diamorph
Bluelighter
that's my biggest problem.
the moment i wake up...i wish i hadn't.
04.42 here.
the evil day star is about to rise after a few more hours.
no sleep..
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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This
- Thread starter chicpoena
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that's my biggest problem.
the moment i wake up...i wish i hadn't.
04.42 here.
the evil day star is about to rise after a few more hours.
no sleep..
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
diamorph - hate to sound like im lecturing but all the drugs ur on r depressants
naturally they will cause depression esp over a long period of time using them
id suggest if u want to look at leading a non-depressed life u need to get detoxed off them
no cold turkey - that wud b dangerous on those drugs
but u hav to b ready eh
wen i was on smack i thought i was happy but in actual fact i was utterly depressed
if u ever need someone to talk to, u can PM mods
ill tell it like it is......but im always here to listen too
naturally they will cause depression esp over a long period of time using them
id suggest if u want to look at leading a non-depressed life u need to get detoxed off them
no cold turkey - that wud b dangerous on those drugs
but u hav to b ready eh
wen i was on smack i thought i was happy but in actual fact i was utterly depressed
if u ever need someone to talk to, u can PM mods
ill tell it like it is......but im always here to listen too
diamorph
Bluelighter
that was just a general outline. 
drug issues are just one thing in the list.
i am well acquainted with the matter, i think, and have made my mind on slowly tapering off the sauce with my last 50mL or so.
detach myself into the K-hole if necessary.
as for detox, i am detoxing every second day..
i feel perfectly fit, physically, just pretty unstable mentally.
i've been reliant on one drug or another for the past..i dunno, 7 years?
soberity doesn't agree with me much.
drug issues are just one thing in the list.
i am well acquainted with the matter, i think, and have made my mind on slowly tapering off the sauce with my last 50mL or so.
detach myself into the K-hole if necessary.
as for detox, i am detoxing every second day..
i feel perfectly fit, physically, just pretty unstable mentally.
i've been reliant on one drug or another for the past..i dunno, 7 years?
soberity doesn't agree with me much.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
no it doesnt agree with me much either - ive bn using since i was 10....im now 24 (not dick-sizing or pussy-sizing or watever but...)
gd on u for making the effort
id say once ur clean from evrything except maybe the occasional drug (if u can get away with it) wait say 6 months or so and if ur still feeling unstable, talk to a professional
id always say go to a psychiatrist to see wat they believe is wrong with u then if it turns out u hav anxiety/depression go to a psychologist qualified in CBT - this is an awesome form of therapy that really changed my life around
if it turns out u hav something more serious like schizophrenia/bipolar, etc then cross that bridge wen u come to it i guess
i found half the reason i was unstable was my drug use anyway - they had me down as OCD, aspergers syndrome, bipolar and borderline personality disorder
once i was off my heavy daily regime of methamphetamine, opiates and anything else i cud get my hands on, it turned out all i had was ADHD and GAD!
if u dont ever see urself being totally clean thats cool - as long as ur not reliant on anything....thats wat causes the depression usually
these days i just smoke pot occasionally
might do MDMA/LSD once or twice a yr
never thought id end up like that but it is possible wen u want it enough
much luck and respect on the fact that ur doing something about ur issues with the drugs
gd on u for making the effort
id say once ur clean from evrything except maybe the occasional drug (if u can get away with it) wait say 6 months or so and if ur still feeling unstable, talk to a professional
id always say go to a psychiatrist to see wat they believe is wrong with u then if it turns out u hav anxiety/depression go to a psychologist qualified in CBT - this is an awesome form of therapy that really changed my life around
if it turns out u hav something more serious like schizophrenia/bipolar, etc then cross that bridge wen u come to it i guess
i found half the reason i was unstable was my drug use anyway - they had me down as OCD, aspergers syndrome, bipolar and borderline personality disorder
once i was off my heavy daily regime of methamphetamine, opiates and anything else i cud get my hands on, it turned out all i had was ADHD and GAD!
if u dont ever see urself being totally clean thats cool - as long as ur not reliant on anything....thats wat causes the depression usually
these days i just smoke pot occasionally
might do MDMA/LSD once or twice a yr
never thought id end up like that but it is possible wen u want it enough
much luck and respect on the fact that ur doing something about ur issues with the drugs
diamorph
Bluelighter
i dont trust the psych paradigm.
as a matter of fact, i despise it.
i've been diagnosed with everything to schizotypal to psychotic to depressive. prior to drug misuse even.
they almost had me come down with permanent tardive dyskinesia.
neuroleptics, SSRIs, dubious mood stabilizers...no thanks.
gonna have to figure this one out myself. on my own.
as a matter of fact, i despise it.
i've been diagnosed with everything to schizotypal to psychotic to depressive. prior to drug misuse even.
they almost had me come down with permanent tardive dyskinesia.
neuroleptics, SSRIs, dubious mood stabilizers...no thanks.
gonna have to figure this one out myself. on my own.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
ok so dont go to a psychiatrist - try a psychologist and look into CBT
thats got nothing to do with diagnosis or medication
there r some things no one can really do alone if they want to b happy
like i say i was misdiagnosed too - i wasnt fond of psychiatrists
psychologists r a whole diffrent kettle of fish
why dont u give it a try (once ur clean for awhile) and if u dont like it or find it helpful then u can always cease treatment
wat hav u got to lose?
im sure plenty of others here cud testify that therapy such as CBT has helped them too
of course no one can force u into anything and thats not wat im trying to do but keeping an open mind is very helpful to ur recovery
its pretty rare for someone to get get and stay clean and lead a happy fulfilling life.....on their own!
thats got nothing to do with diagnosis or medication
there r some things no one can really do alone if they want to b happy
like i say i was misdiagnosed too - i wasnt fond of psychiatrists
psychologists r a whole diffrent kettle of fish
why dont u give it a try (once ur clean for awhile) and if u dont like it or find it helpful then u can always cease treatment
wat hav u got to lose?
im sure plenty of others here cud testify that therapy such as CBT has helped them too
of course no one can force u into anything and thats not wat im trying to do but keeping an open mind is very helpful to ur recovery
its pretty rare for someone to get get and stay clean and lead a happy fulfilling life.....on their own!
diamorph
Bluelighter
john coltrane - a love supreme
- olatunji concert
how's that for therapy?
i dunno man...
seeking help really isn't my thing.
i've lost transmission with the only girl i love (and that's the first time i use this verb, 1st person, singular...the word never carried any connotations for me in the past whatsoever).
but then again, its all just vanity and fleeting moments, right?
i'll machette my way through this.
slowly taper off the sauce, if there's any w/d - retreat in the K-hole.
i need an intense and thorough aya session, dissolute myself, die, discharge and move on.
but i don't know how that might interfere with my GABAb agonist tolerance i have developed..
right now, im getting the stasis chills..
woke up at 5, rolled over in my bed until 8, afraid to leave my room.
but that's usual for sundays.
might as well risk it and give ayahuasca a shot tonight. see how things will unravel during the day...fuckin' evil day star...i need thick curtains.
- olatunji concert
how's that for therapy?
i dunno man...
seeking help really isn't my thing.
i've lost transmission with the only girl i love (and that's the first time i use this verb, 1st person, singular...the word never carried any connotations for me in the past whatsoever).
but then again, its all just vanity and fleeting moments, right?
i'll machette my way through this.
slowly taper off the sauce, if there's any w/d - retreat in the K-hole.
i need an intense and thorough aya session, dissolute myself, die, discharge and move on.
but i don't know how that might interfere with my GABAb agonist tolerance i have developed..
right now, im getting the stasis chills..
woke up at 5, rolled over in my bed until 8, afraid to leave my room.
but that's usual for sundays.
might as well risk it and give ayahuasca a shot tonight. see how things will unravel during the day...fuckin' evil day star...i need thick curtains.
Last edited:
ill.literate
Bluelighter
diamorph = bulgarian?
I az sm ot BG, btw... 6om obi4a6/trqbva da si samostoqtelen, spravqj se, brat... malko tzhno, naistina, no se nadqvam da se spravi6 i da ne si trovi6 tqloto tolkova mnogo. Ne znam, ne sm bil v tvojte obuvki, i nqmam predstava kak se 4uvstva6.
Ot druga strana imam nqkakva ideq, bqh bezdomen i v edna sekta i qkata si preebah zhivota i semejstvoto. Vinagi sm si bil ot oneq deto trqbva da konsumirat nqkakvo ve6testvo. S6to vinagi sm bil ot onezi deto trqbva da se opravqt sami, demek ne moga da iskam pomo6t. S6to vinagi sm si znael 4e ako poiskam pomo6t 6e e po-lesno.
Sega u4a i ba4kam i gledam da polzvam samo halucinogeni, ako ne6to, 6oto tova s pieneto non-stop stava tp4ko. Izsledval li si si 4erniq drob?
Tova s momi4eto s6to mi e poznato, i kato si na nisko mqsto boli mnogo pove4e, ama ako mozhe6 da se koncentrira6 na ne6to kontretno, boli po-malko za izvestno vreme. Molq te, vnimavaj.
Miles Davis s6to e dobra terapiq![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I az sm ot BG, btw... 6om obi4a6/trqbva da si samostoqtelen, spravqj se, brat... malko tzhno, naistina, no se nadqvam da se spravi6 i da ne si trovi6 tqloto tolkova mnogo. Ne znam, ne sm bil v tvojte obuvki, i nqmam predstava kak se 4uvstva6.
Ot druga strana imam nqkakva ideq, bqh bezdomen i v edna sekta i qkata si preebah zhivota i semejstvoto. Vinagi sm si bil ot oneq deto trqbva da konsumirat nqkakvo ve6testvo. S6to vinagi sm bil ot onezi deto trqbva da se opravqt sami, demek ne moga da iskam pomo6t. S6to vinagi sm si znael 4e ako poiskam pomo6t 6e e po-lesno.
Sega u4a i ba4kam i gledam da polzvam samo halucinogeni, ako ne6to, 6oto tova s pieneto non-stop stava tp4ko. Izsledval li si si 4erniq drob?
Tova s momi4eto s6to mi e poznato, i kato si na nisko mqsto boli mnogo pove4e, ama ako mozhe6 da se koncentrira6 na ne6to kontretno, boli po-malko za izvestno vreme. Molq te, vnimavaj.
Miles Davis s6to e dobra terapiq
diamorph
Bluelighter
hah, sorka brat, ama shti otgovoria na engl., che foruma e takuv v kraina smetka...etika.
im not in BG atm, i reside in denmark, used to be a heroin addict in BG for 5 years big time.
my liver..? yeah. hep C. 3 years now. starting the interferon soon.
liver enzymes - surprizingly low.
i have a good background in biochemistry and physiology to know how to manipulate my body...without a scrupule.
i feel alright physically, but mentally - all it takes is a gentle push of a finger.
right now, just dosed my last 3 of 7mL of lactone. went 10hrs without it, with just slight, but unpleasant enough, esp. when added to a major depressive episode, withdrawal symptoms.
got 4 more, just enough to get me through my first class of advanced danish courses, and even enable me to communicate with people there.
then, what follows, i guess, is 2-3 days of severe glutamate irritability and insomnia.
an awesome, healthy and beneficial drug, for those that don't have my addictive personality.
sorry to hear about your story.
it actually sounds a lot worse than mine.
i've had a lot of opportunities and my parents are/were really decent, understanding people. i wasted it all away. not that i feel sorry about it or anything.. what's done is done, what's left is now.
as for miles davis - pompous fuckin' negro. :D
kiddin'.
he was brilliant of course, but took more credit than he deserved. was too reliant on other people, altho he had a talent for assembling the right people and orchestrating the whole thing.
coltrane...coltrane for me is a spiritual experience.
tho right now im stuck with elliott smith.
in just a few more hours, each and every sound will feel like an icepick in my brain. :D
ah, well..
the cosmic law.
niche for a niche.
im not in BG atm, i reside in denmark, used to be a heroin addict in BG for 5 years big time.
my liver..? yeah. hep C. 3 years now. starting the interferon soon.
liver enzymes - surprizingly low.
i have a good background in biochemistry and physiology to know how to manipulate my body...without a scrupule.
i feel alright physically, but mentally - all it takes is a gentle push of a finger.
right now, just dosed my last 3 of 7mL of lactone. went 10hrs without it, with just slight, but unpleasant enough, esp. when added to a major depressive episode, withdrawal symptoms.
got 4 more, just enough to get me through my first class of advanced danish courses, and even enable me to communicate with people there.
then, what follows, i guess, is 2-3 days of severe glutamate irritability and insomnia.
an awesome, healthy and beneficial drug, for those that don't have my addictive personality.
sorry to hear about your story.
it actually sounds a lot worse than mine.
i've had a lot of opportunities and my parents are/were really decent, understanding people. i wasted it all away. not that i feel sorry about it or anything.. what's done is done, what's left is now.
as for miles davis - pompous fuckin' negro. :D
kiddin'.
he was brilliant of course, but took more credit than he deserved. was too reliant on other people, altho he had a talent for assembling the right people and orchestrating the whole thing.
coltrane...coltrane for me is a spiritual experience.
tho right now im stuck with elliott smith.
in just a few more hours, each and every sound will feel like an icepick in my brain. :D
ah, well..
the cosmic law.
niche for a niche.
ill.literate
Bluelighter
Verno, etikata si e vazhno ne6to
Good to hear that you're checking yourself out. I've got the addictive personality myself, lots of teeth grinding, heh. Sobriety would be pretty dope if and when I get there eventually.
Never heard of lactone, related to GHB in anyway?
As for Miles, I can see what you mean with him being reliant and pompous but that Bitches Brew was pretty bitchin nonetheless. Yeah, every crazy fuck with his corresponding tastes, I guess.
Good to hear that you're checking yourself out. I've got the addictive personality myself, lots of teeth grinding, heh. Sobriety would be pretty dope if and when I get there eventually.
Never heard of lactone, related to GHB in anyway?
As for Miles, I can see what you mean with him being reliant and pompous but that Bitches Brew was pretty bitchin nonetheless. Yeah, every crazy fuck with his corresponding tastes, I guess.
diamorph
Bluelighter
well, i successfully tapered off the G (yeah, lactone, as in gamma-butyrolactone, that corrosive god awful tasting ghb analogue, that i prefer to the butyrate, actually).
now im back to baseline depression.
cracking beers since yesterday, 3 crates so far, no food, rolling smokes from cigarette butts & reading bukowski. :D
good times.
some enourmous bills in the mailbox this morning..
w8ing on the other "activizing"/"vitalizing" shipment of G.
such are the times. refined, target specific chemistry required.
no shame in being "an addict".
better self-med, than the psych paradigm.
and miles is awright. i've read his autobio. "bitches brew" rules, it's just a bit...too "cold" for me right now.
used to listen to it a lot when i was banging smack tho.
he's the godfather of all modern jazz, no 2 opinions about it, hands down.
i'm just more attracted to coltrane's mysticism & minimalism.
it's just him, alone, on the sax, with drums in background to keep up..
here's a little bukowski peace i just stumbled upon:
"Alone With Everybody
the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.
there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.
nobody ever finds
the one.
the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill
nothing else
fills."
pretty much in the company of dead people nowadays.
now im back to baseline depression.
cracking beers since yesterday, 3 crates so far, no food, rolling smokes from cigarette butts & reading bukowski. :D
good times.
some enourmous bills in the mailbox this morning..
w8ing on the other "activizing"/"vitalizing" shipment of G.
such are the times. refined, target specific chemistry required.
no shame in being "an addict".
better self-med, than the psych paradigm.
and miles is awright. i've read his autobio. "bitches brew" rules, it's just a bit...too "cold" for me right now.
used to listen to it a lot when i was banging smack tho.
he's the godfather of all modern jazz, no 2 opinions about it, hands down.
i'm just more attracted to coltrane's mysticism & minimalism.
it's just him, alone, on the sax, with drums in background to keep up..
here's a little bukowski peace i just stumbled upon:
"Alone With Everybody
the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.
there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.
nobody ever finds
the one.
the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill
nothing else
fills."
pretty much in the company of dead people nowadays.
I feel there's no reason to live. I feel I spent my whole life doing nothing. I've accomplished nothing, just things that pushed me towards the bottom. I have trouble making friends, therefore I feel I might end up alone for the rest of my life.
I like drugs.... mmm. :D sometimes i think heroin might help, but most of the time im sure it wont.
Only positive thing to live for is my family, but sometimes I feel I'm nothing to them just an object to exploit.
I like drugs.... mmm. :D sometimes i think heroin might help, but most of the time im sure it wont.
Only positive thing to live for is my family, but sometimes I feel I'm nothing to them just an object to exploit.
diamorph
Bluelighter
"I like drugs.... mmm. sometimes i think heroin might help, but most of the time im sure it wont."
but it will!
it sure helped me...for a while.
and the personality changes it brings, oh goodie.
the cold-blooded cynical reptile it turns you into.
i miss the smack linearity sometimes, to be completely honest.
but that's a solution when you've hit the bottom and grabbed the razor in your hand already. it really does take your mind off things LOL.
live for the fluctuating dynamics of life. it's ups and downs.
and i'm pretty down as i say this.
if suicide was a solution, i would've splattered my brains days ago.
try your luck at russian roulette if you are really desperate.
may chance decide.
but it will!
it sure helped me...for a while.
and the personality changes it brings, oh goodie.
the cold-blooded cynical reptile it turns you into.
i miss the smack linearity sometimes, to be completely honest.
but that's a solution when you've hit the bottom and grabbed the razor in your hand already. it really does take your mind off things LOL.
live for the fluctuating dynamics of life. it's ups and downs.
and i'm pretty down as i say this.
if suicide was a solution, i would've splattered my brains days ago.
try your luck at russian roulette if you are really desperate.
may chance decide.
thnx diamorph russian roulette made me laugh.
"it sure helped me...for a while."
and what happened after a while passed? im sure this drug don't help. i'll rather have some friends to do LSD with :D
but as i said there are desperate times. i just hope it won't require this desperate measure.
russian roulette made me laugh."it sure helped me...for a while."
and what happened after a while passed? im sure this drug don't help. i'll rather have some friends to do LSD with :D
but as i said there are desperate times. i just hope it won't require this desperate measure.
diamorph
Bluelighter
what happened?
5 years of addiction.
and most veins collapsed.
and hepatitis C.
but im alive, right? haha.
though there is such thing as responsible opiate use, but rarely among opiate-naive people.
had a blast of DMT the other day.
it had been awhile..
but despite it's intensity (like, everything splashing & collapsing into tryptamine fractals for a matter of seconds, from which a completely different world re-emerges, and everything going with the speed of light), and the fact that i was smirking while trying to catch my pulse coming down from it, i was pretty much to sober baseline depression in 2 hours or so.
nights feel alright.
daytime is, at times, almost unbearable.
squeezing 8 lemons with water and downing some omega-3 fish oils did help me tonight though.
a lot of oxidative damage lately...
need to keep the leash on my self-destructive impulses and avoid alcohol which makes them surface...badly..
hopping back on a less chaotic daily G intake & perhaps some low dose clonazepam in the evenings, along with a proper detox diet.
need to get back in routine if i want to make it back to university...
anyway, good nutrition does miracles, take it from me.
opiates are good & mellow and make you forget all your troubles in a warm itchy euphoria...that's why they are not for troubled people.
5 years of addiction.
and most veins collapsed.
and hepatitis C.
but im alive, right? haha.
though there is such thing as responsible opiate use, but rarely among opiate-naive people.
had a blast of DMT the other day.
it had been awhile..
but despite it's intensity (like, everything splashing & collapsing into tryptamine fractals for a matter of seconds, from which a completely different world re-emerges, and everything going with the speed of light), and the fact that i was smirking while trying to catch my pulse coming down from it, i was pretty much to sober baseline depression in 2 hours or so.
nights feel alright.
daytime is, at times, almost unbearable.
squeezing 8 lemons with water and downing some omega-3 fish oils did help me tonight though.
a lot of oxidative damage lately...
need to keep the leash on my self-destructive impulses and avoid alcohol which makes them surface...badly..
hopping back on a less chaotic daily G intake & perhaps some low dose clonazepam in the evenings, along with a proper detox diet.
need to get back in routine if i want to make it back to university...
anyway, good nutrition does miracles, take it from me.
opiates are good & mellow and make you forget all your troubles in a warm itchy euphoria...that's why they are not for troubled people.
I also have an incredibly hard time surviving thru the day,time moves so slow for me during the day no matter what I'm doing.
Often i think negative thoughts about myself,even tho i am an adult now i feel as if I'm a child that has and never will accomplish anything meaningful in my life.
I sometimes wish for the chance to give my life to save another's to prove to anyone that i am a good person.
Most of my friends(mind you a have a small group of friends users and non users alike)that will tell you i have many good qualities.
I would disagree.
There is only one thing i can surely say about myself that i know is true and it is that i am kind and generous with a good heart.These are things that almost everyone i encounter in my life will never know.
I think now i may have posted this in the wrong area.Never in my life have i ever expressed myself like this and now that i am just typing these words on a screen i feel like i could write forever.I hurt so much and see no point in life.
To survive and not put my family in pain is the only reason to live for me it seems.
I am so sorry for rambling and taking up valuable space and i hope i didn't waste anyone's time who has read this.
I do find comfort knowing that someone will read this and has felt or still feels the way i do now(altho i wouldn't want that, it would not make me feel good in any way).
To be able to express my feelings like this for the first time in my life is something i cant describe atm.I am hoping these forums will help me grow and am hoping to talk to others that wouldn't mind helping me.....even if they are just words on a screen and not meaningful i wouldn't know that but the acknowledgment is nice.
And who knows maybe i could be the one to help someone at some point.
Often i think negative thoughts about myself,even tho i am an adult now i feel as if I'm a child that has and never will accomplish anything meaningful in my life.
I sometimes wish for the chance to give my life to save another's to prove to anyone that i am a good person.
Most of my friends(mind you a have a small group of friends users and non users alike)that will tell you i have many good qualities.
I would disagree.
There is only one thing i can surely say about myself that i know is true and it is that i am kind and generous with a good heart.These are things that almost everyone i encounter in my life will never know.
I think now i may have posted this in the wrong area.Never in my life have i ever expressed myself like this and now that i am just typing these words on a screen i feel like i could write forever.I hurt so much and see no point in life.
To survive and not put my family in pain is the only reason to live for me it seems.
I am so sorry for rambling and taking up valuable space and i hope i didn't waste anyone's time who has read this.
I do find comfort knowing that someone will read this and has felt or still feels the way i do now(altho i wouldn't want that, it would not make me feel good in any way).
To be able to express my feelings like this for the first time in my life is something i cant describe atm.I am hoping these forums will help me grow and am hoping to talk to others that wouldn't mind helping me.....even if they are just words on a screen and not meaningful i wouldn't know that but the acknowledgment is nice.
And who knows maybe i could be the one to help someone at some point.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
diamorph, hate to say it but by using G, alcohol and benzos - depressants - ur not only asking to become addicted (esp with daily use), and trust me, benzo WDs make heroin WDs look almost fun.......ur asking to become more depressed
depressants r called depessants for a reason
dblgza, i dont think ur post is in the wrong thread - u dont hav to apologize for expressing ur feelings
again i wonder if ud gain something out of CBT tho?
u certainly seem an open-minded type - thats all it takes to try someting new
something that might just help change ur mindset
depressants r called depessants for a reason
dblgza, i dont think ur post is in the wrong thread - u dont hav to apologize for expressing ur feelings
again i wonder if ud gain something out of CBT tho?
u certainly seem an open-minded type - thats all it takes to try someting new
something that might just help change ur mindset
diamorph
Bluelighter
yes, i am very well aware of all that my good man.
i have a good background in biochemistry & pharmacokinetics.
which didn't stop me doing what i did so far..
but have you looked into GHB's halflife, for one?
and i specifically emphasized benzo use, not benzo misuse.
alcohol is out of that list, period.
thanks for all the tips though, but i already got'em in my notebook.
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