TDS Ideation & Crisis Support

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

cheers atm

 

[PortalFloyd]

Tonight, just like every other night for the last two months, I will go to bed absolutely praying that I feel better tomorrow.

This is exactly how I feel. I get the strength knowing that tomorrow may be a better day. I found this Suicide Support Thread a few days ago when I was seriously considering admitting myself to the hospital. I just wanted to numb the emotional pain with drugs. I'm currently tapering from methadone, and was desperate for help. After reading this, I felt hope and immediately joined BL because I knew I could not do this on my own.

 

[spork]

^Welcome to Bluelight, PortalFloyd. I've found a lot of people here to care when it may feel that no one else does. I hope that you won't be struggling for long. If you have any questions or want to talk, feel free to let us know.

 

[herbavore]

PortalFloyd, I'm so glad that you joined. I have gotten support from Bluelight on so many levels. Sometimes just feeling connected to other human beings, even half a world away, makes a huge difference. One thing you might consider is looking through classes offered for the community at a local hospital. Where I live there are a number of classes for relatively little money that can both connect you wth people and support your health and well-being, like yoga, mindfulness meditation, etc. Have you thought about doing anything like that?

 

[PortalFloyd]

spork & herbavore

Thanks for the warm welcome. I have Generalized Anxiety and it is so hard reaching out to others, including my own family, let alone a doctor for help, but this feels like a safe space to me. I actually took a yoga class last summer at college and loved it, but I quit going to school this spring because I became too afraid to go to class, leave the house, etc.

 

[Sprout]

Yesterday I had one of the darkest days in a long while. I woke up and cried instantly for no reason other than that empty, hollow, feeling I'm sure you all know very well. Within an hour I started planning my own suicide, where, how and how to explain it in my last piece of writing. Alas, I'm still here, but it was an incredibly powerful reminder of the volatility of the human mind.

 

[mrflowers00]

i'm so worried about messing my life up that i haven't tried very hard to make a better life for myself because if i don't try then i don't fail and this cycle has increased my depression significantly and i think of suicide much more as a result

 

[ad lib]

Yesterday I had one of the darkest days in a long while. I woke up and cried instantly for no reason other than that empty, hollow, feeling I'm sure you all know very well. Within an hour I started planning my own suicide, where, how and how to explain it in my last piece of writing. Alas, I'm still here, but it was an incredibly powerful reminder of the volatility of the human mind.

I am glad you're still here my friend . PM me if you ever need to talk.

i'm so worried about messing my life up that i haven't tried very hard to make a better life for myself because if i don't try then i don't fail and this cycle has increased my depression significantly and i think of suicide much more as a result

Flowers I really hope one day you get the peace and happiness you deserve.

 

[UserName608]

I've been feeling especially suicidal lately. I've been battling chronic pain for over 10 years and its really starting to wear on me. I have depression but have been doing really well lately. However, the last few days I've been feeling not so much that I want to die but that I'd really rather not live anymore. Its a struggle not to mix my meds with a bottle of wine and simply fall asleep.

 

[spork]

^If you're seeing a doctor concerning your depression, please tell him/her right away. If not, I'd recommend that you start seeing someone about it. It helps a lot just to talk out your feelings to someone who will listen. Writing them out helps too. Keep hanging on, these thoughts will pass. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

As an aside, I just moved from Madison. It's a great city and I miss it dearly.

 

[tokenname]

i feel like i woke up one day awhile back..
only to realize that everything i thought, everything i had been confident in,
everything i ever believed about myself was complete bullshit.
i'm so fucking lost..and I've nothing to hold on to and ground me.
i don't know how to be this person i woke up as.
all i know is that i don't want to be.
i can't be.
i could survive as long as necessary being hurt, disappointed, violated,
and regretting ever being stupid enough to hope for better or trust anyone.
but i cannot survive causing someone i love to feel that way.
the only reason I've survived so long is because i was dreaming that i was different. unlike them.
now i'm awake.
now all i do is wish to take it all back.
to have never existed.
to have never affected someone this way.
to have never affected them at all.
but this wishing is as pointless as the dreaming was.
now i just want to sleep without the possibility of waking.

 

[spork]

Wait it out, token. When I get into those moods I find that one morning I wake up loving life and feeling myself again just the same as I had woken up wondering why I exist. Sometimes it takes a while, but it's always worth being patient and knowing that things can and WILL change. Keep us updated.

 

[n3ophy7e]

tokenname, spork is absolutely right. Please just ride it out and wait for the negative feelings to subside. They always do, no matter how engulfing they seem to be at the time. I totally know what it's like to feel the way you described, it is the most helpless feeling of despair. But it ALWAYS passes. Please just wait, just hold on
Have you spoken to a close friend or relative about how you're currently struggling??

 

[tokenname]

Wait it out, token. When I get into those moods I find that one morning I wake up loving life and feeling myself again just the same as I had woken up wondering why I exist. Sometimes it takes a while, but it's always worth being patient and knowing that things can and WILL change. Keep us updated.

i'm 34..i have yet to wake up loving life once. sounds dreamy though.
everything's temporary. of course you're right. thanks.

tokenname, spork is absolutely right. Please just ride it out and wait for the negative feelings to subside. They always do, no matter how engulfing they seem to be at the time. I totally know what it's like to feel the way you described, it is the most helpless feeling of despair. But it ALWAYS passes. Please just wait, just hold on
Have you spoken to a close friend or relative about how you're currently struggling??

no. i do so much better when it's anonymous and as vague as possible!
seriously, those just aren't the sort of relationships i'm involved in.
thank you both..i don't need talked out of anything..
i needed to vent that ..didn't have anywhere to take it.
appreciate you.

 

[Vaya]

I'm glad you exercise your right to use this community as an avenue to express these feelings, token. Having done so, you are clearly one step closer to reaching the state of being we all so dearly wish to be at.

Much love to you.

~ Vaya

 

[Badroll7]

you will be fine. Just relax. watch some movies. listen to music. think of all the people you would be letting down if you took your life. you mean a lot to the world and still haven't did everything in life that you want to yet.

 

[tokenname]

I'm glad you exercise your right to use this community as an avenue to express these feelings, token. Having done so, you are clearly one step closer to reaching the state of being we all so dearly wish to be at.

Much love to you.

~ Vaya

thank you a lot vaya..you're a sweetheart, always.
i'm so sorry for taking this long to reply..
it's been really fucking bad, no lie.
got a lot of steps left still, you know..

you will be fine. Just relax. watch some movies. listen to music. think of all the people you would be letting down if you took your life. you mean a lot to the world and still haven't did everything in life that you want to yet.

if I just could relax I would be all over that..
it's true..god I've got some things i'm dying to do.
hey i genuinely appreciate your time and words dear, thanks.

 

[tokenname]

nothing's letting up.
it's been months and months of this shit..
i've no fight left.
just nothing..i've nothing left anymore.
officially and entirely broken..
i've been through so much in the 34 years i've been around..
it's so hard to believe and even harder to say..
but it's never been this bad.

 

[spork]

I'm so sorry, token. Please, please talk to someone IRL about this. I know it feels like no one would understand and it's incredibly difficult to do, but people might surprise you when you do reach out. You can always talk to a therapist too. Keeping it bottled up doesn't seem to be working. Keep on keeping on and know that we do care about you and your well-being.

 

[Abject]

You have my commiserations token, fwiw.