Yeah... I'm not winning, my ears have been so fucking bad lately. Hit some Pineapple Express straight out of cali last night, a friend had been away and of course it ruined my ears but the high was so good, I felt full of life, but I didn't even smoke more than like... 0.25 if that. Ever since the acupunctures, my ears have been a lot worse. My ears were fine earlier today, I went to my twin nephews 2nd birthday party today, ears got even better because they always do going into somewhere, had a nice time, it was a nice day. The spike I had on the way home was absolutely fucking horrible, way worse than any amount of THC could cause and I damn near jumped out my car door when passing a semi, I really did. It's my favorite time of the year and I feel like I have this curse that will never go away.
Neuro appointment is tomorrow, I'm going to tell them everything in the hopes I can get an MRI scheduled soon. If that shows nothing, I'm done. If I don't post for even a week, you'll know I'm dead. Quote me on that. I would literally have a leg cut off to get rid of this shit. Like if I found out that somehow something in my leg was causing it, but I could keep the leg and deal with the tinnitus, I'd cry tears of joy just knowing it can go away. Give me a prosthetic, plenty of athletes deal with them.
It DOES vary right though?
Like Arnie says in Predator "If it bleeds, we can kill it"
I have tinnitus. It's bizarre I can hear it's roar atm, seems in right side funnily, as clearly as the dawn birds tweeting.
I HATE those times I face day awakening after heavy acid trip or/and preposterous benzo use side effects, combined with extreme enough physical matters
But sometimes it's better sleep enables my conscious mind to like a dj fade it into background.
Or, tune right into it blow it up loud.
What we focus on grows. Somehow I've adopted an automatic routine of virtually ignoring, not thinking about or paying attention to my own tinnitus.
Though I CAN, at times it's way upped too- common if v underslept.
And one fact. Stress! Stress state = directly elevated Tinnitus. In a flash.
It's astounding how instantly & destructively Stress, negative though & emotion can manifest.
This is actually exactly what I myself now need to learn.
My own focus has needed to be on serious physical healing.
I lost all sight through that infinity.
We get stuck in patterns. So much is psychosomatic too. Anything variable also I'd say has potential to be mostly quelled except....IN TIME Mac.
I know it's maddening. I live some?how with the most brutal things, pains traumas.
Takes time. You are still young Mac. Your thoughts, projections, anticipations also are fear based and too desperate to manifest well, this is how our brains decide exactly how to nourish medicate heal resonate our cells.
My own Tinnitus (fortunately (lol as if)) I have enough other multiple extreme more immediate challenges, putting tinnitus way down on that list.
However, it can go go from 3/10 to a maddening screech in seconds upon stress, feud, despair.
I'm sorry the Accupuncture appears underhelpful.
But man, these things I speak are true. It does take time. The fact it varies at all, is the Omen as well.
But honestly examine your mindset, see the conjunction.
I'm not trying to be insensitive, patronise, downplay.
Because I do know the hardest hardship.
So I guess. Please just logically contemplate some of those tryryscabd principles I believe, put above.
Beijing day by just imagining another relatively harmonious side to this trauma awaits you in life.
Begin to believe in it more & more, also how a fixated looping self-perpetuating negative mental/emotional state can bring a stack of cards down faster than a gale
And vice versa. Again. The exact tricky acr I simply must focus on now if I am to keep this life and know ease, wellbeing, rest & pleasure again.
So
@BourbonMac just Please be so so patient however it seems even prognosis wise.
And don't bail out yet man. See what time can do. It's amazing in cases.
You were going through a hard time it's hard time but you are at an early age at an early age where time could see time could see miraculous positive shift in your life.
