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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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n3ophy7e

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Hello and welcome to The Dark Side. Please feel free to introduce yourself in this thread, tell us a bit about why you're here and how you came across Bluelight/TDS.

The original introduction thread is here.


Our one golden rule of The Dark Side is that we don't allow any triggering content to be posted. Triggering material may include (but is not limited to) comments or descriptions of getting high, being high, any drug paraphernalia, photos of drugs or drug use, self-harm or other violent depictions etc. We have a lot of recovering addicts and people with psychological issues in The Dark Side and we are all here to take care of each other <3


I'll get the ball rolling :)

Hi I'm n3o, I'm an alcoholic but my goal for 2011 is to completely quit drinking forever. I've had other "Dark Side" issues such as self-harm, anorexia and bulimia, as well as a constant battle with depression which seems to be under pretty good wraps at the moment. I'm looking forward to meeting all the newcomers in this thread <3
 
Thanks for kicking it of n3o :)

I'm an alcoholic pot head named Mehm. After 15 years of trying and failing, I finally got a felony. This was great luck as it pushed me to get sober. One month later I'm feeling my adult emotions for the first time and must say it is quite an experience. I have been muting them with every drug you can think of since the moment I hit puberty. Anyways, here we are.

peace, love, and light
 
Good for you man <3 Emotions are something to be embraced, not to run from. I'm proud of you for your new-found sobriety, as I'm sure you are too :)
 
hey, i'm D's.

i'm 22, been dealing with emotional problems, and addiction for most of my life. Opiates are my perfered DOC, but i'm a waste basket addict, i'll do anything that fucks me up. i mean everything..
I've been a bluelighter since i was 18, first found this site when i was mentioned in a trip report, my buddy let me read the report, and there i was. I was described as "D's", so the name stuck with me. (my real name is Drew, so it fits.)

I'm fucking crazy, lol. I stick close to the TDS as much as possible, but I'm a "lounge-rat" also, (it's another thread where. it's susposed to be "drug free"..) and is still really moderated to stay that way.
I like to laugh, and smile, and make other people laugh, and smile :).

The 12 steps have saved my ass from this illness.

when i feel down, i help someone else. or service work, what ever i can do to help others. that was freely given to me.

well thats me in a nutshell.
 
Hello, I am MrTrev... I am about to be 23 years old and I have been a drug and alcohol abuser since I was 13. I would have to say my problems started when I was about six years old.. I ran into the street and was hit by a van, not run over but it hit my side and threw me into a parked car. Not very long after that I started experiencing extreme back pain, and muscle spasms going down my legs. Steven, the man who got my mother pregnant with me was a very strict man, and most of the time just mean. I was overweight as a child, so when I complained about my back hurting, steven would just say it was because I was fat and I needed to work out more... Anyway, to make a very long story shorter, I have dealt with severe physical pain nearly my entire life, which, in turn, made me very depressed. After steven left my mother and me, we were quite poor and she could not afford to have my back checked out the way it needed to be... So I tried my best to pretend that I was okay. Just last year, I was finally able to have an mri done, turns out I had a few discs ruptured in my lower back, lumbar area. Those discs caused pretty bad nerve damage, which I found out was why I was also having the pain shooting down my legs. Eight months ago I was able to have surgery done, which failed... Anyway, I am sorry this is so long... But I did skip an important part. When I was sixteen I started using any kind of opiate I could get my hands on, and became anorexic. I went from 280 pounds to 145 in less than a year... After I stopped using every day, I began drinking every day, and started gaining weight again. By the time I hit 250 again I started using any drugs I could find to stop drinking... And eating. Basically, I have been trading one problem for another. As of now I weigh about 175lbs, which for my body type is only a little overweight... I have a very wide frame, even when I didn't have an ounce of fat on me... So yes, I have pretty much been miserable since I was six years old... I truely am sorry that this is so long... But as I began telling some of my story it felt good... There have been other issues in my life that have played a role in the path that has brought me here, and made me write this... But I feel like I have already said too much for one post... If you made it this far, thank you very much for listening. If anybody wants to know more, or have had similar problems, I can listen just as well as I can talk!
 
Hello, I chose the name Regenesis in hopes of regenerating myself now that I'm withdrawing from benzos. I never really liked benzos but started using in response to a shitty and prolonged bad situation, mainly because they helped me sleep. Benzo WD has been the ultimate trip to the dark side--the past year has been like one long shitty day for me. I miss sleeping through the night most of all--just something about the process of shutting down and being able to start a new day was one of the best was to cope with life. My heart goes out to all the others who have had their worlds torn apart with difficult times and drug addictions/wd's!
 
^Welcome to TDS and to BL Regnesis!
Glad you found us! :)
 
Welcome Regenesis and MrTrev :) It can be a dark world and I'm glad everyone in here has found each other.
 
Hey lNf, I briefly saw your post and mate, if you ever want to chat about anything, you know where to find me. Even though we might know each other on a more personal level, I will never judge you for anything you have to say <3
 
Hey guys, joined today after lurking a bit in hopes of turning around this long, strange path I've been on. Had a rough patch with opiates for a while, but that wasn't terrible. Same with benzos. Been on Kratom for 2-3 months now pretty much daily and trying to get off that starting today. May not be heroin withdrawals, but the depression is fairly debilitating at times. Anyway, look forward to giving & receiving as much support as possible here. Really great resource.
 
My story

When I was 18 I was addicted to opiates to the point I would need to do some every day or two.

On October 27th of 2008 it had been three days since I had taken any vicodin or percocets or roxys (the only opiates I had experience with at the time). I was fiendin'. I finally got a hold of one of my few dealers and he told me he had methadone. I asked how many I would need to take or snort to feel it and he said one or 2. So when he told me they were cheap I grabbed 12 of them.

When I got home I did some research into methadone and I wish I had done more.

I was with my friend Simba and we grabbed a ton of KFC. I started off taking two right after we ate. When I didn't feel it after two hours I decided to blow another one or two and they burnt like hell. Another number of hours go by and I just keep taking a few more every couple hours thinking that these are weak pills and my stomach is so full I couldn't feel anything.

The night rolls around and I feel something but no euphoria whatsoever unlike all the other opiates I had used. I text pretty much everyone of my contacts in my phone seeing if anyone wants to hang out and of course most people don't but my step-sister does want to hang out that night and do something possibly drink. I told her I might be able to get us beer (even though it was a huge long-shot seeing as how I was 18 with no fake ID).

When my step-sis and her friend pick up me and Simba I try to buy beer at the local corner store hoping that the cashier will let me slide since I know him. and of course on this night even thought he nevvvvvvvvvverrrr sells to me he does. So we head back to Paige's house (my sister) and then to a fire spot within walking distance. We met Paige's friend Michelle at the spot and proceeded to drink. I had won that beer almost like a prize that night, but it turned out to be poison.

After one beer I stopped drinking and I also blacked out. I don't remember anything besides a dream I had while I was in the bathroom where they found me. I dreamt that I was alone walking through a forest in the cool autumn. I vividly remember this dream now. Anyway the next morning my step mom was trying to get into the bathroom but couldn't because I had locked myself in and passed out while sitting on the toilet. They had to take the hinges off of the door and when they did I was hunched forward while I was blue from having very little oxygen intake, and I was bleeding from falling forward and hitting my head. Michelle ran in and tilted my head up and checked to see if I was breathing and what not.

The next thing I remember was a mix of reality and a dream. I sensed cops and paramedics around and vague glimpses of trying to avoid the cops with Simba and that was definitely the dream part.

They gave me naloxone when I got into the ambulance and I was instantly awake panicking, hyperventilating, and sitting up. Now either right before this or right after I had been strapped down to the stretcher and I couldn't even talk to say anything before I puked and since I was strapped down the vomit clogged my airways and I aspirated and this caused me a lot of difficulty breathing.

I woke up officially almost 24 hours later by myself and I felt so sad. I had taken 120 mg of methadone I'm pretty sure and I must be lucky to be alive. I had suffered a minor heart attack from stress on my heart either from the OD or from aspirating.

My heart fully recovered and I am healthy but I just thought I would share this story to hopefully promote how important it is to have knowledge, especially about any chemicals you plan to ingest.

This would have been avoided if my judgment had not been tainted by the mental addiction opiates have a knack for bringing on
 
locomusic01 said:
Hey guys, joined today after lurking a bit in hopes of turning around this long, strange path I've been on. Had a rough patch with opiates for a while, but that wasn't terrible. Same with benzos. Been on Kratom for 2-3 months now pretty much daily and trying to get off that starting today. May not be heroin withdrawals, but the depression is fairly debilitating at times. Anyway, look forward to giving & receiving as much support as possible here. Really great resource.
Click to expand...

Hi loco, welcome to The Dark Side <3
Do you think you might seek some help for your depression? Or do you not feel like it's gotten to that stage yet?
 
Hi, I am almost 30 years old male, been smoking weed for almost every day since 14. Luckily I don’t like alcohol; otherwise I would probably be dead by now. My emotional problems started after prolonged pain period. I was prescribed tramadol and lyrica for pain for few years when eventually I started getting panic attacks, which lead to some kind of depression and depersonalization feelings.

Now I am feeling much better, but the healing process is still unfinished. Part of the credit goes to the Bluelight, which gave me huge amounts of energy when I was at my weakest. So thank YOU and sorry my bad English. PS. I just shoveled over 20 (0,65ft) cm of snow (whit my broken shoulder) from my yard, now there is almost 1 m (3,3ft) of snow overall. It’s looking nice!!!
 
Thanks OverDone! I stopped using all my meds when my panic attacks first started. Doctors tried to give me SSRI´s, Natriumvalproate, Seroquel, Hydroxyzine and benzos. I refused to take any of those and instead stopped taking any medications or drugs (stopped drinking caffeine too). It was a good choice. I have gradually (12 months) cured my head but I have to admit that there were times when I had thoughts of doing something irreversible.

Nowadays I use small doses of Clonazepam, Codeine, Lyrica and Tizanidine when needed. All the meds are prescribed for me. I have said no to a stronger pain meds because I am waiting to see an orthopedic who will tell me the bad news. My shoulder has been broken for few years and now it seems that it might be because of my twisted spine.
 
Ive Had Enough

I was in a terrible car accident about 12 years ago and it has sent me spinning on this pain medication roller coaster. It is a catch 22 for me because I cannot function with out it, but I am starting to use so much of it and I want to t stop.

Its not that I want to take them for fun or for the high (although, that is an added bonus), I need to be able to function and get out of bed to do my everyday schedule.

I dont know what to do to get off this roller coaster.:(
 
Welcome to TDS and to BL skelu and sho :)

Sho, I hope that you find the help you need here <3
 
Welcome to TDS and to BL skelu and sho :)

Sho, I hope that you find the help you need here <3
 
DagBoy

I'm DagBoy... Any help/encouraging words??? Cos I need em!!! lol
 
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