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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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well hello everyone. even though i live in germany i'm half canadian.
also my life sucks.


edit: i suffer from depression, and the only thing that's helped so far is selegiline but no one will prescribe it because it's only indicated for parkinson in germany.
 
Hey there! Welcome :). Your doctor can't work around it to prescribe you selegiline? Have there been cases of selegline working for others with depression? Perhaps if you have studies for proof it will help persuade him?
 
well, all the first line drugs (ssris, snris, tcas) failed and i had to get the selegiline through not strictly legal means. however 10mgs a day + 500mgs phenylalanine have given me the first remission in nine years. i'm really desperate. i also take mirtazepine which does jack shit for my depression but helped my insomnia. i've taken them together for three months without any side effects. but now i'm out of selegiline and where i got it from was a one time thing so i'm fucked

i really don't know what to do. i'm contemplating getting either a shitload of phenazepam or etizolam. but benzos, no matter how much they help my anxiety are so damn addictive and its all fucked

edit: the fucked up thing is that they could prescribe it but i have the feeling that all doctors are afraid of maois
 
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Honestly I would say anything other than phenazapam. Probably because I have had horrible personal experiences with it but also numerous accounts from friends as well. I have never seen any positive maintenance or self control used with phenazapam.

I know a lot of people are quickly drawn to it because it is a relatively inexpensive easy to get benzo but it really has no medicinal value. It is an extremely long acting benzo with a 72 hour half life and active at extremely low doses. I would look into finding a benzo with a shorter duration and in reality I would say get prescribed controlled benzo. Phenazapam really is not a route you want to go.
 
I'm new to this forum and so far so great!

I'm 22 years old, live in a city all about its nightlife and My DOC can vary depending on alot. I used to do a god-forsaken amount of cocaine but have
since quit that and now I enjoy opiates a lot.

I got a great job, family and friends and overall a lot to enjoy and *try to be as happy as I can overall even
when its not easy sometimes :D .

I hope to continue using and learning from this site to prevent any bad experiences. Amazing what I've learned and related
to here on this site!
 
Hey there don :) welcome to the forum!! This site has been my most used learning resources on the internet. I am glad you found it and seem to know how to use it quite well, it has a lot to offer.
 
stardust.hero said:
Honestly I would say anything other than phenazapam. Probably because I have had horrible personal experiences with it but also numerous accounts from friends as well. I have never seen any positive maintenance or self control used with phenazapam.

I know a lot of people are quickly drawn to it because it is a relatively inexpensive easy to get benzo but it really has no medicinal value. It is an extremely long acting benzo with a 72 hour half life and active at extremely low doses. I would look into finding a benzo with a shorter duration and in reality I would say get prescribed controlled benzo. Phenazapam really is not a route you want to go.
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yeah you're probably right. i think phenazepam played a significant role in my week-long court-ordered stay in a mental institution. which sucked really badly. i'll probably go for the etizolam.
 
If you are going to go the RC route, etizolam at least has blister packs with premeasured doses, it also has a duration of about 4-6 hours if I'm correct right? Which certainly is better than days and days of blackouts and psychosis.

Have you tried to get prescribed a general benzo for anxiety from your doctor? Plain old xanax or valium? They practically hand it out in the US.
 
yes, i've taken etizolam a few times and it's quite similar to alprazolam in its effect. eyeballing doses of phenazepam (especially since i was also heavily drinking and using a shitload of gbl at the time) is nothing but trouble

edit: i've been prescribed alprazolam and flunitrazepam on and off for years but ever since my psychiatrist knew about my addiction problems he refused to prescribe me any more. getting pills is getting difficult in germany.
 
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^^ There's a name I haven't seen around for a while. Good to hear from you dude. How's things?? I hope you've been well <3
 
I'm Keyani_Penguin, 28 years old. Been lurking for quite a while but after a particularly shitty day, decided that maybe I should reach out to TDS for support/friends who understand. I am that person that you never realize is sufferring. Always smiling,, always there for other people. I've battled depression for years. It got extremely bad after I had my daughter. In fact, I'm not 100% sure I ever recovered from ppd. I've had problems pre-kiddo with xtc and canibus. I began using narcotics to zone out. I use ativan for anxiety but I'm not above using it to get a buzz. I decided to join bluelight and TDS because it seems like a safe haven for me. I don't have friends irl that would understand.
 
HeWhoHowls said:
Damn, I haven't been here in the longest...
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Aaaah dude it's so nice to see you back =D

Keyani_Penguin said:
I'm Keyani_Penguin, 28 years old. Been lurking for quite a while but after a particularly shitty day, decided that maybe I should reach out to TDS for support/friends who understand. I am that person that you never realize is sufferring. Always smiling,, always there for other people. I've battled depression for years. It got extremely bad after I had my daughter. In fact, I'm not 100% sure I ever recovered from ppd. I've had problems pre-kiddo with xtc and canibus. I began using narcotics to zone out. I use ativan for anxiety but I'm not above using it to get a buzz. I decided to join bluelight and TDS because it seems like a safe haven for me. I don't have friends irl that would understand.
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Welcome to TDS. I hope that we can provide you as a safe haven away from drug use :)
 
Keyani_Penguin said:
I'm Keyani_Penguin, 28 years old. Been lurking for quite a while but after a particularly shitty day, decided that maybe I should reach out to TDS for support/friends who understand. I am that person that you never realize is sufferring. Always smiling,, always there for other people. I've battled depression for years. It got extremely bad after I had my daughter. In fact, I'm not 100% sure I ever recovered from ppd. I've had problems pre-kiddo with xtc and canibus. I began using narcotics to zone out. I use ativan for anxiety but I'm not above using it to get a buzz. I decided to join bluelight and TDS because it seems like a safe haven for me. I don't have friends irl that would understand.
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:) Hello there!

I'm always really glad when anyone encounters some difficulties in life but who remains willing to utilize this forum - this community - to help them through it. If you find yourself with the feeling that anyone specific here can be of help to you, I would encourage you to send that person a message! Alternatively, maybe asking for help from the greater community will prove to inspire hope in a different way.

What's brought you here, Keyani_Penguin?
Welcome to The Dark Side my friend :D

~ Vaya
 
The name's Matt. I'm an H addict in the DFW area. I've been looking around here for years. BL has helped me quite a bit especially about advice on going and getting some help. Every one here seems pretty cool. Hope it stays that way. BL is a blessing.
 
hey all, ive introduced and re-introduced myself, in the past, but havent more than dropped into this site for, maybe, a couple of years, and i can see there have been an overwhelming number of people who have joined since - which is awesome - so ill re-introduce myself for their benefit!
im Lydia, just turned 28 (starting to feel old!) and i live on the border of the waitakere ranges, just out of auckland, new zealand, with 2 horses, a rottweiler, 2 lop-eared bunnys and about 25 guinea pigs (there are 2 large litters at the moment and i havent counted all the pups yet).
im fatally attracted to drugs in general but up til now my DOC has always been crystal meth, closely followed by opiates. im heavily leaning towards the second at the moment cos im battling with coming off methadone (which has to be done as MMT has been a hellhole for me) - on the plus side, ive managed to get the meth use right down cos im so desperate for sleep its almost a turn-off - until im actually on it of course! i have a feeling that if i successfully get off the 'done and, once clear of that, can go without using any more recreational opiates than i already do, the meth cravings will return; not craving meth is bizarre, for me!
i also have ADHD, and have always had bad anxiety and bouts of depression, though while on the higher doses of methadone i appeared to be becoming more and more severely mentally ill, in general, including having a major bout of mania; all this has settled down, and its hard to say what was caused by methadone and what might have been to do with heavy methamphetamine use - the important thing is its not there now!
my main interest in life is competitive horse-riding though i havent competed for 2 years now due to addiction problems, and since dropping my methadone dose i spend most days at home in bed, but ive just been given a new computer so i thought it might be a positive experience coming back to BL to see how things are going; motivating myself to get up when i feel like crap is the hardest part! i like what i see so far, and its great to see that TDS is still the same haven it always was. nice to be back :)
 
Hi Matt, welcome! how are things going now in your life?



Hi, Drug-wench, I'm fairly new here so you are new to me. I hope that you can let go of the meth and get back into competitive riding. Thankfully, the mania has not recurred--that sounds scary.

I love the menagerie you've got going there! You should post some pictures for us in the TDS Pets thread--we LOVE animals here.:)
 
What up? Tryin this whole quittin thing again. Grew up on this site ha ha. Im pretty serious this time round though.
 
Hi hebb, congrats on deciding to get clean again. I wish you all the best with it. Please keep us updated with how you're going :) <3
What have you been using, and for how long?
 
Hi guys. I've lurked and used this site for years for this and that. I recently relapsed again after like 9 mos. of various forms of treatment. I've been doing dope for years and am absolutely wreckless.. Coke, pills, speed, i don't care when I'm out there. Nothing new I'm sure. Last saturday was the last time i used. I wanted to die. I lost everything again. After only a few months of getting high i couldn't keep it together. Honestly i probably would have went downstairs and put a gun to my head had i not came here and read some threads in here. I'm so glad i didn't because those suicidal thoughts only lasted a couple days. I detoxed myself, a big step this time i think because before it was either rehab or catch me when you can and lock me up that would get me clean. I'm entering probably my fifth recovery house on sunday. None of my treatment was court ordered it hurts sometimes that i want it so bad but i keep fucking up. Anyways that's my story, i do try to not dwell on all of that shit tho i know what i need to do.
 
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