Benzos How to prevent doing something stupid on Etizolam?

[tacodude]

You know what you need shadow, but it won't happen unless you make it happen. Just be sure to not let people convince you that you are a lost cause as no one is and really that's not what the poster meant, but just that their effort was a lost cause. That's their issue on perspective though. We all have the power to achieve and succeed don't forget it.

You definitely have a lot on your plate.. You are strong though and can deal with it. The drugs will only distract you and make you weak so try to avoid them best you can. I wish you the best, but check in for sure as you can see a lot of people here do care about you or they would not have posted.

Good luck with everything and as I said definitely check in.

 

[shadowstryker]

Okay, well I'm drunk which is probably the only reason I had the courage to do it but I just shot my parents a text telling them I should either go on antidepressants or see a therapist. It's awkward and I don't believe it'll work, but I'm sure it needs to happen...

 

[GolemGolem]

Yeah, a lot of getting healthy and strong is really fucking awkward, but telling your parents, and getting some therapy is the right thing to do.

 

[AmidoneCA]

Etizolam is a problem drug for me. I had a history of benzo abuse....a 16mg lorazepam per day script at one point, (highest the pharmacists had seen) and I would go through 240 lorazepam in 3-4 days. I ended up downing 240 of them and 60 zopiclone, as well as drinking a 750ml bottle of vodka, while on 300+mg methadone and over 300,000mg of gabapentin one night...I blacked out and woke up in the hospital psych ward with 2 guards at my bed....That should've been the first sign of a problem....

I continued for years on the same script of lorazepam, abusing it as always, and reduced it to about 4mg per day, only to discover Etizolam powder online....At the time I was using stimulants, and getting edgy, and using etizolam to combat that. In turn I would take more stimulants and more etiz, and repeat, over and over...day in day out..It came to a point where I was so sleepy all the time I started IV'ing Ethylphenidate, Isopropylphenidate and Propylphenidate, as well as 3,4-CTMP....I then started to IV designer phenmetrazine anologues and morpholines in general, and orally use hallucinogens like 5-ho-mipt and Escaline/Proscaline.

It's a slippery slope and if you have that addictive personality it's so hard to just not use things......

I was tapered off benzos due to my doctors fear I was abusing them......I now use other anxiety medication and no more stims aside from amphetamine salts, extended release twice daily......I won't say what anxiety med I am using as I believe some could think it's safe to use and overdose and die...I've had much success and no urge to get high like on etizolam and I can even put it away and I've never blacked out on these meds. PM me if you want info...

I understand why you have trouble with Etizolam. It's as good as Midazolam in my opinion and the most recreationally pleasant benzo I've ever used, and I've used nearly all of them at one point or another.

If you aren't careful you are going to do something ridiculous that you regret and you'll be in my shoes, and have lost the respect of your family, friends, wife, and anyone else you love or care about.

I wish I could take back what I did, and been more responsible in my use of etizolam........I wish I hadn't borrowed 1000's of dollars, and made my mother cry, as well as break part of the bond I share with my wife who now worries I will end up back in the psych ward, full of needle holes, and hallucinating, seeing people, hearing people who aren't there.

I suggest you be very very careful.....Do not drink on them either....Liberal use of Etizolam will likely cause some sort of problem that will land you near where I landed that fateful night I lost my mind, and the respect of everyone I know.

I'm very much in your shoes...I've never felt "right" unless I was consuming opiates or something euphoric that made me feel okay in my own skin and not totally bored. I've been like that since I was 12 and experienced oxycodone the first time, along with the experience of becoming addicted to opiates by age 13....

You're just going to have to learn to moderate your intake, and become less impulsive about dosing.....No one can do that for you and that's what scares me about myself....I'm the type of person who can just keep dosing dosing until I am hospitalized.

Good luck! Please be careful and take what I said to heart.........I'm sorry for the sloppiness of my post...

I wish you well...from one ex-etizolam lover and user to another.

 

[shadowstryker]

Yeah, a lot of getting healthy and strong is really fucking awkward, but telling your parents, and getting some therapy is the right thing to do.

I'm told they'll be able to set up an appointment with a doc so I can be prescribed something (implying antidepressants as she was once on them), but what do I even tell the doc? Do I mention the heroin? The benzos? I honestly think using the benzos therapeutically helped me a lot during the day but I fear if i mention abusing them or even using them therapeutically on my own it'll set off a red flag so to speak and I won't be prescribed them. Do I mention not being able to sleep? Half of this stuff is probably from PAWS so would he even prescribe anything if he knows I'm an addict? Or do I be completely honest, although I feel like I wouldn't be prescribed anything in that case and would be turned away. I don't know how any of this works.

 

[Johndoedoe.junk]

You know what you need shadow, but it won't happen unless you make it happen. Just be sure to not let people convince you that you are a lost cause as no one is and really that's not what the poster meant, but just that their effort was a lost cause. That's their issue on perspective though. We all have the power to achieve and succeed don't forget it.

You definitely have a lot on your plate.. You are strong though and can deal with it. The drugs will only distract you and make you weak so try to avoid them best you can. I wish you the best, but check in for sure as you can see a lot of people here do care about you or they would not have posted.

Good luck with everything and as I said definitely check in.

I hope you're not referring to me being the poster calling him a lost cause tacodude. I was simply at a loss of what to do /offer next for SS.

 

[tacodude]

Okay, well I'm drunk which is probably the only reason I had the courage to do it but I just shot my parents a text telling them I should either go on antidepressants or see a therapist. It's awkward and I don't believe it'll work, but I'm sure it needs to happen...

It's a start bro, but don't rely on drugs to fix you.... Anti depressants can help, but can also block necessary emotions and thought processes necessary to integrate your situation and move forward. They literally block thoughts and I have seen how it brings out violent tendencies by blocking the remorse or sadness for thinking of violence (specifically prozac an SSRI especially once abilify an anti psychotic dopamine blocker was added). Maybe a benzo taper and honestly I recommend looking into medical cannibis if your area allows.... Hell even if not you can get hemp based CBD products that contain mainly CBD and trace THC making it great for anxiety and I recommend chill CBD oil as a brand as it is tested by the same labs that do analytic work for most dispensaries. Seriously bro gj on taking the first step forward from isolation and despair by asking for help. The road ahead may be tough and long, but if you make the effort for real it will get better. You have a lot if serious stuff you brought up and even you know it won't be a cake walk to fix so hang in there.

I hope you're not referring to me being the poster calling him a lost cause tacodude. I was simply at a loss of what to do /offer next for SS.

That's what I was pointing out to shadow (I avoid SS being a Jew) as you meant your effort was becoming a lost cause not him as a person as I can tell you believe no one is a lost cause and that you do seriously concern for him.

 

[shadowstryker]

It's a start bro, but don't rely on drugs to fix you.... Anti depressants can help, but can also block necessary emotions and thought processes necessary to integrate your situation and move forward. They literally block thoughts and I have seen how it brings out violent tendencies by blocking the remorse or sadness for thinking of violence (specifically prozac an SSRI especially once abilify an anti psychotic dopamine blocker was added). Maybe a benzo taper and honestly I recommend looking into medical cannibis if your area allows.... Hell even if not you can get hemp based CBD products that contain mainly CBD and trace THC making it great for anxiety and I recommend chill CBD oil as a brand as it is tested by the same labs that do analytic work for most dispensaries. Seriously bro gj on taking the first step forward from isolation and despair by asking for help. The road ahead may be tough and long, but if you make the effort for real it will get better. You have a lot if serious stuff you brought up and even you know it won't be a cake walk to fix so hang in there.



That's what I was pointing out to shadow (I avoid SS being a Jew) as you meant your effort was becoming a lost cause not him as a person as I can tell you believe no one is a lost cause and that you do seriously concern for him.

Medical cannabis is not legal in my area, and while I do have access to marijuana I'm not a huge fan of it. Don't get me wrong, I've had some good times with weed but as an every-day thing, especially with the smell, I just feel its more work to smoke it than it's worth.

I can't afford any more Etizolam, same goes for other benzos I could get off the street like Xanax, but insurance would cover medically prescribed benzos. Like I said before though I don't know what to tell the doc or whoever evaluates me and decides what to prescribe me. Do I be honest? Leave out the benzo addiction? The heroin addiction? The lack of sleep? I don't know what I can and can't say at this point. All my parents know af this point is that I'm depressed, I haven't told them anything else. I'm sure they know I have used drugs, they know I used to smoke weed very often. I don't think they suspect daily use of anything currently, including alcohol. They don't know the frequency of my drug use or what drugs i use.

 

[tacodude]

Definitely give the chill CBD oil a trial.... It's not super addictive compared to pharma stuff and you don't need two weeks to know if it works or not just a couple doses through a day to see how it works for you. Trust me it is extremely different from cannibis especially street grade that rarely contains CBD unless you get really good buds and way more THC when it does. I've seen multiple members post here after trying it and personally I have tried a 20:1 mg CBD:THC and noticed mental fog and racing thoughts reduced. Trust me you will not regret it

Edit: Also be honest not just about your use, but how knowledgeable you are while acknowledging your lack of experience or educated knowledge. If you find a doctor you don't like find another one and get a second, third, fourth, etc. opinion. Don't let any of them force you to do or think something you do not agree with.

 

[GolemGolem]

I'm told they'll be able to set up an appointment with a doc so I can be prescribed something (implying antidepressants as she was once on them), but what do I even tell the doc? Do I mention the heroin? The benzos? I honestly think using the benzos therapeutically helped me a lot during the day but I fear if i mention abusing them or even using them therapeutically on my own it'll set off a red flag so to speak and I won't be prescribed them. Do I mention not being able to sleep? Half of this stuff is probably from PAWS so would he even prescribe anything if he knows I'm an addict? Or do I be completely honest, although I feel like I wouldn't be prescribed anything in that case and would be turned away. I don't know how any of this works.

A therapist: I would advise telling them the truth, all of it if you can. They need to know it if they are going to help you work threw it.
A MD: As much as they need to know, they are more likely to get freaked out by human behavior.
A psychiatrist to prescribe things: Pretty easy to get those guys to prescribe any non opiate you think you might need if you play your cards right...but should you?
Even addicts end up with scripts, even if it isn't for their DOC. If your honest you're more likely to end up with at least one that helps without fucking you over too bad.

 

[shadowstryker]

A therapist: I would advise telling them the truth, all of it if you can. They need to know it if they are going to help you work threw it.
A MD: As much as they need to know, they are more likely to get freaked out by human behavior.
A psychiatrist to prescribe things: Pretty easy to get those guys to prescribe any non opiate you think you might need if you play your cards right...but should you?
Even addicts end up with scripts, even if it isn't for their DOC. If your honest you're more likely to end up with at least one that helps without fucking you over too bad.

What do you mean by MDs are freaked out by human behavior? As in the addiction would freak them out, or like the anxiety/depression?

 

[tacodude]

Both

 

[shadowstryker]

Both

Are you saying I should provide them with that information then, or do I withhold it from them?

 

[tacodude]

You decide, but I've always been honest. It might make it hard to get a script at first, but it is more likely not to be cut off early as it would if you were caught lying... Basically MDs are usually quite heartless of you are obviously withdrawing in front of them, struggling to not very even when making effort to work with them getting frustrated over how difficult the struggle is, and literally will tell people it's better just to quit an abstain even if physically it is impossible until it is too late to prevent something like heart issues when opiate withdrawals increase heat rate although not as much with benzo due to serious fatal complications w/d CT too soon or so I've heard as I've never had to get help with benzos and honestly avoid them.

Just play it by ear on what to say, but usually the honest truth is better.

 

[GolemGolem]

Just play it by ear on what to say, but usually the honest truth is better.

Exactly.

 

[tacodude]

Also keep us posted on your progress. A lot of people here have struggled with psych meds and now a days doctors prefer to prescribe multiple scripts to work together usually avoiding things that cause severe dependencies or more or less have that stigma as everything even cannabis had a dependency. People here can advise you on if something recommended is worth trying or not possibly even recommendations. Either klonopin or Xanax ER would be best while Xanax IR will likely lead to the same problem you have now. Temazepam is also supposed to be something quite manageable. Don't go asking for scripts, but explaining why you believe it would be best to find someone to manage your habit and help you ween down. It takes a lot of commitment and work, but so does starting the habits you have.

Anyways feel free to pm me anything although I do my best not to break the BLUA..... Even recommending how to approach a doctor plays a fine line on advising medical care and teaching to drug seek where the later is no bueno. The best that can be done is help you understand the reason to visit different specialist so you don't dump it all on your gp. If you have a good gp though they would find you the right specialists although they can't get your foot in the door that's all you.

I am glad to know you truly are seeking help though.

 

[shadowstryker]

Also keep us posted on your progress. A lot of people here have struggled with psych meds and now a days doctors prefer to prescribe multiple scripts to work together usually avoiding things that cause severe dependencies or more or less have that stigma as everything even cannabis had a dependency. People here can advise you on if something recommended is worth trying or not possibly even recommendations. Either klonopin or Xanax ER would be best while Xanax IR will likely lead to the same problem you have now. Temazepam is also supposed to be something quite manageable. Don't go asking for scripts, but explaining why you believe it would be best to find someone to manage your habit and help you ween down. It takes a lot of commitment and work, but so does starting the habits you have.

Anyways feel free to pm me anything although I do my best not to break the BLUA..... Even recommending how to approach a doctor plays a fine line on advising medical care and teaching to drug seek where the later is no bueno. The best that can be done is help you understand the reason to visit different specialist so you don't dump it all on your gp. If you have a good gp though they would find you the right specialists although they can't get your foot in the door that's all you.

I am glad to know you truly are seeking help though.

I completely forgot XR medication even existed, but yeah I think I'd be too tempted to take too much if I was given an IR. I'm not asking which medication specifically I should get as you are right that's probably against the rules, I'll let the doc decide.

 

[tacodude]

Let the doc decide, but don't take anything you are not OK with even just to please the doctor. Only if it feels it helps

 

[shadowstryker]

Out if curiosity, how long does it take before you get withdrawals from alcohol? Time has been odd for me lately, a day seems like multiple days to me, so I don't even know how long I've been drinking daily. All I know is I start feeling a little sick around when I'd start drinking, but I eat and drink at the same time and can't tell if it's hunger or withdrawals. It was the same when I was coming off heroin, I could never tell.

 

[tacodude]

I do not have experience with alcohol detox, but don't cold turkey without medical help. Reduce slowly each day. If you can't I suggest considering a detox facility.