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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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drug_wench said:
diamorph, hate to say it but by using G, alcohol and benzos - depressants - ur not only asking to become addicted (esp with daily use), and trust me, benzo WDs make heroin WDs look almost fun.......ur asking to become more depressed
depressants r called depessants for a reason

dblgza, i dont think ur post is in the wrong thread - u dont hav to apologize for expressing ur feelings
again i wonder if ud gain something out of CBT tho?
u certainly seem an open-minded type - thats all it takes to try someting new
something that might just help change ur mindset
Click to expand...


yes, i am well aware of that my good man. :)
there is such thing as abuse, and therapeutic patterns of use.
benzo addiction, once there, its LIFE. that's why i use them just occasionally. no daily patterns here. my dirty little helper is G. completely & thoroughly researched, with a good deal of personal experience along the way.

edit: double post. sorry.
 
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Sometimes it seems like the only way out of the black hole is with a rope around your neck becaus ethe sunshine that had helped you see the way out, has vanished.
 
diamorph - if ur not using daily, thats ok.....it was just a warning (btw im a chick ;))
GHB, i was not so worried about - it was specifically the benzos, tho still b aware, as u will know, GHB will add to ur depression wen overused

dbl gza - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is basically just a form of therapy where u r guided into retraining ur brain to rationalise ur thoughts, eg. someone is depressed, so they take their brain thru a process of asking themselves wat they hav to b depressed about and how they can change it for themselves
it takes awhile, cos u actually hav to basically change ur brain chemistry but it works
i had panic disorder and was having pretty frequent panic attacks so i was referred to a psychologist (by my psychiatrist) - we did 6 sessions of CBT and i did lots of homework!
6 sessions IMO is not really enough but it was all i cud afford, and once i got the gist of it i just continued to work on it by myself
now i havnt had a panic attack in over a yr

pillthrill - suicide sure seems the easy way out at times
tbh im not in the best of places - my bf cud b going to jail as cud one of my friends, im waiting on finding out whether or not i hav hep C or not (first test came up positive for coming into contact with it), i nearly used last night and feel constant self-hatred ever since....i wont go on
theres a part of me that says theres an easy way out (closest ive come to being suicidal in.....well since i was using)
but then i think of how it wud affect my mum (even my dad and brother who really dont seem to care about me on the surface of things), how id no longer hav contact with ozzy and maverick, how it wud affect my friends....most of all how things cud get better
and i think 'nah'
try to make a list of reasons why u wudnt benefit from committing suicide too - start with 'DW wud fucking miss u!' <3
 
drug_wrench, i usually hate and avoid benzos. it's the emergency kit.
i'm aware of the dangers of benzo habituation.
worst addiction there is.

as for therapy...throughout the years i have found making your nerves scream with maximum pain intensity to be the ultimate therapy.
for instance, i am carving me a trilobite with a razor into my arm and sprinkling it with lye. fuck tattoos.

as for hepC, i've had it for 3 years now. don't sweat it. find out the genotype. if you're lucky, you'll clear it in 6 months of hellish interferon therapy. :D
if you JUST contracted it, there is a very good chance that you will spontaneously clear it in the next 6 months, without any treatment. just fuel up your immune system as good as you can.
 
^ your therapy scares me. Sorry. Tattoo hurt enough. I already cut and couldn't avoid the blood everywhere... thats just...scary to me.


I'm ok now. But sometimes it just feels that the person that is your support lights your dark hole and can show you the way out. Without help you feel hopeless.
 
Pillthrill said:
I'm ok now. But sometimes it just feels that the person that is your support lights your dark hole and can show you the way out. Without help you feel hopeless.
Click to expand...

see posts above.
i am all alone and abandoned by the one person i want to be with.
but i have no intention of whining about it.
digested it.
wish 8 bottles of vodka, adding numerous cigarette burns to my arms, deep cuts stuffed with boiling sodium hydroxide...
in the morning i was all blood & vinegar.
cry and hysterical laughter.
couple of days later, after some cleansing, a massive dose of ayahuasca. 27gr mimosa. 3 hours of rolling in your bed begging for mercy, swelling with bile, vomit and shit, not being able to discharge, not being able to recognize ANYTHING in intense tryptamine fractals, total disintegration and schizophrenia, a body without organs falling into the pitless abyss of unspeakable horror.
until i started puking.
thanking god, jah, shiva, odin for every pile of shit i gurgled into the bucket i specifically put next to my bed for the purpose.
things began re-emerging. hydration time (from a bottle of vodka, ironically enough). i started re-establishing myself from pure white noise. everything pulsated in perfect stillness. i walked around my place, realizing i am nothing more but my presence, the things i leave behind, the way i leave my blanket, the way i put my toothbrush in the glass..
what i saw totally devastated me.
the fossils of a dead presence.
ugliness merging in liquefied waves.
i bursted into tears. sincere, cathartic, truthful tears.
made a vow never to touch the bottle again.
i discharged. i am no longer stuck.

that's my therapy.
creepy, yes.
works for me.
 
well diamorph......im not one to argue with wat works for u but im just putting out that there r other means of therapy that r less self-destructive
gd luck anyway
 
not necessarily healthy therapy :\
but thats the last ill say on the matter cos i feel this thread is getting a little off-topic
 
Thank you for posting the original thread. I am in a very dark place right now. I have an out of control Vicodin addiction, and am losing my life before my eyes. All I look forward to, is my next dose of Norco + a few shots of vodka. That's all I care about. And it's multilying by the day. Sometimes I wonder if my daughters would have a better life WITHOUT me. Does anyone know if the Suicide line takes names or personal info? I would not be willing to divuldge personal info (for fear of losing my children).
 
txchick i wud think a suicide line wud b totally confidential
i cudnt tell u for sure as im positive ur not in NZ (where i am, and im pretty certain its confidential here)
give ur location and maybe someone who lives in ur area/country and knows about these things cud kindly give u a bit more info

personally i think u cud b feeling depressed partly out of despair cos u dont feel u can do anything about ur drug problem, and partly cos frequent use of opioids/alcohol cause or worsen depression
do u think im right about the first part? cos if u think this, u r wrong! u can get clean
u hav to want to first of course, but once u want to u can get urself into rehab, or go to NA, even go on maintenance for awhile (suboxone has changed my life)

do u hav someone (family or friend) who can take care of ur children while ur cleaning up?
PM me if u want some ideas about how to go about this or even make a thread about it
its not a no-hope situation unless u let it b

u know u need to keep urself alive for those children - they need u
preferably clean :)
 
Well guys, i'll be nice and smooth... So...

What i am see here guys, you are want to live better, but did you realize what are you doing right now?! Mental health is like physical health, that should be healing. Taking drugs to overdose is not a solution to heal your mind, but its like pushing the "reset" button on a computer. I heard about some therapies that are based on electro-shocking the brain, just like the schizophrenia, but i also heard that it wont work in most of the cases! That is means, if it doesnt helped you right now, will not help you never! Now you are on a road, to falling down to a hole that is getting even and even darker and painful every times.. Is that you want? The pain? No, i think you want health, not the pain anymore.

What im think its time to sit down, look around you and start thinking what are you doing exactly, to reach your destination. to get back your lost life and lost happiness. I have a hard feeling about, that you will be dissapointed. Slowly, killing yourself, will not get you back to the track you are missed years ago.

The thing is, you have got all the rights to Live. It doesnt matter you are a wrong person, or a good person, a gay person or a heterosexual one. These all are doesnt matter. You are a living person, a living beign, you are born to live, not to kill yourself. Well, God will kill you if he/she thinks its over, you cant avoid that. But killing yourself, dude....

As i previously said, you have the chance to wake up and change your mind. It will help you to change your whole life. Did you know, that you have the rights to change your life? Yes you have. The only thing you need, is strength. Strength that doesnt come from muscles and bones, but it comes from your mind. In your head... (im pointing to your head now)

To use this "mental strength", you have to train yourself. Its exactly, like you train your body, to be fit and strong. There are quite good, and working therapies and trainings that is helps you.

For example, here is a common one...
Every day you wake up, go immediately to the front of the mirror, and say to yourself. "dude, i am strong, i dont lose the focus never". Sure you will not lose the focus, because you know what you want. wow.. its simple like that. Dont pay attention to the bad thoughts like "geez i'm talking to my mirror" or "bah, its not working" or "ah i dont feel the strength". Those bad thoughts are for misleading you, from your destination! But you are about to take the control over your mind. You may also want to say things like "I love myself". You have to love yourself, nobody never be as close to you as you are!!!! You are the most important thing in your life.

.. Anybody says its not true, they are liars.

Keep smiling, all days and night. Smiling, is like a good massage for your body. Its good.

<3
 
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my father commited suicide by shooting himself. this left me with a lot of questions, but maybe your posting answered some of those questions so thankx i guess.
 
I can give you some tries. People have a lot of reasons for things they do. Suicide happens when people feel they have no other choice. It is NEVER rational, and often VERY impulsive. Thats why it can often be prevented with rationality and just encouraging that person to well, stall. PM me.
 
what i recommend you to forget about those questions. i'm not sure that every questions have the corrent answers, but what i'm sure every question will give you two more questions. So, its better to skip these thoughts, and focus on your life. You will feel better.
 
Yeah that is a good point. You can NEVER know the TRUE reasons. At least in this life anyway. So consider what I had to say and try to wrap your mind around that.
 
i liked that post ampere (the longer one ;))
anyone with more inspiring posts like that ur definitely welcome to add them - i hope that post made a lot of ppl think
 
I hate life. I hate the world and almost everyone in it. I don't see the fucking point. I didn't ask for this shit. I didn't ask to be born into this world that I hold in contempt. I didn't ask for the burden of being the most important person in someone's life.

I don't believe in suicide. But I sure wish a big fucking meteor would just crush this fucking house with me in it. Or better yet, me and my roommate / landlord / "friend."

I wish I believed in an afterlife. I would kill myself instantly and move on to the next life. Sometimes I envy spiritual folks. Their life has meaning, they always seem to believe good things are around the corner or salvation is coming or their life sucks but it sucks for a reason or blah blah blah blah blah.....

How do I resolve the paradox of not wanting to kill myself but hating my life so much that I don't want to continue onward any more? I don't think I am ever goign to be happy, at best I'll just plod through he misery day by day until i eventually die of something anyway.

Is this why people join the military or become police fficers or firefighters? So they can have a chance to die with meaning and purpose?
 
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