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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
June Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs It's Finally Beach Weather!
- Thread starter Captain.Heroin
- Start date
P0kemama
Bluelighter
CH:
I am so sorry to hear that the depression is darkening your soul. I am sending positive energy your way. For selfish reasons, man, I hope you have a support system where you live. You are a huge part of my recovery here on BL, and I am certain many others feel the same. Feel free to PM me if you want to process your thoughts around this or anything privately. You have been through so much in your life, you are such a survivor... don't let your thoughts take you out. Hang in there.
Peace, Pokemama
Peace, Pokemama
P0kemama
Bluelighter
Thanks so much for the support and kind words, love88! You sound like you are doing awesome! I am enjoying the online NA meetings. You sound like you have a lot of energy...I bet you are going to have a wonderful month! Thank you for the kind offer to PM you... same here... I do like to vent about my jerk of a doctor, lol.
One of the best parts about being clean is learning to actually enjoy the weekend instead of fearing it
I always used to be scared of weekends cuz i allready knew i wont be able to sleep and that used to cause me to relapse alot
I have about 4 months now benzos and opiates free and cant complain
Wish evreyone a great weekend!
I always used to be scared of weekends cuz i allready knew i wont be able to sleep and that used to cause me to relapse alot
I have about 4 months now benzos and opiates free and cant complain
Wish evreyone a great weekend!
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
Imtryin; thank you for the PM
your inbox is full - but I just wanted to let you know I'm feeling better and you can always PM me
your PM really cheered me up today - thank you so much
I have a significant other. I might / might not be seeing family soon (haven't seen but one non-nuclear family member in the last 6 years). Thanks p0kemama and sim for the well wishes
I'm really glad you can enjoy the weekends man! That's some great progress. :D
your inbox is full - but I just wanted to let you know I'm feeling better and you can always PM me
your PM really cheered me up today - thank you so muchCH:I am so sorry to hear that the depression is darkening your soul. I am sending positive energy your way. For selfish reasons, man, I hope you have a support system where you live. You are a huge part of my recovery here on BL, and I am certain many others feel the same. Feel free to PM me if you want to process your thoughts around this or anything privately. You have been through so much in your life, you are such a survivor... don't let your thoughts take you out. Hang in there.
Peace, Pokemama
I have a significant other. I might / might not be seeing family soon (haven't seen but one non-nuclear family member in the last 6 years). Thanks p0kemama and sim for the well wishes
I'm really glad you can enjoy the weekends man! That's some great progress. :D
simco
Bluelight Crew
i hope everyone is doing well today. as totach rightly pointed out, weekends are often a mixed bag during recovery (he said, mostly to himself). keep up the strong work!
personally, i am feeling a bit better than i did yesterday. i started thinking about some really risky shit yesterday, but managed to walk away before i acted on the thoughts. so glad i did.
anyhow, best wishes, everyone. and thanks for the PM's! they really do lift my spirits.
-Sim
personally, i am feeling a bit better than i did yesterday. i started thinking about some really risky shit yesterday, but managed to walk away before i acted on the thoughts. so glad i did.
anyhow, best wishes, everyone. and thanks for the PM's! they really do lift my spirits.
-Sim
Hello everyone!
just a quick stop in to say that here is day 6 for me!!
today I fell better than I have In a while, and just in case it doesn't last, I'm going to enjoy it very much !!
( I'm going to work). I know that sounds so wrong, but that is where I am most comfortsble, it is what I do best, it is where I have the most control in my life-and I know that isn't healthy-but I love my job and the people I work with. So until I find some other things, or until I start getting the desire to fix the disaster of what's around me at home ( a few years of undone stuff)-that's where I'm happy. My daughter is dancing all day, or I would spend it with her. Maybe -she is a teenager and doesn't always want to spend her free time with me-which worked out well in my addiction, but might begin to hurt my feelings soon
CH-I am soooo glad your day is better today-I find myself thinking about you even though I have no idea who you are ( a strange feeling , actually)
sim-glad to see your getting through each day
po-love ya! Hope you are as pain free as is possible.
just a quick stop in to say that here is day 6 for me!!
today I fell better than I have In a while, and just in case it doesn't last, I'm going to enjoy it very much !!
( I'm going to work). I know that sounds so wrong, but that is where I am most comfortsble, it is what I do best, it is where I have the most control in my life-and I know that isn't healthy-but I love my job and the people I work with. So until I find some other things, or until I start getting the desire to fix the disaster of what's around me at home ( a few years of undone stuff)-that's where I'm happy. My daughter is dancing all day, or I would spend it with her. Maybe -she is a teenager and doesn't always want to spend her free time with me-which worked out well in my addiction, but might begin to hurt my feelings soon
CH-I am soooo glad your day is better today-I find myself thinking about you even though I have no idea who you are ( a strange feeling , actually)
sim-glad to see your getting through each day
po-love ya! Hope you are as pain free as is possible.
Having a ton of difficult stuff going in in life, but if I know one thing its that I am not going to use over it! Going to visit my parents soon and then trying to celebrate my birthday tomm.
1 year and 1 month clean for me!
1 year and 1 month clean for me!
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I had a very disturbing dream last night. Wasn't related to using, but somehow was worse than a using dream. 
I'm trying not to feel depressed today.
I'm trying not to feel depressed today.
Tryptamine*Dreamer
Ex-Bluelighter
I'm getting close to being able to quit benzos and opiates - not going to completely abstain once I can stop without significant withdrawal but I'll be glad to not use them on a daily basis. Keep it to a couple of days per week. But I do intend to abstain completely for a couple of weeks and it should not be long now!
I'm down to 15g of kratom and 1.5mg clonazepam/day. I'm going to cut the clonazepam by 0.25mg/day every five days or so starting Monday and the kratom by 2.5g/day until I am clean instead of stopping now, just to make things as easy as possible. Especially with the clonazepam.
It was a dream, you can't really control what goes on in your dreams and even if you do something terrible or terrible things happen in a dream it does not mean you are bad, you know.
Hope you are feeling better. Try not to let what happens in a dream get you down.
I've had some disturbing dreams that have made me feel depressed afterwards. The worst had to be about pretty much torturing my brother (he was being a real asshole in real life pretty much all last year, but that dream fucked with my head and I'd never want to hurt anyone), a dream years ago about murdering some woman - did not remember the killing but her corpse was in my room and I knew I did it, and dreams of family members doing horrible things to me.
I've dreamed about doing some bad things and I can't even stand to kill a cockroach and would never punch anyone or fight unless I was attacked/someone else needed help.
I'm down to 15g of kratom and 1.5mg clonazepam/day. I'm going to cut the clonazepam by 0.25mg/day every five days or so starting Monday and the kratom by 2.5g/day until I am clean instead of stopping now, just to make things as easy as possible. Especially with the clonazepam.
I had a very disturbing dream last night. Wasn't related to using, but somehow was worse than a using dream.
I'm trying not to feel depressed today.
It was a dream, you can't really control what goes on in your dreams and even if you do something terrible or terrible things happen in a dream it does not mean you are bad, you know.
Hope you are feeling better. Try not to let what happens in a dream get you down.
I've had some disturbing dreams that have made me feel depressed afterwards. The worst had to be about pretty much torturing my brother (he was being a real asshole in real life pretty much all last year, but that dream fucked with my head and I'd never want to hurt anyone), a dream years ago about murdering some woman - did not remember the killing but her corpse was in my room and I knew I did it, and dreams of family members doing horrible things to me.
I've dreamed about doing some bad things and I can't even stand to kill a cockroach and would never punch anyone or fight unless I was attacked/someone else needed help.
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congrats on your 395 days clean-sounds like forever!!! I hope your day is wonderful!!
Nozphexezest
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2014
- Messages
- 18
Y'know I've been on this site for a long time, on and off. I forgot my old account's details, Nozphexezora, and logged onto this alt. I ended up relapsing last year, but I'm sober again. This time I have just about 5 months sobriety up, so I thought I'd just log on here and say hello.
It's funny - this site is where I learned all my shit. How to take benzos, how to extract codeine, shoot subs and then take poppy seed tea. My only real concern at the moment is sometimes I question if I'm even an addict. It sounds crazy to me, but so does poppy seed tea. It just doesn't seem feasible that something I got from the supermarket was addictive, to the point that it's sent me to a psych ward, detox three times, rehab twice and on suboxone maintenance once (20mg/day).
You might ask why it even matters. I should be happy if I'm not an addict. But, fact is, I've worked hard to get where I am right now. I chair at some NA meetings and occasionally drop by the old AA meetings. I feel like if I were to confess what exactly it was that I was using, then it would ruin all validity to my previous messages in NA. I feel like learning that I wasn't as addicted as I had thought would make my struggle just look trivial - it makes me wonder why it's been such a struggle.
Does anybody else get what I'm saying?
It's really a non-issue, just something that pops into my head every once in a while. I was an addict, plain and simple. But it's hard to find an open ear when they close shut as soon as you tell them what your drug of choice was.
It's funny - this site is where I learned all my shit. How to take benzos, how to extract codeine, shoot subs and then take poppy seed tea. My only real concern at the moment is sometimes I question if I'm even an addict. It sounds crazy to me, but so does poppy seed tea. It just doesn't seem feasible that something I got from the supermarket was addictive, to the point that it's sent me to a psych ward, detox three times, rehab twice and on suboxone maintenance once (20mg/day).
You might ask why it even matters. I should be happy if I'm not an addict. But, fact is, I've worked hard to get where I am right now. I chair at some NA meetings and occasionally drop by the old AA meetings. I feel like if I were to confess what exactly it was that I was using, then it would ruin all validity to my previous messages in NA. I feel like learning that I wasn't as addicted as I had thought would make my struggle just look trivial - it makes me wonder why it's been such a struggle.
Does anybody else get what I'm saying?
It's really a non-issue, just something that pops into my head every once in a while. I was an addict, plain and simple. But it's hard to find an open ear when they close shut as soon as you tell them what your drug of choice was.
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Hey Noz, In my opinion non addicts do not use needles to shoot pills into their body. Non addicts do not question if they are addicts or not. Non addicts do not end up in psych wards, multiple detoxes and rehabs.
Your an addict. Maybe your having trouble with the definition of addict that the fellowships present?
Are you talking poppy seeds, maybe those people that won't give you an ear are just ignorant?
Your an addict. Maybe your having trouble with the definition of addict that the fellowships present?
Are you talking poppy seeds, maybe those people that won't give you an ear are just ignorant?
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I'm having a horrible day. Worst in a long time.
Smoky
Bluelight Crew
I'm sorry to hear that Captain… My day has been kinda off.
Tomorrow is another day…
Tomorrow is another day…
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me too CH-im doing the every hour thing right now. In an hour im hitting the pharmacy. But you have too much to lose, too much time off the bupe. I hope you will do all the things that have got you this far so you get through this crappy day. Which can only last 24 hours. Peace
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
thank you smoky and imtryin