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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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Oh and i absolutely love drum n bass. I dj'd for years and have been working on production for a lil bit. That's my love in life lol.. dnb
 
junkie <3 Welcome to TDS I saw your posts in a few other threads so it seems like you're getting along pretty well here. I love the way everyone works to help others despite how much they themselves are also struggling. It's such beautiful thing. I am also so happy that these threads helped you when you were in such a time of crisis. We have a music thread you might like to check out to let us hear some of your favorites. <3<3
 
I'm songbird99 and I'm 2 months clean.
I'm 18 years old and i first started smoking pot at 15.
by 16 i was dealing and using ecstasy everyday and getting into the rave culture and shrooms, ketamine, pcp, ghb, acid.
by 17 i was in love with the idea of gak and in the summer I went on weeks and weeks of smoking gak and doing e and by the time the summer ended i was very low without it.. i did my grade 12 year for about a month and then i left home without telling anyone and went to another city where i stayed in a hotel room for two weeks with a guyfriend and just went to oblivion.. 2 weeks later i came back home and i could no longer hide my habits from my family as i had picked apart my face and my walk had changed.. i went to a youth treatment but i left early. The staff was concerned with my mental health. I was having panic attacks, anger, confusion, depression.. and using fixed that for me, so i went back to using. The next day I'm convulsing in a booth at Mcdonald's when I run into a friend who is in AA. She seemed really worried and she went to the hospital with me. It turned out I was fine... lol they give me a benzo.. At the time I was 17, so the doctor called my dad and my dad picked me up. By now I can no longer live at my mom's house, because my two younger sisters are afraid of me. and I can no longer live at my dad's house if I continue to use. So I'm homeless and couch-surfing.. lol! and yet in my mind i still have everything.. But anyways about a month later I'm planning my suicide. But then I realize that I'm just gonna go to hell if i kill myself. So that pisses me off... so i then begin to realize that there must be more to life than this? and now I'm working on improving my life.
I"M NEW! NICE TO MEET YOU GUYS!
 
Hi songbird, man, you've had a pretty rough start :(. I am happy to hear you are two months clean though. You deserve it so much. How are you feeling now that you've had some clean time? Hopefully you are starting to notice a difference that can provide you a little more motivation to continue to stay sober. Do you have any particular thing that is working for you to keep you on track? I hope you find yourself at home here. We are a nice supportive bunch here :).

Anyways, welcome welcome <3!
 
hey guys, thought i'd say hello again.
got my etizolam, it has taken the edge off my anxiety, unfortunately always when i have some i usually end up taking too much, funnily enough, even after years of abstinence my tolerance to GABAergics and opiates is still way too high, which i'm pretty sensitive to all forms of stims. i don't even drink much coffee (2-3 cups a day).
i have a doctor appointment tomorrow (read: in a few hours, it's 4:40 am here.
i still get depressed a lot and still have no clue how to get out of this deep hole i'm in. sorry if i sound melodramatic, it was just the first comparison that sprang to mind, i haven't slept in three days in spite of the etizolam, apparently i can now only restfully sleep with mirtazapine, and how the WDs from antidepressants are in any way, shape, or form better than all the addiction that the medical profression does everything to avoid is beyond me.
i mean, as unpopular as this theory may be, i'm pretty sure i could solve all my emotional problems by taking high doses of, say, oxycodone every few hours. hell, an acquaintance of mine even got some pretty serious health troubles through his ADs (i think it was either an SSRI or an SNRI, but i could be wrong). i came to the conclusion that if my GP tomorrow again refuses to help me, then i'll look for a new one far, far away.
jesus christ, if i could just write my own scripts i'd probably get pretty addicted, but at least i'd be free of this depression. i mean i haven't been laid in over three years and i live in my grandparents basement (i didn't get more action though when i still had my own place).
 
drug_wench said:
hey all, ive introduced and re-introduced myself, in the past, but havent more than dropped into this site for, maybe, a couple of years, and i can see there have been an overwhelming number of people who have joined since - which is awesome - so ill re-introduce myself for their benefit!
im Lydia, just turned 28 (starting to feel old!) and i live on the border of the waitakere ranges, just out of auckland, new zealand, with 2 horses, a rottweiler, 2 lop-eared bunnys and about 25 guinea pigs (there are 2 large litters at the moment and i havent counted all the pups yet).


im fatally attracted to drugs in general but up til now my DOC has always been crystal meth, closely followed by opiates. im heavily leaning towards the second at the moment cos im battling with coming off methadone (which has to be done as MMT has been a hellhole for me) - on the plus side, ive managed to get the meth use right down cos im so desperate for sleep its almost a turn-off - until im actually on it of course! i have a feeling that if i successfully get off the 'done and, once clear of that, can go without using any more recreational opiates than i already do, the meth cravings will return; not craving meth is bizarre, for me!
i also have ADHD, and have always had bad anxiety and bouts of depression, though while on the higher doses of methadone i appeared to be becoming more and more severely mentally ill, in general, including having a major bout of mania; all this has settled down, and its hard to say what was caused by methadone and what might have been to do with heavy methamphetamine use - the important thing is its not there now!
my main interest in life is competitive horse-riding though i havent competed for 2 years now due to addiction problems, and since dropping my methadone dose i spend most days at home in bed, but ive just been given a new computer so i thought it might be a positive experience coming back to BL to see how things are going; motivating myself to get up when i feel like crap is the hardest part! i like what i see so far, and its great to see that TDS is still the same haven it always was. nice to be back :)
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Am really really happy to see you back here DW <3
Had been worried about ya its been a long time im just glad to see you here and know ur still with us!!
I been slackin in this thread coz of my bullshit, but warm welcomes also to all you new folks here in TDS.:).
 
Hey DrugWench, how have you been? I'm sorry I fell out od touch with you, I am terrible at keeping up connections with friends, I lose touch with everyone. I hope you aren't mad at me. Well done for working hard to come off methadone, I've heard it's even more addictive than heroin.
*huuug*
 
it's been pretty crazy on my side of the tracks.
i'm back in las vegas(ugh) after a short stint in jail.
out here i've gotten my first job.
still with the woman i love even though 400miles separate us now.
things could be better...but they could be a lot worse.

so what have i missed out on??
 
Wolfie!! <3 Damn it's good to see you around again brother. Really sucks to hear you've done some jail time but it sounds like things are looking up for you again. I hope you'll stick around in TDS :)


drug wench I am so sorry I didn't see your post in this thread last week!!! Hun it is fantastic to see you posting again. I've missed you so much. I'm going to PM you :) <3
 
Hi all im me ;op ive come here to get some confidence in myself to kick my habit of being an injecting speed/ice (crystal meth as some call it).. its been going on too long and i thought if i joined up to here i could have somewhere to vent!! to read that im not the only one and to remove myself from this evil usage once and for all!!!!! im usually the one that helps people... but seems like im stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment.. you would think 12 years with only 3 breaks i would have had enough!! nope im bored so instead of going out and doing the gardening or go for walk or go to just anywhere i guess... ill sit in my lounge and get on!! it makes me soooo frustrated that i just cant kick it this time.. ive been saying "tomorrow" for the last 3 weeks (or even last 10 years) haha.. but as soon as i start to straighten up i want it again.. i guess i am going through a bit of stress at the moment as i dont think ive been this rediculous with it!! but that should be no excuse...dont stress i still sleep and eat.. am a tad ammuned to it guess thats the whole other reason i wanna stop it costs way to much for the job i have haha so maybe you could be my insperation and tell me i WILL stop tomorrow and i WILL get over it and i WILL NEVER touch it again!! believe me i want to stop so bad!! anyways keep smiling and sorry for babbling!!.. yep am re posting this from introduce yourself main page coz i didnt want to re type IVE JUST BEEN READING ABOUT PEOPLES BAD COME DOWN EXPERIANCE FROM METH NOW IM A TAD SCARED!!!!
 
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xxxyyy it's great to hear from you again! Please please be careful with the etizolam. And also I don't want you to think opiates are a method you can use to treat depression. Opiates can make you feel like they cure any ailment while you're on them but it's extremely difficult to maintain and would cause more problems and damage for when you needed to stop. That would not be a workable option. Have you seen a psychiatrist yet, one that is specializing in depression and anxiety? Your best bet will be to see a doctor, most likely a psychiatrist and not a GP and to get evaluated.

tricomb <3 thanks for positive addition. We are short on good news over here sometimes so we'll take anything we can get. I am so happy for you for that too.

Hi HeWhoHowls =D Nice to meet you!

oldskooluser, I hope that you can find it in you to stop tomorrow. Perhaps read around here to find inspiration and strength. <3 Sending some love your way.
 
i was keen as!! but then everyone keeps writing how bad a meth come down is.. but i need to do this!! oh well i have no choice im broke so i may as well start hey!! might just lock myself in my bedroom and not come out for the day will see how i go..
 
HeWhoHowls said:
it's been pretty crazy on my side of the tracks.
i'm back in las vegas(ugh) after a short stint in jail.
out here i've gotten my first job.
still with the woman i love even though 400miles separate us now.
things could be better...but they could be a lot worse.

so what have i missed out on??
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Well I am a moderator now =D And we have some other new ones as well.

oldskooluser said:
i was keen as!! but then everyone keeps writing how bad a meth come down is.. but i need to do this!! oh well i have no choice im broke so i may as well start hey!! might just lock myself in my bedroom and not come out for the day will see how i go..
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I know you can do it :) Just keep going for the goal, and do whatever works for you. I suggest you try to exercise and eat healthy so that you feel better and have a way to release stress in a healthy way. Or you can just come post in the social thread to have something to get your mind off of drugs!
 
stardust.hero said:
Hi songbird, man, you've had a pretty rough start :(. I am happy to hear you are two months clean though. You deserve it so much. How are you feeling now that you've had some clean time? Hopefully you are starting to notice a difference that can provide you a little more motivation to continue to stay sober. Do you have any particular thing that is working for you to keep you on track? I hope you find yourself at home here. We are a nice supportive bunch here :).

Anyways, welcome welcome <3!
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Thank you stardust <3 I am feeling alot better.
despite my depressed little mind; focusing on how my mood isn't perfect, and how my body aches.. this just makes me feel worse.
I've been really trying to stay positive and switch that around.
"It only gets worse when I use, and it can only get better when I don't"
focusing on improvements is a motivation
but it's hard to see the improvements when it's me, so asking for the opinions of other is good.
I enjoy BL and TDS already! you guys all crack me up!
 
This is a great idea for a thread. My life these past weekhas been aa monged out haze (took me 15 mins to write that. badly. [;eae dpn't thinl 'wow what japes i wish i had me some benzos)

Anyway I felt bad enough to seek help, calling my dffigjorf (reaf: designated) mental health worker.. it really helped. she was both pragmatic and sympathetic, and i'm now hoping i can finally put the drug ssse behinf me.
 
Soo..I've been posting in TDS for a while now, but never here..so here I go..I'm a basket case from the dairyland..:ave already met a couple really fabulous people in here and I hope to meet a ton more..I also an a sufferer of depression, have been for as long as I can remember.. I live w/ it, uncomfortably..not sure what else to say, ff 2 ask ?'S.. Holla TDS!
 
I'm 23 years old and have suffered from manic depression and social anxiety for as long as I can remember. About two years ago i moved from Florida to Texas to live with family after becoming severely addicted to opiates ( roxies being my drug of choice, but any opiate would do). Most days I can't gain the motivation to even shower. I've contemplated suicide on more occasions then i care to remember, but have never once made an attempt.. I still struggle to stay clean, but it is no longer a physical dependency. Not sure why i'm even posting, other then the fact that bluelight has helped me safely self medicate for years. Ive only recently created an account on here but i'm sure you guys and gals will hear more from me from now on. Hopefully this can be a small outlet for the things i cant find the courage to discuss with anyone in person..
 
CaptCrack said:
I'm 23 years old and have suffered from manic depression and social anxiety for as long as I can remember. About two years ago i moved from Florida to Texas to live with family after becoming severely addicted to opiates ( roxies being my drug of choice, but any opiate would do). Most days I can't gain the motivation to even shower. I've contemplated suicide on more occasions then i care to remember, but have never once made an attempt.. I still struggle to stay clean, but it is no longer a physical dependency. Not sure why i'm even posting, other then the fact that bluelight has helped me safely self medicate for years. Ive only recently created an account on here but i'm sure you guys and gals will hear more from me from now on. Hopefully this can be a small outlet for the things i cant find the courage to discuss with anyone in person..
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You have come to the right pace my friend..the people here are a gr8 outlet, for they are all fabulous..I can definitely relate to you, I also suffer from depression, as do most of us here..welcome to BL...stick around and you:ll make some gr8 friends..
 
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