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JaNEWary -- January getting/staying sober thread

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caseface99 said:
Yeah I've totally noticed it on other people before and had thoughts like "damn they got good veins" or "I could hit them so easily" but never anything passed thoughts. I've had veins popping out in my feet the entire time I've been sober but i never shot in my feet and i don't think anything of it. But as soon as my arms starting popping out today... damn... Not just thoughts like a physical sensation of craving for a few minutes. I just had to distract myself as quick as possible and it passed pretty quickly.

I'm guessing with time it won't be an issue - mainly bad today just because it was the first time and i hadn't anticipated it.
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Yeah it'll get easier, man. Definitely. I know what you mean about the physical sensation too. It's very intense.
 
Goood night! I'm so burnt. 5 ish hours of sleep every night since monday. So stoked to turn off my alarm and pass out right now not worrying about getting up at a certain time tomorrow. :)

another 24, bringing me to the end of day 255.


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4 months off the dope. i was thinking about scoring just now, like i do everyday, but thought i would post here instead.

one day, i'm not going to think about scoring. the day after that i'm likely to relapse.

it's like i can SEE the cycle of addiction and yet it still creeps up on me.
 
Everytime you get a craving or think about using, do something healthy and productive for an hour. I can almost guarantee the craving will pass. :)

And even if you're still sort of thinking about it afterwards, at least you just spent an hour doing something healthy and productive!
 
w01fg4ng said:
4 months off the dope. i was thinking about scoring just now, like i do everyday, but thought i would post here instead.

one day, i'm not going to think about scoring. the day after that i'm likely to relapse.

it's like i can SEE the cycle of addiction and yet it still creeps up on me.
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One day you won't think about it, you're right. Congrats on all the time you've accomplished so far! <3

Day 167 for me.
 
Maya said:
You're such a legend priest! One of my inspirations as well <3
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Thanks. I hope you are doing well in your sobriety. I do not really consider myself a legend, just a regular person who had/has issues/addiction with drugs and alcohol, and who wanted to change since continuing to use drugs and drink was not working, and that I had to get sober and stay sober.

I've been sober from various drugs like psychedelics and pharmaceutical opiates and stimulants for years, and I haven't used cannabis in years. I miss taking psychedelics even just cannabis but I've used psychedelics a fair amount in low, moderate, and high doses and used cannabis like this so there's no point in going back and continuing to use.

Quitting alcohol was more difficult for me since drinking is so accepted in society. When you're a teenager or a young adult at a university your entire social life can revolve around it, and pretty much everyone drinks or people who drink far outnumber people who don't. Also I would convince myself I did not really have a problem or addiction with alcohol even though I did before I got sober. I have heard how if you use cannabis or trip and are an addict that eventually there's a major chance that you could relapse on your drug of choice and have an even more difficult time quitting and for me that's alcohol, opiates, and Dexedrine so I do not want to go back to using any of those.

I used to smoke cigarettes and cigars socially like when friends had them or while drinking in a bar, live music event, or dance club like a lot of teenagers and young adults do and I haven't smoked any tobacco in a decade. Now I find just being around people smoking or even using those e-cigs or vape pens to be gross since I don't like the smell.

I got sober for myself but I keep in mind that I'm only human and people do have a slip up or relapse as a learning experience, or during times of major stress.
 
Thanks stardust!

I like reminding myself that I'm doing sober things. Like, today I'm nursing a cold. But not with drugs, and the sickness isn't here because of drugs. It's just another sober event in life that I am re-learning. I'm comforted in knowing that this cold will pass soon and it has nothing to do with drugs.

Good luck to everyone's sobriety!
 
^^ I don't have a cold, but I am particularly depressed tonight. However I know that because I'm going to deal with this sober - I will likely wake up tomorrow and start the day fresh. Hopefully anyway. The point is that in sobriety we GET to feel our feelings. The good and the bad.

Another 24.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
Thanks. I hope you are doing well in your sobriety. I do not really consider myself a legend, just a regular person who had/has issues/addiction with drugs and alcohol, and who wanted to change since continuing to use drugs and drink was not working, and that I had to get sober and stay sober.

I've been sober from various drugs like psychedelics and pharmaceutical opiates and stimulants for years, and I haven't used cannabis in years. I miss taking psychedelics even just cannabis but I've used psychedelics a fair amount in low, moderate, and high doses and used cannabis like this so there's no point in going back and continuing to use.

Quitting alcohol was more difficult for me since drinking is so accepted in society. When you're a teenager or a young adult at a university your entire social life can revolve around it, and pretty much everyone drinks or people who drink far outnumber people who don't. Also I would convince myself I did not really have a problem or addiction with alcohol even though I did before I got sober. I have heard how if you use cannabis or trip and are an addict that eventually there's a major chance that you could relapse on your drug of choice and have an even more difficult time quitting and for me that's alcohol, opiates, and Dexedrine so I do not want to go back to using any of those.

I used to smoke cigarettes and cigars socially like when friends had them or while drinking in a bar, live music event, or dance club like a lot of teenagers and young adults do and I haven't smoked any tobacco in a decade. Now I find just being around people smoking or even using those e-cigs or vape pens to be gross since I don't like the smell.

I got sober for myself but I keep in mind that I'm only human and people do have a slip up or relapse as a learning experience, or during times of major stress.
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See, this is truly amazing, you had been sober from all types of drugs even alcohol for years and that kind of will power is what I am aiming for. You should consider yourself a legend because you have been very strong in saying "NO" to substances and to continue sobriety for years is a very inspirational thing specially for us who are somewhat new to this kind of self control.

I don't see myself abusing drugs anymore as it has caused anxiety and health issues so is abusing alcohol.
 
How do you quit drugs when you have two people that are right in front of you that should make you want to quit everything...Even what I would consider light stuff, or stuff that I don't see no harm in taking once in a while. Not that I don't give a stuff about anyone else, I do care about others....it's complicated. Exercise & good food helps, but then I get into a sort of headspace where I think i'm ok now i'm healthy i've improved whats a little bit of this or that after all this hard work.
I think Benzo's may be a problem because i forget about stuff and they cloud my mind into an i'm ok, calm, and blinded kinda attitude.

I know it's all up to me...Think I might go to NA
 
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Thinking about using and lack of motivation today.

I don't get it... My life is starting to come together and while there is still so much i wish i could change overnight, it's getting better regardless and I really have nothing real I can complain about, just "first world problems". I'm so grateful for everything right now but still just have this nagging feeling in the back of my head today missing the excitement of life when i was selling and using drugs. The community of people i knew, the culture, the thrill, totally randomly feel like I'm missing all that today. But it's really fucked up because besides the fact that i haven't felt like this in months, I know it's all a lie. If I were to go back to that life it wouldn't be a fun exciting thrill it would be a dangerous miserable existence filled with constant fear, pain, agony, guilt, shame, lies, violence, self loathing, etc. The list goes on.

But the knowledge isn't always enough i suppose.
 
You're craving the high-roller lifestyle of the drug-dealer, so much that you're distorting the high points of the role to make it seem almost god-like. And this is what desire does to us when we are not careful. It takes the (few) good qualities of the thing that we think would make us more complete or happier, and it distorts and further distorts them until we're desiring something that only exists in our imagination. We are deluded into desiring and fantasizing over something that's not even attainable (either to that degree or to the point that we could sustain it at all), and this will only lead us in circles, miserable, and further kicking up dust so that it's impossible to even see what's going on after a while.

And it's not weird to do that. Everyone does this type of thing. Heck, I am distorting the hell out of a girl at work I like, and it's probably going to lead to me upset. But like, I know you like to work out. Desiring a good body that's within your genetics is totally something that you can keep a fair image of in your mind and work hard to get and maintain. This is a healthy desire, and your mind and spirit will develop alongside your body. Wanting to live the life of a drug-dealer is deception and the worst form of desire. You should try and desire things for what they are worth or have the potential to be, to avoid suffering from deluding yourself and remaining empty and unsatisfied. If you want to desire the life of a drug-dealer, that's fine. But it's only fine if it's the pretty terrible life that you desire.
 
RedLeader said:
You're craving the high-roller lifestyle of the drug-dealer, so much that you're distorting the high points of the role to make it seem almost god-like. And this is what desire does to us when we are not careful. It takes the (few) good qualities of the thing that we think would make us more complete or happier, and it distorts and further distorts them until we're desiring something that only exists in our imagination. We are deluded into desiring and fantasizing over something that's not even attainable (either to that degree or to the point that we could sustain it at all), and this will only lead us in circles, miserable, and further kicking up dust so that it's impossible to even see what's going on after a while.

And it's not weird to do that. Everyone does this type of thing. Heck, I am distorting the hell out of a girl at work I like, and it's probably going to lead to me upset. But like, I know you like to work out. Desiring a good body that's within your genetics is totally something that you can keep a fair image of in your mind and work hard to get and maintain. This is a healthy desire, and your mind and spirit will develop alongside your body. Wanting to live the life of a drug-dealer is deception and the worst form of desire. You should try and desire things for what they are worth or have the potential to be, to avoid suffering from deluding yourself and remaining empty and unsatisfied. If you want to desire the life of a drug-dealer, that's fine. But it's only fine if it's the pretty terrible life that you desire.
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Yeah I know it's all an illusion. The fucked up insane part of my brain was just thinking that somehow it's easier to live that way. I know it's not true at all and it's just a delusion, I'm not remotely in denial about it. Thanks none the less for the response.

Another 24 down. I need to get my shit together tomorrow, I had a lazy weekend.
 
^ yet another amazing post from the leader :)

some of the roots of this I think come from evolution.. we have evolved to forget the bad much quicker than the good.. could be something as simple as the need for women to forget the extreme pain of childbirth to desire to reproduce again,, were the women who remembered the pain were less likely or produced less offspring. could be that acquisition of a positive thing is more important in overall survival than avoidance of possible harm. or that people who were more inclined to forget about bad relationships or passed lovers were quicker to reproduce.. what ever it is this is how our minds seem to work. on the child bearing pain they idea a study and its been a long time since i read pieces of it but they asked women at different lengths of time after child birth to describe their experience with child birth and they came up with a time period that was very close where the women would all change from it was the worst pain ever and such to it was the most amazing thing they ever had done and many said the pain wasnt that bad.

The heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Time, which wears down and diminishes all things, augments and increases good deeds, because a good turn liberally offered to a reasonable man grows continually through noble thought and memory.
Francois Rabelais

My good works, however wretched and imperfect, have been made better and perfected by Him Who is my Lord: He has rendered them meritorious. As to my evil deeds and my sins, He hid them at once. The eyes of those who saw them, He made even blind; and He has blotted them out of their memory.
Saint Teresa of Avila

It is all very well to copy what one sees, but it is far better to draw what one now only sees in one's memory. That is a transformation in which imagination collaborates with memory.
Edgar Degas

Their memory's like a train: you can see it getting smaller as it pulls away And the things you can't remember Tell the things you can't forget that History puts a saint in every dream.
Tom Waits
​

Using a substance we have been addicted to is hell.. period. It always whispers how it will make us feel amazing and we are crazy to resits.. it fcuking lies all the time and is totally full of shit. The use of a substance we have been addicted to is hell. Just replay the time how awful you felt and the utter despair you felt for life you wept like a lost child with no hope. Its not something good we are trying to avoid, it something awful and there is NO real basis to return to ever. I guess time has a way of makeing hell into heaven if we make the mistake of listening to it in regards to addiction... fuck that this time im never buying into its utter fucking lies.

caseface99 said:
But the knowledge isn't always enough i suppose.
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but usually the knowledge is enough to create or find something that is. So what missing in your life right now case. what aspect is out of balance..
 
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neversickanymore said:
So what missing in your life right now case. what aspect is out of balance..
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Just to clarify I meant sometimes the knowledge isn't enough to avoid the feelings - It's plenty enough for me not to use right now though. Anyway, I definitely had an unbalanced weekend. I didn't work out really yesterday or today, and I procrastinated like crazy with studying. I read what I needed to for English but i didn't study NEARLY as much as I should have for math. Basically heavily acted out on sloth/laziness this weekend. Going to start the week fresh tomorrow, do Yoga after class and then buckle down. You're right though, I probably only had these feelings today because I was out of balance and not being productive for a couple days. Tomorrow is a new day, and right now is the end of another 24 none the less. :)

Thanks, good night guys. Wakin up for class in 7 hours.
 
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