Venting I just hate being sober

[PtahTek]

I used to be sober

well i rescind my last post

 

[washingtonbound]

I know people who don't drink too much coffee (though where is the line?) and don't smoke. Energy drinks are not that common esp with the older half of the population here...
Also... I used to be sober for so many years .. My "partner" still is.

I am disturbed by how I seem to have crossed the line into full blown addiction in the last year or so. I became dependent on nicotine pouches and was taking a can of 9mg velo or zyn a day. I get this might not sound like a big deal to those who have been dependent on other things, but it was very unsettling to me to wake up consistently at 4:30 or 5am at the latest to stick a pouch in, and then putting one in every half hour or so throughout the day. Constant nasty sinus headache if I didn't redose like this as well as extreme agitation and anxiety. I was able to kick it after a miserable two weeks straight of feeling like I was going crazy, and then substituted that addiction with daily kratom. Used that garbage daily for a few months and kicked it recently only because I moved somewhere where I have no access to it. Been going crazy on caffeine now to compensate and that causes the same nasty strange headaches when withdrawing as nicotine. I'm really sick of dealing with the pendulum of substance abuse, very mild highs and way worse lows. In my twenties I used to be able to dabble a bit and then stop, but in the last couple years it has become a horrible nuisance of exacerbated mental health issues if I get involved with any of it. But if I am completely sober, anhedonia and boredom hits me like a ton of bricks and I can barely function at any job. I feel weak and inadequate.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I always think of this song when I see this thread, so I thought I'd add it.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Hey! Congratulations on kicking the Kratom!! And nicotine, too!! - I didn't even try to start tackling that one yet

very mild highs and way worse lows. In my twenties I used to be able to dabble a bit and then stop, but in the last couple years it has become a horrible nuisance

100% same for me.

But if I am completely sober, anhedonia and boredom hits me like a ton of bricks and I can barely function at any job. I feel weak and inadequate.

That's actually a very fitting description of the state I'm in as well when I don't use... By now I was told by so many people that it can take months or even years to revover. I never believed that I could get PAWs for some reason. Idk why but I wasn't prepared for this at all. Another lesson I have to digest somehow...
I really believe you're doing amazingly good getting rid if the substances one by one. Don't give up!

 

[washingtonbound]

Hey! Congratulations on kicking the Kratom!! And nicotine, too!! - I didn't even try to start tackling that one yet

100% same for me.


That's actually a very fitting description of the state I'm in as well when I don't use... By now I was told by so many people that it can take months or even years to revover. I never believed that I could get PAWs for some reason. Idk why but I wasn't prepared for this at all. Another lesson I have to digest somehow...
I really believe you're doing amazingly good getting rid if the substances one by one. Don't give up!

Thanks, I had the same idea that I was immune to PAWs. I was young and ignorant and thought that kind of thing was just for people with "drug problems." But of course I was not like that, or so I thought. I now just have to accept that I will not be feeling very good for a while as my brain returns to baseline over time.