This post really intrigues me as I've recently gone through something similar, albeit me as the addict, and my girlfriend as the upset/hurt person.
However in reading the OP's story about her boyfriend lying, having infections, being disrespectful, etc... sort of made me wonder.
I've always been honest about my use. I tell my girlfriend every time I've used dope. I don't even use it that often, at worse I'll get stuck on it for a couple weeks, then dabble on and off. I'm clean now for a while, because she got upset enough to leave me, but I still felt flabbergasted because I still couldn't understand where she was coming from.
I could understand if she was worried about me having health problems, overdosing, behavioral changes, trust issues, etc. but I've always kept my habit under $20 a day, kept my behavior in check, and was always, always upfront with her every single time I used. I just can't lie to her, no matter how badly I want to sometimes. Health problems are also nonexistent, aside from a day or two spent a little bit sweaty and shaky when I would CT after spending a week or two using daily.
I don't really know what I'm hoping to achieve from this post. The reason I finally quit was because she called me out for being manipulative. Previous times in my life I'd gotten into shit because dope makes me super shady and manipulative, so when she said that I realized I was going down the same path and quit immediately. But before that everything was normal... in fact, it was a regular thing that we would be hanging out for 2-3 hours, having a good time, laughing and adventuring, and then I'd remember "I should probably be transparent and remind her that I used some dope earlier," so I'll say that, and suddenly she'll start screaming about how "I hate being around you when you're high" even though we'd just hung out for half the day and had a great time despite my being high.
Confused the fuck out of me, still does, maybe someone can shine a light on how a double-standard like that can make sense in her mind. Still not going back to the dope but it'd help to wrap my head around this...