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JaNEWary -- January getting/staying sober thread

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I was working and saving up for a place, the place fell through, I got depressed and spent all the money I saved on heroin. I tried working and doing the h thing, but that resulted in my finding ways to get out of work because I needed h. Blah, fell out hard. fucking stupid. Don't blame my self, but it was the most retarded thing I could have done and I knew better. Considering all the HR I am filled with I said fuck my life because I was tired of just feeling like shit 247 with no place of my own for privacy. H was the way for me to find peace, to relax, to not feel all the BS I have to overcome. Its hard to go up hill when at the bottom of the hill you feel like death. Its always easier said than done because its not figuring all the mental effects.

I love the potential life has, but fuck I just want out for a year.
 
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Good Morning!
 
Cloudy said:
I was working and saving up for a place, the place fell through, I got depressed and spent all the money I saved on heroin. I tried working and doing the h thing, but that resulted in my finding ways to get out of work because I needed h. Blah, fell out hard. fucking stupid. Don't blame my self, but it was the most retarded thing I could have done and I knew better. Considering all the HR I am filled with I said fuck my life because I was tired of just feeling like shit 247 with no place of my own for privacy. H was the way for me to find peace, to relax, to not feel all the BS I have to overcome. Its hard to go up hill when at the bottom of the hill you feel like death. Its always easier said than done because its not figuring all the mental effects.

I love the potential life has, but fuck I just want out for a year.
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Man don't be too hard on yourself. It happens! It doesn't matter how much you know about recovery or harm reduction or anything, the addict mind will always find ways to trick us into doing something that is extremely self destructive. When it happens you just have to try and stand up and keep moving forward. I know it's really hard, especially the feelings about wanting to take a year off life and such. Shit I feel really similar as I'm typing this. I can relate - but i know the feeling will pass with a little time. Just try to keep your head up man, a relapse isn't the end of the world.

One time I relapsed and blew a $1500 tax return in 4-5 days. It happens... :\
 
Cloudy said:
I was working and saving up for a place, the place fell through, I got depressed and spent all the money I saved on heroin. I tried working and doing the h thing, but that resulted in my finding ways to get out of work because I needed h. Blah, fell out hard. fucking stupid. Don't blame my self, but it was the most retarded thing I could have done and I knew better. Considering all the HR I am filled with I said fuck my life because I was tired of just feeling like shit 247 with no place of my own for privacy. H was the way for me to find peace, to relax, to not feel all the BS I have to overcome. Its hard to go up hill when at the bottom of the hill you feel like death. Its always easier said than done because its not figuring all the mental effects.

I love the potential life has, but fuck I just want out for a year.
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Sorry to hear, man. I've been there.

Just got to pick yourself up and keep going.
 
caseface99 said:
248 Days. Shit I remember posting in this thread back in june/july when I had less then 60 days. Time really flies...
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Case, the first time I ever met you, I was like, "Is this guy for real? Can anyone be this upbeat?" Of Course I was in a crappy mindset at the time, having hit a serious low point in my life caused by substance abuse. This SL team has a special place in my book. Congrats on such an achievement.
 
Just A Guy said:
Case, the first time I ever met you, I was like, "Is this guy for real? Can anyone be this upbeat?" Of Course I was in a crappy mindset at the time, having hit a serious low point in my life caused by substance abuse. This SL team has a special place in my book. Congrats on such an achievement.
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Yeah, I've definitely had super high highs, and super low lows. It's a constant cycle of ups and downs, but that's just the way life is and I am grateful that today I am able to fully experience all that life has to offer, the good and the bad. I've been riding out a low period for a minute now and I think I may be on the cusp of an amazing period in my life... time will tell.
 
Just A Guy said:
Case, the first time I ever met you, I was like, "Is this guy for real? Can anyone be this upbeat?" Of Course I was in a crappy mindset at the time, having hit a serious low point in my life caused by substance abuse. This SL team has a special place in my book. Congrats on such an achievement.
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He's a cyborg.. That's why he's so upbeat all the time.
 
Crazy thing happened last night.. I have had many useing dreams but I think this was my first recovery dream... int he dream I was offered and given a whole bunch of opiates and coke and the necessary paraphernalia.. but instead of trying to use like in all the other dreams I handed the stuff back and walked on down the sidewalk and didn't turn and look back.. I was walking after some smiling female... Usually the dreams would go the exact other way I would try and use in the dream and something would always go wrong so that i could never actually get any effect.. the water would spill, the thing would clog, the cops would show up and arrest me and make fun of me.. but this one was the same in the begining but totally different in the end.. I just said no thanks you can have this back and turned and walked on down the sidewalk... I woke up and realized I was smiling.. it was pretty damn cool..


So anyway Im over a year and a half free from active addiction to anything besides tobacco.. I feel great :)
 
^Thats an awesome dream NSA.

Tonight Is my bffs bday celebration and she is a big drinker. My plan is to g o late so sge will already have gotten so much to drink so she doesnt notice that I'm not drinking lol
 
^^ Go late and leave early is always my strategy when I know there will be drinking/pot smoking.

Awesome dream NSA, I haven't had any concrete recovery dreams like that but I haven't had a using dream in a few months now which is awesome.

Was walking back from walgreens just now and this guy asked me for a light. I handed him my lighter and he pulls out a joint, lights it, and asks if I want a hit. "I'm all good man, don't smoke anymore." Grabbed my lighter and kept walking. Nice little boost in self confidence knowing I didn't hesitate to say no in a situation where nobody who matters was around and I could have easily gotten away with it had I chosen to.
 
^^ I'll never see a moon again without thinking of my most recent ex. Happy memories though, and I wouldn't change a thing even knowing what i know now. :)

Another 24 indeed. Had a great night at a meeting and hanging out with a new buddy of mine. Finally, 8 months and a broken heart later I am starting to get off my ass and make the changes i need to make in my life to really grow as a person. I'm starting to become more outgoing and social, I am meditating again and reading and starting to see the world totally differently, as well as think differently, and my reactions to situations are changing as well in the sense that I stop, think, and meditate on things before acting when there is any sort of emotional attachment to the situation. I am FINALLY, for the first time in my life, starting to be comfortable in my own skin. And for that, I am Grateful.
 
Hi guys I just got home about half an hour ago from the party of my bestfriends bday and I managed to stay sober. It was definitely a test of will power but I was victorious. I definitely took care of some of them and made sure everyone went home safe. It was a great night all in all because my bestfriend and my other friend ended their long time feud.
 
caseface99 said:
I am starting to get off my ass and make the changes i need to make in my life to really grow as a person. I'm starting to become more outgoing and social, I am meditating again and reading and starting to see the world totally differently, as well as think differently, and my reactions to situations are changing as well in the sense that I stop, think, and meditate on things before acting when there is any sort of emotional attachment to the situation. I am FINALLY, for the first time in my life, starting to be comfortable in my own skin. And for that, I am Grateful.
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This is the start of something big I think =D

Maya said:
Hi guys I just got home about half an hour ago from the party of my bestfriends bday and I managed to stay sober. It was definitely a test of will power but I was victorious. I definitely took care of some of them and made sure everyone went home safe. It was a great night all in all because my bestfriend and my other friend ended their long time feud.
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This is great.. first time in a situation like that is the hardest.. way to go.. next time should be much easier.



Good Morning Good People:)

Good-Morning-Sunshine.jpg
 
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Maya said:
Hi guys I just got home about half an hour ago from the party of my bestfriends bday and I managed to stay sober. It was definitely a test of will power but I was victorious. I definitely took care of some of them and made sure everyone went home safe. It was a great night all in all because my bestfriend and my other friend ended their long time feud.
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Congrats. I'm sure that feels really good.

You're clean off everything right now? No booze, no nothing?
 
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