MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

[Nambo]

has any of you have recovered the cognitive deficits ??

I have very little genomm and speed, I have previously consumed 1.5 years to me it was always good, I had the normal depression. I felt so stupid then and no longer like myself feel, I'm slow and stupid. Yes I smoke 25 cigarettes a day. I know I have to smoke less. I tried alcohol but it has not done anything. I have no fear, I really feel like somedude

I also feel like I've lost all scharm and my frontal overlap were destroyed. I thought ridiculous sunsets, it feel itself to psychotic. if there what is broken, and that can not regenerate ..

Do you feel like you have lost your personality, like your sense of self or identity has been erased? Basically a living death. How much mdma did you take? (Ignorning the alcohol and amphetamine)

 

[Muldentier]

yes just as I feel, 250 mg. I feel like on a bad LSD trip, I want it to stop. every day is a pain and I can not live like this.

 

[Nambo]

has any of you have recovered the cognitive deficits ??

I have very little genomm and speed, I have previously consumed 1.5 years to me it was always good, I had the normal depression. I felt so stupid then and no longer like myself feel, I'm slow and stupid. Yes I smoke 25 cigarettes a day. I know I have to smoke less. I tried alcohol but it has not done anything. I have no fear, I really feel like somedude

yes just as I feel, 250 mg. I feel like on a bad LSD trip, I want it to stop. every day is a pain and I can not live like this.

You won't believe it now but you get used to it.... You probably suffering from an extreme form of depersonalisation

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

100 mg, every morning for three weeks. I do not know if there is still hope, although I have read many good stories, but my consumption was pure abuse, I hate myself for .. I can not work because I'm so confused, can my driver's license is not finished making, I am a mental cripple

If 100mg seemed to help I would definitely take more, see how up to 300mg goes for starters, and I really recommend the EGCG green tea extract to help get it absorbed into the brain.

Has extended release melatonin helped with sleep much?

I think I've heard many many stories of severe abuse and severe cognitive issues exactly like you have with sleep problems and everything, and many many stories of those same people coming back a couple years later to say that they recovered really well.

MDMA doesn't hurt the "trunk" of the brain cells, but just hurts the branches. The brain grows new branches all the time as long as the trunk is okay, and that's why the brain can make such miraculous recoveries from MDMA. I myself used hundreds of pills in the space of just one year, most times binging on 10+ pills over a couple days and mixing it with speed and cough syrup and everything. One time I took 25 pills over 2 days. Believe me when I say I absolutely relate to your current situation, and that I felt just as hopeless as you are now, but trust me when I say you can recover if you give it time. I had a really hard time forgiving myself for being so reckless but I hope you can try to forgive yourself. When you were using drugs, you were just doing whatever you could to feel what you needed to feel in that moment.

Do you have family or friends that are supportive?

Some people that have really bad strokes and can't even talk recover well even if one part of their brain is forever damaged, this is because the other parts of the brain actually compensate and start making up for the lost part. In children with horrible epilepsy, sometimes one whole entire half of their brain is removed, and they often go on to live relatively normal lives with only half their brain.

Normally serotonin inhibits lots of parts of the brain - if MDMA hurts serotonin the brain could be very excited and you could have insomnia and reminisce a lot, but the brain will not only grow that serotonin back over time but your brain will learn to compensate for the loss of serotonin by "turning down the volume", eventually even without growing back the serotonin (but you will grow back the serotonin as well). It's also possible that MDMA doesn't actually damage serotonin (people get your exact sorts of symptoms from things like mushrooms and acid, from very bad trips, but these drugs don't cause any harm to brain cells). So even if there is damage your brain will heal, but it's perfectly possible your brain hasn't really been damaged and that something else is causing your issues.

Either way I think with time and the right environment and activities you will recover just fine and will be grateful forever after for a working brain.

 

[Muldentier]

You won't believe it now but you get used to it.... You probably suffering from an extreme form of depersonalisation

Does this mean now that I the rest of my life must remain so. I am lost

 

[Muldentier]

If 100mg seemed to help I would definitely take more, see how up to 300mg goes for starters, and I really recommend the EGCG green tea extract to help get it absorbed into the brain.

Has extended release melatonin helped with sleep much?

I think I've heard many many stories of severe abuse and severe cognitive issues exactly like you have with sleep problems and everything, and many many stories of those same people coming back a couple years later to say that they recovered really well.

MDMA doesn't hurt the "trunk" of the brain cells, but just hurts the branches. The brain grows new branches all the time as long as the trunk is okay, and that's why the brain can make such miraculous recoveries from MDMA. I myself used hundreds of pills in the space of just one year, most times binging on 10+ pills over a couple days and mixing it with speed and cough syrup and everything. One time I took 25 pills over 2 days. Believe me when I say I absolutely relate to your current situation, and that I felt just as hopeless as you are now, but trust me when I say you can recover if you give it time. I had a really hard time forgiving myself for being so reckless but I hope you can try to forgive yourself. When you were using drugs, you were just doing whatever you could to feel what you needed to feel in that moment.

Do you have family or friends that are supportive?

Some people that have really bad strokes and can't even talk recover well even if one part of their brain is forever damaged, this is because the other parts of the brain actually compensate and start making up for the lost part. In children with horrible epilepsy, sometimes one whole entire half of their brain is removed, and they often go on to live relatively normal lives with only half their brain.

Normally serotonin inhibits lots of parts of the brain - if MDMA hurts serotonin the brain could be very excited and you could have insomnia and reminisce a lot, but the brain will not only grow that serotonin back over time but your brain will learn to compensate for the loss of serotonin by "turning down the volume", eventually even without growing back the serotonin (but you will grow back the serotonin as well). It's also possible that MDMA doesn't actually damage serotonin (people get your exact sorts of symptoms from things like mushrooms and acid, from very bad trips, but these drugs don't cause any harm to brain cells). So even if there is damage your brain will heal, but it's perfectly possible your brain hasn't really been damaged and that something else is causing your issues.

Either way I think with time and the right environment and activities you will recover just fine and will be grateful forever after for a working brain.

thank you, I'm very grateful to them really, but tell that to my relief, or because it's true Unfortunately I am very suspicious and I want the are honest with me! Have any of you kontak with "First Bad Comedown" ???

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Does this mean now that I the rest of my life must remain so. I am lost

People recover amazingly well from severe depersonalization, and I do think that this what you're suffering from. People get derealization from all sorts of drugs that aren't damaging. Derealization is usually something you see from one trip or usage in particular, compared to damage which you would expect to me cumulative and build up over time. It sounds like you got all your bad effects from one trip, so to me damage just doesn't fit very well, but depersonalization and derealization fits very well. The good news is that your outlook looks good if you can give it time.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Does this mean now that I the rest of my life must remain so. I am lost

thank you, I'm very grateful to them really, but tell that to my relief, or because it's true Unfortunately I am very suspicious and I want the are honest with me! Have any of you kontak with "First Bad Comedown" ???

Can you say what you mean abou suspicion and honesty again? And I've heard of first bad comedown but he doesn't come on much anymore unfortunately

 

[Nambo]

has any of you have recovered the cognitive deficits ??

I have very little genomm and speed, I have previously consumed 1.5 years to me it was always good, I had the normal depression. I felt so stupid then and no longer like myself feel, I'm slow and stupid. Yes I smoke 25 cigarettes a day. I know I have to smoke less. I tried alcohol but it has not done anything. I have no fear, I really feel like somedude

Can you say what you mean abou suspicion and honesty again? And I've heard of first bad comedown but he doesn't come on much anymore unfortunately

FBC hasn't been on this site since early last year. I hope this means his recovery have progressed to such a point that he has forgotten the need to check in.

 

[Muldentier]

Can you say what you mean abou suspicion and honesty again? And I've heard of first bad comedown but he doesn't come on much anymore unfortunately

I understand your question not quite .. I do not think it is more lisa tion can thereby the cognitive abilities to be so limited, my beat is the biggest shit, I do not know how long I can stand still.

 

[Muldentier]

My last lsd trip six years ago, I had a bad reisr, after that it was me a year bad and because it would steadily better, I know that MDMA and amphetamine hetamin the brain severely damaged and now I have the bill for my abuse, I hope so much that I can recover and soon, the summer is coming here in Germany and I can not be happy, I miss the old days, I would you love to turn back time.

 

[cyberius]

2015 was a hectic year for me. I went through about 50 pills and 3-4g of mdma with one overdose and one near miss. I had quit MDMA December 23rd after having a bad trip (just on mdma, crazy, huh?) that broke the camels back.

I've had very severe short lived comedowns in the past that incapitated me for a month psychologically and emotionally, but this was different. I felt like I had precipitated something very negative this time. I lost all control of my emotions, my anxiety sky rocketed, and I wanted to kill myself every day.

It felt like I had no serotonin. I was cool and collected on the surface, but cold and detached inside. I became this jaded hypochondriac and spent hours obsessing over hating myself in forced soltitude. I was different and I'd never be able to get back on my feet.

My personal relationships were strained heavily. When I felt like talking to my friends and soon to be fiance, I was a moody and amped up mess. I was a depressing and distant husk of the fun loving joker I used to be. My friends didn't want to be around me.

I had put my parents through so much hell during this time too. I argued over everything and started these horrible pointless fights. I pushed them to drinking, they only wanted to help but I only wanted to fight them. Maybe I blamed this on them, or I was just channeling my anger of the world? Either way, It was beyond wrong.

The pain I had put my girlfriend through was the worst though, and I try to make it up to her every day. I constantly watched over her like an obsessive anxious mess. I picked fights over things that happened years ago and Id sit around for hours analysing our relationship under a microscope.

6 months later and the mist is starting to fade, my emotions and composure are starting to heal. I'm talking to my old friends and making mew ones as well! My brains starting to recover! I no longer curse my existance every waking moment!

I'm very far from out of the woods though, and I've accepted that I've changed my brain. It's hard for me to shift focus, and I'm lowered my cognitive tempo noticably. I've also lost all my energy. I used to have boundless energy I'd spend doing a dozen or so things in a day. Now getting out of bed is incredibly challenging and It feels lime I never really wake up.

To anyone whos experiencing similar issues, it does get better. Please if you're a victim of MDMA abuse message me, I'll happily be a friend when you've pushed everyone else away.

Plur

 

[Muldentier]

now I have understood your question, I'm just worried that you give me all that just say that I am reassured and not doing to me, my life is at the moment the purest hell, I miss her so much, neinecfreunde and family making also slow to care. It's not normal that I feel worse and worse and I'll always be stupid. I have the posts of "bben" read and I feel just like him, he has still not recovered after 8 years. I can not live like this, I just want a piece of me again. Bin my understanding ,, Be Mine empathy and have my brain because I would be happy. Can you give me a person who has recovered from the cognitive deficits except them.

 

[Muldentier]

2015 was a hectic year for me. I went through about 50 pills and 3-4g of mdma with one overdose and one near miss. I had quit MDMA December 23rd after having a bad trip (just on mdma, crazy, huh?) that broke the camels back.

I've had very severe short lived comedowns in the past that incapitated me for a month psychologically and emotionally, but this was different. I felt like I had precipitated something very negative this time. I lost all control of my emotions, my anxiety sky rocketed, and I wanted to kill myself every day.

It felt like I had no serotonin. I was cool and collected on the surface, but cold and detached inside. I became this jaded hypochondriac and spent hours obsessing over hating myself in forced soltitude. I was different and I'd never be able to get back on my feet.

My personal relationships were strained heavily. When I felt like talking to my friends and soon to be fiance, I was a moody and amped up mess. I was a depressing and distant husk of the fun loving joker I used to be. My friends didn't want to be around me.

I had put my parents through so much hell during this time too. I argued over everything and started these horrible pointless fights. I pushed them to drinking, they only wanted to help but I only wanted to fight them. Maybe I blamed this on them, or I was just channeling my anger of the world? Either way, It was beyond wrong.

The pain I had put my girlfriend through was the worst though, and I try to make it up to her every day. I constantly watched over her like an obsessive anxious mess. I picked fights over things that happened years ago and Id sit around for hours analysing our relationship under a microscope.

6 months later and the mist is starting to fade, my emotions and composure are starting to heal. I'm talking to my old friends and making mew ones as well! My brains starting to recover! I no longer curse my existance every waking moment!

I'm very far from out of the woods though, and I've accepted that I've changed my brain. It's hard for me to shift focus, and I'm lowered my cognitive tempo noticably. I've also lost all my energy. I used to have boundless energy I'd spend doing a dozen or so things in a day. Now getting out of bed is incredibly challenging and It feels lime I never really wake up.

To anyone whos experiencing similar issues, it does get better. Please if you're a victim of MDMA abuse message me, I'll happily be a friend when you've pushed everyone else away.

Plur

I feel the same, only that I do not have fear, I read correctly they are doing a lot better? Do you also have blurred vision and ridiculous thoughts, you can entertain yourself easily. You can watch yes my posts to read and see if you find yourself again, I would be very grateful.

 

[cyberius]

I feel the same, only that I do not have fear, I read correctly they are doing a lot better? Do you also have blurred vision and ridiculous thoughts, you can entertain yourself easily. You can watch yes my posts to read and see if you find yourself again, I would be very grateful.

On my last LTC I didn't have blurred vision or ridiculous thoughts. An overdose gave me both for a couple weeks though

 

[Muldentier]

I'm on the pill last went to sleep and I had this weird twitches and voices in my head and I felt weird, then it was four days well, I still have taken amphetamine and did that happen again. I've read some stories here, there have not recovered, I know I can not not compare this because everyone is different, but I do not know what else to do. I also have constant flashbacks I really think I'm lost, I also counted again after and there are already five months

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Does this mean now that I the rest of my life must remain so. I am lost

I'm on the pill last went to sleep and I had this weird twitches and voices in my head and I felt weird, then it was four days well, I still have taken amphetamine and did that happen again. I've read some stories here, there have not recovered, I know I can not not compare this because everyone is different, but I do not know what else to do. I also have constant flashbacks I really think I'm lost, I also counted again after and there are already five months

Personally in real life I can think of 5 people other than me who've been in a similar situation (abused MDMA and other things for years, finally had a severe long term comedown and had all of our symptoms) and 3 have recovered 95% while one has recovered mostly and last I saw the other person they said they were 75% recovered but still had issues with seeing colors drift across their vision but they had learned to not let it bother them (I have the vision symptoms still too but they definitely don't bother me anymore).

I might point out that all of us had issues before we were abusing drugs, probably the reasons why we were abusing drugs in the first place. I think it's important to realize the MDMA might've just triggered the long term comedown and mental issues so don't blame yourself entirely for a using if you were just trying to self medicate issues that were not your fault.

Anyways, 5 months is still really early on, most people that I've talked to on here saw improvement around 1 year and it took 2 years to start feeling like their old selves, but a lot of these people seemed to just come back on here one day and were much much better all of a sudden, so from this most people and even a moderate from the neuroscience and pharmacology forum think that these MDMA issues are a strange form of anxiety and derealization and depersonalization, and is not from actual damage.

It sounds like you already had some similar issues from LSD too?

 

[PillsAndKills]

Anyways, 5 months is still really early on, most people that I've talked to on here saw improvement around 1 year and it took 2 years to start feeling like their old selves, but a lot of these people seemed to just come back on here one day and were much much better all of a sudden, so from this most people and even a moderate from the neuroscience and pharmacology forum think that these MDMA issues are a strange form of anxiety and derealization and depersonalization, and is not from actual damage.

I think mine stemmed from anxiety surrounding the after effects of MDMA. I felt a bit off a few days after my last drop, then immediately began to question why I was feeling this way which snowballed into panic attack and triggered off something pretty insidious which took some serious getting over. Given the amount of friends who use more and still continue to use without suffering any of the mental afflictions that I experienced for those first few months I can only assume I was already prone to getting such problems. I've always had an inquisitive mind and I think a lot of overthinking on my part triggered it for me, but then again I can't help that, its just how I am.

 

[Muldentier]

I would me already satisfied 50%, if I could go back to work, finish my school yet, I'll take drugs to me again, never again. KOch would finally lead a normal life, I have my size love thus lost. I hope I will get well Did it also cases where it was only worse and for better. My stroke is also getting worse, I have the last two weeks each makes only 4 slep for hours, I've got it with relaxation tried to do sports I lack the power

 

[Muldentier]

And look at the problems with the affect me not a bit, only my head fucks me so much.