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How to leave an addict

Yeah unless he's violent towards you or your kids, don't go anywhere near the cops. It's just gonna make everything so much worse for everyone.

Social workers are similar. Involving the state is a last resort IMHO.
 
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I'm done. For those that have ODed friends family I wish I could've done something. But then I probably fueled them into their end.
 
This post really intrigues me as I've recently gone through something similar, albeit me as the addict, and my girlfriend as the upset/hurt person.

However in reading the OP's story about her boyfriend lying, having infections, being disrespectful, etc... sort of made me wonder.

I've always been honest about my use. I tell my girlfriend every time I've used dope. I don't even use it that often, at worse I'll get stuck on it for a couple weeks, then dabble on and off. I'm clean now for a while, because she got upset enough to leave me, but I still felt flabbergasted because I still couldn't understand where she was coming from.

I could understand if she was worried about me having health problems, overdosing, behavioral changes, trust issues, etc. but I've always kept my habit under $20 a day, kept my behavior in check, and was always, always upfront with her every single time I used. I just can't lie to her, no matter how badly I want to sometimes. Health problems are also nonexistent, aside from a day or two spent a little bit sweaty and shaky when I would CT after spending a week or two using daily.

I don't really know what I'm hoping to achieve from this post. The reason I finally quit was because she called me out for being manipulative. Previous times in my life I'd gotten into shit because dope makes me super shady and manipulative, so when she said that I realized I was going down the same path and quit immediately. But before that everything was normal... in fact, it was a regular thing that we would be hanging out for 2-3 hours, having a good time, laughing and adventuring, and then I'd remember "I should probably be transparent and remind her that I used some dope earlier," so I'll say that, and suddenly she'll start screaming about how "I hate being around you when you're high" even though we'd just hung out for half the day and had a great time despite my being high.

Confused the fuck out of me, still does, maybe someone can shine a light on how a double-standard like that can make sense in her mind. Still not going back to the dope but it'd help to wrap my head around this...
 
Fornax55 said:
This post really intrigues me as I've recently gone through something similar, albeit me as the addict, and my girlfriend as the upset/hurt person.

However in reading the OP's story about her boyfriend lying, having infections, being disrespectful, etc... sort of made me wonder.

I've always been honest about my use. I tell my girlfriend every time I've used dope. I don't even use it that often, at worse I'll get stuck on it for a couple weeks, then dabble on and off. I'm clean now for a while, because she got upset enough to leave me, but I still felt flabbergasted because I still couldn't understand where she was coming from.

I could understand if she was worried about me having health problems, overdosing, behavioral changes, trust issues, etc. but I've always kept my habit under $20 a day, kept my behavior in check, and was always, always upfront with her every single time I used. I just can't lie to her, no matter how badly I want to sometimes. Health problems are also nonexistent, aside from a day or two spent a little bit sweaty and shaky when I would CT after spending a week or two using daily.

I don't really know what I'm hoping to achieve from this post. The reason I finally quit was because she called me out for being manipulative. Previous times in my life I'd gotten into shit because dope makes me super shady and manipulative, so when she said that I realized I was going down the same path and quit immediately. But before that everything was normal... in fact, it was a regular thing that we would be hanging out for 2-3 hours, having a good time, laughing and adventuring, and then I'd remember "I should probably be transparent and remind her that I used some dope earlier," so I'll say that, and suddenly she'll start screaming about how "I hate being around you when you're high" even though we'd just hung out for half the day and had a great time despite my being high.

Confused the fuck out of me, still does, maybe someone can shine a light on how a double-standard like that can make sense in her mind. Still not going back to the dope but it'd help to wrap my head around this...
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I have a very similar situation, fortunately only with kratom and not dope. Its about trust bro. If she cant trust you, its all bullshit. So even though yall are chilling and enjoying shit its basically like you are lying to her up to the point you told her you were on dope. IMO.
 
wowitch17 said:
I have a very similar situation, fortunately only with kratom and not dope. Its about trust bro. If she cant trust you, its all bullshit. So even though yall are chilling and enjoying shit its basically like you are lying to her up to the point you told her you were on dope. IMO.
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Huh okay, guess that makes a smidgen of sense. I woulda had no problem being entirely open about it but it wasn't always in my agenda to announce to everyone what substances I'd taken :p
Anyway I've been clean for a week now so no worries there. For some reason she doesn't seem to mind me shoveling kratom down my gullet even though it makes me hella distant and shallow... but oh well. One step at a time!
 
glad you been clean on the D, good work.

Humble word of warning on kratom, its withdrawls are much more protracted (yet less intense) than dope, more along the duration of methadone or poppy tea.
Dont maintain on kratom, try to address the root psychological issue that causes your drug usage. mine is anxiety.
 
Fightingback123 said:
Hey guys I'm still having a difficult time leaving my boyfriend I've stuck by for 10 years. He is an on and off again heroin addict. I recently found out he has been using heroin for daily several times a day from what I can tell for now the last 7 months but probably longer thats just when I found out. He holds a good job, works all the time, pays rent on time so I didn't really notice he was back at it again right away partially because I was in denial and because he does do alot he's not nodding off on the couch all day or anything like he was once upon a time. This is embarrassing but I've actually resorted to spying on him and trying to be my own detective starting in October last year because I just had to know and see for myself versus assuming.¹

He completely denied having any sort of issue at all. He says he has relapsed a few times but thats not true its every day. Anyway I can't figure out why I'm having such a hard time leaving. I just love him so much, but seriously I can't live my life like this anymore. Me spying, he lying to me all the time, using on our own home. I can't talk to him about it anything or my feelings or anything real about it because he won't even admit its an issue. I know he loves me too which I guess is more of his motivation to lie to me. I just can't take it, I want him to stop so bad wo we can be happy... I feel so sad leaving because it's not what I want. What I want is him to get better. The best thing is probably for me to file child support so he has less money and leave so he can finally realize how this is affecting his life. I can't understand how he is so casual about it like it's a cup of coffee. He assumes I don't know what's really going on but I know everything... he just can't figure out why I'm mad and or sad all the time. He thinks he can do this and also have a perfect family life. What so u guys think? Tips?
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I think if you want him to be honest with you, you should stop judging him. What exactly is your problem with him using. It sounds to me like your the one with the problem. Why do you feel the need to control him, if he’s happy with it, why aren’t you. Don’t you want him to be happy, it sounds like he’s functional
Though I would try to find a legal source for him, heroin these days is laced with fentanyl a lot.
What exactly in your mind is the difference between a opiate addiction and an addiction to caffeine, or anti depressants

if you cant accept him for using a little bit of heroin a day, you should either stop spying, and focus on something else, or break up with him.

but don't act like its his fault for breaking up with him, don't do that whole "your the one making the choice to end our relationship by using when I don't want you to" bit, tell him your an extremely judgmental person, and that he deserves someone who will appreciate him.

I would think after 10 years that you've been "stuck" with him, you could let go of this.

nobody's forcing you to stay, either go, or stay and stop invading his privacy. I mean really? your following him around just to silently judge him? how the fuck do you justify that shit, that is a MASSIVE invasion of his privacy.

most addicts have enough judgement from the world around them, they don't need it from their significant other.
 
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T
wowitch17 said:
glad you been clean on the D, good work.

Humble word of warning on kratom, its withdrawls are much more protracted (yet less intense) than dope, more along the duration of methadone or poppy tea.
Dont maintain on kratom, try to address the root psychological issue that causes your drug usage. mine is anxiety.
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Thanks! Honestly never had much of a problem with kratom withdrawal. At my worst a few years ago I was doing like 25gp and when I quit I had bad sniffles and shit for like a week. Nowadays whenever I stop I get rank sneezes and yawns but that's about it. Kratom's easy for me to manage because I don't really like it in the first place. It helps me with work but the after-effects leave me feeling anxious, antisocial and lethargic. The only way to combat that is to use less or use it infrequently and if I cut down to one or two small doses per day I can usually drop off with no noticeable issues.
 
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