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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

LSD - Personality Change?

RainbowWarrior

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 13, 2010
Messages
324
Location
Infinite sea of colourful ever changing fractals
Hi fellow travellers on the cosmic journey :)

Delighted to be here on bluelight (new to this site but long term member of various cannabis grow-forums)...

I'm a young (23) european student and have been consuming cannabis (mixed with tobaco) for 8 years daily, had my first expiriences with mushrooms at the age of 17-18 (but the first 4 times i dosed too little to have really psychedelic break throughs)

On my fith time with shrooms it than happened... i found a connection to this planet i hadn't known i have - i remember standing before a tree for at least an hour reflecting it's beauty and uniqueness and feeling vibrate the tree with life (i think some of you understand) and loosing completely this conceptual view of trees - for me now they aren't just "trees" they are explosions of the energy of life only to slow to be perceived as explosions by us humans ;)

well it was definately a life changing expirience, but it was also very confusing - and of course i was curious to go further ;) so over the past five years i have taken about 20 real trips on mushrooms - also had what most would call a bad trip (for me nothing is ever only "good" or only "bad"), also expirienced things like thinking i have died during the trip, and that my body was still out there in the nature while only my spirit is back home in the living room (really not that bad of a feeling, way worse is to think you are actually dying in this very moment)... but somehow all this affected my "real" life little - well it drastically changed my perception of the world, but my behaviours were the same as always - mostly (un)motivated by lazyness and adictive character...


Now atm i'm doing a year of studies abroad, after 2 months i was at a rave (didn't know before, just was invited to a party) it was incredible, the location was great, all the people there knew each other and were very positive... so i decided to finally try LSD this evening, i took one hit (liquid)... after about an hour i was already tripping, but rather slow - i remember thinking: well that's really just like a very mellow shroom trip... so i shared a drink with 2 friends, asuming there was another hit in there for each of us (only the day after i was told, that the guy dosing was already tripping pretty hard so possibly dosed higher than he wanted to)

and that was it, i ended with one of the strongest trips of my life (imagine i only knew 4 people of about 100 attending, and also only was learning the language for 1 year, and was 2000km from what i call home) i had a complete loss of ego and some very deep thoughts during the trip, also had some phases that would be considered a "bad trip" - at one point a girl deliberately tried to scare me - yeah you can figure she managed to do so ;) (not very nice thing to do) But it was nevertheless a mostly positive trip and an incredible experience...

a few weeks later i was back home for christmas for a week, and brought some LSD with me to try for my GF, this time we took only 2 trips of the same acid for 3 persons (i was told it's are rather high dosed trips) but i was only tripping mildly most of the time - only painting and viewing art books got me really tripping this time... a rather normal but really pleasant trip...

Now to what i'm aiming at... i would consider myself to be more a spiritual than recreational user of psychedelics, but with all my trips on mushrooms i always had problems of really carrying all these wonderful insights into my daily life...

With the acid however it's different, the whole trip itself already seemed much clearer and more rational than with shrooms, but what astonishes me, is that it took me about 4 weeks to really understand that first intense lasd experience, and now that i have, some things have changed...

first off i quited smoking tabaco 4 days ago, i was sitting in my room at night smoking weed like i normally do and meditate in my own manner (not in any fixed position, it's more like mental games i play to get nearer to "the other point of view/the other side") when eventually i realised this is the very moment to finally make a difference - so i knew i would now stop smoking tabaco and start eating more sane...

like i mentioned earlier i always would have characterized me as an adictive character, my first drug was sugar - with that i started at about 5 or 6 years age, and did abuse it all my life until now, next was nicotine - smoked my first cigarette at the age of ten, really started smoking with 13, then two years of binge drinking, with 15 i discovered cannabis (i also was very adicted to sports... i would start doing one type of sports, very intensely like every free minute the day, most sports i quitted after a month or so, only skateboarding i did for a few years - and thats how i came to weed, i broke my leg badly and practically couldn't move for 2 months... that was horror for me but with weed i didn't care as much not be able to do anything), i pretty much smoke weed on a daily basis since then, only once stopped half a year when i got my driving license... so you get the picture...

well now this change that happened - of course i was doing this - but it's just to profound for my lazy ass... i don't have that much of a hard time not smoking tabaco - most of the time i'm just glad that this period is over now, and i also decided to eat more fruits and no more fast food... but somehow also my need for sugar has passed away, i don't have that feeling anymore i always got when eating something sweet (like: MOOOOORE) and now the weirdest part:

also i have ever been very sexual active, i would have said sex adict (most of the time even 2 times per day were not enough - when masturbating more like 5-10 times a day) but ever since this night i have not masturbated (my gf is 2000 km away :( ) and i feel absolutly no desire to do so at any moment... this is very strange to me - don't get me wrong, these days i feel freeer (more free? sorry english as a second language) than ever, also i have this profound happyness i took with me from the last trip...

but my point is: the trip changed me more than i actively participated, that's great if it goes in the positive direction but terrible if it goes in the negative/fear/paranoid direction... what are your experiences? have you had control over every change the psychedelics/experiences did to you in the long term?

well that's it for now :) thanks for reading...

greetings from an every hour less confused and more awake RainbowWarrior :)
 
My personality has definitely been changed by my drug use, and for the most part it's shifted in the same direction as yours seems to have ... towards calmness, a general lack of uncomfortable cravings, a feeling of connection to the rest of the biosphere, and more awareness of what I can do that will improve my physical and mental health.

I'd say your journey has been pretty similar to mine except that I started later (drinking at 16, pot, nicotine, and psychedelics at 17) and I've taken a fair amount of MDMA in addition to the psychedelics I've used, so the influence of that stuff has also been felt in my life.
 
That's a helluva good post for your first one Rainbow - I hope you come back again <3

As for personality change - I don't think it's changed my personality but it's helped me to stay healthy emotionally and to stave off depression.
 
Welcome to the otherworld. Also to BL :)

It's always uplifting to read positive psychedelic experiences.
 
Well how can it not really? LSD does show you the light ;)

I'm definately a changed person after my use of psychedelics, and in a positive way.

I dont really think that you can be changed in a straight out bad way, I think its more that some people have been shown their issues by mind opening chemicals and have been unable to confront/deal with them. Which in itself could be seen as a bad thing, on the same token super high dose trips aren't really a thing I do. I find frequent low-mid dose trips to be very beneficial though =)
 
lsd will make you turn into the person u always wanted to be but never thought was possible,a mixture of everything that you envy and then some,and it can also give you alternate personalitys depending on the way ur day is going (kinda like a real lsd trip),its really just a game of russian roulettte,somtimes you win,somtimes you loose,you can have a 3 month nightmare that can result in greener pastures,or u can have a greener pasture that results in a lifelong nightmare,its not even a matter of saying 'its ur choice' its the lsd's choice,and if it wasnt,ud be the one doing the drugs,instead of them doing you. goodbye ladies and gents,i must move on to brighter skys in the bluelight spectrum,this is my first post,and not my last(ps iv done 3 dif kinds of lsd so dont call me a hater,if so,it wont bug me,itl just put the tots in my taters)
 
See, I have noticed something feels different since my first acid trip, but I still can't put my finger on it specifically...
I did learn how disgusting cigarettes are though and I have been smoking for 8 years or so. I haven't stopped, but I have cut down greatly.

I think I want to trip more often and go deeper to get more of this "life right here in front of your face" sort of thing.

Welcome to BL!
 
(ps iv done 3 dif kinds of lsd so dont call me a hater,if so,it wont bug me,itl just put the tots in my taters)

not calling you a hater...

but there's only one type of LSD.

If it's a different molecule its not LSD.
Maybe you could argue degraded LSD is 'different', but it would be because of the iso-LSD no longer being 'good' LSD.
 
ps iv done 3 dif kinds of lsd so dont call me a hater,if so,it wont bug me,itl just put the tots in my taters)

totally agree ive taken lsd 7 times 4 tabs the most and most beautiful trip only drug ive ever done with the correct dosage that i didnt need weed or beer....jus trippin..im new to wonderingf do i need to get too 50 to do a post
 
my first acid trip was a very difficult one, but very rewarding

made me rethink my priorities, goals, attitude, personality

woke up a different person - and I still am that different, more developed person
 
Thx for all the feedback :)

Well, it still goes on... i have not smoked tabaco anymore, never ate fast food - only fresh food from the local stores... today i started painting and defined my goals for the next few months :)

had a bad night two days ago... heavy paranoia... i'm about to crop some weed plants (1200w) this week, and smell was getting a little out of control despite my carbon filters...that night i heard my neighbour talking on the phone about weed smell in the stairway that comes out of my appartment :/

of course did change the exhaust direction in that very moment and now there's no smell anymore... nevertheless was a challenge, fear is a great oponent to be dealt with, but every time you do it's for the better... well eventually the next day i realised that i'm in a country where homegrowing for own consumption is decriminalized :D (yeah lucky me i know)

Another thing i'd like to share with you, i found this today and i can't explain it, but i feel there's a deep truth to see in those images:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kunstformen_der_Natur

I really want to have some of them around on my next trip... although that will have to wait until i am ready to go further, there still are some behaviors to change and some things to learn first ;) also my last trips aren't over yet, i still have more insights from day to day... and until i haven't accomplished all the changes that "were implied to me by my last trips", i know taking acid or shrooms would rather distract me than help me to come deeper...

well, i wish all of you who read this that you find what you are searching for :) i'll keep you updated about my progresses...

enjoy your lifes! ;)
 
I found my new favourite spot in the city today... it's a very exceptional arrangements of plants, stones and water in a park, somehow a really magic place :)

every time i'm there i can bring myself in a very spiritual mood and come closer to that state of acceptence and just pure smiling of joy (hard to describe... i think best it's illustrated by buddha statues)

somehow i noticed change in my sleep/dreams the last two nights, it's like my consciousness isn't shutting down completely while sleeping anymore... sounds stranger than it actually is... my life seems a little bit more coherent through that, it's easier to keep track of what really matters...

also i noticed i'm (even) more sensitive than before, i experience joy much more intense, but also i'm a little bit easier sadened... although it seems to be a healthy sadness that somehow purifys...

it just all makes sense for me :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9uXEArPvo8


;)
 
I found my new favourite spot in the city today... it's a very exceptional arrangements of plants, stones and water in a park, somehow a really magic place :)


Sometimes life is ironic... i found out that this place that i percieved as beautiful and magical, and that suits me so well to meditate about the duality and the nature of things, is infact a tribute built for the victims of a terrorist attack that happenecd in this city a few years ago...

it's like someone wants to slap it in my face... well i certainly need it, at times i feel it could happen to fall back into old habits that really don't seem to get me any further...

what really gets me is that the last years i have used cannabis mostly as a tool to daze myself, but it can be such a wonderful tool in sense enhancing without any problems of going into the public on it (i'm living in a 4 million city - that's always trippy, even completely sober - but i would never do real psychedelics as shrooms or lsd there...) not that i didn't enjoy before too, but i also used it to just get the time to pass, and that was stupid...

i made a few pictures of the park i mentioned maybe i'll load some up later today...
 
An important thing to keep in mind when taking psychedelics is to remember that, as spiritual as they are, they are still, at the end of the day, just chemicals. They act on the same parts of the brain that religious rapture experiences act on - the Christians you meet who are convinced they've seen Jesus in visions suffer from the same illusions as trippers who think they've seen some fundamental truth about humanity when they are tripping balls.

My point is, appreciate the spiritual wonder of what these drugs provide, but don't make the same mistake that religious fanatics make by mistaking these experiences as some sort of contact with the unknown. Perhaps there is something greater out there, maybe there even is a God, but chemical reactions in the brain are still just chemical reactions in the brain. Don't get yourself caught in the trap of forming a religious conception of the world based around psychedelic drug use.
 
An important thing to keep in mind when taking psychedelics is to remember that, as spiritual as they are, they are still, at the end of the day, just chemicals. They act on the same parts of the brain that religious rapture experiences act on - the Christians you meet who are convinced they've seen Jesus in visions suffer from the same illusions as trippers who think they've seen some fundamental truth about humanity when they are tripping balls.

My point is, appreciate the spiritual wonder of what these drugs provide, but don't make the same mistake that religious fanatics make by mistaking these experiences as some sort of contact with the unknown. Perhaps there is something greater out there, maybe there even is a God, but chemical reactions in the brain are still just chemical reactions in the brain. Don't get yourself caught in the trap of forming a religious conception of the world based around psychedelic drug use.



Well, one important thing to keep in mind: Don't think you figured out the truth and try to convince anybody of it by questioning their beliefs ;)

At the end of the day all life is just "chemical reactions"... small units react together to built complex structures, which then function as small units on their own to built yet more complex structures. This works on different levels - 1. in a time progressing level - this is what we call evolution, 2. it is there in every moment itself: you are made up of cells, which in themselfs are made of molecules, while molecules are combinations of atoms, etc

Now one of my realisations was that we ourself are as well only small units which make up a more complex structure, but somehow most people are convinced that humans are the only small unit that does built structures consiously... i don't think so anymore: in the end it always comes down to on fundamental question: is it coincidence or is there some kind of plan?

Now my belief today is that there is some kind of plan, in the sense that i can't believe anymore that we are the only small unit who builts structures knowingly... this thought just seems ridicule to me at this point ;)

but one of my other realisations was: we all have our own ilusions that we accept as truth, but it's important to be consious about it (like always, science f.e. is nothing more then making consious what is happening around us) as then you will have to accept that other persons have other ilusions and that no ilusion is worth more than another...

i used to struggle hard with the christian beliefs... i had long, long discussions about it all my life (my mother has studied catholic theology ;) ) and i used to make fun of it and just couldn't believe how one could even consider such bullshit as christ being the son of god etc...

well now i realised it also is just a linguistic code that was established to guide humans... and fact is: it does guide a lot of people - so it works...

and that's my point: at the end we have to choose the ilusion that makes us most happy in our lives, and that's always fine as long as you don't want to force others to live your ilusion as well... because for the very same reason psychedelic drugs are outlawed at this point in time, or other people are fighting "holy wars" and killing people because they think their ilusion is the only truth ;)

i hope you get my point ;) btw christianity finally makes sense to me... it states that humans were expelled from paradise when they ate from the tree, which makes a lot of sense actually (of course only for me and others, doesn't have to for you)... for me this is a code to explain that when we developed what we call rational thinking as a tool in evolution we lost the ability to just live in the moment, but also gained a very powerful tool, now it's that powerful of a tool that it also can "destroy itself" and bring you back to paradise, all you have to do is be consious about it or just plain and simple believe it... so hell yeah! jesus saved everybody who really believes in it and enable them to live in paradise once more... it's really just a linguistic code, and like always where communication happens through codes there are misunderstandings :)

also there is something i have seen on my last experience: i saw that there are people you send out "light" (or love) to their fellow human beings, others spread darkness (or fear)... we can choose what kind we want to be ;)

also jesus must have lived his life in an extreme light-spreading way, as people today still live from that light/love he brought others and pass it on to others... if you manage that in 2000 years people still spread the love you passed out in your lifetime than you are a hero ;) and no wonder that with that many translations from code to code a hero can become a god...

well anyhow, i hope you'll read this and think about it ;)

here are some pictures of what is my "curch" at the moment:










So choose your ilusions wisely, they can make you very happy :D
 
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