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Benzos How to prevent doing something stupid on Etizolam?

Detox facility is out of the question, I'm still hiding my addictions from my family. I for damn sure hope I can see a doc soon though because suicidal thoughts are starting to creep in again, and I know it's not healthy living like this.
 
Make your own appointment if you have to. You can do this , it'll suck, but you can get better when you're ready to.
 
Honestly if you admit you need help there is no shade in revealing your addiction in fact besides the addiction looking as a weakness you bravery, courage, and willpower to come fourth about it really means a lot. Seriously it is a losing battle to go against addiction alone although not impossible.

Also don't mix up morbid thinking ("wish I was never born," "I wish my life was just over)

with suicidal ideation (" I should end my life because... " "I wish I could end my life"

Or actual suicidal intent (Any plans to end your life such as benzo overdose)

While the hospital is there I would be very careful about going to them for mental health support, but if you are getting past suicidal ideation into the territory of intent go to the hospital and request a volunteery psych hold, but be aware you will not be able to leave easily with the issues you have that you need to be honest about to get help with. As long as you dying become demanding, dismissive, or anything and give the doctors the time to assess and rule out some things that make you feel uncomfortable being asked about yet should not stress about as it is all standard practice.

If it is not that bad just tell your doctor you've been told that you have been recommended to ask for help by a friend who recognized morbid thinking and depression when you takes about your life stress and how you wish it would just go away or that you were never born. It can get your foot in the right door to rcpdue service without raising the red flags you're worried about.

Edit: Neversukdik is an old troll that decided to come back ignore him
 
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tacodude said:
/\ way to post without reading.

Honestly if you admit you need help there is no shade in revealing your addiction in fact besides the addiction looking as a weakness you bravery, courage, and willpower to come fourth about it really means a lot. Seriously it is a losing battle to go against addiction alone although not impossible.

Also don't mix up morbid thinking ("wish I was never born," "I wish my life was just over)

with suicidal ideation (" I should end my life because... " "I wish I could end my life"

Or actual suicidal intent (Any plans to end your life such as benzo overdose)

While the hospital is there I would be very careful about going to them for mental health support, but if you are getting past suicidal ideation into the territory of intent go to the hospital and request a volunteery psych hold, but be aware you will not be able to leave easily with the issues you have that you need to be honest about to get help with. As long as you dying become demanding, dismissive, or anything and give the doctors the time to assess and rule out some things that make you feel uncomfortable being asked about yet should not stress about as it is all standard practice.

If it is not that bad just tell your doctor you've been told that you have been recommended to ask for help by a friend who recognized morbid thinking and depression when you takes about your life stress and how you wish it would just go away or that you were never born. It can get your foot in the right door to rcpdue service without raising the red flags you're worried about.
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The thoughts are more like when I'm driving I'm tempted to just veer into oncoming traffic, and at night if I've been drinking I'll usually lay in bed thinking about ending my life. I'll think about driving out to a really tall building I know of that I know allows roof access and jumping, or just slitting my wrists and bleeding out. Nothing really well planned out, but those are definitely suicidal thoughts. Albeit they usually occur while I'm drunk, but I still get the spontaneous thoughts like driving into oncoming traffic while sober.

I usually only drink once or twice a day. Once when I get home and once at night, but at night a big part of why I drink is because I can't sleep without it. I could lay in bed until 5am and still not get any sleep at all sober.
 
That sucks, I still get spontaneous suicidal thoughts like that but they don't stick with me like they used to.
Hospital to-shrink is a real good idea right now.
Long-term what helps me with a the more serious and chronic longing for death is having some folks to live for, that I know would be traumatized by my suicide, animals and,a job.
Keep working on being a person you can live with.
You just kicked H, that's huge, but you gotta keep moving.
 
GolemGolem said:
That sucks, I still get spontaneous suicidal thoughts like that but they don't stick with me like they used to.
Hospital to-shrink is a real good idea right now.
Long-term what helps me with a the more serious and chronic longing for death is having some folks to live for, that I know would be traumatized by my suicide, animals and,a job.
Keep working on being a person you can live with.
You just kicked H, that's huge, but you gotta keep moving.
Click to expand...
I'm trying to keep moving, but honestly all I really did is replace heroin with benzos, and benzos with alcohol. Nothing has really changed but the drug itself, and traumatizing family/friends are the only reason I haven't killed myself yet.
 
Honestly the change if drugs changes the severity from non legal to lethal of severe enough even if you are physically healthy. That's why I suggest detox or a weening for benzos or alcohol ASAP if physical symptoms get severe with nothing.

Edit: Neverdukdik is a troll ignore him.
 
tacodude said:
Honestly the change if drugs changes the severity from non legal to lethal of severe enough even if you are physically healthy. That's why I suggest detox or a weening for benzos or alcohol ASAP if physical symptoms get severe with nothing.

Edit: Neverdukdik is a troll ignore him.
Click to expand...
Alcohol is still illegal for me as I'm under 21, it still isn't healthy, causes dehydration, and causes withdrawals which can actually kill. I don't think it's much less lethal than heroin considering I'd usually smoke heroin which made it hard to OD on.

The only real change I see is the stigma of the drug I use and the feeling I get from using it.
 
I'm actually reading right me about how alcohol is supposedly worse for you than heroin, maybe heroin addiction is something I should choose over alcoholism? Not that it matters much, I drank the rest of all my 100 proof whiskey and it was pretty much all I had left, so I won't be able to sustain using alcohol daily for much longer anyway.
 
shadowstryker said:
Alcohol is still illegal for me as I'm under 21, it still isn't healthy, causes dehydration, and causes withdrawals which can actually kill. I don't think it's much less lethal than heroin considering I'd usually smoke heroin which made it hard to OD on.

The only real change I see is the stigma of the drug I use and the feeling I get from using it.
Click to expand...

Don't forget that alcohol is regulated so you know what you're getting, whereas anything can be in street drugs.
 
shadowstryker said:
I'm actually reading right me about how alcohol is supposedly worse for you than heroin, maybe heroin addiction is something I should choose over alcoholism? Not that it matters much, I drank the rest of all my 100 proof whiskey and it was pretty much all I had left, so I won't be able to sustain using alcohol daily for much longer anyway.
Click to expand...
This is your defence mechanism of rationalization trying to convince you that using heroin is right when you know it is wrong. Seriously look for an in patient psychiatric unit. It will be useful for you.

Do not go back to using heroin. Being off two weeks plus is amazing progress and really a hump for PAWS. Just keep pushing through doing the right thing getting clean and things will keep looking up.
 
The problem is that the stupid shit that you'll do while under the influence of etizolam (or similar drugs) is usually something so completely moronic that you wouldn't even consider it while sober or high on most drugs, so there's really no way to plan ahead and stop the stupidity...
 
Johndoedoe.junk said:
Be careful dosing etiz SS if you have no appreciable tolerance. With etiz there is a fine line between recreational and blackout city. I've personally never blacked out on the stuff but my cousin has and he'd do pretty blow-it type stuff like passing out under the computer desk or one time he even spilled some peanuts, bent over to clean them up and passed out only to be discovered by a parent in the morning. My tolerance to the stuff is tremendous. I can take 10mg with no blackout and just some great sleep but I generally have the tolerance of an elephant almost instantly when it comes to any meds.

My point is ne careful and don't become physically dependent on the stuff. Even though it's not technically a benzo you will have benzo withdrawals from it and they are horrific.
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I agree, very fine line between recreation and blackout. I have I very large tolerance. As I am writing this I'm starting to really feel the effects of the 25mg of Xanax I took about 39 mins ago (for a reference of tolerance) and also took 9 earlier throughout the day. Please don't chastise, my doc and I are working on this problem... Just not tonight.

Anyway, back to the Etizolam. With my tolerance, I figured 9.6mg (8x1.2mg tabs) would end my workday with a smile. I don't remember ending that work day (at midnight) but my housemates said I was completely normal. This I do not remember either. Out of 40 pills, the next evening I had 6 left, and I am very cautious about redosing. Etizolam, at least for me, provides an anxiolytic effect initially but if you do not monitor your intake VERY carefully and timely, you will experience more of a hypnotic effect. A very strong one, like xanny blackout times 5 but you are still oddly awake and to others just seem very tired. It's a weird substance, and I believe it requires extreme caution and planning to avoid redosing and blacking out.
 
I am seriously considering buying you a fucking dog. If you had something in your life that you could love and would love you back without judging I think it would help you. If I had any inclination at all that you would be able to support it I would be all over this.
 
tacodude said:
This is your defence mechanism of rationalization trying to convince you that using heroin is right when you know it is wrong. Seriously look for an in patient psychiatric unit. It will be useful for you.

Do not go back to using heroin. Being off two weeks plus is amazing progress and really a hump for PAWS. Just keep pushing through doing the right thing getting clean and things will keep looking up.
Click to expand...
I'm not saying using heroin again would be right, just better than drinking twice a day. Alcohol definitely isn't healthy, and I'd switch back to Etizolam if I could afford it. Heroin is pretty cheap though, lasts a decent amount of time, and other than withdrawals and memory issues I didn't experience any other adverse effects, whereas alcohol severely dehydrates the body when you drink, causes withdrawals, memory issues, and most of the time worsens the depressive thoughts.

gmlifer said:
I am seriously considering buying you a fucking dog. If you had something in your life that you could love and would love you back without judging I think it would help you. If I had any inclination at all that you would be able to support it I would be all over this.
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Sorry man, I can't afford a dog. My last relationship ended poorly so I'm not looking for a partner right now either.
 
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