I seriously want to get high. I am on 77mg of methadone daily. The clinic does random tests and, if positive, I lose my take-homes. That pretty much leaves only alcohol. I'm gonna crack a beer right now. Crackkkk. Doubling down on my dose causes problems with take-home monitoring.
I went off the deep end last spring because I had some money due to a financial aid refund from school. It pretty much sucked. I shot some coke but it wasn't like the coke I remembered. Almost no euphoria.
Anything else is detectable in my urine so I am fucked. I turned to gambling for kicks.
Maybe psychedelics? For me, they are hard to find. I'm 64.
I go to AA. That has not relieved my desire to get high. My doctor won't prescribe me shit.
Any ideas? Please don't tell me to get completely clean because I have tried that and it doesn't work.