• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators:

MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

Status
Not open for further replies.
I also have strong digestive problems. Tonight I have not slept. I hope I can write good things soon.
 
I've read the reports of Skate222 and it describes perfectly how gegt me, I have no famine, no thirst, the music snail can not think, not sleep, feel, correctly, digestive problems, sexual interference. Have ye felt by another on the day or the wat a longer process
 
cyberius said:
2015 was a hectic year for me. I went through about 50 pills and 3-4g of mdma with one overdose and one near miss. I had quit MDMA December 23rd after having a bad trip (just on mdma, crazy, huh?) that broke the camels back.

I've had very severe short lived comedowns in the past that incapitated me for a month psychologically and emotionally, but this was different. I felt like I had precipitated something very negative this time. I lost all control of my emotions, my anxiety sky rocketed, and I wanted to kill myself every day.

It felt like I had no serotonin. I was cool and collected on the surface, but cold and detached inside. I became this jaded hypochondriac and spent hours obsessing over hating myself in forced soltitude. I was different and I'd never be able to get back on my feet.

My personal relationships were strained heavily. When I felt like talking to my friends and soon to be fiance, I was a moody and amped up mess. I was a depressing and distant husk of the fun loving joker I used to be. My friends didn't want to be around me.

I had put my parents through so much hell during this time too. I argued over everything and started these horrible pointless fights. I pushed them to drinking, they only wanted to help but I only wanted to fight them. Maybe I blamed this on them, or I was just channeling my anger of the world? Either way, It was beyond wrong.

The pain I had put my girlfriend through was the worst though, and I try to make it up to her every day. I constantly watched over her like an obsessive anxious mess. I picked fights over things that happened years ago and Id sit around for hours analysing our relationship under a microscope.

6 months later and the mist is starting to fade, my emotions and composure are starting to heal. I'm talking to my old friends and making mew ones as well! My brains starting to recover! I no longer curse my existance every waking moment!

I'm very far from out of the woods though, and I've accepted that I've changed my brain. It's hard for me to shift focus, and I'm lowered my cognitive tempo noticably. I've also lost all my energy. I used to have boundless energy I'd spend doing a dozen or so things in a day. Now getting out of bed is incredibly challenging and It feels lime I never really wake up.

To anyone whos experiencing similar issues, it does get better. Please if you're a victim of MDMA abuse message me, I'll happily be a friend when you've pushed everyone else away.

Plur

You never lost your serotonin. Serotonin depletion is a myth -- unless you are on a Chronic Tryptophan Deficient Diet (which in your case is EXACTLY what you should do).

Your brain is always synthesizing serotonin. Even during the middle of a roll, your brain is synthesizing serotonin even though MDMA has a blocking action on tryptophan hydroxylase. LSD works on serotonin, if MDMA depleted it, people couldn't drop acid at the end of a festival week, after rolling earlier.

What you have, my friend, is a failure to communicate. Your binding affinity between serotonin and the receptors is downregulated -- just like benzo and the GABA receptor. Serotonin is floating around, it's being released -- it just doesn't stick as well to the receptor site, and your transporter protein SERT has binding affinity issues also.


A diet deficient in tryptophan has been shown to drastically lower levels of serotonin in the brain -- resulting in upregulation of 5HT2A serotonin receptor binding after just 3 weeks.

Bacopa Monnieri supposedly has documented balancing action on the serotonin system its cheap.
Click to expand...
 
Muldentier said:
I've taken three weeks 5 htp, it went a bit. noopept but is not good in the long run it? If ever the recover my cognitive abilities the chance?
Click to expand...

Flooding your brain with serotonin is the WRONG answer. That's the reason the receptors downregulate in the first place.

A diet completely deficient in tryptophan will result in a drastic drop in serotonin synthesis. After 3 weeks on such a diet and a decreae of 90% in serotonin synthesis -- serotonin 5HT2A receptor binding affinity was UPREGULATED.

Bacopa Monnieri supposedly balances the serorotnin system.

Sert binding is another issue, but downregulation of the SERT may not be a bad thing. A large number of people with Aspergers or Autism have mutations in the gene that encodes SERT -- making it extremely active and efficient-- it removes the serotonin molecule from the cleft so fast that the activity is greatly decreased. Lots of serotonin the blood, not much in the brain (except in storage). this over active SERT lead to a brain starved for serotonin (the synapses) -- hypersensitivity of the serotonin receptors.

Short time at the cleft = OCD, rumination, depression, suicide (OCD, depression and suicide are commonly co morbid in ASD ;children with ASD have a rate of ideation or attempts at suicide 28 times higher (2800%) than the normal population.

hypersensitivity of the receptor -- panic attacks
 
when I try to sleep, I very often even if I'm really ridiculous photos I dreaming awake, I feel even more connected with nothing, like I have asperger's syndrome. I can no longer appreciate and feel like disabled, I möxhte NZR a part of my feelings zurück.Was was the longest duration of a lct's or is there someone who has the for ages already so bad feels and felt no improvement so far. I appreciate any help and response and can send me also send you private messages. Thank you so much
 
I can I ask you all to help and answer, I can not stand it anymore :( I only think I dream and I can not think. I'm just caught up in me u d talk no more :(
please help me
 
Honestly ltc's take a very long time to overcome especially if it's a severe case which is what it sounds like to me muld. I had a pretty bad case myself and it's been about ten months of sobriety (two years total or so because I was dumb enough to roll while in the midst of an LTC) after ten months I am still not better yet....but I have gotten to the point where my symptoms have gotten way more mild. Life is good again I have true fun again I can love and fear again. Do I sill have some symptoms? Yes but they are very light compared to the beginning and in time they will fade!
 
Can there be even better if there are five months already uniformly bad. If there is someone which is in the beginning was just bad and since has been better, please let me, I tremble also an alcoholic
 
I have slowly lost hope, I am at the end of my rope I really feel like a broken wreck, I'm grateful for any help, I'm so glad that I have the forum found :(
 
Muldentier said:
Can there be even better if there are five months already uniformly bad. If there is someone which is in the beginning was just bad and since has been better, please let me, I tremble also an alcoholic
Click to expand...

Things are definitely going to keep improving even after the 5 year mark, and I wouldn't expect too much real improvement before 6 months. LTCs take a while to recover from but the vast majority of people with LTCs from various substances get much better around the 2 year mark I would say.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
Things are definitely going to keep improving even after the 5 year mark, and I wouldn't expect too much real improvement before 6 months. LTCs take a while to recover from but the vast majority of people with LTCs from various substances get much better around the 2 year mark I would say.
Click to expand...

I have such sorrow that I can never live a normal life again, I do not know how to manage all this, I'm just confused, I want so much to sleep 6 hours again, have a clear head, every day feels the same, like a bad dream does not end, do you think I should not give up hope. I am so desperate:(
 
I feel like this is an apt time for a quick update given the recent activity on the thread. Coming up to almost 6 months of my LTC.

It felt like I had no serotonin. I was cool and collected on the surface, but cold and detached inside. I became this jaded hypochondriac and spent hours obsessing over hating myself in forced soltitude. I was different and I'd never be able to get back on my feet.

My personal relationships were strained heavily. When I felt like talking to my friends and soon to be fiance, I was a moody and amped up mess. I was a depressing and distant husk of the fun loving joker I used to be. My friends didn't want to be around me.
Click to expand...

emphasis mine

cyberius, this describes exactly how I was and it's such a relief just to hear the affliction worded so eloquently and alike my own. I could literally 'feel' some abnormality up top and with strong conviction it was a serotonin deficit. It's a very unnerving sensation. Having experience the scene, the lack empathy I have received from those around me, following my cognitive crash, has been astonishing. After telling close friends what I was suffering from, it didn't seem to resonate with them whatsoever. But then how could it when they have only known massive serotonin release and your regular homeostasis. This caused devastating isolation for me, heightened by my already emotional numbness; even my best explanation of the affliction evoked confusion in the listener. And after a brief recommendation of solutions such as 'do <insert usual favourite activity>' it became clear that 1) they assumed there was an immediate solution and 2) that even my favourite things to do offered value. When the reward system is broken, you experience the world as very bleak place.

However, recently I have experienced several sudden huge improvements and ultimately pronounced recovery from severe anhedonia. I'd say I'm now 85% back as a conservative estimate.

Which is leading me to believe what shugenja is saying. May I ask what your sources are, shug? Or is it from combined experience and research?

This leads me to my message for you, Multidentier. You're going to be okay, eventually. Use mindfulness and you can survive. It's a powerful tool so learn how to use it.
 
I sibility with mindfulness tried, I can not concentrate on my thoughts wander from equal. I do not know what to do yet, it's getting worse and I can really idetifizieren with somedud, I have not found anyone else to it so badly off as me and him. I do not think that even what is better, 5 months and it's getting worse, not better, I do not know what to do, my brain is completely broken
 
I can live a little foolishness, but the turmoil of thoughts make me so broken, I want to die. Such a life is not worth living. Each of the s is similar, just contact me.
 
Remember muld most people don't see much relief until the 1-2 year mark and even the most of my recovery came after that with dedicated mindfulness meditation practice - I know that what happens is as you try to meditate more thoughts pop into your head. This is exactly why you and I need meditation. The goal is that if a thought comes just let it pass and focus on the way your breathing feels, deep and slow through your stomach. I know it's easy to get frustrated when thoughts are bombarding you but if meditating is hard, that is exactly what you need, it will help reset your brain, but it requires much practice.

I promise you that if you really practice meditation for a year you will see results - practicing meditation is probably the main thing that helped me recover and I finally believed in trying it and gave it a real chance after my 2 year mark, hell it was really after my 4 year mark that I started really believing in it and practicing more and getting the hang of it and then I started to see real results and started to sleep again. It was amazing how chaotic my mind was before then.

I HIGHLY recommend an app called Headspace, it will teach you the basics of mindfulness for free and then for a monthly fee you can learn tons and tons more. But there is also YouTube for guided meditation. The goal is eventually to take a bit of a mindfulness mindset everywhere you go, especially to bed.

Good luck muld, please give the meditation your best shot for as long as you can... I've talked to a lot of people on here who have had great success with mindfulness.

Also, sorry I haven't been talking to you much, I just went to a wedding and didn't get a chance to talk much online.
 
Muldentier said:
Can there be even better if there are five months already uniformly bad. If there is someone which is in the beginning was just bad and since has been better, please let me, I tremble also an alcoholic
Click to expand...
Muld the first five months for me showed no improvement....I didn't feel any better until about month #9. You are going to get better I promise just fight through the hard months it will get better I guarantee it
 
I had you around four months no fear, only bad flashbacks, everything seems like a acid, trip, I want it to stop. I would like to work again, I can not because my cognitive skills at the level of an 8-year-old is. Had also anyone of them and so confused thoughts.
 
Why do these ltc's last so long ? Why does it take so long for your brain to heal? Do they always heal or can it actually be permanent ? I've had brain zaps for nearly 1 year and I just feel like it's starting to get better again but suddenly flares up again for no reason and just going round in circles ! Also - Has anyone hear ever had reactive hypersensitive tinnitus too? Where random sudden noises causes them to have brain zaps/twitches? Another symptom of mine which is going round in circles.... Thanks
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top