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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Venting I just hate being sober

I cannot speak for others but I know that in my case, it was only when I stopped that I began to notice just how freely available most things are. It seemed like eveywhere I went I would bump into people who wanted to use and I did manage to keep my friends AND to stop - but I think at that point, even friends who used had recognized that I had almost killed myself so much harm did I render to my own body.

I am also prepared to suggest that getting straight is the easy bit. It's recognizing that until you stop, your entire life revolves around obtaining your drug of choice. So many people stop and ask the very reasonable question 'what's the upside in my doing this?'

So I had taken the precaution of keeping a diary. It's now 25 years later and I still cannot read that diary. If tempted, I just open it at random and within a page, I am reminded of just how miserable I was.
 
4DQSAR said:
I am also prepared to suggest that getting straight is the easy bit. It's recognizing that until you stop, your entire life revolves around obtaining your drug of choice. So many people stop and ask the very reasonable question 'what's the upside in my doing this?'
Click to expand...
When your life revolves around how to get high is when you should start asking the question: "Why?"
Finding the answer to that might help prevent the downward spiral many find themselves on, with the question still unresolved.
 
4DQSAR said:
I cannot speak for others but I know that in my case, it was only when I stopped that I began to notice just how freely available most things are. It seemed like eveywhere I went I would bump into people who wanted to use and I did manage to keep my friends AND to stop - but I think at that point, even friends who used had recognized that I had almost killed myself so much harm did I render to my own body.

I am also prepared to suggest that getting straight is the easy bit. It's recognizing that until you stop, your entire life revolves around obtaining your drug of choice. So many people stop and ask the very reasonable question 'what's the upside in my doing this?'

So I had taken the precaution of keeping a diary. It's now 25 years later and I still cannot read that diary. If tempted, I just open it at random and within a page, I am reminded of just how miserable I was.
Click to expand...
You are on point -as always, and I appreciate it a lot that you still care 🙏🙏🙏
I used to keep a diary since I was 15 years old - until January this year. And even before that it had basically turned into a dose log 😒. I can't stand to see myself in the mirror - it's like I aged a decade within the last one year... There's no question whether I'm miserable or not, really. I can usually function on a day to day level but that's mainly it. Permanent survival mode in a way. And I'm losing grip on other things like my diary or the zillion other issues I should take care of... While there's always a new drug I could try... The more you look the more you find, right? 😮‍💨
 
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