• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators:

MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

level5anxiety said:
Thank you for the advise.

The kind of head pressure I'm getting is like someone squeezing in part of my head, and sometimes, it moves around. it's not painful but it's enough to be a bothersome. it's like you're drunk. I was told by therapist it must be TENSIONHEADACHE and could be due to my anxiety that my head muscles became tense and stiff.. and It's not brain damaged. I tried neck exercises almost everyday it only relieved like few seconds, then it'll come back again. I tried muscle relaxants (advil, tylenol, flexeril, baclofen, neurontin) but nothing is helping so far. it's like everyday. The only time I don't feel it is when I lay down. I'm so feeling helpless with this symptom. I'm on my 3rd month of this ltc.
Click to expand...

My head pressure also lasted for at least 8-10 months. It was constant.
 
OriginalGG said:
How long did you tried CBD oils and made you recover?

Also, what other things made you recover during this period?
Click to expand...

Not for too long. I felt immediate effects within the first week or two. The head pressure felt like it was subsiding. But again, I began using it when I was almost recovered, so it's hard to say how effective going from 5% impaired to 1% impaired. It was too subtle for me to gauge. If I went from 95% impaired to 15% impaired, then the improvement is more noticeable. That's why level5anxiety's and your information on experience / results is quite valuable as you guys are in the beginning of your LTC comedown journey.

I never found meditation or exercise helpful. I tried eating a healthy diet eating foods considered as brain food, such as nuts, spinach, and fish (salmon and mackeral high in omega 3s). The diet didn't help much either. However, I believed in the omega 3s so I didn't quit on it even though it didn't feel like it helped much

I'm not much of a drug user. Only do weed. The one pill of MDMA really messed me up.
 
Mystery10 said:
Not for too long. I felt immediate effects within the first week or two. The head pressure felt like it was subsiding. But again, I began using it when I was almost recovered, so it's hard to say how effective going from 5% impaired to 1% impaired. It was too subtle for me to gauge. If I went from 95% impaired to 15% impaired, then the improvement is more noticeable. That's why level5anxiety's and your information on experience / results is quite valuable as you guys are in the beginning of your LTC comedown journey.

I never found meditation or exercise helpful. I tried eating a healthy diet eating foods considered as brain food, such as nuts, spinach, and fish (salmon and mackeral high in omega 3s). The diet didn't help much either. However, I believed in the omega 3s so I didn't quit on it even though it didn't feel like it helped much

I'm not much of a drug user. Only do weed. The one pill of MDMA really messed me up.
Click to expand...
Guys, I received my MRI result; i1.no ACUTE infarct, or mass (which is good). o2. mild scattered foci of t2 flairhyperintensitiy in subcortical and deepwhitematter mainly in frontallobes. per radialogist, this findings nonspecific and maybe due to vascular migraines. I don't think it's migraine. (it was interpreted like that imo because my gp added 'unspecified headache' as reason for mri, probbly corelating the findings to my symptom). I kept telling my gp it's not hurting or painful. it's mainly pressure. my gp doesn't seem too concern. I'm concerned on 2nd result.
Update on my pressure head: someone here advised co10enzyme. which I started taking recently, it's starting to progress from intensity of 7/10 to 3 at times. This pressure transforms to a crawlingunderyourskin sensation at times and also moves around my head. when this happens, I also feel disconnected to my surroundings. so, I can't help but to think it's something to do with my mri result. like my damage is mostly inflammed nerve or small vessels got f up and not just some tense muscle in my head due to anxiety. but I might be overthinking.
I've been doing neck exercise, 1hour a day, massage, deep breathing exercises, reading and taking supplements. The most difficult part of this is keeping a positive mental attitude. also, I have a bad habit of looking too much symptom online like how I start looking up wtf is t2hyperinstensity. I seriously need to stop doing so as I just scaring myself. Overall, this feels like forever.
@Mystery10 wow you only took 1? I mistook 4 overnight and have so much regrets that weekend.
 
level5anxiety said:
Guys, I received my MRI result; i1.no ACUTE infarct, or mass (which is good). o2. mild scattered foci of t2 flairhyperintensitiy in subcortical and deepwhitematter mainly in frontallobes. per radialogist, this findings nonspecific and maybe due to vascular migraines. I don't think it's migraine. (it was interpreted like that imo because my gp added 'unspecified headache' as reason for mri, probbly corelating the findings to my symptom). I kept telling my gp it's not hurting or painful. it's mainly pressure. my gp doesn't seem too concern. I'm concerned on 2nd result.
Update on my pressure head: someone here advised co10enzyme. which I started taking recently, it's starting to progress from intensity of 7/10 to 3 at times. This pressure transforms to a crawlingunderyourskin sensation at times and also moves around my head. when this happens, I also feel disconnected to my surroundings. so, I can't help but to think it's something to do with my mri result. like my damage is mostly inflammed nerve or small vessels got f up and not just some tense muscle in my head due to anxiety. but I might be overthinking.
I've been doing neck exercise, 1hour a day, massage, deep breathing exercises, reading and taking supplements. The most difficult part of this is keeping a positive mental attitude. also, I have a bad habit of looking too much symptom online like how I start looking up wtf is t2hyperinstensity. I seriously need to stop doing so as I just scaring myself. Overall, this feels like forever.
@Mystery10 wow you only took 1? I mistook 4 overnight and have so much regrets that weekend.
Click to expand...


How much was in each pill?
 
Hi

I’ve already posted about my comedown elsewhere but I’m posting here now because I suspect I’m a victim of LTC.

I took 200mg (maybe higher) 12 days ago and have been in a bad comedown since. The DP/DR was worst in the first week but has declined since and now isn’t a problem. The main issue I have right now is anxiety episodes which ruin my cognitive ability and this is followed by negative thoughts (my life is ruined, can’t keep up with my job, I’ll be jobless, the only way out is suicide).

The other issue I’ve seen is some days being good and some bad. Some days are a mix where I’ll be good all day and then I’ll randomly get an anxiety episode which will typically last 1-2 hours but it sometimes varies. One comforting thought I have is that I can say today is a lot better than last week, but I have this fear of these symptoms resurfacing as I’ve mentioned they come back on some days.

People in LTC seem to get these inconsistent(some good days/weeks) months into their comedown but it’s only been 12 days for me and I’m somewhat feeling this, I’m not sure if this implies anything.

Last week I had tingling sensation in my brain on the sides and it’s not pressure it’s more like someone is tickling it… this week I’ve been getting the same sensations on the back of my head.
I have brain zaps too but they’re extremely rare and few in between.

The biggest trouble is the anxiety which leads to a cognition problem (learning and memorising), I often forget things too.
These episodes are definitely intense to the point of a complete breakdown where I’ll often cry like a baby for a long time as this fuels the my life is over I need to commit suicide thought.
 
Last edited:
Hey Everyone!

Just discovered this community & this thread from some other reaches of the internet but wanted to post my experience.

Story
I've done MDMA a few times before over the years and my last roll was back in October (I hadn't rolled in over a year at this point). I was very stupid and just bought some off the spot from a mutual friend, didn't even ask the dose. For all I know it could've been laced. All I know is that it wasn't a pressed pill, and was a capsule.
I was also on Welbutrin at the time, which while isn't an SSRI, definitely had increased my anxiety a bit.

After I took it, everything seemed the same as previously. The come-up was fine. As I was peaking I started having a Panic attack. I've never had a Panic attack before so i wasn't sure how to respond. Had a friend drive me to the ER and luckily they didn't find anything abnormal, and said all my vitals were fine. We ended up sitting in his car talking for hours. I was definitely hallucinating and kept seeing people in random spots around us (like in the seats of the empty cars near us or walking towards us in the mirrors). At some point I calmed down and was able to go home and sleep.

The Result
Over the next two weeks I would experience what I could describe as Hell.
  • My Anxiety was through the roof
  • super depressed
  • had crying spells
  • short term memory
  • restlessness
  • Random pain and sensations all over my body

I don't believe I've gotten the "brain zaps" or DP/DR that others describe.
Right now my anxiety is manifesting in a form of health anxiety which sucks because anxiety itself produces some physical symptoms but since the New Year I've been trucking along better.

The first two months were awful. Eventually I stopped taking the Welbutrin after having another panic attack.
Stopped drinking coffee after I realized sipping on it sent my anxiety soaring.
Overall, I am very sensitive to any stimulus when it comes to anxiety. Hell the other day I drank about half a can of coke without thinking and suddenly my anxiety was coming back.
Honestly up until my Roll, i've never had any issues with anxiety (but I have with depression) until now.


Coping
I've been doing some pretty extensive research and talked to some friends who have either experienced or know someone that experienced similar.
I've gone to see my doc and got some bloodwork done, helps with my health anxiety. Only things out of wack were my mildly elevated liver enzymes & vitamin D deficiency. He also mentioned I have some very mild anemia but its most likely just a lab result variation.

So currently I'm:
  • No Drugs, at all.
  • No Alcohol
  • Cut out Caffeine completely (I used to drink a lot, habitually)
  • Been taking multivitamins, specifically if it has Vitaman D
  • Vitamin D
  • Mild exercising (Trying to increase this)
  • Meditation
  • Watching my diet, mostly eating whole foods and cooking at home now.
  • Journaling

From what i've read I'm probably going to be experiencing some LTC for maybe a few weeks, but for sure its a LOT better than what it was than 4 weeks ago. I still feel the anxiety, and sometimes it feels like it'll be around forever, but I'm hopeful it'll go away in time. Journaling my thoughts has helped me keep track of things and so far its on a positive trend.

I'm doubtful i'll ever roll again after this experience but if I ever do, I'll definitely be a lot wiser in my approach.
If anything, this experience has been a blessing in disguise and has forced me to take on these healthier habits I've been procrastinating on for most of my life.
 
Richi1 said:
Hi

I’ve already posted about my comedown elsewhere but I’m posting here now because I suspect I’m a victim of LTC.

I took 200mg (maybe higher) 12 days ago and have been in a bad comedown since. The DP/DR was worst in the first week but has declined since and now isn’t a problem. The main issue I have right now is anxiety episodes which ruin my cognitive ability and this is followed by negative thoughts (my life is ruined, can’t keep up with my job, I’ll be jobless, the only way out is suicide).

The other issue I’ve seen is some days being good and some bad. Some days are a mix where I’ll be good all day and then I’ll randomly get an anxiety episode which will typically last 1-2 hours but it sometimes varies. One comforting thought I have is that I can say today is a lot better than last week, but I have this fear of these symptoms resurfacing as I’ve mentioned they come back on some days.

People in LTC seem to get these inconsistent(some good days/weeks) months into their comedown but it’s only been 12 days for me and I’m somewhat feeling this, I’m not sure if this implies anything.

Last week I had tingling sensation in my brain on the sides and it’s not pressure it’s more like someone is tickling it… this week I’ve been getting the same sensations on the back of my head.
I have brain zaps too but they’re extremely rare and few in between.

The biggest trouble is the anxiety which leads to a cognition problem (learning and memorising), I often forget things too.
These episodes are definitely intense to the point of a complete breakdown where I’ll often cry like a baby for a long time as this fuels the my life is over I need to commit suicide thought.
Click to expand...
I feel you, especially when you're alone with your thoughts and when you start feeling symptoms.
"my life is ruined, can’t keep up with my job, I’ll be jobless.." This was my thoughts at my first few weeks (and even at times). It's hard to fight this mentality at first, but I started opening up to friends. it somehow lifted some weight. people reassuring me it'll pass. posts I've read from people experienced LTC before that it will pass.
It's a struggle everyday to be mentally strong. but we got this guys!! Hoping for everyone here suffering to recover soon.
 
That's a good way of looking at it. I couldn't agree more. I actually forced myself too in doing healthy habits.

Naiive1987 said:
If anything, this experience has been a blessing in disguise and has forced me to take on these healthier habits I've been procrastinating on for most of my life.
Click to expand...
 
Cerberus3845 said:
Alright, I have to say something. And most of you still in deep will dismiss me, and I get it, but this is not "for you" - writing this is part of getting my own shit together.

Reading these threads has been like self harm for me.

Back in spring '16 I took an ungodly amount of molly while very drunk. I started panicking a couple days afterwards. I left a lecture to lie on the floor of the bathroom because of a panic attack, and one morning I felt like passing out on the way to campus. I got anxious. Excessively anxious. My body felt weak and sick, my heart was hammering, my vision blurred. Something was wrong, this was not how I should feel. I googled. I read a lot of things that upset me - some of it flat out bullshit, some of it scewed or presented in a way that deeply disturbed me.

And then I found Bluelight. I only posted once way back when, but I did read obsessively. And I think here is where all the most toxic, traumatic and anxiety-inducing ideas got printed into my mind. The vague threat of all destroying braindamage. My life potentially down the drain. Everybody posting their "symptoms", I made lists to compare, noticing things that hadn't bothered me before. All of these were apparantly something to worry about. And I worried. I more than worried, I was hit by heavy anxiety from I opened my eyes 'till I went to bed. I was so worried I was broken. I thought that I broke myself. That I gave myself some vague braindamage. And I would never feel happiness again.

The last notion was not something I found on Bluelight, but my anxious thoughts went something like this: molly fucks with serotonin, and that is the happy chemical, so what if I can't ever feel happy again? Very reductionistic.

But this forum didn't save me. This forum dragged me deeper. Or rather, I selfharmed using these threads, which dragged me deeper. My anxiety would start at an uncomfortable baselevel, and then rise with every intrisuve thought of my "damage". The only way to calm down was to "do something about it" - figure out what's wrong. So I went to this forum and read to find out. I didn't get an answer. Only more horrible theories to fill my anxiety riddled brain, and further deepening of the ideas already there. It was a steady regimen of self brainwashing. But for a brief moment, I didn't feel as anxious, so it became my primary coping-mechanism.

At the earlist stage of this, the month after my OD, I was traumatized. Trauma happens when two parametres are maxed out; perception of danger and feeling of helplessnes. I percieved myself to be in great danger and I felt as if I could do nothing. Time passed and I still felt as though I was in danger, and I still felt powerless. Anxiety and trauma had taken over whatever nasty, month-long hangover I had bought myself. That stage persisted. And the feelings itself became "proof" of my damage.

I wasn't traumatized by Bluelight, but I re-traumatized myself here. Again and again and again. And even though it's all long gone now, the idea of possible damage of some vague kind is printed onto my psyche by the trauma. This reminds me of the mechanism on Incel-forums, where they get "black-pilled" and keep coming back even though what they read drag them further down the pit of despair. On her video on incels, the youtuber Contrapoints call it "masochistic epistomology" - whatever hurts must be true.

I'm on medication now. I'm in therapy. I know a lot of people don't have anywhere else to go. I know a lot of posts are thoughtful and calming. I know some people say that these threads saved them. That's why I'm not advicing anyone to do anything. I just have to get this off my chest.

This place was bad for me.
Click to expand...
I fully agree with this. Most people here need to stop multiplying the fear with their constant streams of anxiety. The first posts in the thread have people freaking out over a weird eye floater or a brain zap that gets snowballed into feeling like a permanent issue. Any weird anxious, DPDR, or depressive symptom gets pinned on LTC, which is not necessarily the truth. If you had a recent panic attack from mdma comedown or adjacent drugs, please don't read too deep into this thread and get a psychologist/eat healthily/meditate -- taking things here for face value will cause more trauma and anxiety.
 
Who have nighmares all my symptomes have improved but the nightmares are still here any idea? Please help its been 3 years for me
 
Hi there. I've had very bad cognitive and emotional symptoms for 5 months that developed about a week after taking one pressed pill of untested MDMA (not sure how high the dosage was).

I'm looking for some similarities because it is also possible that what I'm experiencing could be long COVID.

The symptoms that I first noticed (September 2021) were:
  • Cognitive dysfunction - feeling like I'm in a dream, reaction times slow
  • Intense depersonalization and derealization - even out-of-body, probably the most traumatic experience
  • Intense depression
  • Overwhelming anhedonia - the days felt excruciatingly long because nothing could hold my interest
  • Leg and back aches
  • Constant head pressure/tension headaches
  • Lack of appetite (lost ~20lbs in the first month or so due to not eating and not working out)
  • Fatigue
My symptoms that still remain are:
  • Cognitive dysfunction - feeling like I'm in a dream / dizzy / high when I go places
  • Derealization
  • Depression
  • Fatigue - even after sleeping for 8+ hours, I wake up feeling exhausted
The weird part is that this isn't quite 24/7. It affects me on most days, but sometimes at night I find myself feeling great, or sometimes I go even a full day without hardly feeling these symptoms. Is this typical for an LTC? or are the symptoms usually persistent.

I feel like I'm in a literal nightmare sometimes. I'm afraid to go places and do normal things because that's usually when I get the dizziness/derealization. I can hardly enjoy anything outside of my apartment, and I'm so depressed and anxious. I've had an MRI done and it was normal, blood work was normal.

If anyone has experienced anything similar, please let me know!
 
I can relate to the derealization part. I've been suffering from it for a year now. I've also had hallucinations, cognitive dysfunction, severe memory problems and more.

I can also relate to feeling ok some days, almost normal, and shit on other days. I can go a week without dissociating and then it just hits me.

Currently trying the neuroleptic Vraylar to see if it will cure me. Have previously been on Abilify and Risperidone and they took care of most of the symptoms except for the derealization. That's why my shrink is trying the Vraylar, it's a new medication that supposedly works great for derealization and dissociation.

My advice to you is to visit a shrink and get on some medication. That's the only thing that worked for me. I know some people recover after a year or two but why suffer for so long when there are options available.

Also, make sure you never take MDMA again.
 
Hi Adag. I’ve been going through the same thing since the 1st of January this year. Got a long thread on it if you view my profile.

It’s been a month now, and I’ve experienced all the symptoms you have stated except the derealisation/depersonalisation which subsided for the most part in 2 weeks.

I’m still experiencing mostly okay days and sometimes good days. On an average week I’d say I have 2 good days and the rest are okay. I say okay because it’s not the same nightmare I was in the first few weeks - now it’s just weird waves of depression and sometimes anxiety/lightheaded/dizziness.

Firstly I’d like to say that this phenomenon can’t be a long term “comedown”. It’s more like long term complications - the comedown is over and the drug has long since left your body. The brain is a very complex organ and I doubt it’s just a simple case of depleted serotonin. What it is or why this happens I have no idea there’s not enough research on it.

Although I’m going through the natural recovery route I’m only doing so because my symptoms have recovered much faster than other sufferers. If you’re still experiencing the symptoms you have stated intensely id really suggest visiting a medical professional.

Other than that you have the advice of taking supplements like 5HTP or SJW, and exercise. Although something like this “might” help, the only real cure I think is time…

Generally I don’t think there’s a specific time frame for this, so please don’t get spooked by the 2 year recovery time a lot of people document. You may get better much sooner - in your case I’d really recommend seeing a medical professional.

Side note: please continue documenting your progress if you can, it can be really useful for others that are going through a similar thing
 
anybody have any experience tripping on shrooms to alleviate some of the symptoms even if only temporarily? i've been going through this for about 8 months and although i don't suffer any physical symptoms like many here, the anhedonia and depression is almost unbearable and hasn't improved at all since the start of my ltc. i dosed 400-500mg my first time ever doing mdma and have never felt the same since. are shrooms worth the potential risk or setback they might have on my ltc, im afraid i've done some sort of damage to my serotonin system and shrooms might amplify this in some way, on the other side in the past tripping provided me great improvements in mood and much personal growth so i am unsure as to whether or not this is a bad idea. any advice or experiences would be much appreciated. thanks
 
1exxocs said:
anybody have any experience tripping on shrooms to alleviate some of the symptoms even if only temporarily? i've been going through this for about 8 months and although i don't suffer any physical symptoms like many here, the anhedonia and depression is almost unbearable and hasn't improved at all since the start of my ltc. i dosed 400-500mg my first time ever doing mdma and have never felt the same since. are shrooms worth the potential risk or setback they might have on my ltc, im afraid i've done some sort of damage to my serotonin system and shrooms might amplify this in some way, on the other side in the past tripping provided me great improvements in mood and much personal growth so i am unsure as to whether or not this is a bad idea. any advice or experiences would be much appreciated. thanks
Click to expand...
ive done shrooms twice during the LTC, and unfortunately they did not do much at all, however i think if you were to microdose shrooms it would be more benefical
 
Little update from myself, currently i have no other symptoms except anhedonia and no sex drive, i can focus again and my memory is better (not 100%) but i still feel no pleasure from anything, i could force myself to do the most nerving shit and feel nothing, no feeling of anxiety no depression no fear but also not much enjoyment or joy from anything either, just in this very neutral state, ive quit weed now almost 2 months sober im still hoping it could be caused by that, atleast my memory improved a shit ton after i quit weed, so im still hopeful maybe things will change in 2-4 months
 
ar223 said:
Little update from myself, currently i have no other symptoms except anhedonia and no sex drive, i can focus again and my memory is better (not 100%) but i still feel no pleasure from anything, i could force myself to do the most nerving shit and feel nothing, no feeling of anxiety no depression no fear but also not much enjoyment or joy from anything either, just in this very neutral state, ive quit weed now almost 2 months sober im still hoping it could be caused by that, atleast my memory improved a shit ton after i quit weed, so im still hopeful maybe things will change in 2-4 months
Click to expand...
how long has it been for you my friend?
 
Has anybody ever recovered from the anhedonia, ive gone through most if not all of the recovery stories and nobody really mentions having anhedonia and it going away. im pretty hopeless right now so any help would really be appreciated.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top