine completely (I used to drink a lot, habitually)
- Been taking multivitamins, specifically if it has Vitaman D
- Vitamin D
- Mild exercising (Trying to increase this)
- Meditation
- Watching my diet, mostly eating whole foods and cooking at home now.
- Journaling
From what i've read I'm probably going to be experiencing some LTC for maybe a few weeks, but for sure its a LOT better than what it was than 4 weeks ago. I still feel the anxiety, and sometimes it feels like it'll be around forever, but I'm hopeful it'll go away in time. Journaling my thoughts has helped me keep track of things and so far its on a positive trend.
I'm doubtful i'll ever roll again after this experience but if I ever do, I'll definitely be a lot wiser in my approach.
If anything, this experience has been a blessing in disguise and has forced me to take on these healthier habits I've been procrastinating on for most of my life.