This is the only drug I know of that rocketed me into psychosis within 2 doses, started taking it on a Monday and by Tuesday the voices were trying to get me to eat my neighbors. That shit was NOT good for me, I stopped it that day, let it run out of my system and just went back to daily ayahuasca.
Woah, that is a pretty extreme reaction. Good thing that you decided to NOT eat your neighbors and discontinue the drug lol. I only took one dose before in High School. A friend was prescribed it but didn't like taking it. He told me it was for ADHD but I had never heard of Strattera, so I was hoping for a speedy high. All I remember is that I was in a decent mood, then it kicked in and I was some of the angriest that I had ever been and everything was pissing me off. Not the effect that I was hoping for.
The only time any drug experience has landed me in an ER was drinking that vial of acid, 400-600 tabs worth. The reason I ended up in the ER was that my fucking ileostomy bag sloughed off of my body as I was blacked out, rolling around on the floor and just being a general cryptid. My fiance phoned up the EMTs and was like "Hey, do you guys know how to put a bag back on him?" so they showed up and helped out. The moment I see sirens, it doesn't matter how blacked out I am on what, I just become un-blacked out. In college I would drink, take street benzos, then GHB, and the blackout would stop the moment there's a gunshot or a siren, because something deep in my brain knew "Lock in right now, shit is hitting the fan". Nothing like sprinting out of a house party that's getting shot up when you couldn't even stand up a couple of minutes ago. Some of the most athletically impressive shit I've done in my life has been due to close proximity to firefights (or being fired upon directly), little is quite as effective as a motivator to hop a bunch of fences with no hesitation.
That is wild. I can definitely see how a fight or flight response could deliver a surge of adrenaline and reverse a blackout. Not to mention thata fight or flight responses can often remain in the form of trauma so the amnesiac effect of benzos/alcohol no longer come into play. It sounds like you've had some wild rides, I'm happy that you've survived and made it to today.
I know it probably wasn't super funny at the time, but damn I cracked up reading this sentence.
It was funnier for me than it was literally anyone who was involved. They were very off-put and maybe slightly traumatised by seeing someone catatonic and not knowing what the fuck was going on. I was in the basement, luckily we had a giant of a roommate so he was able to carry me up stairs before the medics even arrived. Looking back it's still kind of funny to me. I was hospitalized a couple of years back due to a 3-HO-PCP black out so I guess I didn't learn that lesson. I was hallucinating that I was in a homeless shelter, and I was seeing these homeless people slowly make their way towards me and then they all jumped on me at once and started smothering me. I thought that I was actively being killed so I obviously struggled to stay alive. Turns out it was the medics and police who all jumped on me at once. Something in my leg broke near my ankle in the process, but I had no clue I was injured in the hospital so I didn't know to ask them to check it. Wasn't until a day or two later I realized that my ankle was completely yellow and purple. My entire arms and legs were purple from bruising from the cops smothering me. I felt like I got my ass completely whooped for about a week. My limbs were so sore I could hardly move. Liked to think I learned my lesson but recently had another blackout from 3'4-MD-PCP but luckily I avoided hospitalization that time. I'm hoping I've finally learned my lesson. Gonna try to get more soon and am going to see if I can stick to pre-weighed dosages and then locking it up before it enters my bloodstream. If I break into the lock box before time's up then I have to dispose of them. That's why I've been doing this sobriety thing. Over 60 days sober. That black out was the last time I've taken anything but my meds or phenibut, and I don't count phenibut as much of a high.
This was after that super fucked up concussion I mentioned earlier in this comment, it was an overwhelmingly beautiful experience. The dippers really snuck up on my ass and I would have a DMT breakthrough-like experience which would lead to a series of revelations surrounding hallucinations from brain damage I had in the past, all of them were presenting themselves as tentacles or vines combining into their various forms, then they became this woman who told me that she and I are the same person, that she is death (I think a sort of Santa Muerta figure?) and that I had been seeing those things due to having been close to death so many times. It all started by my vision just becoming fully encapsulated with those viney tentacle things, it was pretty fascinating.
That sounds extremely interesting. I'm happy to hear that is was beautiful because it could have easily gone south. It's fascinating how psychedelic/dissociative near death experiences can be profoundly beautiful or profoundly scary. Before this experience, did you have a fear of death and if so, did you find that the fear went away after this trip? I had I guess what could be considered a NDE twice that I can recall. The first time was one DXM. I'll preface this by saying that my entire life leading up to this, probably since age 6 or 7, I had a profound fear of death, to the point of having horrible insomnia from a young age. I wasn't afraid of dying itself, I was afraid of the concept of nothingness. My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 5 or 6. I didn't know exactly how bad things were, but I knew that she wouldn't be around forever. I knew that she might be gone a week from now and that she might be gone 40 years from now. Regardless, I was up all night worried about what would happen to my mom after she died. The thought of her going into an eternal nothingness horrified me. I wanted her to go somewhere beautiful. She was religious and I was not. Even at a young age I was saddened by the fact that she would turn to nothing and wouldn't end up in the heaven that she believed in. I hope that she was right and I was wrong. But of course I knew that if she was going into eternal nothingness, then so was I at some point. I cant even describe the feeling of dread and horror that I felt at the concept of nothingness. I couldn't wrap my head around it. I still can't. I think it's impossible for humans to truly comprehend what nothingness is like considering that our entire existence is built off of, well, existence.
That was a long preface. So around age 16 it had to have been, I was really into high dosage DXM. I had plenty of profoundly beautiful trips. Well I was in the middle of a voyage, had to have been 600-700mg total. I managed to go to the bathroom, wash my hands, then make it back to my room. I'm hanging out in my room and I keep hearing what sounded like running water. I couldn't figure out if it was my music or TV or what. Maybe 15 minutes or so go by? Maybe longer? The sense of time on DXM can get real screwed up. I decided to investigate and make sure that I didn't leave the faucet on or the toilet wouldn't stop running. My parents headboard was right on the other side of the wall were the sink was, so if they woke up they'd definitely hear it. I get to the bathroom and the faucet was still on. Well the sink had a clog that I had forgotten about. The sink was overflowing and had been for quite a while. The drawers under the sink were all open different lengths, so the water created a sort of cascading waterfall effect. This was the worst case scenario for a 16 year old who's dad has to be at work in a couple of hours, and who doesn't want his parents knowing that he's spending most of his nights fucked off of DXM. I swear there had to be an inch of water on the floor. I quietly gather all of the towels that I could from the hallway closet that was ALSO right next to their bedroom door and quietly as I could, cleaned up this massive mess and got it clean before it flooded out into the hallway. This was a monstrous task under extreme pressure on DXM. Towards the end of the cleaning, I realized that my sisters hair straightener had gotten pretty soaked. This was an old hair straightener with some exposed wires covered with electrical tape that was coming off. I rushed back to my room and thought about the situation. I ended up convinced that my sister was going to wake up, she was going to plug it in and she would be electricuted to death. This was a 100% certainty in my mind. I figured there were 2 options. Either SHE could plug it in and die, or I could plug it in and die. The thought of leaving a note saying not to use it or telling her myself did not cross my mind. So I sit back in my recliner and weigh the options. What I experienced and witnessed in my minds eye was extremely vivid. First I played a mind-movie about my sister dying. Everything from her body being found, to the days after, the funeral and her being buried, and the years and decades following. My mind played in extreme detail, entire years of events in what had to have been minutes. Then I played a mind-movie with the exact same content but surrounding my death. I had come to the conclusion that my family would have an easier time in the decades to come if I was the one to die. If my sister died, my family would have become fractured over the years but if I died my family would stick together through the loss. So I then played the experience of my death. I experienced the "nothingness" that I was horrified of for an entire decade. I came to terms that that was were I was heading. I marched to the bathroom, grabbed the hair straighteners plug, took a deep breath and counted to 10 and plugged it in, fully expecting to die. Well life threw me a curveball and I survived. I went back to my room and breathed a sigh of relief and continued my trip. I didnt realize how significant that experience was, but from that day, that fear of what happens after we die has gone away. No more sleepless nights worried where mom was going. She passed away about a year later and I'm comfortable with the fact that I have no clue where she is. I'm not sure that death is the total end. She may not be aware of her past life but I she's out there somewhere. Whatever traces of energy left her body when she died.
Had another NDE recently where I took 150ug LSD and an unknown amount of 3-me-PCP. They mixed much more strongly than anticipated. I cant count how many times during that trip that I died and was reborn. It seemed to be infinite.That trip was extremely intense and entirely neutral. Difficult for a lot of it but completely neutral.
This is fascinating, eurospeed is everything I wish meth was. Sharper focus, less physical, better for sex, I just wish it lasted as long as meth does. I guess that really just means that Vyvanse is the most ideal thing for me, but it's a huge pain in the ass to acquire compared to eurospeed, and especially when compared to the everpresent methamphetamine here in the USA.
That's how I feel about Adderall. If given the choice between Meth and Adderall, I'd take Adderall everytime. It's easier to focus without getting off track, makes me just as horny, and I can't smoke it so I don't get caught in the cycle that I do with meth where the thing that I get hyperfixated on is Smoking a bowl, cleaning the pipe, smoking a bowl, cleaning the pipe for 6 days straight with porn playing.
I imagine that my eurospeed was shit then. It was touted to be 81% if I remember right. Had no mood enhancement, very slight focus enhancement with a bit of physical stimulation, but mainly a little anxious and very sweaty. I imagine that the stuff that I got was caffeine heavy. The stuff that you got sounds like it was better quality than mine.
On topic:
375mg Bupropion total
1.5g Phenibut
1800mg Gabapentin
50mg Spironolactone
Plenty of caffeine
50mg Hydroxyzine.
Gonna shower then it's freezer pizza then 4mg prazosin and 7.5mg mirtazapine so that I can crash