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JaNEWary -- January getting/staying sober thread

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You have this case.. three hours for every hour in class.. thats all it takes.. I know the brain is like a muscle and needs to be worked out because I went back to school and realized where my brain was at and I have realized where it has made it.. not doing any dick sizing with brains or habits.. but in an easy way to say it if I can do it so can you.. case patience.. just chill.. stay in the day.. and all that means is thee out for every in.. your going to do great case.. just relax and do what needs to be done.. your doing amazing.. one of the biggest things you learn in college if you are smart is what actually going on so you will not have an automatic advantage here;).. if you are looking to get employed buy someone through this degree then the number one thing a degree proves is that you can jump through mad hoops, finish something you started, be a team player, communicate well, and show up.. your going to think I m nuts but its true.. 90% of life is just showing up.. for real.. and since I pretty damn bright if I say so myself.. I consider you to be real bright.. so stop selling yourself short.. the people may look at who seem to have it all down.. shit sir dont even worry about them.. no truely .. Im not playing.. you got it all.. just need to belive in yourself and show up.. the brain may take a little time.. dont even give it a second thought.. just relax, show up, and dont fall behind.. dont worry about the grades.. those fucking undergrad teachers often play mad head games with grades in order to try and manipulate performance.. just relax, calm down your the shit.. your going to do fine.. ;)

keep the thoughts in today and the nest right is all you need to do. Trust me!!=D
 
^^

47 days and still feeling it a bit, huh? Yeah, kicking bupe is rough. The withdrawal symptoms hang around a long while. I imagine in another 2 or 3 months, you'll be feeling back to your old self. Hows your sleep cycle? Bad insomnia?
 
Captain.Heroin said:
47 days off bupe

It's a struggle but I am glad I realized I am worth this.

Much <3 to everyone here - I am inspired by so many people who are on the right path here.
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You are living proof of success :) You have made it so far, I honestly consider suboxone use as being clean as many addicts can't take that final step and quit altogether. It is so inspiring to me that not only are you soldering through not using anymore, but you're also now 47 days clean off suboxone. <3 You deserve all the happiness the world has to give you CH <3. You are a true inspiration.

I have Day 169 for me :)
 
I commend you as well Captain. I sincerely hope your physical discomfort doesn't last remotely as long as mine did last time I tried jumping off completely.

and thanks nsa. I know if I apply myself I can do amazingly well, just had a lazy weekend. Feeling much better this morning though like I said. Class in ten mins. Going to stay at the school for a couple hours after class today and study rather than go strait home and blow it off haha.
 
I'm starting to like drinking way too much... Ever since I started dating that new guy, we go out for drinks every Friday night. He's not an alcoholic at all and only had about 2 drinks, but me on the other hand, I have about 5 or 6 and mix it with my Xanax. It makes me feel good, confident, etc. I can't stop once I start. I'm not craving alcohol when I don't have it, but I do find myself drinking in excess when I do :(
 
Can you suggest different activities, addy? I know it's tough when you're first starting a relationship, but I think addressing this right away could be beneficial to you and your relationship as well. Take care of yourself, honey. <3
 
ad lib said:
I'm starting to like drinking way too much... Ever since I started dating that new guy, we go out for drinks every Friday night. He's not an alcoholic at all and only had about 2 drinks, but me on the other hand, I have about 5 or 6 and mix it with my Xanax. It makes me feel good, confident, etc. I can't stop once I start. I'm not craving alcohol when I don't have it, but I do find myself drinking in excess when I do :(
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Does the new guy know about your addiction history or inability to control it when you do drink/use? You probably have some lingering shame that manifests when you're around your crush. So when you drink/pop pills, you (temporarily) feel like you're worthy of this guy's time and romance like you would have been before shit hit the fan.

You gotta make him want to feel worthy of your time. You gotta tell him everything about your past, but also stress that trying to move forward that to make yourself a better partner for a guy is extremely important. Don't always go to bars or restaurants or wherever you are going. Take him to your comfort zone and make him keep up. Challenge each other back-and-forth...don't feel like you're an unworthy addict trying to prove something to yourself by having the same type of relationship as most other people. Most other people SUCK. Rise above them and use where you've been to tell yourself where you want to go.

Don't try and reclaim your old life in recovery. Find a better one.
 
ad lib said:
I'm starting to like drinking way too much... Ever since I started dating that new guy, we go out for drinks every Friday night. He's not an alcoholic at all and only had about 2 drinks, but me on the other hand, I have about 5 or 6 and mix it with my Xanax. It makes me feel good, confident, etc. I can't stop once I start. I'm not craving alcohol when I don't have it, but I do find myself drinking in excess when I do :(
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This can turn into vicious cycle.. at least it did for me as I would dose the xanax heavy in the morning to treat hangovers.. and this just lead to being able to drink tons with out dealing with mind blowing hangovers, which lead to increased use and sleeping all day and then if I had to much to drink on top of the xanax I would act really dumb. sometimes I was down right retarded on this combo and this lead to drinking a driving, a few times, I mean allot of times, but getting caught a few times. it also cramped a few relationships. Just something to watch out for. Plus I think that the use of the booze with the xanax can really get a persons dependency huge. "cant stop once I start" should be throwing up a red flag. <3

If you can go out and set a limit.. once that limit is reached then stop. If you are able to do this once it may get easier and easier as you continue to practice it.

I'm just meehhh today.. have kinda been a little in focus and then out of focus.. but the book is coming along well. miss my son and I need to set something up to see him. cold a shit here and I definitely have some cabin fever going. I need some island time.

Nice work on everyone's success. :)
 
Definitely be careful Addy!

another thing to think about is this - You don't want to start the relationship on the basis of who you are when you drink. He has to like you for who you really are, and believe I'm not saying he doesn't nor am I suggesting that - I'm simply saying you need to just be yourself especially in the beginning, and being yourself is difficult under the influence of pills and booze. What if one day it does become too big of a problem and you have to stop entirely, and as a result become a totally different person then what he is used to?

Again, just something to think about. I'm quite certain this guys does like you for who you really are, I'm just pointing out the alcohol and drugs change us and change other peoples perceptions of us.


I'm definitely feeling much better today. I really like getting up at 6:30 am for class actually... I feel awake almost immediately where as it takes hours to feel awake when i sleep in. Then I go to class and feel like I did something I was supposed to do which is a boost to self esteem. :)

Going to do some english homework at a library or coffee shop and then hit a Yoga class in a couple hours before heading back home.
I really love my English prof. We spent over an hour discussing how broken Americas Education system is, along with how/why the government and media do not remotely have our best interests in mind and why we should question everything rather than just accept it. I think I'm going to do really well in this class haha!
 
spork said:
Can you suggest different activities, addy? I know it's tough when you're first starting a relationship, but I think addressing this right away could be beneficial to you and your relationship as well. Take care of yourself, honey. <3
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I am going to try this. This Friday we both have work off and he wants to spend the whole day with me after I get my contacts, so ill try and think of something more healthy for us I think. I'm not sure what, however...

RedLeader said:
Does the new guy know about your addiction history or inability to control it when you do drink/use? You probably have some lingering shame that manifests when you're around your crush. So when you drink/pop pills, you (temporarily) feel like you're worthy of this guy's time and romance like you would have been before shit hit the fan.

You gotta make him want to feel worthy of your time. You gotta tell him everything about your past, but also stress that trying to move forward that to make yourself a better partner for a guy is extremely important. Don't always go to bars or restaurants or wherever you are going. Take him to your comfort zone and make him keep up. Challenge each other back-and-forth...don't feel like you're an unworthy addict trying to prove something to yourself by having the same type of relationship as most other people. Most other people SUCK. Rise above them and use where you've been to tell yourself where you want to go.

Don't try and reclaim your old life in recovery. Find a better one.
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He does not know of my past addiction. I want him to know so he can understand me better, but I don't know how to bring it up. I don't think it would scare him away, he's a very nice guy, I'm just....worrier, I guess. Your answer was pretty much spot on, too. Thanks <3

neversickanymore said:
This can turn into vicious cycle.. at least it did for me as I would dose the xanax heavy in the morning to treat hangovers.. and this just lead to being able to drink tons with out dealing with mind blowing hangovers, which lead to increased use and sleeping all day and then if I had to much to drink on top of the xanax I would act really dumb. sometimes I was down right retarded on this combo and this lead to drinking a driving, a few times, I mean allot of times, but getting caught a few times. it also cramped a few relationships. Just something to watch out for. Plus I think that the use of the booze with the xanax can really get a persons dependency huge. "cant stop once I start" should be throwing up a red flag. <3

If you can go out and set a limit.. once that limit is reached then stop. If you are able to do this once it may get easier and easier as you continue to practice it.
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It is definitely a red flag, I have to accept that I have an addictive personality and need to tread carefully. I guess what I may also be dealing with is a fear of rejection and also maybe some "peer pressure" as silly as it sounds. Basically what it's come down to every Friday is me popping some Xanax before he picks me up so I can be social and more outgoing, then we grab dinner/drinks. I go light on the dinner because I'm self conscious eating around people, and then I have fun with the drinks. Saturday I'm pretty hung over, but get better by around 6ish when he wants to see me again...but Saturday doesn't usually involve alcohol. It's a bad cycle I'm getting into. I should probably stop now, while I'm pretty ahead of myself.
 
I am very grateful for this thread and other recovery related ones here at Bluelight.

I am in the process of getting clean.. yet again. Never thought I would be here again, but here I am.

I am going to need a lot of support, and it looks like this is a good place to get some. thank you for that.
 
I think it's neat BL has a recovery thread....

I've been trying to get off opioids for awhile now, it's good to know i have something to hear other people ( other than NA....i hate NA )
 
Hey CaseFace.. thanks for the welcome. I really needed that. I am feeling emotionally fragile. Like a huge fuck up. I keep thinking people are mad at me cuz I relapsed.

So even you doing something as simple as giving me a welcome makes me feel human again.. if only for a moment.

I am getting clean from a heroin habit.. again. I had a 10 year (give or take a few weeks) heroin habit and managed to get clean finally for 2 years. I've been using again heavily for a year again. I have tried recently to stop a handful of times with some subs I bought, but kept getting precipitated withdrawals.

I am literally on day one. And I know tomorrow is gonna blow. I am hoping the sub will at least allow me to go into work.

I swear to god man, if I make it this time.. no scratch that, WHEN I make it this time, I am never going back. I don't want anymore pain.

I know I can do it again. It's just going to be hard. Here we go..
 
I like your attitude already delta! "WHEN you make it this time..."

Be careful with the subs. I have found that the more I switched back and forth over the years, the less effective subs became initially and the longer I had to wait into withdrawal to take subs without them making it worse. I was only at about 5 years of using heroin and 24 hours was not enough of a buffer to take subs without precipitated withdrawal anymore. I remember switching back and forth hours apart when I was in my first year or two of using, not anymore though. This last time I had to wait 2-3 days before taking sub, and even though I stayed on them it still took 3 weeks to feel stable/normal on them. I think the more you switch back and forth the less effective they become/the more you fuck up your receptors - so be aware of that and be careful. Wait as long as you can, you don't want precips if you have work! I really hope you manage to keep the job, it's going to be tough for a few weeks but I know you can do this. you have survived 10 years of using heroin and you already had two years clean at one point - just based of those two facts alone, I KNOW you are an incredibly strong person. You have a lot of courage, and you are showing that be posting here looking for support. Our minds tell us it's weak to ask for help - when in reality it's just the opposite.

Do you have any other meds available? clonidine? neurontin? You may want to consider taking some loperamide for a few days - normally I wouldn't suggest it to people trying to entirely kick, because It may extend the withdrawals - but if you have work, it may help you be able to function until you have a couple days off. You know the pain that is coming - but you also know you don't have to ever do this again once you get through it if you keep the attitude you have now.

Keep it up delta! We're rooting for you!


I had a good day today. Had an awesome time in my English class, did some homework afterwards and then went to Yoga. Chilled out after yoga and hit up a new meeting tonight - I've been branching out from AA and going to NA a few days a week instead. I'm almost all the way through the steps in AA, and because of how incredible my change in thinking is from 8 months ago I might work the steps from the NA perspective too... Can't hurt to get some more recovery, right?

I still think about things I don't want to think about, especially in the morning and at night - but I'm content with that, and happy to have another 24 down. :)
 
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