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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Its gettin' bad

OD- I responded in your blog-
But I want to add.......
I know you know, but you can always talk to me if you need an ear.
Whatever, whenever, I'm here.

I am very proud of you, as I am sure alot of BLers are, that you are seeking treatment.
This horrible experience that you just went through only backs up the need for help <3
Keep your head up and stay strong.
 
Cool. He is going to be boarded at the vet. He's getting his shots tomorrow
 
rehab

I'm waitin' to be picked up by the facility I'm going to

I'll be in detox for 2 to 5 days and then actual rehab for two weeks
 
I was doing 2 grams of dope and 1/2 gram coke every day for many months until I did the Ibogaine thing 2 weeks ago. I don't know if it's different if you're doing just coke (as opposed to speedballing like I was), but I'm urge-free. One suggestion - read the thread I wrote on Ibogaine if you're considering it .... it kicks your ass a lot more than is generally known.

Do SOMETHING, though - you're obviously crashing. 12 step program, detox, church it up, rehab, whatever works .... try everything. Don't know if it helps to remember that most addicts don't recover... most die (and/or end up in prison, institutions, etc). You've still got a choice. Use it.
 
OverDone said:
Fuck! I had a nice run of banging coke. My connect was cool with fronting massive ammounts ($50 and $100 at a time). I was able to keep it going for about 3 months, eventually owing about $10k. Dude knew me when i was succesful and had no idea i was flat broke. I talked the talk and it worked for a bit. Now he wants his loot (can't blame him) and I don't have it.

I kept on telling myself "it's cool, i can always sell this and that". Now i'm actually thinking of a second mortgage. More immediately, I plan on hitting the pawn shop just so i can give him something and, more importantly, see if i can use the cash to hopefully get something to jam in my arm (actually feet and legs).

I know the drill... if i get more, i'll just be in the same spot after its gone. What then? I only have so much of value to pawn off (i still haven't paid my bills either). What the fuck do i do?!?!!

The easy answer is just STOP. It isn't that easy. How do i get over the obsession of getting another hit. I fucked myself by enjoying the "neverending" high for so long. Its almost like having a credit card and just buying shit without care because the money isn't something you can grasp.

People who have kicked this shit, how did you gain the strength and motivation to stop? I have none. I'm fucking weak as shit when it comes to sticking coke in my veins. I fantasize about it, talk about it, and cruise the internet to read topics about it. How the fuck did you stop?
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Juat rat on your mate and then you have him outa the way and don't have to pay him squat. He wouldn't know it was you if you got into contact with someone anonymously.
 
Fresh outta rehab!

Hey everyone! I checked into rehab on 8/21/09 and was discharged today. I feel so much better but have A LOT of work to do yet.

I journaled a lot while there and will be posting to my blog
I picked up my dog from the kennel and will be hitting a meeting tonight

It feels soooooo good to not have to use and feel (for the most part) comfortable in my own skin

I've missed BL and everyone on TDS.

My official clean date is 8/22/09. I just gotta do what I gotta do now to stay away from the garbage in 'the real world' now that I'm no longer at a safe facility
 
noonoo said:
Juat rat on your mate and then you have him outa the way and don't have to pay him squat. He wouldn't know it was you if you got into contact with someone anonymously.
Click to expand...

Why don't you read the whole thread before you respond, he just said BEFORE your post that his dealer died at the age of 59 and he feels really bad about it.
 
OverDone said:
Hey everyone! I checked into rehab on 8/21/09 and was discharged today. I feel so much better but have A LOT of work to do yet.

I journaled a lot while there and will be posting to my blog
I picked up my dog from the kennel and will be hitting a meeting tonight

It feels soooooo good to not have to use and feel (for the most part) comfortable in my own skin

I've missed BL and everyone on TDS.

My official clean date is 8/22/09. I just gotta do what I gotta do now to stay away from the garbage in 'the real world' now that I'm no longer at a safe facility
Click to expand...

YAY!
Congrats OD!
I am very proud of you:D
Look forward to reading your Blog! That was an excellent idea and will be a good idea now that you are home too......Write it out!
 
Welcome back buddy. Glad to hear things went well. Just so you know, I still have a week more "clean time" than you. Ha ha. Let's catch up soon.

FC
 
Ya bastard! I HATE having to count on my fingers to see how much clean time I have.

I think I'm 19 days clean now? Today will be day 6 of my 90 and 90.

We'll def catch up. I'm keeping myself pretty busy to combat boredom
 
Six Months Clean!

Hey everyone. I just thought I'd share with you that I celebrated/recognized six months clean today.

It hasn't been easy but it did get easier. In the beginning, I truly didn't think I would make it but, I managed to put half a year of continuous time of abstinence from drugs and alcohol. (I still smoke cigarettes like a motherfucker and I drink a shit ton of coffee but... I ain't gettin' high)

I do the 12 Step thing and it works for me. Yeah, there are some strong personalities (aka assholes) in NA but, fuck them. There are also some really selfless people as well. I do the right thing for the right reason (most of the time) and don't fuck around with petty shit (which helps me stay clean)

It feels nice. I haven't started a new thread here on BL for a while and, that's a good thing. That reinforces to me that I haven't been in that dark place of complete hopelessness for quite some time.

I dunno, I mainly write in my Blog here on BL but I figured if anyone who didn't know BL had blogs was wondering whatever happened to me well... six months clean today!

Thanks for everyone's support. TDS has been a HUGE factor in being able to get this far and I have no words to express how grateful I am for the existence of this forum. I have met so many warm, compassionate, genuine and sincere people here and I wouldn't have gotten even a week clean if it wasn't for you

[NOTE: my clean date is August 22, 2009 so, if you do the math, I have 180 days clean (6 thirty day increments). After a year clean we start counting months on the actual day of the month that we got clean)
 
Well Done, OverDone. Glad to hear things are working out for you. How many meetings are you hitting per week? I have kinda been cutting back on my meetings but I still make around three.

Peace,
Seedless
 
i have the same thing going on with oxy's. everyday revolves around those damn beautiful fuckers
 
I was going everyday but recently its been more likely that I make 6 a week.

I'm not working so this makes it a lot easier to make meetings regularly. I have noticed that if I miss a couple days in a row (like when we had a recent snow storm) it was difficult to drag myself to a meeting. Its odd how complacency can set in so quickly.

How much time do you have now, bagochina?
 
Its been a little over a year. Although I am still taking bupe and the occasional hit of weed. Regardless a MAJOR improvement since last year at this time. I still feel a little guilty[?] taking bupe and going to meetings but I just dont talk about it and dont claim a sobriety period. I plan on finally jumping off the bupe in a few more weeks, now that I am in school I dont have the ability to be sick until spring break. Excuse? slightly but one thing at a time. Everything at once was pretty rough.

Peace,
Seedless
 
^Dude, that's fuckin' awesome! I HATE that folks in the rooms shutdown and judge others when they find out someone is on a maintenance program. Its all about getting out of that hell we were in and if maintenance helps than damn straight people should utilize it.

As for the weed, I have to admit, I'm a little jealous. Some days I wish I could indulge in smoking but I can't. I recognize that some are able to smoke weed but, for me, it just doesn't work.

A year and some change is a looooong time, man! In time (hopefully) I'll get there as well
 
OverDone said:
Hey everyone. I just thought I'd share with you that I celebrated/recognized six months clean today.

It hasn't been easy but it did get easier. In the beginning, I truly didn't think I would make it but, I managed to put half a year of continuous time of abstinence from drugs and alcohol. (I still smoke cigarettes like a motherfucker and I drink a shit ton of coffee but... I ain't gettin' high)

I do the 12 Step thing and it works for me. Yeah, there are some strong personalities (aka assholes) in NA but, fuck them. There are also some really selfless people as well. I do the right thing for the right reason (most of the time) and don't fuck around with petty shit (which helps me stay clean)

It feels nice. I haven't started a new thread here on BL for a while and, that's a good thing. That reinforces to me that I haven't been in that dark place of complete hopelessness for quite some time.

I dunno, I mainly write in my Blog here on BL but I figured if anyone who didn't know BL had blogs was wondering whatever happened to me well... six months clean today!

Thanks for everyone's support. TDS has been a HUGE factor in being able to get this far and I have no words to express how grateful I am for the existence of this forum. I have met so many warm, compassionate, genuine and sincere people here and I wouldn't have gotten even a week clean if it wasn't for you

[NOTE: my clean date is August 22, 2009 so, if you do the math, I have 180 days clean (6 thirty day increments). After a year clean we start counting months on the actual day of the month that we got clean)
Click to expand...

Yay!! This is AWESOME news OD :)
Congrats on 6 months!!!
I truly believe that you sharing your story here and in Blogs will help people to understand that, though getting sober is hard, it IS possible. Life can go on and can be great!
Thank you so much for your fabulous posts in TDS and your always intriguing Blogs!

bagochina- Same to you! Congrats on your sobriety! That is really something to be proud of!
And your contributions in both TDS and Blogs are incredible.
Thank you <3
 
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