^ Zolpidem and ketamine! :D I have had many fun times on that combo, I think, and done some weird shit too like turned all my furniture upside down mid zolp-hole thinking I was trying to get away from little furry animals running around my flat or some shit. Sober I always feel like it would just be a massive waste but when zolped up I'm sure it's a short trip on the K train to fun city.
God damn, had no plans to do any "real" intoxicants today, took 100mg flmodafinil for the first time this morning for work reasons, about 60mg tianeptine sulphate in 2 divided doses in the day... then come the evening somehow I just got myself into some senseless anxiety about some stuff about a romantic thing that might be going to work out well, maybe not, hopefully well, but just couldn't calm myself down, vaped a bunch of nicotine, if anything made it worse, took 20mg diazepam, then another 20mg about half an hour later, now just cracked open my time lock box in order to do about 200mg ketamine...
It is a weeknight but have no reason to think tomorrow will be an overly stressful day... if anything quite the opposite now coz of the long tail of valium metabolites... ketamine is probably going to be mostly a waste of nose and kidney resilience coz of the diazepam muting much of that tasty dissociative psychedelia... but I do feel better now.
Pretty calm now in fact. God damn though, I have some issues I need to deal with obviously, I think it was the right move to turn to drugs in this instance instead of voicing my inner turmoil to anyone and thus potentially turning unfounded fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy. No doubt I will sleep well, if artificially well, tonight, and hopefully will have more clarity tomorrow. Maybe I need to get some therapy again... maybe I should have tried meditating instead of cracking open the drugs box... ah well, maybe, coulda woulda shoulda, everything's OK, I think, just had a minor freakout anxiety thing... maybe I've been too dismissive of GABA "kindling" of phenibut, pregabalin, and whatever other random untested noots I stuff into my cranium on a regular basis. Phew, jesus, glad to have this thread and this forum and you guys to put my inner spiel onto digital paper, thanks to anyone who reads, participates, or doesn't, or responds in this thread, or doesn't or just shares a small glimpse into your life, which is all of our lives in the ever changing but static crystal of eternity, peace out and much love.