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How are you in one word? v. 2012

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toothpastedog said:
^What made today so bad RL?
Click to expand...

My left shoulder has been bothering me for a few weeks now. I think I tore something (I think my rotator cuff) a while back, and it's been really killing me the past few workouts. So I went to see a doctor about it, not least because I wanted to have it x-rayed. I went to my (15 minute) appointment telling him from the start that I wasn't there for medication and could handle pain, but was worried about my shoulder. I didn't wear my addiction history on my sleeve, not because I was trying to scam or anything, but because I DIDN'T WANT TO SPEND THE ENTIRE APPOINTMENT TALKING ABOUT THAT SHIT at the expense of my shoulder. Well apparently my last doctor (understandably) wrote some notes down about me, and my Suboxone maintenance is all on my records as well. This new doctor (I am too ashamed to show my face in my old doctor's office) had me judged as a con artist before I even went in there, so not only did he talk down to me in a getting-under-your-skin condescending way, but he totally ignored my very real shoulder injury. He even apparently obtained my legal records (I didn't know doctors went beyond medical records) and claimed I was lying-by-omission when I didn't tell him about recent matters when he asked how I had been. And to top it all off, he made some snide comment about contacting my PO about this, which I assumed was just him being a hothead, but still has me worried. That would be just what I need.

If I wanted pain medication, I'd call my dopeman up. Or I'd fill the script I've had sitting for me at the pharmacy for the past few months. I just wanted to know the severity of my injury.

This was just the first real time in recovery I've hit this obstacle. I guess I'm being ignorant when I thought that I could just have my injury examined, and I have to realize that my addiction history is like a puppy that never grows up. And I guess I'm also pissed at myself for not thinking it through and realizing that I should have been more upfront and that I probably did unintentionally paint the wrong picture.

And, of course, for every person who understands this, ten people think I'm telling some cover story for a doctor shop gone wrong. I hate this. This is the kind of awkward s--- that causes my mind to endlessly loop content through my head, won't let me sleep, and prevents me from really doing anything more than feeling 2 inches tall for a week.
 
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That is awful. drs sign an oath to treat patients that need it. no drs care about the oath like they used to and it sickens me,addiction history or not You should be treated as any other patients would. would going e r and asking for an examination help maybe? Explain you want tests and not meds. you might get somewhere then. a rotation cuff injury needs treatment like physio and heat therapy etc or it will cause problems. i hope you get sorted soon RL. hugs <3
 
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@ Red:

That's so fucked up, I'm really sorry to hear that red. There are few things worse than, especially relatively early on in recovery, having to deal with people who are convinced we are lying, in a negatively judgmental and prejudiced, if not outright bigoted, way, all the while when you are actually being honest - acting thus so that, in reality, such would otherwise have been painfully obvious, but for you're bigoted doctor's eyes, so clouded by the ignorance and self deception of hate. The last way you deserve to be treated is as a junkie, considering that you're acting in ways completely contrary to those of an active junkie, lost, amid dark dankness of the cold clingy mist, themselves truly in the midst of their addiction.

<3 !!!!!! <3

If you can make it past this and, especially, if you end up taking some lesson away from such a seemingly negative experience, well... In such a case YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

Sending good vibes your way RL. You are beautiful, caring and highly intelligent. You are not just good, but you are an awesome human being.

And that post of yours up there truly serves as something to which I aspire. I really appreciated your words and story right there... :) Thx RL

p.s. I love to try an be poetic sometimes. yourthoughts?
 
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RedLeader said:
My left shoulder has been bothering me for a few weeks now. I think I tore something (I think my rotator cuff) a while back, and it's been really killing me the past few workouts. So I went to see a doctor about it, not least because I wanted to have it x-rayed. I went to my (15 minute) appointment telling him from the start that I wasn't there for medication and could handle pain, but was worried about my shoulder. I didn't wear my addiction history on my sleeve, not because I was trying to scam or anything, but because I DIDN'T WANT TO SPEND THE ENTIRE APPOINTMENT TALKING ABOUT THAT SHIT at the expense of my shoulder. Well apparently my last doctor (understandably) wrote some notes down about me, and my Suboxone maintenance is all on my records as well. This new doctor (I am too ashamed to show my face in my old doctor's office) had me judged as a con artist before I even went in there, so not only did he talk down to me in a getting-under-your-skin condescending way, but he totally ignored my very real shoulder injury. He even apparently obtained my legal records (I didn't know doctors went beyond medical records) and claimed I was lying-by-omission when I didn't tell him about recent matters when he asked how I had been. And to top it all off, he made some snide comment about contacting my PO about this, which I assumed was just him being a hothead, but still has me worried. That would be just what I need.

If I wanted pain medication, I'd call my dopeman up. Or I'd fill the script I've had sitting for me at the pharmacy for the past few months. I just wanted to know the severity of my injury.

This was just the first real time in recovery I've hit this obstacle. I guess I'm being ignorant when I thought that I could just have my injury examined, and I have to realize that my addiction history is like a puppy that never grows up. And I guess I'm also pissed at myself for not thinking it through and realizing that I should have been more upfront and that I probably did unintentionally paint the wrong picture.

And, of course, for every person who understands this, ten people think I'm telling some cover story for a doctor shop gone wrong. I hate this. This is the kind of awkward s--- that causes my mind to endlessly loop content through my head, won't let me sleep, and prevents me from really doing anything more than feeling 2 inches tall for a week.
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Call up the doctor and explain the points of this post to him. They can be arrogant pricks, and certainly don't want to get investigated by the DEA for filling a known junky/scammer's meds (not saying you are); but losing business to multiple and many future patients is even worse. Sometimes they need this reminder, but if you aren't careful with your wording, it can come acrossed as blackmail. The squeeky wheel gets the good deal. I'm not saying to lie or anything, I'm saying to be honest. I haven't even paid back my last two doctors for them seeing me and wasting my time because they did just that, so I returned the favor.

The fact that you might be going back to smack outrages me. I've been there more than once.

The current doctor I see treats me like anyone else. All it takes is honesty. Face the facts. You are a known drug user. It's retarded, but that's how the system works.
 
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^^ So so SO true rangrz. Whenever I come across a mean/rude/shit/angry person it only makes me more intent on being as nice as I can be to others, to make sure I don't ever make anyone feel the way that shit people make ME feel!
If that makes sense....??
There is this one particularly unpleasant lady at work who is just such a rude bitch ALL the time. I make a point of being sweet-as-pie and super helpful and considerate to her every single time I see/talk to her, in hopes that one day she realises how much nicer it feels to be treated that way, and decides to start behaving like that. I am losing hope though, she is such a goddamn bitch and it's clearly so heavily ingrained in to her personality 8) :D



Right now I am very excited because I just booked flights to Singapore to visit my sister, brother-in-law and my baby nephew!!!! Can't wait!! Going for 4 nights, next Wednesday. I've never been anywhere in Asia so I'm really excited (even though Singapore isn't really like the typical S.E. Asian countries, but still, different culture, different language etc).
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ So so SO true rangrz. Whenever I come across a mean/rude/shit/angry person it only makes me more intent on being as nice as I can be to others, to make sure I don't ever make anyone feel the way that shit people make ME feel!
If that makes sense....??
There is this one particularly unpleasant lady at work who is just such a rude bitch ALL the time. I make a point of being sweet-as-pie and super helpful and considerate to her every single time I see/talk to her, in hopes that one day she realises how much nicer it feels to be treated that way, and decides to start behaving like that. I am losing hope though, she is such a goddamn bitch and it's clearly so heavily ingrained in to her personality 8) :D



Right now I am very excited because I just booked flights to Singapore to visit my sister, brother-in-law and my baby nephew!!!! Can't wait!! Going for 4 nights, next Wednesday. I've never been anywhere in Asia so I'm really excited (even though Singapore isn't really like the typical S.E. Asian countries, but still, different culture, different language etc).
Click to expand...

That is so cool. You're going to have a kick ass time. One of my best friends used to live there (military).
 
Stuck.

I feel like i am constantly reminded of how things went wrong last year, and how i set myself back. I am over my addiction, feeling much better and really ready to get back in school but I wasnt ready in time for this semester which mean its gonna be fall before in school.

Until then Im stuck in my recovery status watching my friends and loved ones continue with their lives.
 
That sucks neko. I had something similar happen when I was getting back into school-- it wasn't fun, especially as I wasn't really socializing much at that point in my life, but it allowed me to save up a decent bit of money so that I at least had a bit less financial pressure while in class. Still, while your situation isn't ideal, it's still such a huge improvement over last year, and that's wonderful news! :D

ATM: Rested. Lazy long weekend, fuck yea!
 
When will you be realistically able to move to Memphis? I think that you will feel a lot better once that happens. Change is a recovering addict's best friend. The same old things over again only without the drugs in the equation is one of the addict's biggest threats. Unfortunately, a lot of us mess up our lives so much during addiction that we don't come out of it financially able to make extravagant changes like moving, buying a new car, redecorating our lives, etc. Point is, you gotta be really creative in how you keep your life dynamic and full of new things right now, or else you will not be happy or all that better off than before. Based on the picture you paint of yourself on BL, I take you for a creative person and I don't see you having trouble keeping busy.

As for other people that seem to have everything going for them, well their grass will naturally seem greener, but is it? It's amazing how little I wanted a wife and kids, with a big house and a big car, when I was growing up, but only after I lost everything in my twenties did the "successful" people in my high school class make me feel jealous. But just keep telling yourself that you've probably been tested a lot more by life and you've battled through it, and as a result you will have much more appreciation for everything when things do start to go your way. Not only will you have your unique interests but you will *love* them. Then everyone's going to be looking at your grass...



hungry
 
Relaxing. After a big argument between my parents, with me involved, my heart was racing and on verge of a panic attack earlier. It's sad having arguments like that, but better now.
 
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