TDS Ideation & Crisis Support

[Staring into the Abyss]

I am experiencing suicidal ideation. I just can’t see a way out of my situation. I’ve had chronic pain and depression for over 20 years, and it got significantly worse in July 2022. I’ve tried so many medications and treatments, but nothing works.

It’s hard watching other people be so happy and carefree. I just want my freedom back! Life was pretty good before this all started. Now I literally spend my entire day in pain, begging for relief. It’s like waking up to a nightmare every morning.

 

[mr peabody]

I am experiencing suicidal ideation. I just can’t see a way out of my situation. I’ve had chronic pain and depression for over 20 years, and it got significantly worse in July 2022. I’ve tried so many medications and treatments, but nothing works.

It’s hard watching other people be so happy and carefree. I just want my freedom back! Life was pretty good before this all started. Now I literally spend my entire day in pain, begging for relief. It’s like waking up to a nightmare every morning.

Sorry for your troubles.

I've suffered from an inherited arthritis condition for many years, and I discovered long ago that Prednisone is the only medicine that helps me.

Many people don't realize: inflammation is commonly responsible for MOST of the pain they're suffering from. Even if it's only 50% responsible, that's a lot! Take it from me (a long-time sufferer of chronic pain), there is NOTHING better for controlling inflammation-related pain than Prednisone!

How much of an improvement might you expect? That depends on how much of your pain is due to inflammation, but. Prednisone will stop that portion of it COLD. 20mg daily can make an otherwise unbearable condition manageable. It might very well do that for you, too, so please find out!​

PM me anytime!

 

[yubacity]

I am experiencing suicidal ideation. I just can’t see a way out of my situation. I’ve had chronic pain and depression for over 20 years, and it got significantly worse in July 2022. I’ve tried so many medications and treatments, but nothing works.

It’s hard watching other people be so happy and carefree. I just want my freedom back! Life was pretty good before this all started. Now I literally spend my entire day in pain, begging for relief. It’s like waking up to a nightmare every morning.

I know how you feel i would see happy people walking around and think why cant i be like that . I was lucky 2 times i tried suicide first time belt slipped out door second time my wife had a bad feeling came home to see me nearly dead she brought me back . Suicide not the answer it hurts those around us . My cousin commited suicide ande the what if were there signs i not see it hurts the ones left here . If your dead thats the end no matter how hard we have to struggle on i am now so glad i not die .

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

I am experiencing suicidal ideation. I just can’t see a way out of my situation. I’ve had chronic pain and depression for over 20 years, and it got significantly worse in July 2022. I’ve tried so many medications and treatments, but nothing works.

It’s hard watching other people be so happy and carefree. I just want my freedom back! Life was pretty good before this all started. Now I literally spend my entire day in pain, begging for relief. It’s like waking up to a nightmare every morning.

Here with you amigo listening. You have my empathy I have chronic pain & severe PTSD, to say it’s a struggle would probably be an understatement. You are not alone in feeling alone in these things. No matter what don’t ever give up, even if for those days you are merely just existing to hold on … you never know things can some how get better in different ways or you may be able to find some sort of relief in the future. I wish I could write more or better I’ve been having a lot of insomnia so not thinking as clear lately. Be gentle with yourself, do something nice for yourself even if it’s the simplest thing… like a cup of tea, something like a movie to distract, looking at a sunset or the stars even if you can only sit outside or next to a window, hug yourself & take deep breaths reminding yourself how strong you are & how proud you are of yourself for your strength.
One moment at a time
Sending you support, strength & many blessings

 

[Staring into the Abyss]

Sorry for your troubles.

I've suffered from an inherited arthritis condition for many years, and I discovered long ago that Prednisone is the only medicine that helps me.

Many people don't realize: inflammation is commonly responsible for MOST of the pain they're suffering from. Even if it's only 50% responsible, that's a lot! Take it from me (a long-time sufferer of chronic pain), there is NOTHING better for controlling inflammation-related pain than Prednisone!

How much of an improvement might you expect? That depends on how much of your pain is due to inflammation, but. Prednisone will stop that portion of it COLD. 20mg daily can make an otherwise unbearable condition manageable. It might very well do that for you, too, so please find out!​

PM me anytime!

I have been on as much as 50mg prednisone to no avail. Apparently my pain has more to do with the nervous system, or neurotransmitters signaling pain with no structural damage.

 

[nznity]

I have been on as much as 50mg prednisone to no avail. Apparently my pain has more to do with the nervous system, or neurotransmitters signaling pain with no structural damage.

What about lyrica or gabapentin?

 

[Staring into the Abyss]

What about lyrica or gabapentin?

I’ve tried Lyrica, Gabapentin, Duloxetine, and Bupropion. No relief. So far, alcohol is the only thing that helps, but my tolerance is getting high. Anything less than 6 drinks is worthless.

I’m considering trying Kratom. I figure it’s better than killing myself.

 

[mr peabody]

I have been on as much as 50mg prednisone to no avail. Apparently my pain has more to do with the nervous system, or neurotransmitters signaling pain with no structural damage.

Argh! So sorry to hear that!

Not sure what else to suggest, but please check out these articles I collected on managing chronic pain, just in case :

PSYCHEDELIC MEDICINE | CHRONIC PAIN - 80 articles

CHRONIC PAIN | +80 articles

For people suffering from chronic pain, Ketamine may be the answer by Torsten | 28 Aug 2005 At his worst, Brett Lovell, 32, experienced such searing pain that he couldn't straighten his arm, and the fingers of his left hand curled up like a claw. The pain had him downing 25 pills a day. Then...

bluelight.org

Maybe you'll find something useful, I sure hope so!

 

[nznity]

I’ve tried Lyrica, Gabapentin, Duloxetine, and Bupropion. No relief. So far, alcohol is the only thing that helps, but my tolerance is getting high. Anything less than 6 drinks is worthless.

I’m considering trying Kratom. I figure it’s better than killing myself.

Kratom is a godsend and it is relatively cheap, try a red strain. Imexperience, making tea and filtering is better than toss and wash method. Good luck buddy, lots of luv.

 

[Staring into the Abyss]

I forgot to mention that aside from alcohol, Adderal has also given me considerable pain/depression relief at times. I have a couple friends with Adderal prescriptions and I mooch 2-3 pills per month that I reserve for music gigs.

I mentioned Adderal to my PCP and he berated me for taking meds not prescribed. I’m not sure it’d help long term anyway as the euphoria quickly fades if I take a few days consecutively.

 

[BourbonMac]

Niacin, my only saving grace for my ears is finally beginning to fail me. For much of last week, I was seeing great results. Last night it didn't work quite as well but it worked. Tonight it worked for 15 minutes and I'm back to an abysmal spike. The acupuncturist really ruined my summer, no, my life. MRI in 10 days. If the results don't find anything I'm killing myself. It's been nice knowing you all, really. It's been nice to connect with and relate enjoyment of drugs, addiction, psychological struggles. It's possibly the best forum I've used. I just can't believe it anymore.

It was bad before the acupunctures but now I have severe hyperacusis on top of my tinnitus and I just... I can't deal with it anymore. At least if I got it from loud concerts I'd be able to know it was from something I had fun doing. Instead I have it for no reason. It's like going to loud concerts for decades and shooting guns without hearing protection. I know people that have done both and barely have any tinnitus, yet I have the most severe tinnitus physically possible. Overall I'm just devastated niacin has failed me. It was the one thing I had that I could always rely on helping, and it teases me with 15 fucking minutes of silence...

I'll be sure to make it known when I plan to go out. For now, it's all in the hands of the MRI.

 

[AutoTripper]

Niacin, my only saving grace for my ears is finally beginning to fail me. For much of last week, I was seeing great results. Last night it didn't work quite as well but it worked. Tonight it worked for 15 minutes and I'm back to an abysmal spike. The acupuncturist really ruined my summer, no, my life. MRI in 10 days. If the results don't find anything I'm killing myself. It's been nice knowing you all, really. It's been nice to connect with and relate enjoyment of drugs, addiction, psychological struggles. It's possibly the best forum I've used. I just can't believe it anymore.

It was bad before the acupunctures but now I have severe hyperacusis on top of my tinnitus and I just... I can't deal with it anymore. At least if I got it from loud concerts I'd be able to know it was from something I had fun doing. Instead I have it for no reason. It's like going to loud concerts for decades and shooting guns without hearing protection. I know people that have done both and barely have any tinnitus, yet I have the most severe tinnitus physically possible. Overall I'm just devastated niacin has failed me. It was the one thing I had that I could always rely on helping, and it teases me with 15 fucking minutes of silence...

I'll be sure to make it known when I plan to go out. For now, it's all in the hands of the MRI.

Yo Mac. I feel guilty bro cos I swayed you on that.

Mate I've too had so many gut wrenching regretful traumatic experiences and consequences like in 2016 I injured my optic Nerve.

Altered my entire reality. No longer was there any "pleasure" comfort or enjoyment with vision, seeing watching looking at things.

Just a grate on the nerves and taxing on mind.

Also broke the chain link re hand eye coordination and brain instruction according to live time visual feedback example just scraping out a dish.

Playing a video game. Anything. I can still not keep eyes open focused concentrating visually on anything more than about 4-5 seconds but I had to totally adapt.


I was so depressed about this injury. Never imagined I could live with it.


But over time like the extremity of absurd exstacy use nearly unheard of, it altered me via adaptation.


These times I hardly think about it, though it's still present. It put me a lot deeper in my mind and had to change how I use my brain to instruct my hands making food or whatever.

Like taking a good snap shot and doing as much as possible with the light switched off, saving concentration fuel.


Took time though. Many other similar traumas.


I had a thought cos seems you've not much to lose right, and you are clearly a trier.

I am wondering if cranio-osteopathy might be a magic ticket for tinnitus sufferers generally?


Look it up maybe?


Also Total Body Modification via legit Chiropractor is amazing stuff.


You've tried a lot. Fair play always. Not everything yet. What if there's a remedy around for this just requiring stumbling on it, in time!


And steel to see that time out, make those potentially rewarding excursions.

 

[BourbonMac]

My fucking doctor ignored my re-fill request for Valium and my anxiety levels are higher than ever with my tinnitus increasing day by day. Niacin which was my saving grace no longer does anything because apparently I need a tolerance break. My left ear is so fucked now it's indescribable. What the hell do I even do? I think he's trying to force me to cold turkey it again because he thinks it has no withdrawal. He did this to me last July, it didn't end well. I only have 5mg, I usually take 15mg a night. It was eligible for re-fill on fucking Wednesday! Sure, I took one extra on some nights with really bad anxiety because I have a tolerance but I never wanted to increase the dose and he wouldn't allow that anyway, says 10mg is the maximum dose someone should ever take. I'm so mad, he ignored every other message of mine too...

 

[AutoTripper]

My fucking doctor ignored my re-fill request for Valium and my anxiety levels are higher than ever with my tinnitus increasing day by day. Niacin which was my saving grace no longer does anything because apparently I need a tolerance break. My left ear is so fucked now it's indescribable. What the hell do I even do? I think he's trying to force me to cold turkey it again because he thinks it has no withdrawal. He did this to me last July, it didn't end well. I only have 5mg, I usually take 15mg a night. It was eligible for re-fill on fucking Wednesday! Sure, I took one extra on some nights with really bad anxiety because I have a tolerance but I never wanted to increase the dose and he wouldn't allow that anyway, says 10mg is the maximum dose someone should ever take. I'm so mad, he ignored every other message of mine too...

Mate one thing then there I'd certainly aim to do, in your case, as you seem a proactively determined and proficient way where there's a will man...

You need independence from your doc re your benzo supply.

I use pure powder as am deadly allergic to all doc medicines tablets and excitements.

But the equivalent of say 1200 10 mg Valium would cost me 45-60 quid.


There is alprazolam powder pretty alfow if you seek those channels.

I'm currently on Bromazolam after the Lawwww cunts took Etizolam away, and it's ruined aspects of my own life as little anxiolysis, major hypnotic sedation also causes a v v v heavily depressive state unlike Etizolam which oddly has a unique antidepressant effect.


I'd be better I think with Alprazolam less Sedative long lasting, more anxiolytic and prob less after effects.

If you can get powder of it, using mg scales and PG solution easy to equip yourself there.

Or legit tablets. I don't see it's any worse than valium.

I think depending on a doctor these times to just appreciate the shit he's dumping you in blocking that channel, is thin ice because from my understanding they are really hesitant re benzo prescription now espec long term.

Fuck lol I'd be like...okay I need about 25 vals a day please doc.... phat chance lol!


Just on that. One less mad imminent stress.

 

[Staring into the Abyss]

I am seemingly functional to people around me. I go to work (I have a cushy job with minimal responsibilities. I often close my office door and nap for hours at a time. I am an entitled piece of shit.) I play music at clubs a couple times a month. I have a house and a family.

But the pain and depression have gotten to a level that is simply unmanageable. I do not have one second of peace (let alone joy) during my day.

I think the physical pain has just worn me down over the last 20 years. All the things that used to help (i.e. booze) have stopped working. It seems like I either check out, or move up to opiates to manage the pain.

It’s crazy because 1 year ago, my biggest fear was the thought of dying. I am an atheist so the thought of oblivion was scary. Now I would do anything to escape the pain of living.

 

[deficiT]

Directed to anyone that follows or reads this thread, the MOST important thing you can do is express these feelings, which is what this thread is for.

I just want everyone to know, my DMs are always open if you're struggling. I deal with ideation nearly every day, I have survived numerous things I shouldn't have, and I can say that I'm glad that I did. Because there's more I need to do in this life. It's hard to see that when you're in the pits of despair, but you have your own destinies to fulfill and it would be a tragedy to cut that short for any reason, like I've seen so many people do.

Love you all

 

[AutoTripper]

Personally, now in life after only even this time so far..

I would TAKE oblivion with some joy and relief.

It would actually solve endless riddle for me and to actually impossibly know such a fact would bring me much peace & power forever now.

I'm not attached to the moment, material here & now time.

It's the real grand longevity depth endurance tragedy too much potentially and God knows what before and especially after THIS life, causes my own mental bother.

If it was sure fire like permanently snuffing a candle light, I'd be relieved and way less concerned.

I don't buy that at all though. I'm no atheist nor any way religious.

I'd sure class myself as spiritual though.

 

[BourbonMac]

My MRI results are in, apparently. I'm too scared to open it. I was already seriously plotting my suicide last night, but if I find out the MRI found nothing, it's going to happen in at least a month or so. Probably on the way back from seeing relatives in Nebraska, I'll jump out of the car while passing a semi. But if I don't time it correctly I might just hit it and live with life threatening injuries that disable me from ever trying again. I didn't want it to end like this, I never wanted it to end at all. It sounds like such a simple and stupid thing. Ending your life over ringing in your ears? It just keeps getting worse every damn day and my only saving grace which was niacin can't even take care of it now.

But it's not that. It's reached the point of nails on a chalkboard, metal clanging and metal scraping. Screaming, squealing, swooshing. It's the most hellish and nightmarish form of tinnitus humanly possible and I never did anything for this to develop other than take MDMA for my first time on August 1st. The morning of August 2nd I noticed it coming back, and by mid August it was becoming increasingly severe. Nobody else had ringing in the ears after it though and it was puer MDMA.

But this past month, really the past week is how it reached this point and it's just... it's too much. Last summer I didn't have this condition, I was happy, at peace. My profile picture was happier, my signature was happier, I was happier. I'd never felt happier. And to think a year went by that quickly and I'm supposed to be 30 in December. They say 29 is fine, well... 29 has definitely not been fine.

Honorary mention goes to the gripping stomach pains I've had just about every day for the last 2 weeks.

 

[AutoTripper]

My MRI results are in, apparently. I'm too scared to open it. I was already seriously plotting my suicide last night, but if I find out the MRI found nothing, it's going to happen in at least a month or so. Probably on the way back from seeing relatives in Nebraska, I'll jump out of the car while passing a semi. But if I don't time it correctly I might just hit it and live with life threatening injuries that disable me from ever trying again. I didn't want it to end like this, I never wanted it to end at all. It sounds like such a simple and stupid thing. Ending your life over ringing in your ears?

But it's not that. It's reached the point of nails on a chalkboard, metal clanging and metal scraping. Screaming, squealing, swooshing. It's the most hellish and nightmarish form of tinnitus humanly possible and I never did anything for this to develop other than take MDMA for my first time on August 1st. The morning of August 2nd I noticed it coming back, and by mid August it was becoming increasingly severe. But this past month, really the past week is how it reached this point and it's just... it's too much. Last summer I didn't have this condition, I was happy, at peace. My profile picture was happier, my signature was happier, I was happier. I'd never felt happier. And to think a year went by that quickly and I'm supposed to be 30 in December. They say 29 is fine, well... 29 has definitely not been fine.

Mate. 1st apologies for no doubt occasions you've felt a little patronised by me.


But I know you see my only sole altruistic interest is to try and genuinely help and encourage, motivate etc in no artificial way.

Test! Them life hardship tests too, believe me (I KNOW you already can lol) can be way too far intense, enduring.

ftr I prospected my own life ending yesterday in the most truly riled manic state.


I have a perfect vision too now after just investigating potential nearby deserted secret town centre Bushey

And method.

It's actually put my mind much at ease there. Removed an angst.

Feeling more empowered, able to choose, LESS pressure too as a result.


But man again, truly not looking to be unempatgetic/compassionate or judging any way...


I urge you brother to just....hand in there still.


It came on. I've told you too how it's taken myself 2 years numerous times to adapt, realise I can still forget about initially severely disturbing injuries, tragedies etc.


I am really serious re the cranio osteopath potentially being able to help though because we see right? You've only to gain with luck, perseverance, deepest grit.

And a belief!

 

[deficiT]

My MRI results are in, apparently. I'm too scared to open it. I was already seriously plotting my suicide last night, but if I find out the MRI found nothing, it's going to happen in at least a month or so. Probably on the way back from seeing relatives in Nebraska, I'll jump out of the car while passing a semi. But if I don't time it correctly I might just hit it and live with life threatening injuries that disable me from ever trying again. I didn't want it to end like this, I never wanted it to end at all. It sounds like such a simple and stupid thing. Ending your life over ringing in your ears? It just keeps getting worse every damn day and my only saving grace which was niacin can't even take care of it now.

But it's not that. It's reached the point of nails on a chalkboard, metal clanging and metal scraping. Screaming, squealing, swooshing. It's the most hellish and nightmarish form of tinnitus humanly possible and I never did anything for this to develop other than take MDMA for my first time on August 1st. The morning of August 2nd I noticed it coming back, and by mid August it was becoming increasingly severe. Nobody else had ringing in the ears after it though and it was puer MDMA.

But this past month, really the past week is how it reached this point and it's just... it's too much. Last summer I didn't have this condition, I was happy, at peace. My profile picture was happier, my signature was happier, I was happier. I'd never felt happier. And to think a year went by that quickly and I'm supposed to be 30 in December. They say 29 is fine, well... 29 has definitely not been fine.

Hey man I'm so sorry about your tinnitus and these dark thoughts. That's all they are, they are fleeting, please don't let them win

Sending some love and strength your way