Heroin I've now genuinely lost count..

[TheUltimateFixx]

This is probably the best direction for an HR perspective, Kratom... seeing how H is soo potent(I've never had, but have had plenty of fent/oxy) and the chance of it being laced with fent although I'm sure you got your ways of getting decent pure real deal.. BUT enough! I do not want to write shit that leads to temptation...sit down with your man and explain your feelings and fuck it he gave you an ultimatum and guess what?
You have needs just like he does. I think you both can find a happy medium while being honest with each other. Otherwise it seems this man doesn't care if you were to actually leave him...I mean fuck he put you in that space, I think it's time you express some important things....Otherwise his whole perception of it, making you steer away from that and KRATOM of all things..is silly. You are still recovering and his ultimatum can tempt you more because of the mischievous taboo behind using, period...could end up with a REAL TRAGIC RELAPSE and nobody wants that!

If just am stepping out of line please just tell me, I'm just saying, my square partner has done this to me and the stress led to my addiction being worse off than it should have.

Let me know your thoughts on the matter?
Peace and happy 4th if I don’t get back to yall.

I've driven him to breakdown with my use and thoroughly antagonized / traumatized him. So now he's at the point where he a) wants to just block out the fact that I've EVER used or ever would want to use again and b) is allergic to any reminders. And I only have myself to blame for that state of affairs.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I'm getting the impression that your abstinence is not entirely voluntary?

Not an ideal situation as that could breed resentment, but you're doing brilliantly mate. The fact that you've lost count is highly significant. I knew I'd cracked it when I stopped counting the days.

Just keep on not counting...

Man, the 'one day at a time' BS always drove me up the walls tbh. It's like setting yourself up for failure, constantly telling yourself 'well I could slip ANY DAY!!' How is anyone supposed to live the rest of their days like this, indoctrinated to think you're always just one single step from disaster. Are these people going to 'count the days' forever until they die -? Is that the objective? What kind of life is that even. How about you draw a line under your past behaviour and say 'it will be different from now on' and just leave it behind?

 

[chippermonk]

So, first of all I left him in the dark about my use for nearly 4 years into the relationship, all the while knowing hard drug use was a deal breaker for him and he would never have gotten together with me had he known. So basically he felt I tricked him into being with me under false pretenses, which isn't exactly wrong. Then I betrayed his trust when I swore blind I wouldn't use while staying with a friend and then did. Another time I overdosed on the phone with him while he was at work and basically caused him to cry in front of co-workers who don't like him. On yet another occasion I frittered away around £300 worth of money I was due to send him so he could pay the bills and get FOOD, on heroin.

... So yeah. I'm surprised he's still with me.

Sounds like he really loves you and cares for your well being. That's a very good thing to have.

 

[Jnowhere]

Partly I was asking if your bf would be cool with it.

Did you read the post, he is definitely against drug use. He would be very pissed from what I can tell, with what The Ultimate Fix really wants.

 

[Opana313]

Yeah this situation just got even more tricky..shit

 

[daturetard]

Did you read the post, he is definitely against drug use. He would be very pissed from what I can tell, with what The Ultimate Fix really wants.

The term 'drug use' gets blurry when it comes to plants... the term 'drug' is derived from dried plant matter, but that hardly accounts for all drugs today. It's all a matter of where you draw the line between something being psychoactive and being a 'drug' (this line often correlates with toxicity); datura>opium>weed>coca>khat>kratom>kanna>kava>valerian>coffee>green tea etc... where you draw the line may be different than somebody else. Does that make any sense?

 

[jasperkent]

I have only ever done kratom once twice and hated the taste.

I use the capsules.
Red Maeng Da is the most opiate-like strain I've found.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Heroin or IV opioids is one of those drugs worth doing everyday or not at all.

It’s overrated and a shitty high
…unless you’re severely physically addicted then it’s the bees knees

Hah!, personally for me it was daily use that got pointless. All it was doing in thr end was keep me well, I had to use stupid amounts to feel anything on top of that. Practically never got a rush anymore. It became more a relief at not being sick than any positive enhancement of the way I was feeling.

Whereas with a tolerance below dependence threshold and 'weekend warrior' style use, I got a much better bang for my buck.

That’s weird. At least with dilaided I always got a great IV rush with it even years into the addiction. Even if it was a small “keep me well” dose the rush was still there

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Heroin - I've now genuinely lost count..

This is probably the best direction for an HR perspective, Kratom... seeing how H is soo potent(I've never had, but have had plenty of fent/oxy) and the chance of it being laced with fent although I'm sure you got your ways of getting decent pure real deal.. BUT enough! I do not want to write...

www.bluelight.org

This is probably the best direction for an HR perspective, Kratom... l

If you have legit source for clean heroin and you don’t IV it is say heroin is safer and less of a risk for long term use as long as you avoid OD.

Heroin has passed clinical trials in medicine and is relatively safe if not “abused"

Kratom is a poison imo. We’ve see some liver damage. Reports of kidney and bladder issues. I am very anti Kratom. Suboxone or methadone at least you know you’re not getting a toxic drug that is also contaminated with heavy metals due to not being a medication.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Whereas with a tolerance below dependence threshold and 'weekend warrior' style use

You don’t get dependent at 1x per week? And it’s definitely heroin not fent?

I would develop dependency at 1x per week. I’ve tried.

Once every other week I did that for a year once (this was pharmaceuticals tho) and didn’t get dependence but there was a little shitty mini cessation symptom period that would happen after each session.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Man, the 'one day at a time' BS always drove me up the walls tbh.

what’s the alternative?

Worry about and fantasizing about future incidents that may or may not exist?

"Living in the moment" /mindfullness is a central tennent of Buddhism. So it’s not just some recovery only way of living life that NA invented themselves. I think Buddhists can be wacky with some of their supernatural beliefs but their approach to life is full of wisdom imo.

And living in the moment or one day at a time are similar concepts.

 

[Jnowhere]

The term 'drug use' gets blurry when it comes to plants... the term 'drug' is derived from dried plant matter, but that hardly accounts for all drugs today. It's all a matter of where you draw the line between something being psychoactive and being a 'drug' (this line often correlates with toxicity); datura>opium>weed>coca>khat>kratom>kanna>kava>valerian>coffee>green tea etc... where you draw the line may be different than somebody else. Does that make any sense?

I would say by an opium poppy flowering it should be enough; but the name ultimate fix should give you a very clear picture of what they want.

 

[Jnowhere]

what’s the alternative?

Worry about and fantasizing about future incidents that may or may not exist?

"Living in the moment" /mindfullness is a central tennent of Buddhism. So it’s not just some recovery only way of living life that NA invented themselves. I think Buddhists can be wacky with some of their supernatural beliefs but their approach to life is full of wisdom imo.

And living in the moment or one day at a time are similar concepts.

Just like all those dumbasses here in America who kill each over basically nothing. They have no plans, they don't give a shit if tomorrow they are arrested and rot in prison. Just like people who share needles. Just like the permiscueness people who don't use condoms. Thinking a few minutes into the future is not wise.

 

[skipjames]

Yeah, he's Brazilian, so he knows first-hand the damage the cartels do. Add to that the fact that junkies over there tend not to be harmless pickpockets or shoplifters, but violent criminals who think nothing of robbing and killing for their habit. AND the fact he used to be a cop AND the fact he absolutely despises his society's tendency to bullshit, and you can see why he has no love for drug users. AT ALL.

And I can't honestly blame him for that attitude. He also had every right to expect his lover from a nation who famously pride themselves on their honesty to be straight with him.

Even down here drug users came in every shape and form, he might have noticed you re not a deranged crackhead that will kill someone in order to buy a rock but a productive and generally law abiding member of society that every now and again uses opioids, that the aforementioned society has decided that are evil while for instance poisons like booze and cigarettes are sold freely. Anyway, you really should have a chat, better than keeping this thing inside of you that can only lead to resentment Tell him que " vc conhece um cara que usa opioides faz 18 anos e é professor universitario, nunca teve uma overdose e nunca rubou pra ninguem, e mora no Brasil faz 10 anos mas so foi assaltado uma vez e olha so, foi pela policia, alias que estava chapada de po´. E claro que seria melhor que ninguem usasse, mas em caso ele use seria bom vc saber , assim pode intervir se dar merda. Pior que cachaça não é'

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Did you read the post, he is definitely against drug use. He would be very pissed from what I can tell, with what The Ultimate Fix really wants.

Pissed off and more so incredibly hurt. I mean it's literally the only thing he's ever asked me to do for him that I was less than willing to do. And add to that the fact that if I asked him to give up cigarettes, or his favourite cheese pies etc for the rest of his life, he'd do that for me no question. And that knowledge stings. He's also already moving halfway across the world for my sake, leaving behind everything he's ever known to live among gringos plenty of whom are xenophobic in a climate that doesn't suit him...

(though at least people won't want to right out murder him for being gay here)

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

You don’t get dependent at 1x per week? And it’s definitely heroin not fent?

I would develop dependency at 1x per week. I’ve tried.

Once every other week I did that for a year once (this was pharmaceuticals tho) and didn’t get dependence but there was a little shitty mini cessation symptom period that would happen after each session.

Yep I started testing everything after the first reports of fent arriving in UK and after I got contaminated shit twice. So far apart from these two occasions, all fent-free. And I did not use EVERY single week. I mean that was my average, but sometimes I'd do twice weekly and then again a few weeks without. My tolerance has always been slow to build and quick to drop, which is fortunate or unfortunate, depending on one's perspective

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

what’s the alternative?

The alternative is what most people who quit a habit and never set foot in any programme do, and that's to get to a point where they're just DONE with it. They don't waste any time terrified of relapse, because the drug or the drink no longer holds any allure for them. They just get on with their lives.

Like being finished with a relationship that went bad. The same person who once occupied your every thought could now be doing naked cartwheels on your bed and it would leave you indifferent. That's the mindset I'm talking about.
Personally I was done with the addict lifestyle and have genuinely never felt even remotely tempted to get myself 're-addicted'. What I'm definitely NOT done with is heroin use per se, hence why I'm feeling so conflicted. It was never a struggle for me to not fall back into multiple daily use, it IS a struggle to remain 100% abstinent.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I would say by an opium poppy flowering it should be enough; but the name ultimate fix should give you a very clear picture of what they want.

I reckon it's good-bye to my opium too. What a criminal waste of a beautiful and ridiculously expensive genuine Chinese opium pipe. XD

... Yes and I crave a nice fix. It's IV or nothing for me. Had a predictable shooting-up dream last night that was so realistic I could almost taste the stuff

 

[daturetard]

I would say by an opium poppy flowering it should be enough; but the name ultimate fix should give you a very clear picture of what they want.

I understand the second part but could you rephrase the first? What should be enough, the line between herbs and drugs? Sorry.

 

[daturetard]

I reckon it's good-bye to my opium too. What a criminal waste of a beautiful and ridiculously expensive genuine Chinese opium pipe. XD

I know somewhere it wouldn't go to waste