Yesterday I sorta took some stock of where I am at.. its pretty amazing, I have reached a place where not only is every part of my life pretty good but they are all improving as well. I am in a great place and the future looks really good. I have been in places like this before, but this time is really different. in the past when I got to places like this I would end up using a bunch.. I really am a positive relapser.. I would use heavy amounts of drugs when everything was going great. I think i did this under some delusion that things can always be better. So as I said this time is really different. For one thing I have no desire to use any of the drugs that have ruined me and my life. I have been able to look and see them for what they are. But know I know that this doesn't work for me. But more important, I have also found a place that my life is going so well on so many fronts that I have nothing to want to escape from.. quite the opposite I want to be around and immersed in my life at this point. I have also been able to look at the drugs that caused me so many problems for what they really are and what they really do.. so they no longer have any appeal when I think about them. this is crazy cause I bought into their lies for so so so long.
I was trying to determine what of all the changes I have made to my life and thinking that has made the biggest differences. I have to say that I am pretty damn proud of myself because when I thought about it over the last two years I have made so many changes to myself and my life that when I started to think about it I was kinda blown away. I dont think that changing oneself is that easy for anyone. So when I began to think about what I have done and how I managed to do it, where I was compared to where I was, who I am compared to who I was, where Im going now compared to where I was headed.. its fucking amazing and I guess I blew my own mind
8(
I belive that the biggest thing for me was making changes on all fronts.. it is so important to me for quality of life to focus on a well balanced life where I am putting effort and seeing results in all the different areas of my life that I have identified as being important. Thinking and spirituality... profession, "work", and passion.. relationships and family.. exercise, health, and mental health.. learning and education.. giving back and helping others... recreation and experiences.. I really am happy with were I am with all of them, am finally paying attention and cultivating all these different aspects, have finally identified what in these areas is important for
me and what
I value, and have a good idea of where
I need to go and how
I need to get there.
It funny how we can go from seeing no bottom and feeling we are falling in an endless black hole.. to the skys the limit and seeing nothing we cant overcome to reach where ever we want and knowing what we need.. Its a pretty magical thing.
Its even more magical to know I'm not going to fuck it all up this time.. and to have no fear of whats to come, no matter what comes I can deal with it.. and to realize that peace and hapiness come from within.. its in the way we choose to look at what happens in our lives.. Since I have made so many mistakes and blunders and have finally chosen to learn all the lessons from these experiences I no longer have to many new mistakes to make. kinda funny that for once I see some calm waters ahead and have no fear for when the storms come. I went from wanting to die to a great love and appreciation for life
I dont know if I am enlightened quite yet but I sure am infinitely lighter.
It so good to see people makeing tough changes and hearing how their lives are transformed.. keep up the amazing things everyone.:D
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
