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June Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs It's Finally Beach Weather!

I have seen the world at its worst and experienced horrible things on the active side of my addiction, and I've also been on the other side of that and had the greatest highs without using a substance being happy joyous and free and not having to depend on a substance, I had two years clean living that way having miracles happen to me and just living a life to its fullest! I got my license back after having it suspended for 5 years I got a car and I moved from my apartment into a house. Most importantly I workedt three jobs so that I could provide my little boy who was now back in my life with the best possible life he could imagine, I got to see him take his first step I got to see him smash his first birthday cake, I got to design and plan his second birthday party age hold him in my arms and read him bedtime stories and cuddle and say prayers together. And I can't even begin to express how quickly that beautiful life was taken from me, a mnth after I relapsed my parents took my son away, I got clean cold turkey it was absolutely horrific, I had detoxed in jail cold turkey before but for some reason it was easier to do it cold turkey in there then it was at my friends house, stayed clean 30 days during those 30 days I went to my parents pee'd clean and got to spend like three hours with my son, then I was making plans to see my son again and my dad told me that now I had to do my drug tests at First Med and I have to do 10 Consecutive days each drug test is $36 so let me remind you that is $360 for the total of ten tests that he wants let me also remind you that I live in a town that is an hour away from any First Med and I'm a single mom and work three jobs, I became hopeless and felt defeated like I was never going to win that I was never going to have custody signed back over to me I mean I had two years of clean time and during that clean time I made leaps and bounds in my life and being independent and being a mommy! And that still wasn't good enough for my parents cause I still got the same Answer I got two years ago before I went into treatment, I ask them can we set a date of when custody Of my son can be signed back over to me and the answer is: Heather were not giving you a date we will just know when the timing is right! Like are you kidding me I didn't know what else they wanted from me, so anyways back to my son being taken away from me getting clean to the 10 drug tests well here I am feeling hopeless and defeated because the one thing that I want to be clean for and alive for to raise that little boy, seems like a hopeless task, because of the money and time.
And it has nothing to do with me not wanting to be with my son it's just I had three jobs and then they make him go to bed before I get home and to have the time to go down and pee 10x in a row there was no way it felt impossible and do guess what I said fuck it and after 30 days clean I relapsed, I started using pretty heavy and became really suicidal so I checked myself into treatment stated there 30 days got out saw my son on March 23rd relapsed two days later I have no idea why I think just the plain factual reason is i went and picked up dope for one of my homies and took it to him and he broke me off some and that was that. I have now been using since March 25 minus the 20 days I did in jail in April but then right as I got out started using cause why I was locked up they had to take me to the hospital I had to have surgery so what did I get diladid so the jail released me while I was still in the hospital, thank god cause I would still be in there right now. But anyways getting that diladid even though I was really using it for pain those brain receptors went off and there goes me. So now it is June 12th. and me and my bf ate getting clean he doesn't want to go to prison I don't want him to go to prison and I want a happy joyous and carefree life with my son in my arms I want to read him bedtime stories and sing him lullabies, say prayers, and kiss him goodnight!
So we were using 2 grams of heroin each per day we were slamming it we got some suboxone to help detox we waited 24 hours and then took
12 mg so a full strip and a half and it didn't do one thing we still felt super shitty like pretty much full blown withdrawal? Will tomorrow be worse!? I know cold turkey my second day is the worst but I'm hoping the suboxone works tomorrow should I slam it would that be better!? Please some guidance thank you!!! Also does subutex work better then Suboxone!? One more question is the suboxone going to work tomorrow!? Do you think it's because we did a lot of dope!? Oh shit I keep forgetting SERIOUSLY this is my last question if I slammed meth at 11pm am I going to be okay to take a suboxone in the morning!?
 
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The meth will have no bering on the sub. And two grams is a huge habit so even with the sub it will take a couple of days to stabilize. It sounds like you have some good reasons to quit. Stay on maintenance, lose your using friends and you will get there. It just takes some time.
 
Still clean and surprised I've made it this long!

I never had a multiple gram per day habit but I had a ton of stimulants and depressants prescribed to me at one point. Each day is a struggle, but each day I get that much better at living cleanly and naturally.
 
today is day 1 for me. i absolutely can't keep living how I have been living for the past hear. opiates. I've already gotten a few years clean under my belt before, but over a year ago some pain issues popped up and I was right back to filling prescriptions. For the last year I have been binging for a week straight until my script runs out, and then would go 3 weeks clean. i've progressed (i guess you can call it that) to turning down my monthly script, and instead copping on the street once a week or once every two weeks, shutting myself in for one day and binging. im thankful i am not using every day and do not have WDs to worry about (been there, done that) but kind of feel this is even worse because im constantly taking two steps forward and one step backwards all the time. and each step backward seems to get bigger and bigger each time. i just cant make it past that 2 week mark it seems. i dont even know what triggers a craving or when i even have one, its like before i know it im copping... like i just black out out of nowhere and only focus in copping, then feel guilty immediately after i use.

anyway i really cant do this anymore. im going to frequently check this thread and possibly hit some meetings. whats Pills Anonymous like?
 
Hello painquestions

i have 2 weeks clean from pills today, so I do not have the experience or Information to give you advice. But I would like to offer my support. I have wanted to use almost every day since I stopped, and like you, I have the ability to get a script whenever I want, which makes this journey just a tad more challenging, so I understand. I have had some success with breaking down my days into hour, half hour, and sometimes ever 15 minute intervals. I tell myself that I will go and get some pills in one hour, so on and so on. I know it sounds corny, but it has actually worked for me.

I do do know one thing. I do not actually ever have to feel the way I felt-not ever again. It will be my choice, but I never have to be THAT kind of sick again. There is a really awesome person on this forum with the coolest name-"neversickanymore". I thought a lot about that name. We never have to be dope-sick again. It's really the only choice I get. Because once I use, my choices are gone. I have to use until there is no more. I don't seem to have a choice. So if I choose to not swallow the first damn pill, I won't feel the consequences.

That being said, I have felt lots of bad feelings over the last 2 weeks. But it's different, and there is a solution with time. More clean time will solve many of my issues, or at the least allow me to work on some issues.

We we really need to give ourselves a chance. A chance to change, to recover.

sorry, I didn't plan on saying so much. Please let us know how it's going. There are many great people on this site-some with tons of experience and great info, and some with compassion. I am doing this totally alone and have used these folks on a daily basis. They don't seem to mind. And it might just be saving my life.
 
A few days ago I was so stressed out with my dealings with my gf that I gave in and injected the mscontin60mg I had. It was a mistake, but I know it and since then I am trying to cope with the depression that has followed. So I'm clean but it's hard to learn how to live...like how I can't justify my anger no matter how right I am if I am to be honest about my 3rd grade level of anger management. If only I can bite my toungue and go to the woods to meditate on serenity next time she freaks me out.
 
Just stopping by to say hello.
CH: Hope you are handling those stressors and having better days!
Imtryin: Congrats on what I think is very close to 17 days now! FYI: I tried to send a message... you need to clean out that mailbox, again! lol!
To all the new people posting to the June recovery thread: stick around and keep posting...you will get support here....just need some patience sometimes, as I had to find out in the beginning.
I have had some really good days on my taper, and a couple of not so good days. The bottom line is: my tolerance is being kept in line, I am not going to the streets to supplement my prescriptions, and I do not run out of pills between pain management appointments. So, through a lot of reading and support from here on BL, I am reaching my current HR goals.
 
Hey guys, first time posting here. I've been fighting the battle of IV heroin/opioid addiction for about 5 years now. I went down to Florida to go to rehab and lived in halfways for ~6 months. Came back home to Ohio and did great for 3-4 months straight. I was happy and got a job pretty quick; of course I was only smoking cannabis and drinking a few beers now and then. Then I just had to make the ridiculous decision to use bupe; one week turned into ~2 months as it always escalates quickly. So currently, I'm trying to taper down and I'm currently at 0.5-1mg. I'm just concerned how I'm going to function at work and socially once I have none left and the kick begins. Which I've kicked buprenorphine before in treatment I went to in Ohio a few years before Florida, I remember the insomnia being pretty bad, as well as the depression and hot/cold fluctuations (most felt freezing and stiff).

Just hope I can get this over with and start on journey towards a better life once again.
 
hangyourhead said:
Hey guys, first time posting here. I've been fighting the battle of IV heroin/opioid addiction for about 5 years now. I went down to Florida to go to rehab and lived in halfways for ~6 months. Came back home to Ohio and did great for 3-4 months straight. I was happy and got a job pretty quick; of course I was only smoking cannabis and drinking a few beers now and then. Then I just had to make the ridiculous decision to use bupe; one week turned into ~2 months as it always escalates quickly. So currently, I'm trying to taper down and I'm currently at 0.5-1mg. I'm just concerned how I'm going to function at work and socially once I have none left and the kick begins. Which I've kicked buprenorphine before in treatment I went to in Ohio a few years before Florida, I remember the insomnia being pretty bad, as well as the depression and hot/cold fluctuations (most felt freezing and stiff).

Just hope I can get this over with and start on journey towards a better life once again.
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Best of luck man.

I have 7 and 2/3rd months

I had a really bad dream where I was shooting suboxone last night. It was just a dream though, but those dreams always fuck with my mind so hard. :|
 
Having a bad day today, it's day 10 for me and l didn't get much sleep last night. Then an old friend stopped by and said she had fent patches. I said no but it is hard when l am sitting here feeling like crap. This is really the first terrible day l have had. Just trying to make it through the day but it's barely noon.
 
Ruby Slippers said:
Having a bad day today, it's day 10 for me and l didn't get much sleep last night. Then an old friend stopped by and said she had fent patches. I said no but it is hard when l am sitting here feeling like crap. This is really the first terrible day l have had. Just trying to make it through the day but it's barely noon.
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You're doing great ruby :) <3 keep up the great work

I was struggling getting sleep for months - but I'm finally able to get a full night's rest. It will get better for you too
 
Do you have a support network? like friends, family that know what you're going through? hopefully non-drug users (of the drugs you had a problem/problems with; it's OK to have a cup of tea or coffee of course ;))
 
This might be off topic but I'm currently in a situation where i need to find a new doctor that can write my medications in wny if there is any suggestions please let me know. I'm obviously a suboxone patient
 
batavia85cb said:
This might be off topic but I'm currently in a situation where i need to find a new doctor that can write my medications in wny if there is any suggestions please let me know. I'm obviously a suboxone patient
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Have you considered tapering off of the drug?

How did you find a suboxone doctor the first time?

The truth of the matter is, in some rural parts of the US, you might have to travel much farther than you originally were.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Do you have a support network? like friends, family that know what you're going through? hopefully non-drug users (of the drugs you had a problem/problems with; it's OK to have a cup of tea or coffee of course ;))
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I wasn't sure if this was directed at me...my family are all quite far away and have no idea. I mean they know something is up but not the extent, and there is no way they would be supportive. I have some very good friends and l am actually quite happy with my life circumstances right now which is why it is a good time.
 
Hey there. I just wanted to,pop I. And say hello. Day 18 for me today. Wish I could tell you I am happy, joyous and free, but I can barely get out of bed. Tired, no energy, agitated, miserable. I guess that does it. Hopefully a better day tomorrow.
Thanks for listening
 
Imtryin said:
Hey there. I just wanted to,pop I. And say hello. Day 18 for me today. Wish I could tell you I am happy, joyous and free, but I can barely get out of bed. Tired, no energy, agitated, miserable. I guess that does it. Hopefully a better day tomorrow.
Thanks for listening
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Day 18 that's amazing! I messed up last night and took three Norcos. I don't feel like it's day one again but l am still disappointed in myself.
 
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