• 💊 OTHER DRUGS 💊 Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads 1 Notable Threads 2
    Dangerous Combos Addiction Support
    Emergency Services Benzo Guide v.1
    Addiction Stories Scary Case Studies
    Biology, Pharmacology & Drugs 101
  • Select Your Topic Then Scroll Down
    Alcohol Bupe Benzos
    Cocaine Heroin Opioids
    RCs Stimulants Misc
    Harm Reduction All Topics Gabapentinoids
    Tired of your habit? Struggling to cope?
    Want to regain control or get sober?
    Visit our Recovery Support Forums

Heroin I've now genuinely lost count..

have u stopped because of your bf right? It s fucked, I had to stop doing blow at home because my wife has SERIOUS issues with cocaine, like she goes nuts. Yeah, I love her, yh, she deserves this, but at times I find myself thinking....she cn t handle HER shit and I can t d drugs in my home!
You were very disciplined weren t you? I think you should first and foremost 1) think what you miss and what you re likely to loose 2) try to explain to the mano that not all drug users are the same.....
 
skipjames said:
You were very disciplined weren t you? I think you should first and foremost 1) think what you miss and what you re likely to loose 2) try to explain to the mano that not all drug users are the same.....
Click to expand...

Unfortunately I've pushed him too far in the past with what little tolerance he had towards users in the first place. Shit's no longer on the table for negotiation.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
Unfortunately I've pushed him too far in the past with what little tolerance he had towards users in the first place. Shit's no longer on the table for negotiation.
Click to expand...
As in " the thing has already created already lots of troubles to your couple ( and if so, can u give us specifics?) or what? Dunno man, I m all for love and for people not using but I don t like this " it s either me or the drug " shit unless is really necessary, like if u are odding on a daily basis or in trouble with the law-at wok-going nuts like my miss during her Scarface period......
 
skipjames said:
As in " the thing has already created already lots of troubles to your couple ( and if so, can u give us specifics?) or what? Dunno man, I m all for love and for people not using but I don t like this " it s either me or the drug " shit unless is really necessary, like if u are odding on a daily basis or in trouble with the law-at wok-going nuts like my miss during her Scarface period......
Click to expand...

So, first of all I left him in the dark about my use for nearly 4 years into the relationship, all the while knowing hard drug use was a deal breaker for him and he would never have gotten together with me had he known. So basically he felt I tricked him into being with me under false pretenses, which isn't exactly wrong. Then I betrayed his trust when I swore blind I wouldn't use while staying with a friend and then did. Another time I overdosed on the phone with him while he was at work and basically caused him to cry in front of co-workers who don't like him. On yet another occasion I frittered away around £300 worth of money I was due to send him so he could pay the bills and get FOOD, on heroin.

... So yeah. I'm surprised he's still with me.
 
ageingpartyfiend said:
Instead of the focus on what you've lost - can you tell us what you've gained from the abstinence?

Am not trying to deny the grief/loss, just shifting the perspective slightly
Click to expand...

What I gained is still having my partner, and he means everything to me.

Nothing is worth losing him. But there's times i feel like risking it all for one more hit. I loved that shit and I wanna feel the russhhh...
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
So, first of all I left him in the dark about my use for nearly 4 years into the relationship, all the while knowing hard drug use was a deal breaker for him and he would never have gotten together with me had he known. So basically he felt I tricked him into being with me under false pretenses, which isn't exactly wrong. Then I betrayed his trust when I swore blind I wouldn't use while staying with a friend and then did. Another time I overdosed on the phone with him while he was at work and basically caused him to cry in front of co-workers who don't like him. On yet another occasion I frittered away around £300 worth of money I was due to send him so he could pay the bills and get FOOD, on heroin.

... So yeah. I'm surprised he's still with me.
Click to expand...
aww c mon is Brazilian, they are used to be lied to ! Serio mein freund, well yeah , you ve been kinda a naughty boy, but still
1) What s worse, lying about your part time drug use or loosing the opportunity of having a relationship? Smack or no smack, he felt in love with u, and u are definitely more than your vices
2) That s why lyig about heating is acceptable, but not about drugs
3-4) shit happens,
I think you should have an honest chat with him, abutwhat you are feeling, how your weakness does not define you as a person, that u still have this urge that as he has never been an addict cannot understand , and start from there
 
If you can use it once a blue moon with no problems, I say why not?
It really does suck having to hide everything.
As a daily pill addicted s.o.b. I recognize the damage I have done. This is why I am trying as hard as possible to slowly ween off of subs and take that big jump into sobriety.

I know it will be extremely difficult at times but I also know that with the current market I will not be able to sustain this lifestyle forever. It's high risk behavior either way you look at it, even if you know your body's limits and your substance, shit can still happen. For example lets say you get into a car accident, or you could get caught up with the law over a minor traffic stop or OD or much much worse..shit can happen..this is sort of high risk behavior if you can see youself spiraling and still choose to try to be elusive just to keep you doing your d.o.c

Of course your situation is slightly different..you have managed to REALLY manage a hard-core drug and not be dependent but now you were given an ultimatum and those fucking suck. If only these people who are so against would actually walk in our shoes.

I chose to steal my dad's opioids, got me addicted..I chose to keep chasing instead of staying clean.. I am a victim but at the same time I wanted that buzz or felt I needed it to be a better version of myself. It's not entirely your fault..
 
skipjames said:
aww c mon is Brazilian, they are used to be lied to ! Serio mein freund, well yeah , you ve been kinda a naughty boy, but still
1) What s worse, lying about your part time drug use or loosing the opportunity of having a relationship? Smack or no smack, he felt in love with u, and u are definitely more than your vices
2) That s why lyig about heating is acceptable, but not about drugs
3-4) shit happens,
I think you should have an honest chat with him, abutwhat you are feeling, how your weakness does not define you as a person, that u still have this urge that as he has never been an addict cannot understand , and start from there
Click to expand...

Yeah, he's Brazilian, so he knows first-hand the damage the cartels do. Add to that the fact that junkies over there tend not to be harmless pickpockets or shoplifters, but violent criminals who think nothing of robbing and killing for their habit. AND the fact he used to be a cop AND the fact he absolutely despises his society's tendency to bullshit, and you can see why he has no love for drug users. AT ALL.

And I can't honestly blame him for that attitude. He also had every right to expect his lover from a nation who famously pride themselves on their honesty to be straight with him.
 
Opana313 said:
If you can use it once a blue moon with no problems, I say why not?
It really does suck having to hide everything.
As a daily pill addicted s.o.b. I recognize the damage I have done. This is why I am trying as hard as possible to slowly ween off of subs and take that big jump into sobriety.

I know it will be extremely difficult at times but I also know that with the current market I will not be able to sustain this lifestyle forever. It's high risk behavior either way you look at it, even if you know your body's limits and your substance, shit can still happen. For example lets say you get into a car accident, or you could get caught up with the law over a minor traffic stop or OD or much much worse..shit can happen..this is sort of high risk behavior if you can see youself spiraling and still choose to try to be elusive just to keep you doing your d.o.c

Of course your situation is slightly different..you have managed to REALLY manage a hard-core drug and not be dependent but now you were given an ultimatum and those fucking suck. If only these people who are so against would actually walk in our shoes.

I chose to steal my dad's opioids, got me addicted..I chose to keep chasing instead of staying clean.. I am a victim but at the same time I wanted that buzz or felt I needed it to be a better version of myself. It's not entirely your fault..
Click to expand...

Well I went and got one of those 'one hit kits', which as the name implies is a single-use set of all you need, ie a syringe, sterile cooker, citric, alcowipe, gauze swab. Got everything except for the magic ingredient. I keep looking at the stuff and practically fondling that damn syringe then putting it all away again. No idea why I'm cockteasing myself like this ; I'm not normally a masochist. XD

... Am I trying to see if I can take the temptation and resist? Trying to confront said temptation by handling the associated paraphernalia over and over as a way to desensitize myself to the emotional trigger? Or just inching my way up to using while not admitting to myself that that's what I'm doing? I couldn't honestly even tell you. Just that it feels fucked up.
 
Yeah, I hope my comment does not enable you.
Why the needle? Why go back to that?
I think you're alright. Remember I'm not IV user I'm just a 15-20yr pill junkie...like ir oxy is like mandatory that I snort it..so I kinda understand your fixation with your route but just tread carefully I suppose?

"This swamp is deep and easy to get lost in...Whyyy don't you GET OUT while you can?" - TOOL swamp song Undertow Album
 
Opana313 said:
Yeah, I hope my comment does not enable you.
Why the needle? Why go back to that?
Click to expand...

I think 'enabling' is a stupid concept. It's just a way to excuse yourself following your own desires while blaming it on someone or something else. No druggie I ever met needed to be 'enabled' to use. They did that by themselves just fine. Xd

It's always been the needle for me right from the start. H and needles is a package to me, they always go together. And I'm not proposing to 'go back' to anything as in taking up any sort of regular use.
 
True I know I read somewhere that you had it pretty much always under control and stuff and also the knowledge on reducing tolerance with uldn type thing.
 
Not a bad idea..at least you have that to stow away & maybe keep you in abstinence but I fear it might tempt you more which isn't necessarily terrible..

Maybe one day you can "once in a blue moon" or once a year type thing since your situation is so fragile being that your s/o would be pissed and maybe end relationship..

I know in the past when I fessed up about a relapse, she was of course pissed and led to separation but it was short..I guess she realized at that time that our love for another was stronger than her disgust with my relapse or lies from the past..

Now days I think it would be much different so I keeps a dirty secret BUT I'm trying to get free and this counts.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top