P0kemama
Bluelighter
Awesome, Sim... that is great news!
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Recovery I can't go on, I'll go on
- Thread starter simco
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Iamoxygen
Greenlighter
Sim that is a badass move, I don't know a soul that would have been strong enough to do that. That "little win" is so much bigger than that. You're a goddamn rockstar.
the last dose
Bluelighter
Sim, good for you brotha!!!
simco
Bluelight Crew
So today was a total fucking disaster. Such a long and for the most part boring story. One thing I hate about people in an addiction tailspin is that they so often act like the biggest drama queens. Anyhow, about a year ago this one guy I used to use with (in fact my only using friend) decided he hated me due to of of his coke binge-paranoias. I think I've mentioned this elsewhere...he proceeded to wag a pistol in my face, so I left and never looked back.
Well, yesterday he got in touch with me though some back channels. He said he was gonna kill himself and that he had to see me. I gave it a day, but by this morning, things had gotten worse, according to his friends. So I finally went over. He's desperately in need of both addiction counseling and psych treatment, but he has a pathological aversion to both.
Needless to say, things didn't go well. He's a huge guy and he came at me hard. We fought a bit, though I was able to extricate myself without getting my ass too beat. But he hits hard, and he's mean as fuck when he's drunk.
When I was momentarily alone with him as we were waiting for LE to show up, he looked at me calmly and said that when this blows over he's gonna kill me and my wife.
I'm fairly sure he's full of shit. But between that and him attacking me today, I got SO FUCKING PISSED. And now I'm freaked out that he's gonna come after my wife. I hate real violence so much. Totally fucks with me.
Well, yesterday he got in touch with me though some back channels. He said he was gonna kill himself and that he had to see me. I gave it a day, but by this morning, things had gotten worse, according to his friends. So I finally went over. He's desperately in need of both addiction counseling and psych treatment, but he has a pathological aversion to both.
Needless to say, things didn't go well. He's a huge guy and he came at me hard. We fought a bit, though I was able to extricate myself without getting my ass too beat. But he hits hard, and he's mean as fuck when he's drunk.
When I was momentarily alone with him as we were waiting for LE to show up, he looked at me calmly and said that when this blows over he's gonna kill me and my wife.
I'm fairly sure he's full of shit. But between that and him attacking me today, I got SO FUCKING PISSED. And now I'm freaked out that he's gonna come after my wife. I hate real violence so much. Totally fucks with me.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
OMG simco! Are you okay! That would really send me up shits creak!!! Doesn't matter is he was a piece of work or not, something like that is just super jarring. Check your pms.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
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- Apr 28, 2013
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Sim- I haven't fully read your thread yet-which Im about to do right now-but I want to send you a huge virtual hug and to let you know you're in my thoughts always/as well as Sixx, TPD, POke...and I mean that sincerely/-not just saying it.
I te-started subs-for the fourth time in a few weeks tonight. I'll leave the details for a possible new thread-Im undecided.
Even if I don't always comment, I reac BL every single day. Im always watching over you guys.
10
I te-started subs-for the fourth time in a few weeks tonight. I'll leave the details for a possible new thread-Im undecided.
Even if I don't always comment, I reac BL every single day. Im always watching over you guys.
1010, hey honey.... Glad to see you. I hope you're doing OK?. We're here for ya.
Sim, bro.. first off, getting rid of four bags...... Dude, that's awesome. Up until just recently, if I had some dope in front of me, is have done it without a second thought. But now that I'm heading into three months, I can honestly say that I would probably hold the shit and give it some serious consideration before diving into it. I can't honestly say that I wouldn't do it, because chances are that I very well may. But I would definitely think it over first. I hope that my strength builds with time. You did good buddy.
Also, I hope you have some form of protection? You don't have to answer that, I get it. But please make sure that you're able to protect yourself should this asshole come at you or your lady.
Stay safe bro, thinking of you.
Sixx
Sim, bro.. first off, getting rid of four bags...... Dude, that's awesome. Up until just recently, if I had some dope in front of me, is have done it without a second thought. But now that I'm heading into three months, I can honestly say that I would probably hold the shit and give it some serious consideration before diving into it. I can't honestly say that I wouldn't do it, because chances are that I very well may. But I would definitely think it over first. I hope that my strength builds with time. You did good buddy.
Also, I hope you have some form of protection? You don't have to answer that, I get it. But please make sure that you're able to protect yourself should this asshole come at you or your lady.
Stay safe bro, thinking of you.
Sixx
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
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^^^Sixx!!!! You're just a goddamn rockstar! Three months!!!! Just awesome.
I have a similar well thing as you Sim. I had a bag and a half of H left when I started subs 2 days ago. I actually set up w it completely- I mean its in a rig right now.
After I set it up and was about to use it-I stopped and thought-'a bag and a half is not worth having tore-start this 24hr waiting bullshit w subs" (I was 12 hours in at that point) Last week I re-started the 24hr wairing time three times in 7 days I felt like I was taking crazy pills...so I was sick as hell three times already.....within a week. It was a really horrible week
Sooo...I had a rig loaded w a bag and a half in it next to me while in w/d waiting to take these fucking subs. Strangely- it made it alot easier for me. Like knowing there's a rip-chord if things got too bad- I could end it immediately. So yeah-I still have the rig and Im not sure how Im going to handle it. My plan of course is to do it at the end of the week-but the jury is still out on that.
And Sim- them are some BIG threats that guy made. Yo. Yes it more than likely was the drunken/coke psychosis rantings of a really fucked up person-but just in case. Please be safe. I know you were furious and tried your best to avoid that idiot and rightly so-I would've tangled a little w him too lol for coming at me like that.
I trust you have it under control. So yeah- good morning everyone-starting day3 Feeling vulnerable and weepy. I sure could use a hug from you guys. Hope everyone is welll From what Ive read - you guys are superstars. Love ya 10
I have a similar well thing as you Sim. I had a bag and a half of H left when I started subs 2 days ago. I actually set up w it completely- I mean its in a rig right now.
After I set it up and was about to use it-I stopped and thought-'a bag and a half is not worth having tore-start this 24hr waiting bullshit w subs" (I was 12 hours in at that point) Last week I re-started the 24hr wairing time three times in 7 days I felt like I was taking crazy pills...so I was sick as hell three times already.....within a week. It was a really horrible week
Sooo...I had a rig loaded w a bag and a half in it next to me while in w/d waiting to take these fucking subs. Strangely- it made it alot easier for me. Like knowing there's a rip-chord if things got too bad- I could end it immediately. So yeah-I still have the rig and Im not sure how Im going to handle it. My plan of course is to do it at the end of the week-but the jury is still out on that.
And Sim- them are some BIG threats that guy made. Yo. Yes it more than likely was the drunken/coke psychosis rantings of a really fucked up person-but just in case. Please be safe. I know you were furious and tried your best to avoid that idiot and rightly so-I would've tangled a little w him too lol for coming at me like that.
I trust you have it under control. So yeah- good morning everyone-starting day3 Feeling vulnerable and weepy. I sure could use a hug from you guys. Hope everyone is welll From what Ive read - you guys are superstars. Love ya 10
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
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PS- I struggled w anorexia for years. I used to have a phobia of vomiting. I overcame both. But I think you feel an affinity w oxygen because of the gender simularity. Ironically my husband also had anoxeric issues. Ay yi yi-its always something lol. Its a bitch Sim. PM me anytime if you ever want to talk more exstensively.
simco
Bluelight Crew
Thanks so much everyone!
As far as my fucktard of a former friend goes, no more drama on my end. He's blocked on my phone again (as he had been for over a year before this), which seems to shut him down since he has the attention span of a fly. I'm a bit sore here are there--getting hit by even a slow 250-lb dude sucks. I'm certainly not going to look for any trouble. But if he stirs anything up, I'm fairly sure I could handle things. Nuff said.
Couple other things...
Hey, 10, I totally know what you mean about the 'rip cord' effect. That describes very well what role those bags were playing for me. And, Sixx, I'm really surprised I was able to keep out of them...but you never know how you'll react to shit; it's weird. I *am* glad to have them gone. Did a little bit for my self-esteem. And certainly can't have hurt my chances of continuing to get better.
10, I hope you know I'm really pulling for you. That loaded rig, I really really really understand its appeal (shit, I'm salivating just writing about it). But, darlin, you're doing so great; can you shoot it down the sink? It's not that using is going to take away--you can climb back on if you slip. But I do believe that the slow, steady motion of recovery is punctuated by fleeting moments that mark big steps forward. This could be one of those moments, if you can let it happen. You can do this, I swear! Please PM if you want to discuss it more. Tossing out your parachute is a big fucking deal. But I think you'll feel good, or at least good-ish, if you do it.
I'm gonna send out a few PM's here in a couple minutes (gotta walk my moaning dog first). Y'all have been so kind to me.
Love each of you.
Sim
As far as my fucktard of a former friend goes, no more drama on my end. He's blocked on my phone again (as he had been for over a year before this), which seems to shut him down since he has the attention span of a fly. I'm a bit sore here are there--getting hit by even a slow 250-lb dude sucks. I'm certainly not going to look for any trouble. But if he stirs anything up, I'm fairly sure I could handle things. Nuff said.
Couple other things...
Hey, 10, I totally know what you mean about the 'rip cord' effect. That describes very well what role those bags were playing for me. And, Sixx, I'm really surprised I was able to keep out of them...but you never know how you'll react to shit; it's weird. I *am* glad to have them gone. Did a little bit for my self-esteem. And certainly can't have hurt my chances of continuing to get better.
10, I hope you know I'm really pulling for you. That loaded rig, I really really really understand its appeal (shit, I'm salivating just writing about it). But, darlin, you're doing so great; can you shoot it down the sink? It's not that using is going to take away--you can climb back on if you slip. But I do believe that the slow, steady motion of recovery is punctuated by fleeting moments that mark big steps forward. This could be one of those moments, if you can let it happen. You can do this, I swear! Please PM if you want to discuss it more. Tossing out your parachute is a big fucking deal. But I think you'll feel good, or at least good-ish, if you do it.
I'm gonna send out a few PM's here in a couple minutes (gotta walk my moaning dog first). Y'all have been so kind to me.
Love each of you.
Sim
simco
Bluelight Crew
Today marks 5 months off opiates for me. I can't believe it. Life is still no bowl of cherries, but damn, it's *so* much better than it was 5 months ago.
Thank you all, my dear SL friends. Couldn't have gotten here without you.
Thank you all, my dear SL friends. Couldn't have gotten here without you.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Congrats simco! It has been a pleasure sharing even just this part of your journey with you 
the last dose
Bluelighter
congrats brotha!!!! im a month behind you keep blazing the trail man! I totally agree i dont think i could have made it this far without this forum and the great people here.
P0kemama
Bluelighter
Sim: Congrats on 5 months!! That is HUGE!! You are one strong dude, handling life and all that and keeping on with being clean!! Way to go!!
Iamoxygen
Greenlighter
GREAT job man, hoping to be there soon myself.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
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As I promised (that I would be honest)you Sim-I did end up using the rig 3 days ago. It was nothing. I mean not an earth-shattering big incident. I wasn't feeling good. I had w/d symptoms-hot/cold, sweaty, restless So I did it. A bag and a half isn't a get fucked up amount for me at this time. Thats not good. At the end of my (IV) H usage last time, I was doing 5 bag shots. I don't want to progress to that.
I waa fortunate to aquire 2 more 8mg sub strips. I went right back on them. I took 4mg, 4mg and today approx 3mg. So yeah, right back on the horse.
Anyway- Hope your all continuing to be superstars! Love
10.
I waa fortunate to aquire 2 more 8mg sub strips. I went right back on them. I took 4mg, 4mg and today approx 3mg. So yeah, right back on the horse.
Anyway- Hope your all continuing to be superstars! Love
10.
simco
Bluelight Crew
As I promised (that I would be honest)you Sim-I did end up using the rig 3 days ago. It was nothing. I mean not an earth-shattering big incident. I wasn't feeling good. I had w/d symptoms-hot/cold, sweaty, restless So I did it. A bag and a half isn't a get fucked up amount for me at this time. Thats not good. At the end of my (IV) H usage last time, I was doing 5 bag shots. I don't want to progress to that.
I waa fortunate to aquire 2 more 8mg sub strips. I went right back on them. I took 4mg, 4mg and today approx 3mg. So yeah, right back on the horse.
Anyway- Hope your all continuing to be superstars! Love
Thanks for the update, 10! Yes, sounds like not a big deal. Good to get rid of it one way or another. Good luck today (to everyone!)!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
As I promised (that I would be honest)you Sim-I did end up using the rig 3 days ago. It was nothing. I mean not an earth-shattering big incident. I wasn't feeling good. I had w/d symptoms-hot/cold, sweaty, restless So I did it. A bag and a half isn't a get fucked up amount for me at this time. Thats not good. At the end of my (IV) H usage last time, I was doing 5 bag shots. I don't want to progress to that.
I waa fortunate to aquire 2 more 8mg sub strips. I went right back on them. I took 4mg, 4mg and today approx 3mg. So yeah, right back on the horse.
Anyway- Hope your all continuing to be superstars! Love
Glad you were able to pick yourself right back up 10! That is pretty awesome
You're becoming quite the master of resiliency! I can think of more than a few people who wish they were able to be more skilled like that. So you have a feeling that your w/d symptoms led you to the use? That makes perfect sense. Hopefully you can use this buprenorphine as effectively as possible to help avoid those again. I forget, are you coming off a buprenorphine taper/habit? Is there any way you could get some other meds or something to help see you through so you don't end up feeling like you need to lapse in the future again?
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